Finally, Something Appropriate to Do with the Climate Section of the NY Times!

Opinion by Kip Hansen – 18 March 2021

The New York Times, once one of the world’s leading newspapers, has finally realized that there must be something worthwhile to gain from subscribing to the paper version of their newspaper, other than lining cat litter boxes (which, paraphrasing  Robin Williams, if  you did so, your cat would then refuse to use as “it would be redundant”). 

In a wonderfully useful article “Go Fly a (Newspaper) Kite!”, authored by Tim Parish — who operates My Best Kite, a website devoted to informing and helping kite-flyers —  detailed instructions are given for creating a standard diamond kite almost entirely out of a few pages of a newspaper not really worth reading! [ Addition: Some readers have found the link paywalled — all can download just the kite instructions here (as a .docx) or here (as a .pdf). ]

To be fair to our readers in the United Kingdom, it will be equally suitable to use The Guardian for this project.  Readers from other countries can report both the appropriateness and their successes from using copies of other of mostly-harmful newspapers in their locales. 

Prior warning, besides a strong stomach necessary for dealing with the contents of the NY Times, you will need:

  • Four double-page sheets of newspaper
  • Plenty of Scotch tape on a dispenser — preferably three-quarter-inch width but half an inch should be OK [ cellotape for those of you using The Guardian – kh ]
  • Polyester sewing thread — polyester embroidery thread is nearly as good, with no chance of breakage
  • A pen or pencil
  • A three-foot ruler or any handy straight edge that’s long enough
  • Scissors
  • A bamboo or metal skewer, no more than three millimeters in diameter

This ought to be a fun project for those parents whose children are still locked-out of their schools by over-reaching mandates from their elected officials who have fallen prey to the Mass Hysteria that has caused mostly-useless and mostly-harmful governmental responses to the Covid Pandemic.

Note that almost all health experts also agree that getting kids out into the fresh air flying kites will be a good thing – ask me – I’m an expert on kids and on outdoor fun. 

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Author’s Comment:

For me, skewering the NY Times is (and should be for you too) habitual.  They no longer do journalism, only opinion writing, all to Editorial Narratives written in advance by Editors whom Bari Weiss characterized as “those living in a distant galaxy, one whose concerns are profoundly removed from the lives of most people. This is a galaxy in which, to choose just a few recent examples, the Soviet space program is lauded for its “diversity”; the doxxing of teenagers in the name of justice is condoned; and the worst caste systems in human history includes the United States alongside Nazi Germany.”

The kite should be fun though, I’m going to build one with my three-year-old  grandson, so

Have a great kite flying day!

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Ed Hanley
March 18, 2021 12:20 am

Paywalled! I must subscribe to the NYT to learn how to make a kite out of same. Irony has flown to new heights. Thus deprived of new adventures in aviation, I ask the NYT, instead, to go fly a kite!

Michael in Dublin
Reply to  Ed Hanley
March 18, 2021 4:04 am

You seem to have overlooked the website link.

I remember teaching children to build kites starting by using a large paged newspaper for a template. To keep the cost down but provide a stronger cover than newspaper for a thin bamboo frame I got them to use large sheet of giftwrap paper.

I wish fathers and grandfathers would spend time teaching their children and grandchildren to build and fly kites as there are various skills they learn in the process and this is a clean and beneficial activity for them.

Gary Pearse
Reply to  Michael in Dublin
March 19, 2021 2:41 am

Kip, Fathers and grandfathers, who are the last generation to get an education, should also be teaching their children logic, critical thinking, thoughtful scepticism, the Mendeleev Table of the elements, the scientific method, experimental design and writing up of experimental data and analysis … to fill a huge vacuum in designer-brained marxysparxy ed and Ive I’ve taught my grandson an understanding of Einstein’s theory of relativity using only Pythagoras’s theorem.

We experience the outcomes of politically purposed education in the numbingly repetitive political talking points used in challenges to thoughtful sceptical criticism by the minions of the globalist governance set . I’ve predicted that thoughtful Democrats, who are small and large business people, investors, farmers, pa
manufacturers, 401K nest-egg holders, rate payers, etc. would rise up against the reckless extreme left of the party and the international embarrassment of ‘electing’ a dementia patient for the head of the USA. I hope I’m correct.

Reply to  Ed Hanley
March 18, 2021 6:13 am

Right click or copy link and open in an incognito window.
That also works for most limited number of articles websites.
Or you can use multiple browsers to get around restrictions.
Some aggregators use a link to an archive where they’ve saved the article so their readers can bypass the paywall.
Different VPN exits will work too.
Hey I’m frugal not cheap.
Olde Wisdom from There Frugal Curmudgeon

March 18, 2021 1:17 am

Best thing to do with the “world’s leading newspapers” is –
cut into ~6″ squares & sick in a nail in the ‘dunny’ !

Mumbles McGuirck
Reply to  saveenergy
March 18, 2021 5:51 am

“With a queasy tummy in the family dunny
Many lonely hours you’ll spend
You may find yourself reflecting
As many often do
Come rain or shine, thats the very last time
you’ll have a Barbeque!”

March 18, 2021 1:21 am

You need wind to fly this kind of kite and it is flat calm here. I can tell ‘cos none of the windmills are spinning.

Oh dear, bad old me for using fossil fuel generated electricity to send this.

But you need to use two strings on your kite so that you can drive it around the sky, much more fun than a single string one.

Michael in Dublin
Reply to  Oldseadog
March 18, 2021 4:09 am

You need wind to fly this kind of kite”

You are right but the wonderful thing about kites is that there are so many different kinds and they are suited to different wind strengths. Trial and error is best and children can then learn what to build for the lightest movements of air to much stronger gusts.

Reply to  Oldseadog
March 18, 2021 6:07 am

Have you tried going to a wind farm?
Oh, that’s right, not 100% sure there will be wind there either.

Tom Abbott
Reply to  bluecat57
March 18, 2021 7:05 am

The Wind farm operators probably wouldn’t let you on the property.

They are sensitive about what goes on there, and don’t want the public to know about the slaughter of birds and bats that take place there.

Reply to  Tom Abbott
March 18, 2021 7:37 am

No chuckle? I was looking for a chuckle.

Reply to  Kip Hansen
March 18, 2021 8:13 am

Yes. I try to bring a little humor with my comments.

Reply to  bluecat57
March 18, 2021 8:33 am

I also farm wind; it kinda grows on you.

Jeff Alberts
Reply to  alf
March 18, 2021 10:35 am

Me too, mostly after eating onion rings.

Reply to  bluecat57
March 18, 2021 8:35 am

And so many people believe wind farms produce wind just like beans.

Reply to  bluecat57
March 18, 2021 11:41 am

I can see two from just outside my house.

Reply to  Oldseadog
March 18, 2021 11:50 am

So, no wind at your home because the wind farm uses it all like water kept from Delta smelt by farmers.

Reply to  Kip Hansen
March 18, 2021 11:43 am

Yep, have one, that is the one I was suggesting.

Jeff Alberts
Reply to  Oldseadog
March 18, 2021 10:34 am

It will fly if you attach it to the back of your big diesel pickup and get up to about 120…

Jeff Alberts
Reply to  Kip Hansen
March 18, 2021 12:48 pm

I was going for the total destruction of the kite, or mainly the paper.

Derek Wood
March 18, 2021 1:58 am

When I was a kid(I live in UK), we all made our own kites, but we would use brown paper. Newspaper was too flimsy, especially if it got wet. We made diamond, and square kites out of paper and bamboo canes. The trick was to attach the string correctly, so that the kite sat at the right angle to the wind. The tail has to be just right too, to keep it upright in the air. This was about sixty-eight years ago, I’m seventy-five this year, but I bet I could still build one now!

Steve Case
Reply to  Derek Wood
March 18, 2021 2:58 am

Wrapping paper works pretty good. I’ll be 77 this year.

E. Martin
Reply to  Derek Wood
March 18, 2021 7:37 am

And we sent paper “messages” up the string using a light wire device that flew up the string and released them when it reached the kite.

John Garrett
March 18, 2021 2:18 am

My god! You mean there actually IS an entire section of “Pravda” devoted to climate?

Now that is funny.

It’s worse than even I thought.

March 18, 2021 3:47 am

wow that was a memory kick
I remember making paper kites as a kid in Aus
had totally forgotten about us all doing it. kids ricocheting all over schoolyards

March 18, 2021 6:05 am

You mean lining the birdcage was inappropriate?

Bruce Cobb
Reply to  Kip Hansen
March 18, 2021 10:19 am

Irony’s good. It helps get the wrinkles out.

Reply to  bluecat57
March 18, 2021 8:38 am

It was cruel to the birds.

Tom Abbott
March 18, 2021 7:00 am

The New York Times has a climate section?

It’s been a long time since I’ve read the New York Times.

March 18, 2021 7:51 am

The New York Times is no longer the “Newspaper of Record”, it is now the Tabloid of Record competing with the National Enquirer and frequently losing.

David S
March 18, 2021 7:58 am

I object to this use of the NY Times as it may create a shortage of kitty litter and bird cage liners.

Steve Z
March 18, 2021 8:46 am

Wasn’t that the ending to the movie “Mary Poppins”?

One advantage to using the NY Slimes as a kite is, after it crashes, it still makes good kindling in a fireplace (and emits CO2 to boot).

If it is used as kitty litter or birdcage liner, it doesn’t make good kindling, and would emit ammonia.

March 18, 2021 9:01 am

If only I still had a parrot….

March 18, 2021 9:38 am

The New York Times is simply a propaganda pig with some “journalism” lipstick applied. I recommend avoiding the sty – no clicks, no subscription, merely derision and dismissal.

March 18, 2021 9:59 am

It will clog up waterways.

Kevin McNeill
March 18, 2021 10:14 am

My first thought on reading the headline was – buy a parrot

Pat Frank
March 18, 2021 12:09 pm

Kip, maybe it’s time to write the book you’ve been thinking about: ‘The Democrat’s War on Science, Reason, and America Itself.

Chapters might include:
DDT, Climate, Corona, Zinnized History (Science);

Zinnized K-12, Grievance Studies, Campus censorship and cancel culture; coddling of antifa/BLM thugs; dishonest journalism (Reason);

Open borders, erosion of the rights of citizens, anti voter-registration, defunding police, anti-Constitution [First Amendment (censorship), Second Amendment (gun confiscation), fake impeachments; removal of the Electoral College] due process, socialism (America).

I’m sure you can think of much more.

Maybe you can team up with Roger Pielke jr. for the project. I figure that together, you could have it done within a year. It would probably be a huge seller.

Pat Frank
Reply to  Kip Hansen
March 18, 2021 2:40 pm

You’re a physicist, Kip. You’ll nail down all the quantitative stuff. And you’ll get all the science right.

Also, you’re never too old. 🙂

Reply to  Pat Frank
March 18, 2021 4:50 pm

I think a comparison between the current situation and the Chinese Cultural Revolution is in order, as well.

Pat Frank
Reply to  Kip Hansen
March 18, 2021 9:38 pm

Also mass murder and show-trials.

The increasingly vicious dehumanization polemics now here in the US are the standard historical preliminaries to mass murder.

March 18, 2021 4:15 pm

“Old grey lady” is an anagram of “really dodgy.” This is no accident.

March 18, 2021 8:10 pm

Ever read the same section of the Washington Post, both the same usefulness!

Brian R Catt
March 19, 2021 10:03 am

Unfortunately this value added use of the Guardian is not possible, as it is created using a form of delusion that is wholly incompatible with anything in the real/natural world, saving similarly created journals like the New York Times, Pravda, Pyongyang Daily, etc.. The Guardian will repel most other natural materials not treated with delusion, and violently and mutually annihilates when in contact with synthetic materials, atom for atom.

Further the Guardian cannot be recycled, as it may aggressively attack the steel and other components of the machinery obtained by the extractive industries. The Guardian cannot be safely used to make anything except paper briquettes to burn usefully for heat and plant growth, BUT paper planes can be made to fly its ideas aloft.

nb: these delusional ideas will safely and spontaneously disappear on contact with reality.

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