Stupidest global warming/climate change story of the past decade

asterooid_Co2While Matt Ridley makes mincemeat of über alarmist Joe Romm’s latest ridiculous claims, I started doing a search for stories to do a “year in review” for such things. I just found this, though it is six years old. It came out before I started WUWT, so that’s why I missed it.

It’s weapons-grade stupid, and fanatically FUBAR. It’s also hysterically funny.

From the Eco-Enquirer (h/t to Skeptical Scientist on FB):

University of Michigan scientists have claimed that global warming causes an increased risk of asteroids striking the Earth, due to expansion of the atmosphere outward into space making the Earth a bigger “target”.

“Some large meteoroids have skimmed the outer reaches of Earth’s atmosphere, skipping off back into outer space”, said Professor Charles Boyle, chairman of U. of M.’s Near-Earth Asteroid Team (NEAT). “As the atmosphere warms, it expands outward, potentially capturing large asteroids that would have otherwise been a near-miss. It seems that the dangers from global warming just keep mounting up…like the national debt.”

The source story:  http://www.ecoenquirer.com/global-warming-asteroid.htm

Obviously, it is a spoof story, because they’ve changed NEAT from what it actually is. http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/programs/neat.html There’s no Charles Boyle on the NEAT program (a spoof name of the Boyles and Charles gas laws). And, the Eco-Enquirer has this disclaimer.

Besides being a ridiculous story on face value (though with just enough science to be a plausible claim), there’s only one teeny tiny little problem with the claim.

From WUWT on August 26th, 2010:

Results of a study published today link a recent, temporary shrinking of a high atmospheric layer with a sharp drop in the sun’s ultraviolet radiation levels.

The research, led by scientists at the National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR) in Boulder, Colo., and the University of Colorado at Boulder (CU), indicates that the sun’s magnetic cycle, which produces differing numbers of sunspots over an approximately 11-year cycle, may vary more than previously thought.

That, and there’s no tropospheric hot spot (which would also expand the atmosphere) as expected from warming, from:

http://joannenova.com.au/2012/05/models-get-the-core-assumptions-wrong-the-hot-spot-is-missing/

It is not well known that even the IPCC agrees that the direct effects of CO2 will only increase world temperatures by 1.2°C. All of the projections above that (3.3°C , 6°C  etc) come from model projections based on assumptions of what water vapor and clouds will do (these are the feedback effects of the original 1.2°C).[i] Are the feedbacks correct?

If the IPCC models are right about the feedbacks, we would see a hot spot 10km above the tropics. The theory is that with more heat, more water will evaporate and rise, keeping relative humidity constant at all heights in the troposphere. The point has been conclusively tested with 28 million weather balloons since 1959.[ii]

As for the ridiculous claim about CO2 and asteroid strikes, I thought surely there’s no parallel to this, no peer, no possible equal in the realm of silly-stupid claims about global warming (spoof or not).

Then, I saw this paper which is oh-too-real:

No second chance? Can Earth explode as a result of Global Warming?

Dr Tom J. Chalko 1 , MSc, PhD

Submitted on 8 April 2001, revised 30 October 2004. Published in NU Journal of Discovery ISSN 1444 1454 Publisher: Natural University

Abstract: The heat generated inside our planet is predominantly of radionic (nuclear) origin. Hence, Earth in its entirety can be considered a slow nuclear reactor with its solid ”inner core” providing a major contribution to the total energy output. Since radionic heat is generated in the entire volume and cooling can only occur at the surface, the highest temperature inside Earth occurs at the center of the inner core. Overheating the center of the inner core reactor due to the so-called greenhouse effect on the surface of Earth may cause a meltdown condition, an enrichment of nuclear fuel and a gigantic atomic explosion.Paper here: http://nujournal.net/core.pdf

God help us all, the stupid, it burns.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
93 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Kurt in Switzerland
December 22, 2012 11:05 am

Could we have an interview of Prof. Boyle of NEAT at the U of M?
Kurt in Switzerland

GlynnMhor
December 22, 2012 11:06 am

Oh my various gods…

Luther Wu
December 22, 2012 11:08 am

Doomed.
I knew it.

Bill H
December 22, 2012 11:14 am

are we dead yet?

Kurt in Switzerland
December 22, 2012 11:14 am

Paper #2 is “much better” !
And this drivel passes “peer review”?
How & why do perpetrators of such ridiculous concepts continue to receive a salary, let alone research funding?
Kurt in Switzerland

Edward Bancroft
December 22, 2012 11:16 am

The presence of extra CO2 in the upper atmosphere causes increased cooling by increasing the IR outward radiation. This causes the atmospheric bubble surrounding the earth to shrink, reducing its radius and making it a smaller target. Further, if the outer atmosphere is denser being cooler, would it not also make it more likely that glancing meteorites would be bounced away?

LJH
December 22, 2012 11:20 am

Is intelligence necessary for survival in tertiary education? The answer is in and I am deeply depressed.

December 22, 2012 11:22 am

I don’t know….. it is very stupid, but, is it really the stupidest? I’ve lost track of the stupidest, but the warmista have an endless stream of stupid, so we may have to dig up some more and have a poll.

andrew
December 22, 2012 11:22 am

since it was six years ago, I think a “where are they now” segment on charles boyle would be epic.

Editor
December 22, 2012 11:24 am

Edward Bancroft says:
December 22, 2012 at 11:16 am

Further, if the outer atmosphere is denser being cooler, would it not also make it more likely that glancing meteorites would be bounced away?

Only hollow ones about the size of an Apollo command module 🙂

PaulH
December 22, 2012 11:25 am

A bigger target? I guess they don’t know how big the universe really is, so perhaps someone can forward this explanation to the good folks at Eco-Enquirer…
http://youtu.be/eJ2tt5d4h_A

Mike Bromley the Canucklehead
December 22, 2012 11:29 am

Uh, I think this is a spoof. There was an companion article about the 2027 Bali Climate talks with Grand Wizard (or somesuch) Al Gore.
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/Bali-global-warming-2027.htm
Whomever is writing these is brilliant….and has a good grasp of the circus mentality surrounding the climate change ‘debate’. Surprised nobody noticed!

Chris B
December 22, 2012 11:30 am

Some comments after CBS ran a story on Chalko’s work:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8601-205_162-4191556-7.html?assetTypeId=30&blogId=

Bryan A
December 22, 2012 11:31 am

It has now become apparent, SETI is way overfunded as there is no Intelligent life Anywhere in the Universe

Chris B
December 22, 2012 11:32 am

More, bigger target?

bruce ryan
December 22, 2012 11:35 am

oh, I love the one about over tempting the nuclear core and blowing up the earth. That is prime time material.

jorgekafkazar
December 22, 2012 11:37 am

From the “Natural University” website: “NU is a University whose Purpose precisely coincides with The Purpose of the entire Universe – maximizing the satisfaction from conscious existence…Knowing is a bliss. Can you imagine the bliss of knowing more?”
It’s a woo-woo science site.

Adam Gallon
December 22, 2012 11:40 am

Big tongue in cheek from the Eco Enuirer, I believe!
Now that all reputable scientists agree that global warming is the greatest threat to face mankind since the secretly-thwarted alien invasion of 1955, it seemed that just the warming alone was enough to strike terror in the hearts of Earth’s imperiled inhabitants.

David A. Evans
December 22, 2012 11:46 am

I think it’s this Dr. Tom J. Chalko. Masters in Engineering & PhD in Laser holography.
DaveE.

trafamadore
December 22, 2012 11:47 am

[snip. Invalid email address. — mod.]

Justthinkin
December 22, 2012 11:49 am

Bryan A says:
December 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
It has now become apparent, SETI is way overfunded as there is no Intelligent life Anywhere in the Universe
Actually, there is. The fact they HAVEN’T contacted us, is proof of their intelligence!

D Böehm
December 22, 2012 11:55 am

ChrisB,
Thanks, Eric Idle is always good.
Instead of being alarmed, we should…

imoira
December 22, 2012 12:05 pm

Other Eco-Enquirer stories are also hilarious. I especially like the one about polar bears collapsing from heat exhaustion.

December 22, 2012 12:08 pm

David A. Evans says:
December 22, 2012 at 11:46 am
Don’t knock it! Isn’t anything that may cut the cost of Barry’s Big Idea worth a look? Medical doctors will love it, as Dr Chalko’s work is the ultimate in the Medical profession’s favourite excuse, “It’s the patient’s fault.”

December 22, 2012 12:10 pm

I thought this guy must be some kind of agent provocateur. Sadly, it appears he thinks he’s real. From NU’s website:
“NU is a University in which there are no professors, only Autonomous Individual Intellects that respect each other’s Freedom of Choice.”
That’s it for peer review then.

December 22, 2012 12:11 pm

ecoEnquirer has lots of really funny spoof articles. Here’s my favorite:
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/NASA-vegetation.htm
Too bad they quit coming out with new stuff a few years ago.

December 22, 2012 12:20 pm

Ok. About 3 billion years ago, Earth had 8x more U235 than it has today, the core was also hotter than today. It didn’t explode.

Gunga Din
December 22, 2012 12:31 pm

I knew Mann’s swelled head would get into trouble someday….

Steve Oregon
December 22, 2012 12:36 pm

I’m more worried about my own head exploding from being subjected to this stupidity.
That reminds me, in lampooning the Mayan Apocalypse I theorized that with the straight line planetary alignment the gravitational pull in two directions could cause all of our heads to tear apart.
I submit that anything I can come up with, and I am highly skilled at stupidity (it is an art form and I’ve perfected it) I am unable to surpass the asininity produced by the nitwits we are witnessing.
Due to so many having been drawn into the immense and heated competition to dream up anything alarming we’ll be seeing the plague of ignoramuses spread like a parasite of festering sores upon humanity.
In conclusion perhaps the Mayans were correct. We just didn’t read the small print.
And the end of humankind is happening right before our eyes.
Stupidity is building to some unknown collapse of the human race.
December 21, 2012 was merely the tipping point.
It’s too late to save ourselves.
It’s true, good day.

Strike
December 22, 2012 12:45 pm
Matt
December 22, 2012 12:51 pm

Search what, search why? Warmlist is doing the job for years now, isn’t it?

Gunga Din
December 22, 2012 1:00 pm

Steve Oregon says:
December 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I’m more worried about my own head exploding from being subjected to this stupidity….
I submit that anything I can come up with, and I am highly skilled at stupidity (it is an art form and I’ve perfected it) I am unable to surpass the asininity produced by the nitwits we are witnessing. …
===========================================================================
I can see Mann and Hansen and Gore in a lotus position. Steve Oregon is sitting before them. Incense is burning.
They are chanting to him, “Grasshopper, Ignore Reason. Ignore Reason. Imbibe the Green. Imbibie the Green. Feel the Green. Feel the Green. Green is All. Green is All. Give us your Green. Give us your Green ….”
(Apologies to Steve.8-)

clipe
December 22, 2012 1:11 pm

“Some experts believe it could be linked to global warming and craft from outer space are appearing because they are concerned about what man is doing to this planet.”
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2261941/British-UFO-sightings-at-bizarre-levels.html
zmdavid says:
December 22, 2012 at 12:11 pm
ecoEnquirer has lots of really funny spoof articles. Here’s my favorite:
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/NASA-vegetation.htm
Too bad they quit coming out with new stuff a few years ago.

Don’t worry, we still have The Grauniad.
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2011/08/18/bizarre-craptastic-theory-from-the-guardian-penn-state-and-nasa-et-will-kill-us-because-global-warming-will-tip-them-off-that-we-are-a-bad-species/

clipe
December 22, 2012 1:25 pm
David A. Evans
December 22, 2012 1:30 pm

clipe says:
December 22, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Pity that more people haven’t picked up on the Grauniad moniker, earned from the days of being the Manchester Grauniad & hot metal presses, when just about every article required almost degree level anagram solving.
DaveE.

Matt G
December 22, 2012 1:32 pm

Global warming causing earthquakes is up there too, but nothing can beat the exploding Earth.
Any alarmist claimed that global warming causes volcanoes to erupt yet, or is this the next cunning plan?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baldrick
“The character of Baldrick has become popularly associated with the comedic catch phrase “I have a cunning plan”.[1] The “cunning plans” in question are dreamed up by Baldrick as a solution to a particular problem or crisis and are usually ridiculed scathingly by Blackadder for their implausibility, but Blackadder frequently resorts to using these plans when the situation becomes desperate.”

December 22, 2012 1:33 pm

Clipe; we also have the Weather Channel – who are apparently getting ready to do a series on extreme weather in the solar system. Today they are talking about how we can see “what our weather might be like” in association with their blurb on this new series. I just about lost it – one of my cats is still hiding.

JazzyT
December 22, 2012 1:35 pm

Atmosphere expanding? I seem to remember reading a few years ago that the atmosphere was contracting, due to stratospheric cooling. Orbital decay corrections to, I think, MSU temperatures had to be adjusted because the atmosphere was contracting. The satellites were traveling through air that was very, very thin, but denser than previously due to said cooling, This caused the satellites to gradualyl lose altitude and send back signals from a lower altitude than planned. So, these signals required corrections. Unfortunately, I can’t find the reference now. Somewhere in there, some wag from the warm side was saying, “so you see, the sky actually IS falling.”

December 22, 2012 1:47 pm

The exploding Earth story has to be even more stupid than the increased asteroid hazard story. Thank God, they are both evidently spoofs or the authors would have to be sectioned and restrained.
REPLY: No, actually the second one is real. See this also related to author Chalko. http://climateaudit.org/2008/06/18/earthquakes-and-global-warming/ – Anthony

davidmhoffer
December 22, 2012 1:50 pm

I decided to calculate the actual percentage chance of the atmosphere expansion capturing an asteroid, but my calculator ran out of zeros. Could someone lend me some zeros? Or have the climate scientists used them all up measuring global warming?

December 22, 2012 1:58 pm

Here’s something amusing from my ammo dump:
====================
John from MN (13:19:01) :
On of my favorite made up things caused by AGW is the mass exticttion of millions of species. Even though nothing much lives in the Artic and Billions of life-forms thrive at warm equator. Or http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm
A Complete List Of Things Supposedly Caused By Global Warming
Acne, agricultural land increase, Afghan poppies destroyed, Africa devastated, Africa in conflict, African aid threatened, African summer frost, aggressive weeds, air pressure changes, airport malaria, Agulhas current, Alaska reshaped, moves, allergy season longer, alligators in the Thames, Alps melting, Amazon a desert, American dream end, amphibians breeding earlier (or not), anaphylactic reactions to bee stings, ancient forests dramatically changed, animals head for the hills, animals shrink, Antarctic grass flourishes, Antarctic ice grows, Antarctic ice shrinks, Antarctic sea life at risk, anxiety treatment, algal blooms, archaeological sites threatened, Arctic bogs melt, Arctic in bloom, Arctic ice free, Arctic ice melt faster, Arctic lakes disappear, Arctic tundra to burn, Arctic warming (not), Atlantic less salty, Atlantic more salty, atmospheric circulation modified, attack of the killer jellyfish, avalanches reduced, avalanches increased, Baghdad snow, Bahrain under water, bananas grow, barbarisation, beer shortage, beetle infestation, bet for $10,000, better beer, big melt faster, billion dollar research projects, billion homeless, billions face risk, billions of deaths, bird distributions change, bird loss accelerating, bird strikes, bird visitors drop, birds confused, birds decline (Wales), birds driven north, birds return early, bittern boom ends, blackbirds stop singing, blackbirds threatened, Black Hawk down, blood contaminated, blue mussels return, bluetongue, brain eating amoebae, brains shrink, bridge collapse (Minneapolis), Britain one big city, Britain Siberian, brothels struggle, brown Ireland, bubonic plague, budget increases, Buddhist temple threatened, building collapse, building season extension, bushfires, business opportunities, business risks, butterflies move north, camel deaths, cancer deaths in England, cannibalism, caterpillar biomass shift, cave paintings threatened, childhood insomnia, Cholera, circumcision in decline, cirrus disappearance, civil unrest, cloud increase, coast beauty spots lost, cockroach migration, coffee threatened, cold climate creatures survive, cold spells (Australia), cold wave (India), computer models, conferences, conflict, conflict with Russia, consumers foot the bill, coral bleaching, coral fish suffer, coral reefs dying, coral reefs grow, coral reefs shrink , coral reefs twilight, cost of trillions, cougar attacks, crabgrass menace, cradle of civilisation threatened, creatures move uphill, crime increase, crocodile sex, crops devastated, crumbling roads, buildings and sewage systems, curriculum change, cyclones (Australia), danger to kid’s health, Darfur, Dartford Warbler plague, death rate increase (US), deaths to reach 6 million, Dengue hemorrhagic fever, depression, desert advance, desert retreat, destruction of the environment, disappearance of coastal cities, disasters, diseases move from animals to humans, diseases move north, dog disease, Dolomites collapse, dozen deadly diseases, drought, ducks and geese decline, dust bowl in the corn belt, early marriages, early spring, earlier pollen season, Earth biodiversity crisis, Earth dying, Earth even hotter, Earth light dimming, Earth lopsided, Earth melting, Earth morbid fever, Earth on fast track, Earth past point of no return, Earth slowing down, Earth spins faster, Earth to explode, earth upside down, earthquakes, earthquakes redux, El Niño intensification, end of the world as we know it, erosion, emerging infections, encephalitis, English villages lost, equality threatened, Europe simultaneously baking and freezing, eutrophication, evolution accelerating, expansion of university climate groups, extinctions (human, civilisation, logic, Inuit, smallest butterfly, cod, ladybirds, pikas, polar bears, possums, walrus, toads, plants, salmon, trout, wild flowers, woodlice, a million species, half of all animal and plant species, mountain species, not polar bears, barrier reef, leaches, salamanders, tropical insects) experts muzzled, extreme changes to California, fading fall foliage, fainting, famine, farmers benefit, farmers go under, farm output boost, fashion disaster, fever, figurehead sacked, fir cone bonanza, fish bigger, fish catches drop, fish downsize, fish catches rise, fish deaf, fish get lost, fish head north, fish stocks at risk, fish stocks decline, five million illnesses, flames stoked, flesh eating disease, flood patterns change, floods, floods of beaches and cities, flood of migrants, flood preparation for crisis, Florida economic decline, flowers in peril, food poisoning, food prices rise, food prices soar, food security threat (SA), football team migration, footpath erosion, forest decline, forest expansion, frog with extra heads, frostbite, frost damage increased, frosts, fungi fruitful, fungi invasion, games change, Garden of Eden wilts, geese decline in Hampshire, genetic diversity decline, gene pools slashed, giant oysters invade, giant pythons invade, giant squid migrate, gingerbread houses collapse, glacial earthquakes, glacial retreat, glacial growth, glacier grows (California), glacier wrapped, global cooling, global dimming, glowing clouds, golf course to drown, golf Masters wrecked, grandstanding, grasslands wetter, Great Barrier Reef 95% dead, Great Lakes drop, great tits cope, greening of the North, Grey whales lose weight, Gulf Stream failure, habitat loss, haggis threatened, Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome, harmful algae, harvest increase, harvest shrinkage, hay fever epidemic, health affected, health of children harmed, health risks, heart disease, heart attacks and strokes (Australia), heat waves, hibernation affected, hibernation ends too soon, hibernation ends too late, HIV epidemic, homeless 50 million, hornets, high court debates, human development faces unprecedented reversal, human fertility reduced, human health risk, human race oblivion, hurricanes, hurricane reduction, hurricanes fewer, hurricanes not, hydropower problems, hyperthermia deaths, ice age, ice sheet growth, ice sheet shrinkage, icebergs, illness and death, inclement weather, India drowning, infrastructure failure (Canada), industry threatened, infectious diseases, inflation in China, insect explosion, insurance premium rises, Inuit displacement, Inuit poisoned, Inuit suing, invasion of cats, invasion of crabgrass, invasion of herons, invasion of jellyfish, invasion of king crabs, invasion of midges, island disappears, islands sinking, itchier poison ivy, jellyfish explosion, jets fall from sky, jet stream drifts north, Kew Gardens taxed, kidney stones, killer cornflakes, killing us, kitten boom, koalas under threat, krill decline, lake and stream productivity decline, lake empties, lake shrinking and growing, landslides, landslides of ice at 140 mph, lawsuits increase, lawsuit successful, lawyers’ income increased (surprise surprise!), lawyers want more, legionnaires’ surge, lives saved, Loch Ness monster dead, locust plagues suppressed, Lopsided Earth, lush growth in rain forests, Malaria, mammoth dung melt, mango harvest fails, Maple production advanced, Maple syrup shortage, marine diseases, marine food chain decimated, Meaching (end of the world), Mediterranean rises, megacryometeors, Melanoma, Melanoma decline, methane emissions from plants, methane burps, methane runaway, melting permafrost, Middle Kingdom convulses, migration, migration difficult (birds), migratory birds huge losses, microbes to decompose soil carbon more rapidly, minorities hit, monkeys on the move, Mont Blanc grows, monuments imperiled, moose dying, more bad air days, more research needed, mortality increased, mountain (Everest) shrinking, mountaineers fears, mountains break up, mountains green and flowering, mountains taller, mortality lower, Myanmar cyclone, narwhals at risk, National security implications, native wildlife overwhelmed, natural disasters quadruple, new islands, next ice age, NFL threatened, Nile delta damaged, noctilucent clouds, no effect in India, Northwest Passage opened, nuclear plants bloom, oaks dying, oaks move north, ocean acidification, ocean acidification faster, ocean dead zones unleashed, ocean deserts expand,
ocean waves speed up, oceans noisier, opera house to be destroyed, outdoor hockey threatened, ozone repair slowed, ozone rise, Pacific dead zone, penguin chicks frozen, personal carbon rationing, pest outbreaks, pests increase, phenology shifts, plankton blooms, plankton destabilised, plants lose protein, plants march north, plants move uphill, polar bears aggressive, polar bears cannibalistic, polar bears deaf, polar bears drowning, polar bears eating themselves, polar tours scrapped, popcorn rise, porpoise astray, profits collapse, prostitution, psychiatric illness, puffin decline, radars taken out, railroad tracks deformed, rainfall increase, rape wave, refugees, reindeer endangered, release of ancient frozen viruses, resorts disappear, rice threatened, rice yields crash, rift on Capitol Hill, rioting and nuclear war, river flow impacted, rivers raised, roads wear out, robins rampant, rocky peaks crack apart, roof of the world a desert, rooftop bars, Ross river disease, ruins ruined, Russia under pressure, salinity reduction, salinity increase, Salmonella, Salmon Decline, satellites accelerate, school closures, sea level rise, sea level rise faster, seals mating more, sewer bills rise, severe thunderstorms, sex change, sexual promiscuity, shark attacks, sharks booming, sharks moving north, sheep shrink, shop closures, short-nosed dogs endangered, shrinking ponds, shrinking shrine, ski resorts threatened, skin cancer, slow death, smaller brains, smog, snowfall increase, snowfall heavy, soaring food prices, societal collapse, soil change, songbirds change eating habits, sour grapes, space problem, spectacular orchids, spiders invade Scotland, squid aggressive giants, squid population explosion, squid tamed, squirrels reproduce earlier, stingray invasion, storms wetter, stormwater drains stressed, street crime to increase, subsidence, suicide, swordfish in the Baltic, Tabasco tragedy, taxes, tectonic plate movement, teenage drinking, terrorism, threat to peace, ticks move northward (Sweden), tides rise, tigers eat people, tomatoes rot, tornado outbreak, tourism increase, trade barriers, trade winds weakened, traffic jams, transportation threatened, tree foliage increase (UK), tree growth slowed, trees in trouble, trees less colourful, trees more colourful, trees lush, tropics expansion, tropopause raised, truffle shortage, truffles down, turtles crash, turtle feminised, turtles lay earlier, UFO sightings, UK coastal impact, UK Katrina, uprooted – 6 million, Vampire moths, Venice flooded, violin decline, volcanic eruptions, walrus pups orphaned, walrus stampede, war, war between US and Canada, wars over water, wars sparked, wars threaten billions, wasps, water bills double, water scarcity (20% of increase), water stress, weather out of its mind, weather patterns awry, Western aid cancelled out, West Nile fever, whales lose weight, whales move north, whales wiped out, wheat yields crushed in Australia, wildfires, wind shift, wind reduced, wine – harm to Australian industry, wine industry damage (California), wine industry disaster (US), wine – more English, wine – England too hot, wine -German boon, wine – no more French , wine passé (Napa), wine stronger, winters in Britain colder, winter in Britain dead, witchcraft executions, wolves eat more moose, wolves eat less, workers laid off, World at war, World War 4, World bankruptcy, World in crisis, World in flames, Yellow fever.
And all on 0.006 deg C per year!

clipe
December 22, 2012 2:10 pm

David A. Evans says:
December 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm
clipe says:
December 22, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Pity that more people haven’t picked up on the Grauniad moniker, earned from the days of being the Manchester Grauniad & hot metal presses, when just about every article required almost degree level anagram solving.

grauniad.co.uk

Editor
December 22, 2012 2:22 pm

Mike Bromley the Canucklehead says:
December 22, 2012 at 11:29 am

Uh, I think this is a spoof. There was an companion article about the 2027 Bali Climate talks with Grand Wizard (or somesuch) Al Gore.
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/Bali-global-warming-2027.htm
Whomever is writing these is brilliant….and has a good grasp of the circus mentality surrounding the climate change ‘debate’. Surprised nobody noticed!

Ack! I’ve run into these folks before! Rather, WUWT has, no me too!
Googling |ecoenquirer site:wattsupwiththat.com| yields things like


http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/04/25/antarcticas-bipolar-disorder/

Nylo posted a link to an excellent parody of the state of Antarctic climate science, written by Dr. John Christy.
“What we believe,” Dr. Frost told ecoEnquirer, “is that a new paradigm is needed in scientific thought. Since mutually exclusive sets of scientific results usually are published in respected scientific publications, we suggest that they are both true. There is a higher level of physical understanding that must be developed, one where the Yin and Yang of scientific findings are reconciled, better understood, and appreciated.


http://wattsupwiththat.com/2008/09/03/adventures-in-arctic-kayaking/

jonk says:
September 3, 2008 at 1:58 pm
This ridiculous voyage in icebreaker kayak reminded me this story:
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/south-pole-tragedy.htm
I must be a horrible person because I could not stop laughing at this story.
REPLY: At the same website, ecoenquirer, try this story. Don’t drink any milk while you read.
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/levitating-islands.htm
This is so beyond absurd I’m wondering if this “eco” site isn’t actually designed to be like “The Onion” Ah…answered by own question:
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/Terms-Conditions.htm
-Anthony


I first heard (and wrote) about them in 2008:
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2008/05/10/your-tax-dollars-at-work-bovine-tailpipe-intervention/

Ric Werme says:
May 11, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Arch Stanton cited:
“f) http://www.ecoenquirer.com/EPA-water-vapor.htm
This curious and undated document also does not support the 95% claim (it states 90% but makes no claim to a source.) I’m not sure who was being facetious here; the reporter or the EPA. (Did this really happen?)”
Interesting, I stumbled across this site just this afternoon. I didn’t read that article, but had you read some others you would have figured it out. I started with the Levitating Island article, http://www.ecoenquirer.com/levitating-islands.htm , which was more intriguing than I expected. “Pristine Alaskan Glacier Turns Into Tropical Wasteland” at http://www.ecoenquirer.com/Frosty-Cove-Alaska.htm made the seriousness of the site clear, and “More Polar Bears Suffering Heat Exhaustion” at http://www.ecoenquirer.com/polar-bear-heat.htm convinced me the site will need further study. The photo of the bear hugger is a bit misleading.
A check with whois showed that the domain name is owned by someone you just apologized to. The person in Alabama….


Steven Goddard provided http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/20/AR2006052001151.html which says in part:

How a Global Warming Satirist Breaks the Ice
By Juliet Eilperin
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Somewhere in an office about 600 miles southwest of here, former NASA scientist Roy W. Spencer is laughing. The 50-year-old, white-haired PhD dreamed up the spoof site — sort of the Onion meets the Weather Channel — because he thinks people are overreacting to the threat of climate change.
Spencer describes his Web site as “a spur-of-the moment effort that resulted from the increasing number of news stories that quoted people who blamed global warming for events such as tsunamis and the latest flood, drought or hurricane. . . . Also, I have a somewhat twisted sense of humor, and the Web site gives me an additional creative outlet.”

Gunga Din
December 22, 2012 2:28 pm

Rhoda R says:
December 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Clipe; we also have the Weather Channel – who are apparently getting ready to do a series on extreme weather in the solar system. Today they are talking about how we can see “what our weather might be like” in association with their blurb on this new series. I just about lost it – one of my cats is still hiding.
============================================================================
Trying to avoid the coming CATastrophe? 😎
The Weather Channel has really gone downhill. Sad.

Gunga Din
December 22, 2012 2:32 pm

Roger Knights says:
December 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Here’s something amusing from my ammo dump:
====================
John from MN (13:19:01) :
On of my favorite made up things caused by AGW is the mass exticttion of millions of species. Even though nothing much lives in the Artic and Billions of life-forms thrive at warm equator. Or http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm
A Complete List Of Things Supposedly Caused By Global Warming …
=====================================================================
I think he missed “The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. (Almost as good as “Plan 9 from Outer Space”.)

son of mulder
December 22, 2012 2:48 pm

Fortunately taking oil, coal and natural gas from inside the earth has caused the earth to deflate by a similar amount so no overall extra target for the asteroids. This was debunked with at the same time that the idea that as the earth became a larger disk so the sun would cause even more warming. This last item is still in the models along with the none zero probability that if all mankind were to breath out at the same time the increase in warm air at 98.7 deg F would trigger the melting of antarctica.

December 22, 2012 3:02 pm

“God help us all, the stupid, it burns.”
But, but Anthony. You just postulated a plausible source human caused warming!

Jimbo
December 22, 2012 3:03 pm

Mike Bromley the Canucklehead says:
December 22, 2012 at 11:29 am
Uh, I think this is a spoof. There was an companion article about the 2027 Bali Climate talks with Grand Wizard (or somesuch) Al Gore.

You maybe right, but the following is no spoof.
Earth to spin faster
Earth to spin slower
And all peer reviewed of course and entirely consistent with the theory of those pesky greenhouse gases.

Mike McMillan
December 22, 2012 3:06 pm

“. . . It seems that the dangers from global warming just keep mounting up…like the national debt.”
At least he’s right about the national debt.

Jimbo
December 22, 2012 3:19 pm

Here is the rundown on that still missing missing hotspot which is not entirely inconsistent / consistent with AGW theory. Did I get that right? 😉

Power Grab
December 22, 2012 3:22 pm

Here’s a link to one of my favorites:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081215121601.htm
The ionosphere was found to be hundreds of kilometers lower than expected.

Jimbo
December 22, 2012 3:34 pm

…………..Overheating the center of the inner core reactor due to the so-called greenhouse effect on the surface of Earth may cause a meltdown condition, an enrichment of nuclear fuel and a gigantic atomic explosion.

But of course. I just wonder how much heating are these chaps talking about?
Ancient Turtle Migrated From Asia To America Over Tropical Arctic
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090201094125.htm
If I recall rightly the ice cores show that co2 follows temperature rise.

john robertson
December 22, 2012 3:43 pm

They all read like sarcasm to me especially Chalko, seems like a direct slam to the Mann.

December 22, 2012 3:48 pm

Roger Knights, what a wonderful list.
But you didn’t say whether the 0.006C per year was up or down.
No matter – that list of stuff will just keep on happening whichever way it goes.
100% correlation guaranteed.
Happy Christmas all.

RoHa
December 22, 2012 3:53 pm

“Overheating the center of the inner core reactor due to the so-called greenhouse effect on the surface of Earth may cause a meltdown condition, an enrichment of nuclear fuel and a gigantic atomic explosion.’
So we are doomed. We were told (by someone who surely must know) that the centre of the Earth is already several million degrees, so it wouldn’t take much more to make it explode.

D Böehm
December 22, 2012 4:01 pm

The Universe Song, Eric Idle, music & lyrics
Global warming causes more sex!

Math Genius
December 22, 2012 4:03 pm

Global Warming also increases the risk of a hostile alien invasion.
The expanded atmosphere of the earth makes it easier to detect our planet with extraterrestrial telescopes for certain (non-gravitational) detection methods.

jorgekafkazar
December 22, 2012 4:10 pm

George B says: “Ok. About 3 billion years ago, Earth had 8x more U235 than it has today, the core was also hotter than today. It didn’t explode.”
The ‘B’ stands for buzzkill, right?

December 22, 2012 4:17 pm

I’m getting a headache. I’m going to go lie down…

clipe
December 22, 2012 4:19 pm

No question David Viner wrapped up first place in the igNobel Prize sweepstakes very early on.
However, the warming is so far manifesting itself more in winters which are less cold than in much hotter summers. According to Dr David Viner, a senior research scientist at the climatic research unit (CRU) of the University of East Anglia,within a few years winter snowfall will become “a very rare and exciting event”.
“Children just aren’t going to know what snow is,” he said.

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/snowfalls-are-now-just-a-thing-of-the-past-724017.html

Steve Keohane
December 22, 2012 4:36 pm

Usually when confronted with new information/perspective, my mind likes to take it to extremes to see how it might work in an out-in-left-field sort of way. One stupid idea I haven’t seen discussed regarding CO2, is that it is well known to be heavier than most of the atmospheric gases. With the critical rise in CO2 we are obviously increasing the gravitational pull of the earth, and therefore, voila, attracting more asteroids…

u.k.(us)
December 22, 2012 5:31 pm

“Some large meteoroids have skimmed the outer reaches of Earth’s atmosphere, skipping off back into outer space”, said Professor Charles Boyle, chairman of U. of M.’s Near-Earth Asteroid Team (NEAT).
=============
Really ?
Care to list them ?
The skippers, I mean.

Philemon
December 22, 2012 5:39 pm

This one was always my favorite:
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/ancient-hurricane.htm

December 22, 2012 5:47 pm

I thought the EcoEnquirer was Roy Spencer’s site, of UAH. Are you sure you haven’t been taken? Try “whois” on it.

pat
December 22, 2012 5:48 pm

apps to go:
21 Dec: San Jose Mercury News: Peter Carey: An apps-eye view of global warming and climate change
Drought in the Midwest; forest fires in the Southwest; blizzards and hurricanes on the East Coast; rising ocean levels on both coasts.
If you’re wondering what to make of the crazy weather of the past few years, maybe it’s time to check out some of the iPhone and Android apps you can use to study climate change and global warming…
http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_22239744?source=inthenews

Sceptical Sam
December 22, 2012 7:30 pm

Given that AR5 is still in preparation I’ll be surprised if we don’t see both of these papers included in the final report. Pachauri will no doubt defend their accuracy with the same passion (abuse) as he defended the Himalaya fraud.

Steve Oregon
December 22, 2012 7:36 pm

“rising ocean levels on both coasts”
They can’t even get the number of beaches right.
I’m pretty sure there are 3 coasts? Left, right & gulf.
And where is the sea rising? I wants to go seez it.
Here in Oregon we’ve been told parts of the coast have already been lost to AGW sea rise.
But they never give out the address.
Other lunacy runs rampant.
http://occri.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/chapter6ocar.pdf
“There is near certainty that the rate of sealevel rise will increase in the future as a result of global warming, with the potential of greater than a 1.0 meter increase in sea level by 2100.”
About 2 minutes into this stupid video they claim coastal wet lands will be lost to sea rise.
http://www.keeporegoncool.org/content/oregons-climate
Now think about that. How can a slow increase in sea level at the coast result in less coastal wetlands?
Wouldn’t the opposite happen.
You want to hurt yourself? Stroll though Oregon Global warming pages.
http://www.oregon.gov/energy/GBLWRM/Pages/portal.aspx
Second thought do NOT do that.

Jim Ryan
December 22, 2012 7:41 pm

You got punked, I think. A quick google turns up no such dude.

Bob Diaz
December 22, 2012 7:50 pm

RE: University of Michigan scientists have claimed that global warming causes an increased risk of asteroids striking the Earth, due to expansion of the atmosphere outward into space making the Earth a bigger “target”.
Considering the shear volume and size of our solar system, it’s like saying that if you climb to the top of a mountain, you get a closer view of the stars!!! ;-))

December 22, 2012 8:16 pm

gases as fluids have freely moving molecules so it can’t form a structure like green house and they are helping the earth to cool down by convection methods of heat transmission, GHE or global warming due to any gas is ridiculous. click on my name for details.

December 22, 2012 8:20 pm

gases as fluids have freely moving molecules so they can’t form a green house or any structure instead they are helping the earth to cool down by convection method of heat transmission. thus GHE or global warming due to gases is ridiculous. click on my name for details.

garymount
December 22, 2012 8:39 pm

This is a great thread to introduce my “Skyscrapers cause Global Warming” theory.
Bear with me here, there might be some science lurking in this theory.
Skyscrapers capture light that would otherwise skip right through the atmosphere during early morning sun rise and late afternoon/evening sun set. Also, in high latitudes during late autumn / early winter the sun is low on the horizon which skyscrapers also have an opportunity to catch sun rays that might have otherwise skipped through the atmosphere. This sunlight is converted into heat when it is intercepted by the tall buildings.
Correlation with observations: Warmer at night and warmer in winter is what the observations of global warming show. This seems to have some correlation with my theory. The late evening sunset sunlight being captured by the skyscrapers and heat sinking the energy for dissipation during the night, as well as the winter low horizon sun being caught and converted into heat. There is also the correlation with the growth of high rises and temperature (except perhaps with the last decade or so). How many skyscrapers are there now any way?
If this theory is a good idea, be sure to reference my name. If not… well never mind.

RockyRoad
December 22, 2012 10:38 pm

An avid belief in Santa Claus is far more logical than the fantasies these people have come up with over the years. Far more.

AndyG55
December 23, 2012 12:44 am

D Böehm says:
‘Global warming causes more sex!”
Wow, I’m off to buy a coal mine 😉
(I hope that is plus increase and not a percentage increase) ! 🙁

Steve C
December 23, 2012 1:10 am

Actually, it’s all true, although it’s nothing to do with the Earth’s “asteroid capture area”. Asteroids, like mosquitos, can detect your CO2, and your smelly feet, from a surprising distance, and will fly all night if necessary to reach you. All we can do to avert a rocky demise is wash our feet, stop breathing and hope.
/straight face

Jack Simmons
December 23, 2012 1:20 am

Here are some observations on nujournal.net and the only contributor, Thomas J. Chalko.
Found at http://www.discovery.org/a/5911.

Chalko is best described as a pseudo-scientist–at least when it comes to the fields of global warming and earthquakes about which he was quoted by CBS and MSNBC as an authority. He is not a meteorologist. Nor is he a geophysicist or seismologist. His website reveals that he is into “self healing,” “vibrations,” and alien visitations. Thus, he writes:
Awaken the perfect healer: your own body and mind. Living should be a wonderful experience. The best and most important things in life should be free and effortless. Our bodies should stay in a perfect state of health for as long as we want. This is not a dream. You can choose to aim for it with your own effort.
Chalko’s “aural” workshop promises to explain “how to see your own aura,” and “the meaning of the aura and its colors.” Chalko also writes in the online NU Journal of Discovery–which he founded and for which he appears to be the only writer–that global warming could cause the earth to explode:
If the [earth’s] under-cooled solid core reactor [due to global warming] continues to accumulate heat, despite the above described cooling mechanisms, conditions for its meltdown may occur. The meltdown will begin in the center of the planetary core reactor. Since the core is eccentric and spins, the molten part will be subject to centrifugal forces that will eventually segregate and stratify various radioactive isotopes present in the core according to their density. If the molten area of the core becomes large enough, one of the isotopes may reach the critical mass. In such a case, the geothermic energy that was scheduled to be released over billions of years will be released in a fraction of a second and the planet will explode.
One doesn’t have to be a scientist to know this is beyond nutty.

One has to feel sorry for people like this. But what is disturbing is main stream media giving this guy air time. What little confidence I had in the likes of CBS and MSNBC is now gone.

Jack Simmons
December 23, 2012 1:25 am

More on Dr. Chalko’s website, http://sci-e-research.com/.
Here’s a list of topics under Research Division,

Rotordynamics
Geophysics and Disaster Prediction
Nature of Gravity explained
Sustainability and Energy Efficiency Research
Electro photonics
Physics of consciousness
The Purpose of Existence of the Universe
Bio-resonance
Optimization of diet
Self-healing research

He’s different.

Jack Simmons
December 23, 2012 1:39 am

More on Dr. Chalko.
http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&q=Chalko+T.J.&btnG=&as_sdt=1%2C6&as_sdtp=
In real life he appears to be a mechanical engineer.
Maybe all this other stuff is an Onion like parody?

eco-geek
December 23, 2012 3:32 am

Having had the misfortune to have seen a very large asteroid passing through the Earth’s atmosphere I have to say that the expansion of the atmosphere due to global warming is not an issue. This is not just because it isn’t happening (i.e. global warming) but because the atmospheric flows around very large asteroids are akin to the airflows around pyroclastic flows. That is to say a great deal of atmosphere moves with and therefore lubricates the passage of the asteroid through the atmosphere so for very large asteroids atmospheric friction is very much lower relatively speaking. This has the effect of allowing such large bodies to sustain orbits for very long periods of time within the atmosphere, even within the lower troposphere, and return to space having lost very little energy of motion. A secondary effect of this atmospheric airflow is the reduced friction produces reduced plasma around the head and so such very large asteroids tend to be relatively dim compared with large meteors, even so the ground can be well illuminated. However this dimming means the angle subtended at the eye is a real angle as it is not exaggerated by atmospheric scattering as is the case with much smaller large meteors. Interestingly artists impressions of what such a large asteroid might look like as can be found on the internet are often fairly accurate excepting there is a tendency to draw the plasma flow near the asteroid as streamlined. This is not the case. Typically the airflow swirls around features on the asteroids surface such as ridges and depressions which results in pronounced but relatively low frequency flickering of the ground illumination which for stony asteroids is typically orange red in colour.
Unfortunately having become the world’s leading expert on asteroids with orbits partially within the Earth’s atmosphere I feel compelled to warn people that very significant global warming is due in the relatively near future. It will not be cause by CO2 but by a 1000,000,000 megaton (approx..) impact which is due sometime after February next year. “Sometime” could in fact be decades ( the asteroids orbit is a “dynamic three body” orbit). Looking on the bright side this could keep the “New Age” movement running harmlessly for decades too.

andrewmharding
December 23, 2012 4:39 am

I take it the people who wrote this drivel were on top of a mountain in France on Friday morning waiting to be whisked away by aliens?
It is a pity they weren’t!!

Editor
December 23, 2012 5:52 am

ntesdorf says:
December 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

The exploding Earth story has to be even more stupid than the increased asteroid hazard story. Thank God, they are both evidently spoofs or the authors would have to be sectioned and restrained.
REPLY: No, actually the second one is real. See this also related to author Chalko. http://climateaudit.org/2008/06/18/earthquakes-and-global-warming/ – Anthony

Oh, Chalko sounds familiar. Yep, there was a sighting here too, worth following these links, very embarrassing for CBS, but we were about the only ones to realize it:
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2008/06/19/quake-n-bake-global-warming-causes-more-earthquakes/
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2008/06/19/cbs-news-sinks-to-new-low-publishes-crackpot-global-warming-story-attributes-it-to-associated-press/ , kills it with no retraction
The very next post is titled “Warming On 11 Year Hiatus” – that was 4.5 years ago, so we should be up to about 16 years by now. 🙂 Of course, 2008 was very much a La Niña year.

Silver Ralph
December 23, 2012 7:28 am

clipe says: December 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm
grauniad.co.uk
________________________________
Brilliant. You Google “grauniad.co.uk” and it comes up with the London Guardian Newspaper as the top choice. Someone at Google must have a sense of humour.
.
Its funny how the right-wing Manchester Grauniad, that was described in the early 19th century as the “the foul prostitute and dirty parasite of the worst portion of the mill-owners” (now the oil barons), became the uber-left wing Green spouting London Granuad. WUWT??
.

observa
December 23, 2012 7:41 am

You Big Oily skeptics are taking our learned colleague Professor Boil out of context here as his is important preliminary work for the fortcoming AR5 and COPulater. We have already made the necessary adjustments to our computer models for the Boil Effect which will of course cause more Giant Asteroids to burn up more quickly in Gaia’s atmospere, thereby increasing the warmening estimates with catastrophic effects for the alien space rays getting through the Troppo-sphere and finally demonstrating once and for all the definitive proof you’ve all been clamouring for.
At long last we finally have you there.

Gail Combs
December 23, 2012 7:43 am

Silver Ralph says: @ December 23, 2012 at 7:28 am
Its funny how the right-wing Manchester Grauniad, that was described in the early 19th century as the “the foul prostitute and dirty parasite of the worst portion of the mill-owners” (now the oil barons), became the uber-left wing Green spouting London Granuad. WUWT??
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
They got smart enough to learn to wear a sheepskin?
Notice WHO is making a bundle off the Global Warming scam, WHO is freezing to death, WHO is losing their liberties to more and more bureaucracy and you just might get a clue as to WHO is really controlling the MSM. Or you can just Follow the Money.

Gunga Din
December 23, 2012 11:03 am

D Böehm says:
‘Global warming causes more sex!”
=================================================
Hmmm … I think some have tied Global Warming to overpopulation (more people, more man-made CO2). So then … Global Warming has caused itself?

D Böehm
December 23, 2012 11:41 am

I just noticed this in yesterday’s SF Chronicle:
http://www.sfgate.com/science/article/Weather-warnings-become-reality-4139790.php
How does this lunacy get printed as news?? And of course Michael Mann gets his say, with no opposing point of view.

Gail Combs
December 23, 2012 11:49 am

D Böehm says: @ December 23, 2012 at 11:41 am
…How does this lunacy get printed as news??…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Because the guy who OWNS the press wants to make a killing in carbon trading, the newest bubble but he knows you have to confince the public to go along with the rape.

World Bank Carbon Finance Report for 2007
The carbon economy is the fastest growing industry globally with US$84 billion of carbon trading conducted in 2007, doubling to $116 billion in 2008, and expected to reach over $200 billion by 2012 and over $2,000 billion by 2020

Brian H
December 23, 2012 1:14 pm

Climate science stupid is a “target-rich” environment. Like shooting passenger pigeons in the days when they darkened the skies.

clipe
December 23, 2012 1:36 pm

Silver Ralph says:
December 23, 2012 at 7:28 am
clipe says: December 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm
grauniad.co.uk
________________________________
Brilliant. You Google “grauniad.co.uk” and it comes up with the London Guardian Newspaper as the top choice. Someone at Google must have a sense of humour.

Put grauniad.co.uk into your browser address bar. No need for Google.
.

Frank_from_Texas
December 23, 2012 1:53 pm

This is related to something only slightly less insane; Global warming is slowing down the earth, and making our day’s longer.
Ya see, the hotter atmosphere expands, so the moment of inertia is that much greater……

clipe
December 23, 2012 4:12 pm
Steve Tabor
December 23, 2012 6:47 pm
December 23, 2012 7:12 pm

“No second chance? Can Earth explode as a result of Global Warming?”
So THAT’S what happened to the planet Krypton!

%d bloggers like this: