From the Huffington Post, a tale of bliss. WUWT Readers may remember Mr. Bloom from a previous story where he did something outlandish, but it appears he was simply protecting his future bride. There’s no mention at HuffPo if Earth was a willing partner or if it was a shotgun wedding. There’s also no mention of how such a marriage would be consummated. It is assumed the groom will honeymoon with Gaia in one of the polar cities he proposes where we can all escape the “global warming heat wave” at the lower latitudes. Congratulations to the happy couple. – Anthony
“Man marries Earth in Rare Ceremony”
On December 4, 2010, [Danny Bloom] married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!
The festive ceremony was an internet-enabled weddiing, online and in real time, in which the groom, 61, married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!
The festive ceremony was an internet-enabled weddiing, online and in real time, in which Bloom, a Boston native, recited previously keyed-in vows declaring that he would “love and cherish his beloved, Earth, — 4,000,000,010 years old but still beautiful and comely in her white aura of cloud cover — for the rest of his life or ”until death do him part.”
Earth, for her part, said:
“We’re soulmates now. We always were, but now it’s on paper. I’ve married the man I created! I’ve married the world I love.”
Bloom asked that instead of gifts, guests and other interested parties donate funds to global warming awareness campaigns in their respective countries.”
After the wedding was over, symbolized by a long green fern wrapped around his balding head, Bloom kissed his bride one more time, saying to everyone within earshot:
“Fly me to the moon! To Jupiter and Mars!. This is the most wonderful day of my life!”
Earth, as beautiful as ever, added:
“He always says things like that! For my part, today marks the beginning of a new conciousness [sic] among humans, and if our little private ceremony has been able to help raise awareness about the problems of global warming and climate change, then I am one happy planet!”
Wedding Vows:
Do you, Danny Bloom, take the Earth to be your cosmicly wedded wife? (“I do”).
Do you promise to love, cherish and protect her, whether in good times or during human-caused global warming times of adversity, and to seek with her a life hallowed by the eons of time? (“I do”)
And do you Earth, take this eccentric blooming idiot, to be your cosmicly-wedded husband? (“I do”).
Do you promise to love, cherish and protect him, whether
in good fortune or in adversity, and like he said above, that stuff above global warming and climate change, and to seek with him a life hallowed by the eons of time? (“I do”)
I now pronounce you two lovebirds humankind and Earth. You may kiss the bride. You may embrace your husband.
(They do)
h/t to Tom Nelson and Tom Pipes Up (again)
Need a barf bag…….
Danny H. Bloom says on December 4, 2010 at 6:54 pm
The Antarctic will not be habitable in 500 years. Anyone who thinks so is pretty stupid. (If by polar cities you meant in the Arctic circle, then there are already such cities.)
In addition, the contention that the earth is female is sexist. At best it is neuter.
David A. Evans says:
December 4, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Damn. Why did I answer that Danny H. Bloom post? It’s obviously a spoof post.
DaveE.
BAA HUMBUG, I thought Venus was Hansens bride to be that is his love, listening to him go on how Earth was going to end up like Venus.
That’s a face only a Mother (earth) could love.
Traditionally, when men married Gaia, they were imolated alive in wicker men or drowned in bogs. I take it the groom in this case is a liberal.
This doesn’t count as marriage! Gaia is male! She is a he!
“There’s also no mention of how such a marriage would be consummated. “
One can only imagine it’ll be like in this photo.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/dec/04/cancun-climate-talks-kyoto-latin-america
And praise be to Gods of Satire, Parody and Absurdity for blessing us with such gifts.
sHx says:
December 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm
Man plants his seeds in her, she bears the fruits of his labour.
That makes her a she.
So if Big Al marries Venus, would they become binary planets?
I suppose that Pluto might be glad he’s not a planet anymore.
sHx,
if she is a he, are you suggesting that the moon is a……
That’s just naughty!
Did the lovely bride have a choice? Or was it an arranged marriage.
But from the looks of him I hope she had a choice….to say no,
Chris
The only audience the flamers have left are those at the bottom of the evolutionary chain…and they’re hanging on to them for dear life.
Whilst the humour is flowing, I didn’t realise Al Gores name was a carefully selected acronym.
Global Organisation for Reduction in Emissions.
LOLOLOL and woe and curses to the buzzkills.
This is to good to pass up.
I really think Gaia is going to cheat with Sol.
Apollo has more to offer than any mortal d0vchbag .
(and yes I know I replaced the ou with a 0v)
[d]
Oh, yeah! Well, that’s not what Venus told me.
I bet Bloom [snip – Oy. You didn’t really think that one had a chance, did you? ~ Evan]
/Mango
gotta try 😉
/Mango
and it was only what the good bible tells us to do 🙂
/Mango
Rational Debate says:
December 4, 2010 at 4:49 pm
And Earth went merrily spinning on her way, laughing at the hubris of man. For although Danny Bloom had an auspicious surname and was standing upon her breast during the ceremony, Earth was mute and did not participate. She watched instead as Mr. Bloom proceeded to fool himself, and giggled at his presumption.
Meanwhile, Earth herself remained unbound, free to go unhindered by Mr. Bloom’s poppy field delusions. In reality, all along she worshiped the Sun from a distance, evermore in orbit around his splendor, captured within the spell of his bright charisma and gravity, and obeying his every command. Yet far enough removed that she remained free to sow her wild oats to her hearts content so long as she continually basked in the approbation of the Sun.
So scintillated by the constant tickle of his magnetic touch was she, that she was unable to keep her gaze upon him steady, and instead was left always slightly off balance, showing him yet a different face every moment, trying on her different clothes over the ages, now green and blue, now brown or white, and every combination in between… and so she continued her eternal dance around the Sun, forever bound to him alone within this great universe.
By Rajendra Pachauri
Hey Bloom, Gaia maybe your wife but she’s still my BITCH.
I think that Earth should file for divorce, non-consumation of marriage?
Mango:
The Good Book tells us to be faithful to the Woman that we marry.
How is that possible when the man can’t perform in bed?
Gaia is a harsh Mistress when she gets stood up at the Altar.
😉
[d]
There seems to be a degree of madness to the global warming creed.
Another self hating “secular” Jew who finds comfort in elite liberal causes i.e. saving the world from its evil ways. He acts out this kind of crap because he finds no comfort in his own identity.
If only he were an embarrassment to Jews everywhere (such as me). The problem is his behavior is so damn common.
Who was the best man? Professor Kevin ‘gravity-will-remain-roughly-the-same’ Anderson. Or maybe Doctor David ‘children will grow up not knowing what snow is’ Viner.