From the Huffington Post, a tale of bliss. WUWT Readers may remember Mr. Bloom from a previous story where he did something outlandish, but it appears he was simply protecting his future bride. There’s no mention at HuffPo if Earth was a willing partner or if it was a shotgun wedding. There’s also no mention of how such a marriage would be consummated. It is assumed the groom will honeymoon with Gaia in one of the polar cities he proposes where we can all escape the “global warming heat wave” at the lower latitudes. Congratulations to the happy couple. – Anthony
“Man marries Earth in Rare Ceremony”
On December 4, 2010, [Danny Bloom] married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!
The festive ceremony was an internet-enabled weddiing, online and in real time, in which the groom, 61, married his longtime companion and love of his life — Earth!
The festive ceremony was an internet-enabled weddiing, online and in real time, in which Bloom, a Boston native, recited previously keyed-in vows declaring that he would “love and cherish his beloved, Earth, — 4,000,000,010 years old but still beautiful and comely in her white aura of cloud cover — for the rest of his life or ”until death do him part.”
Earth, for her part, said:
“We’re soulmates now. We always were, but now it’s on paper. I’ve married the man I created! I’ve married the world I love.”
Bloom asked that instead of gifts, guests and other interested parties donate funds to global warming awareness campaigns in their respective countries.”
After the wedding was over, symbolized by a long green fern wrapped around his balding head, Bloom kissed his bride one more time, saying to everyone within earshot:
“Fly me to the moon! To Jupiter and Mars!. This is the most wonderful day of my life!”
Earth, as beautiful as ever, added:
“He always says things like that! For my part, today marks the beginning of a new conciousness [sic] among humans, and if our little private ceremony has been able to help raise awareness about the problems of global warming and climate change, then I am one happy planet!”
Wedding Vows:
Do you, Danny Bloom, take the Earth to be your cosmicly wedded wife? (“I do”).
Do you promise to love, cherish and protect her, whether in good times or during human-caused global warming times of adversity, and to seek with her a life hallowed by the eons of time? (“I do”)
And do you Earth, take this eccentric blooming idiot, to be your cosmicly-wedded husband? (“I do”).
Do you promise to love, cherish and protect him, whether
in good fortune or in adversity, and like he said above, that stuff above global warming and climate change, and to seek with him a life hallowed by the eons of time? (“I do”)
I now pronounce you two lovebirds humankind and Earth. You may kiss the bride. You may embrace your husband.
(They do)
h/t to Tom Nelson and Tom Pipes Up (again)
Oedipus complex methinks.
DaveE.
ROTFL! This is SOOO Funny! XDDD
And Earth went merrily spinning on her way, laughing at the hubris of man. For although Danny Bloom had an auspicious surname and was standing upon her breast during the ceremony, Earth was mute and did not participate. She watched instead as Mr. Bloom proceeded to fool himself, and giggled at his presumption.
Meanwhile, Earth herself remained unbound, free to go unhindered by Mr. Bloom’s poppy field delusions. In reality, all along she worshiped the Sun from a distance, evermore in orbit around his splendor, captured within the spell of his bright charisma and gravity, and obeying his every command. Yet far enough removed that she remained free to sow her wild oats to her hearts content so long as she continually basked in the approbation of the Sun.
So scintillated by the constant tickle of his magnetic touch was she, that she was unable to keep her gaze upon him steady, and instead was left always slightly off balance, showing him yet a different face every moment, trying on her different clothes over the ages, now green and blue, now brown or white, and every combination in between… and so she continued her eternal dance around the Sun, forever bound to him alone within this great universe.
Best wishes to Mr. Bloom and his wife Gaia. It sounds like a match made in heaven for erectile dysfunction to get hitched to climate disruption.
It’s not a marriage until it’s consumated.
PILK
Planet I’d Love to F***
I want the World’s press and TV News crews to turn up outside my house next Wednesday when I am going to marry that gorgeous lamp-post which has been teasing me these many years with her impudent gleam!
And at 5.84×10^8 miles/year, I guess you could say that she really gets around too.
It’s Jupiter I feel sorry for. Always the bridesmaid.
re post by Stephen Brown says: December 4, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Just set it up with a webcam and internet connection, using some willing clergyman over skype or something, hold the ‘wedding’ on a slow news day, maybe a Saturday – and give the press enough advanced warning – be sure to tell them that you were inspired to come out of the closet by seeing Mr. Bloom get hitched to Gaia…. and I’m sure you’ll get some good press!!! {VBG}
Oh thankyou David UK, still wiping tears.
After 3 attempts to deliver the punch line to my kid, finally handed over the laptop and said “here you read it instead”
My ribs are so sore from laughing
Nobody wants to marry her evil twin sister, Venus?
Oedipus the environmentalist Bloom;
Too much ganja inhaled was his doom.
His mother Gaia he deemed to espouse;
A breath of hot air his dower.
Did the earth move for you Bloom?
Your wife is so fat her belt size is the equator.
More proof we have entered the age of stupid.
It doesn’t surprise me that one of these nitwits has chosen to spend the rest of his life sleeping with dirt rather than a woman.
I loved all the jokes above and attempts at humor, including the ones that
worked well! Good stuff all around. But as Anthony knows, I am serious. Check back with me in 500 years. Polar Cities will be real then. Not now, of course! (as for my new wife, she’s fine, thanks!)
Baa Humbug says:
December 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Nobody wants to marry her evil twin sister, Venus?
————————————————————
Rumor has it that Al Gore is available.
Seems Danny is adept at using comments to carry his message.
Might say he’s trolling for readers…
http://dailywd.womansday.com/blog/2010/12/daily-buzz-man-marries-hisdog.html
Danny H. Bloom: glad to see you can appreciate humor at your expense!
We are serious as well.
In 500 years, tropical cities “will be real” as well and I predict you will find many more people living in them than in “Polar Cities.” I, however, do not suppose I have any special insight into the future. Anything is possible. It’s just that catastrophic global warming seems very unlikely to me, given what we now know.
As for your wife being fine, that goes without saying.
Danny H. Bloom says:
December 4, 2010 at 6:54 pm
OMG! To be honest I thought it was a rare case of a Gaia worshipper with a sense of humour!
DaveE.
theduke says:
December 4, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Now theres a man who could quite possibly have his own gravitational field.
theduke says:
December 4, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Have you seen some of their unwashed women? I fail to see much difference.
I’ve been to Nimbin* man 🙂
*Nimbin, an enclave of 1960’s hippies, now a small touristic curio.
Uranus & Saturn have called bs on this. Where’s the ring?