Environmentalist marries Gaia in E-ceremony

From the Huffington Post, a tale of bliss. WUWT Readers may remember Mr. Bloom from a  previous story where he did something outlandish, but it appears he was simply protecting his future bride. There’s no mention at HuffPo if Earth was a willing partner or if it was a shotgun wedding. There’s also no mention of how such a marriage would be consummated. It is assumed the groom will honeymoon with Gaia in one of the polar cities he proposes where we can all escape the “global warming heat wave” at the lower latitudes. Congratulations to the happy couple.  – Anthony

“Man marries Earth in Rare Ceremony”

Danny Bloom in an undated photo, before he married Earth

On December 4, 2010, [Danny Bloom] married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!

The festive ceremony was an internet-e­nabled weddiing, online and in real time, in which the groom, 61, married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!

The festive ceremony was an internet-e­nabled weddiing, online and in real time, in which Bloom, a Boston native, recited previously keyed-in vows declaring that he would “love and cherish his beloved, Earth, — 4,000,000,­010 years old but still beautiful and comely in her white aura of cloud cover — for the rest of his life or ”until death do him part.”

Earth, for her part, said:

“We’re soulmates now. We always were, but now it’s on paper. I’ve married the man I created! I’ve married the world I love.”

Bloom asked that instead of gifts, guests and other interested parties donate funds to global warming awareness campaigns in their respective countries.”

After the wedding was over, symbolized by a long green fern wrapped around his balding head, Bloom kissed his bride one more time, saying to everyone within earshot:

“Fly me to the moon! To Jupiter and Mars!. This is the most wonderful day of my life!”

Earth, as beautiful as ever, added:

“He always says things like that! For my part, today marks the beginning of a new conciousness [sic] among humans, and if our little private ceremony has been able to help raise awareness about the problems of global warming and climate change, then I am one happy planet!”

Wedding Vows:

Do you, Danny Bloom, take the Earth to be your cosmicly wedded wife? (“I do”).

Do you promise to love, cherish and protect her, whether in good times or during human-caused global warming times of adversity, and to seek with her a life hallowed by the eons of time? (“I do”)

And do you Earth, take this eccentric blooming idiot, to be your cosmicly-wedded husband? (“I do”).

Do you promise to love, cherish and protect him, whether

in good fortune or in adversity, and like he said above, that stuff above global warming and climate change, and to seek with him a life hallowed by the eons of time? (“I do”)

I now pronounce you two lovebirds humankind and Earth. You may kiss the bride. You may embrace your husband.

(They do)

h/t to Tom Nelson and Tom Pipes Up (again)

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Sounds to me like Earth would be very angry at his remarks: Fly me to the Moon. To Jupiter and Mars!!! What’s the matter, buddy, why so anxious to leave your new bride?
NOT an auspicious beginning to the relationship…

Matthew

Will their son be Captain Planet?

DBD

rufkm??!!

simpleseekeraftertruth

This could of course be considered the act of a deranged mind but for the choice of bride.
Whereas a man marying a dog would have no mitigation for that diagnosis;
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/8179132/Australian-man-marries-pet-dog-Honey.html

Alexander K

No madder than religious folk marrying their diety, I suppose, but to me it seems he must be a genuine 24-carat card-carrying looney.

dwright

Nothing they do to grab press surprises me, anymore.
Don’t ask, Don’t tell has not filtered down to the “rub and stick their private parts into any available orifice” crowd.
[d]

Cris

“Fly me to the moon! To Jupiter and Mars!. This is the most wonderful day of my life!”
You’d think he’d wait until after the reception to start in on other planets.

John M

Hmmm…
Maybe this is his version of Earth Girls are Easy, buthe he had to settle for just…errr….Earth.

pat

This about says all one needs to know about Warmists.

Michael Jankowski

Where was the honeymoon? Will they consummate the marriage?
It’s too bad he didn’t fall in love with one of Earth’s sister planets. We could’ve shipped him off on a one-way trip.

juanslayton

Do you, Danny Bloom, take the Earth to be your cosmicly comically wedded wife?

David, UK

I want some of what he was taking in the 60s (and is yet to come down from). Then I might be inclined to find this event beautiful. Right now I’m just thinking this guy’s a twat.

Layne Blanchard

So, uh, he married his mother?

Have you ever seen the really bad, but funny, movie Mom and Dad Save the Universe? It starts off by saying there was a planet of idiots and it wasn’t referring to earth. However, I’m convinced more and more that that movie could very well apply to earth.

Joshua J

“There’s also no mention of how such a marriage would be consummated. It is assumed the groom will honeymoon with Gaia in one of the polar cities. . .”
(Remembers scene from A Christmas Story where the kid stuck his tongue ona flagpole)

Green Sand

Is an early sighting of a cuckoo further proof of global warming?

Neo

Thus beggars the question … what will he be doing on his wedding night ?

Nonegatives

“Fly me to the moon! To Jupiter and Mars!”
Just got married and he is already looking to someone else!

PeterB

‘Fly me to the moon! To Jupiter and Mars!’. Cheating on her already. Hope she got a prenup.
I wish the happy couple every, err…

son of mulder

“There’s also no mention of how such a marriage would be consummated. ”
But I bet Big Oil gets accused of adultery.

David, UK

Neo says:
December 4, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Thus beggars the question … what will he be doing on his wedding night ?

I expect he’ll be sowing seed on Gaia’s stony ground.

P Walker

A simple case of one upsmanship – someone had already married a dolphin :
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3191923,00.html

David, UK

Hey Danny: yo wife so big, she got her own gravitational field. And a moon.
REPLY: Best joke evah on WUWT! – Anthony

Steeptown

Where are the men in white coats when you need them?

Curiousgeorge

The phrase; “pound sand” comes to mind. 😉

meltemian

Hmm ……. She didn’t say “with all my worldly goods I thee endow” did she??? That’s an awful lot of assets for him!

Grumpy old Man

4,000,000,­010 years old? Maybe the bride lied about her age!

So we could say that it was a “rare earth ceremony”?
I guess the Chinese will be rationing this too?

Brian M. Flynn

Danny Bloom is going to new meaning to the phrase “pound sand”! Ouch!
And, David, UK – did you not mean “twit”?

DocattheAutopsy

This just in…
He now wants a divorce as the Earth has been distant and cold, not as warm as it was when he married it in the summer.

DirkH

Looks like this guy.

“Civilization is in big trouble.” Because we read stuff on screens now instead of paper.

CRS, Dr.P.H.

David, UK says:
December 4, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Hey Danny: yo wife so big, she got her own gravitational field. And a moon.
REPLY: Best joke evah on WUWT! – Anthony
——
I’d like to second that!!

Tim Clark

Bet their children will look like Uranus.

DBD says:
December 4, 2010 at 12:09 pm
rufkm??!!

Apparently not!
But, why not just offer heartfelt congratulations rather than making fun of the man. He seems like a decent chap.
Besides we all knew that sooner or later one of these greenies was really going to ah “make love to the earth” — so it should be no surprise.

Ern Matthews

This is the tipping point! The fat lady has sung. When the fruit cakes take over the movement, the normals head for the exits. Don’t let the doors hit you on the way out! lol.
The hard work of removing the political works of AGW and flushing out the evil doers begins.

Jimbo

We have been calling them eco-nuts afterall. Remember the woman who recently staked ownership of the Sun. There is no satisfying their greed and lust.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human-animal_marriage
http://hubpages.com/hub/Animal-human-Marriages

Jay

This feels like a story from the Onion,

Djozar

Almost as sick as the yellow Corvette I saw yesterday with “Gaia” plates.

tom s

Man your gopher holes people! This could get ugly.

Engchamp

What a laugh! Let the chap be alone with his new wife for a while.
There are plenty of others who would rather rape the planet Earth.

Nolo Contendere

I suppose it’s bad form to make fun of the mentally deranged, but this guy is an idiot’s idiot. As is whoever wrote up and published the story.

Tim Clark

On December 4, 2010, [Danny Bloom] married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!
At the reception he was heard to state, “I did not have sex with that woman.”

DAV

I don’t think it’s PC to be against Gaia marriage.

Tim Clark

Oops, the reference to s3x sent me to the spam can.

wws

I’ll bet she outlives him. These may-december relationships never last.

Crustacean

I happily second Ern Matthews. If this is not made-up, and it’s showing up on the Puffington Host, it pretty much amounts to a confession that AGW is now regarded as a joke even by people who very recently demanded it be taken seriously. The least we can do is extend our best wishes to Mr. and Mrs. Bloom for finally bringing it out in the open.

RoyFOMR

“You can change the minds of men by argument or debate, but you cannot change their hearts by the same means”
David Gemmell, circa 1999. Remain, for ever, in peace.
Happiness to you, Mr Bloom and your new bride.
Guess that you and I will just have to disagree about which is the mind and which is the heart,
The rest we probably agree about. T’is sad that we view the world so differently, when we’re so alike!

dwright

Wow I needed that laugh, everyone!
My sides are a bit sore.
I want to say 3rd on Dave UK’s quip.
I had to clean my monitor.
[d]

Louis

“But I bet Big Oil gets accused of adultery.”
__
Yes, son of mulder is on to something here, I think. Danny will now attempt to lock his bride in a chastity belt so no one else can share in her resources. On the other hand, we now have an estate to sue for all damages caused by earthquakes, volcanos, and other natural disasters.

Is this real? All I can find on the Huffington Post regarding this is in the comment section for the story on the guy marrying his dog.
If real, I have to say the headline is the part that actually makes me shake my head. I mean, a guy marrying a planet is just a little weirder than some of the other stuff you hear about (such as marrying his dog), but:
“Man marries Earth in Rare Ceremony”
Really? It’s a “rare” ceremony? Who would have thought?