Friday Funny: Guardian Columnist goes into a panic over “climate change” (aka Summer)

As panic about climate change sets in, I’m thinking about escape – to Canada

Emma Brockes

The summer of heatwaves and forest fires leaves my friends feeling helpless and a little hysterical. And who can blame us?

The New York Times has devoted an entire edition of its magazine, some 30,000 words, to a terrifying piece about climate change. With 2C warming – an unlikely best-case scenario at this point, scientists were quoted as saying – the planet faces “long-term disaster”.

With 3C warming, we are looking at “the loss of most coastal cities”. The possibility that the Earth might warm by 5C, wrote the author, Nathaniel Rich, had prompted some of the world’s leading scientists to warn of the end of human civilisation.

I was having lunch with friends in Brooklyn on Sunday, in a low-lying area that will be under water when all of this comes to pass and, political analysis aside, all we could focus on was: what on earth are we going to do? More specifically, how to ensure the survival of our children, and should it involve buying a compound in some remote part of Canada?

The difficulty is knowing how to recognise the klaxon call when it comes. Is this, the summer of forest fires and record heatwaves, the climate disaster equivalent to Kristallnacht? Or can we safely not think about it for another 10 years?

Continue reading…


My advice? Pack up and leave civilization now lady, we’ll see how long you last without lattes and the NYT Sunday edition to read while having lunch with friends.

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Marcus
August 10, 2018 3:10 am

“world’s leading scientists to warn of the end of human civilisation” ???

These people are truly insane…!

Trebla
August 10, 2018 3:15 am

Don’t pack your bags just yet. We’re having a heat wave right now in Canada. It’s just like the ones I remember from my youth 80 years ago when nobody knew how to spell carbon dioxide let alone blame it for anything.

Sara
August 10, 2018 3:54 am

Emma – Seriously, get some professional help with your problem. The ski resorts in Chile are open for business now, ditto in New Zealand with an 84″ depth at the summit of one slope, never mind the other resorts.
Get some professional help. Take a hike in a bikini through the heavily forested areas in the Finger Lakes region of New York state and tell me if you’re still terrified of normal summer weather.
What a birdbrain! I have news for her: Summer is coming to an end in a few weeks and the cold weather will be setting in by mid-September. If she can’t take a little summer heat, she has a problem. The ignorance she displays is ridiculous.

Sylvia
Reply to  Sara
August 10, 2018 6:46 am

Australia also has had fantastic snow falls and some of the resorts are extending the season, as they did last year. Of course they keep predicting the end of the ski industry, and have been doing so for decades. Parts of NSW had record lows recently. Val D’Isere has opened some of its winter slopes for summer skiing for the first time in 82 years. Peru has had a bitter winter with thousands of stock killed by extreme cold and snow. Siberia just experienced a record cold temperature for August. Greenland has record snow pack, Arctic ice is third highest since 2003, etc etc. It would be nice if ‘journalists’ actually did their job and did a bit of research. So much for integrity. How can they justify their dishonesty and one-sided reportage? Why are they so stupid?

Sweet Old Bob
Reply to  Sylvia
August 10, 2018 10:04 am

Their paycheck depends on it ….

Chris
Reply to  Sylvia
August 12, 2018 1:59 am

“Arctic ice is third highest since 2003” – evidence to support that claim?

Roger Knights
Reply to  Chris
August 12, 2018 3:35 am

He may have meant arctic ice VOLUME.

Edith Wenzel
August 10, 2018 3:56 am

Does she know we have forest fires in Canada too? And heat? Worse cold? Seriously.

Reply to  Edith Wenzel
August 10, 2018 12:35 pm

Once I read Jack London’s “To Build a Fire” I determined to have as little to do with cold as possible.

Bruce Cobb
August 10, 2018 4:26 am

Emma and her brood of Climate Cluckers, Cacklers, and Cooers have been hopelessly brainwashed, although I use the word “brain” advisedly. I suppose if they weren’t clucking and cackling about Climate, it’d be something else.

Hal
Reply to  Bruce Cobb
August 10, 2018 9:37 am

It will be

MarkW
Reply to  Bruce Cobb
August 10, 2018 10:15 am

For some reason, having someone named F. Leghorn responding to that post seems oddly appropriate.

Ah say, Ah say, now see here son!

Richard of NZ
August 10, 2018 4:28 am

Just as well that “Climate Change” has stopped, at least for the day. Just tuned into the test and, guess what, play stopped after 3 1/2 overs because of rain! Too early to go to bed so here I am.

BruceC
August 10, 2018 4:34 am

“The New York Times has devoted an entire edition of its magazine, some 30,000 words, to a terrifying piece about climate change.”

Pity that that NYT fluff piece also contained some quotes from a 1974 CIA Report ….. however the NYT failed too mention that that CIA Report was totally directed to and warning of global COOLING!

rapscallion
August 10, 2018 5:04 am

“the climate disaster equivalent to Kristallnacht? ”

Did any of you see what she did there?

Appaling.

Reply to  rapscallion
August 10, 2018 12:37 pm

Would we be the Jews or the Nazis in her scenario? Just wondering.

Khwarizmi
August 10, 2018 5:18 am

I actually visited the NYT link and found it full of hilarious comedy fiction!

===============
[in 1978] Pomerance paused, startled, over the orphaned paragraph.
… “He had the tweedy appearance of an undernourished doctoral student emerging at dawn from the stacks. He wore horn-rimmed glasses and a thickish mustache that wilted disapprovingly over the corners of his mouth…”
“He had an active face prone to breaking out in wide, even maniacal grins, but in composure, as when he read the coal pamphlet, it projected concern. ”
[…]
“He showed the unsettling paragraph to his office mate, Betsy Agle. Had she ever heard of the “greenhouse effect”? Was it really possible that human beings were overheating the planet?
Agle shrugged. She hadn’t heard about it, either.”
[…]

“Pomerance hadn’t heard of MacDonald, but he knew all about the Jasons. They were like one of those teams of superheroes with complementary powers that join forces in times of galactic crisis.
comment image
They had been brought together by federal agencies, including the C.I.A, to devise scientific solutions to national-security problems: how to […] develop unconventional weapons, like plague-infested rats.”
=================

Terrific! 5 stars.

August 10, 2018 5:53 am

Classic prepper, end of days, doom scenario. This crap has plagued mankind for thousands of years.

ResourceGuy
August 10, 2018 6:19 am
ResourceGuy
August 10, 2018 6:24 am

Into the Wild comes to mind.

John Bell
Reply to  ResourceGuy
August 10, 2018 6:56 am

Is that like “Alone in the Wilderness”? Richard Proenneke of Alaska? He is my hero! He really moved north.

MarkW
August 10, 2018 6:40 am

The more the earth fails to warm, the bigger the worst case warming from the alarmists get.

Even the IPCC has given up trying to pretend that there is a chance the earth will warm by more than 2 or 3C.

Peter Morris
August 10, 2018 6:53 am

Yeah I hope she packs it up and starts roughing it in Colorado.

A few winters there ought to set her straight.

Charlie
August 10, 2018 7:30 am

Heatwave in Britain, which of course means people are going to die and the death toll “could reach thousands.” Except that

Despite an ageing and growing population, fewer deaths were registered during this seven-week period than during the same weeks of the last two years – at 65,439 in 2018 compared to 65,846 in 2017 and 65,728 in 2016.

https://blog.ons.gov.uk/2018/08/07/how-deadly-is-this-years-heatwave/

StephenP
Reply to  Charlie
August 10, 2018 9:09 am

We have just had a friend from Texas visit us during the ‘heatwave’, and he kept repeating how cool it was here compared to back home near Dallas.

Crispin in Waterloo
Reply to  Charlie
August 10, 2018 1:10 pm

Please see:

Mortality risk attributable to high and low ambient temperature: a multicountry observational study, Gasparrini et al, 2015, doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(14)62114-0.

“We analysed 74,225,200 deaths in various periods between 1985 and 2012… More temperature-attributable deaths were caused by cold (7·29%, 7·02–7·49) than by heat (0·42%, 0·39–0·44).”

In Canada you are 8 times more likely to die from cold than heat, and 16 times more likely in China. They say 11% of deaths in China are attributable to cold.

Peta of Newark
August 10, 2018 7:38 am

I was having lunch with friends in Brooklyn on Sunday
Oh that’s soooo lovely dahling, *do* tell me more

OK, let’s try it this way:
Having just spent 2 hours inside a broken down combine harvester replacing a bearing and re-fitting belts, I spent a few moments of *my* Sunday afternoon contemplating a looming thundercloud as I sucked on a mangled Marlboro and a squashed plastic bottle of lukewarm and flat soda-water.

How would the Gaurdianista take that…….
They wouldn’t – too much danger of getting their hands dirty in The Real World.
Where *did* that lunch come from, apart from the local vegan organic deli?

Sweetness, after working inside that combine harvester, there is presently more climate wisdom trapped under the nail of my little finger than has *ever* been published in the Guardian.
If only hand-wringing and selfish good intentions could save The World, *you* would have done so before James Hansen broke even a single bead of sweat.

Cameron Kuhns
August 10, 2018 8:33 am

To answer the one question, I think we can safely not think about it for the next 100+ years.

Curious George
August 10, 2018 8:37 am

And who can blame us? I do. Forest fires are partly due to your efforts to protect spotted owls. Logging. forest thinning, and prescribed burns disturb the endangered bird. Let’s ban all of the above. Then we get wildfires – not the next week, but in a couple of decades. Be proud of protecting rare birds to a complete carbonization – but maybe you are now concerned more about wildfires.

CD in Wisconsin
August 10, 2018 9:02 am

“…..scientists were quoted as saying – the planet faces “long-term disaster”. With 3C warming, we are looking at “the loss of most coastal cities”. The possibility that the Earth might warm by 5C, wrote the author, Nathaniel Rich, had prompted some of the world’s leading scientists to warn of the end of human civilisation….”.

Funny how a number of cults or cult-like movements all seem to have an end-of-days component to their belief systems…

Millerites in 1844:
https://www.massmoments.org/moment-details/millerites-await-end-of-the-world.html.

David Koresh and the Branch Davidians:
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Branch-Davidian

“… That Koresh thought that the endtime was imminent is suggested in his commentary on Revelation…”

Marshall Applewhite and Heaven’s Gate (1996-97):
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Branch-Davidian

“Last chance to evacuate Earth before it is recycled..”. I didn’t know the entire Earth could be recycled.

Oh sure, THIS time (with the climate alarmist narrative) we’re talking about science, right? But what is to stop scientists from morphing or evolving a scientific hypothesis into a cult-like belief system really? Scientists in a cult? How could they? If they feel the need to demonize fossil fuels and save the planet, I hypothesize that this certainly seems to be coming about, complete with dates when the end times are supposed to come. Maybe we are in the end-times already.

The unwillingness of the climate alarmist scientists to acknowledge the refuting issues with CAGW gives one pause to wonder if we are being dragged yet again through a doomsday cult. The three before this one (listed above) all ended with end-of-days prognostication never coming about unless you consider that the Branch Davidians and Heaven’s Gate believers created their own end-of-days as did Jim Jones and his followers.

A cult is a cult is a cult is a cult. When it quacks like one and waddles like one, then what is it? The worst part about being in a cult like Ivankinsman and Ms. Brockes appear to be is not realizing you are in one.

CD in Wisconsin
Reply to  CD in Wisconsin
August 10, 2018 9:21 am

Sorry, here is the link for Heaven’s Gate and Marshall Applewhite:

https://genius.com/Porcupine-tree-last-chance-to-evacuate-planet-earth-before-it-is-recycled-lyrics. Can’t edit it anymore.

Gary Ashe
Reply to  CD in Wisconsin
August 10, 2018 3:07 pm

The ”scientists are the tools, for all the regulation.

https://sustainabledevelopment.un.org/content/documents/Agenda21.pdf

Agenda 21 – Chapter 1
PREAMBLE
1.1. Humanity stands at a defining moment in history. We are confronted with a perpetuation of disparities between and within nations, a worsening of poverty, hunger, ill health and illiteracy, and the continuing deterioration of the ecosystems on which we depend for our well-being.

However, integration of environment and development concerns and greater attention to them will lead to the fulfilment of basic needs, improved living standards for all, better protected and managed ecosystems and a safer, more prosperous future. No nation can achieve this on its own; but together we can – in a global partnership for sustainable development.

1.2. This global partnership must build on the premises of General Assembly resolution 44/228 of 22 December 1989, which was adopted when the nations of the world called for the United Nations Conference on Environment and Development, and on the acceptance of the need to take a balanced and integrated approach to environment and development questions.

1.3. Agenda 21 addresses the pressing problems of today and also aims at preparing the world for the challenges of the next century. It reflects a global consensus and political commitment at the highest level on development and environment cooperation. Its successful implementation is first and foremost the responsibility of Governments. National strategies, plans, policies and processes are crucial in achieving this. International cooperation should support and supplement such national efforts. In this context, the United Nations system has a key role to play. Other international, regional and subregional organizations are also called upon to contribute to this effort. The broadest public participation and the active involvement of the non-governmental organizations and other groups should also be encouraged.

1.4. The developmental and environmental objectives of Agenda 21 will require a substantial flow of new and additional financial resources to developing countries, in order to cover the incremental costs for the actions they have to undertake to deal with global environmental problems and to accelerate sustainable development. Financial resources are also required for strengthening the capacity of international institutions for the implementation of Agenda 21. An indicative order-of-magnitude assessment of costs is included in each of the programme areas.
This assessment will need to be examined and refined by the relevant implementing agencies and organizations.

1.5. In the implementation of the relevant programme areas identified in Agenda 21, special attention should be given to the particular circumstances facing the economies in transition. It must also be recognized that these countries are facing unprecedented challenges in transforming their economies, in some cases in the midst of considerable social and political tension.

1.6. The programme areas that constitute Agenda 21 are described in terms of the basis for action,
objectives, activities and means of implementation. Agenda 21 is a dynamic programme. It will be
carried out by the various actors according to the different situations, capacities and priorities of
countries and regions in full respect of all the principles contained in the Rio Declaration on
Environment and Development. It could evolve over time in the light of changing needs and
circumstances. This process marks the beginning of a new global partnership for sustainable
development.

ResourceGuy
August 10, 2018 9:13 am

I worry sometimes about the mental state of New Yorkers. Such advocacy signaling for media money that verges on calls for mass suicide are not helpful.

August 10, 2018 9:20 am

What’s really alarming is this study mentioned in the GUAARDIAN comments section of that article:

http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2017/07/05/1704949114

First, the person mentioning it conflates climate change and mass extinction. Second, I wonder how wrong the methods are that resulted in this mass-extinction study. I would like to see somebody here address the validity (or invalidity) of that study. Or maybe it’s already been done — link, please — thanks.

When I said “alarming”, I was referring to how over the top that study probably is — THAT’s alarming, NOT what the study claims.

I bet someone could write up a scary study about the “mass extinction” of pathogens that used to cause widespread diseases.

Alley
August 10, 2018 9:21 am

Climate change and Summer are two very different things.

Globally, Winters are warmer, Summers are warner. Nights are warmer. Days are warmer. Rural areas warmer. This is what you’d expect from AGW. Climate Change is not “AKA Summer.”

Thomas Homer
Reply to  Alley
August 10, 2018 10:05 am

Alley: “Globally, Winters are warmer, Summers are warner. Nights are warmer. Days are warmer.”

Could you illustrate how this winter/summer/day/night warming has manifested itself in the historical temperature records of the Azores?

Curious George
Reply to  Thomas Homer
August 10, 2018 12:41 pm

Poor Alley can’t remember the record cold winter 2017-2018.

Alley
Reply to  Curious George
August 10, 2018 2:32 pm

Poor George is confused about what the globe is. A cold winter? I think you may have cherry picked a very small portion of the earth.

Let’s use the US because that’s probably the small area you were taking about. February was warmer than usual.

https://www.ncei.noaa.gov/news/national-climate-201802

2017 was the third warmest on record for the US:

https://www.ncei.noaa.gov/news/national-climate-201802

Curious George
Reply to  Curious George
August 10, 2018 6:52 pm

Dear Alley: Winter is by definition a hemispheric phenomenon. From your answer I deduce that you don’t live in Europe.

Alley
Reply to  Curious George
August 11, 2018 6:17 am

I deduce that you forgot about the southern hemisphere. If you need a definition of “global” I can get you one.

Sara
Reply to  Curious George
August 11, 2018 5:50 pm

Oh, poor , uninformed Alley! There ARE those of us who keep records of weather, all year ’round. Winter was NOT the warmest on record. It was, IN FACT, very AVERAGE, something YOU don’t recognize.

What Alley doesn’t understand is that it is not the temperatures in winter that matter. It is the length of time involved, from the earliest recorded snowfall DATE to the last recorded snowfall DATE that matters. But that’s not all! No, not a bit! The START date of cold weather and the END date of the same are ALSO important. If, for example, we have a steady high 29F temperature and high humidity in the 1st week of October, accompanied by snow, or temperatures in the 30s in late April accompanied by snowfall with NO trees breaking buds or leafing out, and this extends a few days in each direction every year, then it is a sign of a longer winter season. The temperatures are less important than the length of time from start to finish.

But since that’s not on some graph or chart somewhere, I don’t expect Alley to grasp this concept.

Bruce Cobb
Reply to  Alley
August 10, 2018 10:11 am

Sarcasm. Ever hear of it?
Oh, and yes, we know – it has warmed up a bit since the LIA. So what?

MarkW
Reply to  Alley
August 10, 2018 10:17 am

Unfortunately the real world data does not support your latest fantasies.

Alley
Reply to  MarkW
August 10, 2018 2:33 pm

Fortunately every major science organization would agree with me, and they would not support your fantasies of a cooling earth. In fact, does any scientist think any of what I wrote is incorrect?

Roger Knights
Reply to  Alley
August 12, 2018 3:46 am

“Fortunately every major science organization would agree with me”

The manner in which the APS and the geological society (I forget its acronym) reached their consensus was disgraceful (by a self-selected (volunteer) committee of activists) and likely was the same biased procedure followed elsewhere worldwide.

Sweet Old Bob
Reply to  Alley
August 10, 2018 10:29 am

Summers are NOT warmer in the CONUS . Have been cooling for over 80 years in central US . So …climate change isn’t global after all .

Alley
Reply to  Sweet Old Bob
August 10, 2018 2:35 pm

2017 was one of the warmest years for the CONUS. Was winter so hot that it overpowered the cool (as you claim) summer? I don’t think so.

Reply to  Alley
August 10, 2018 3:01 pm

Yawn…. Zzzz…., gosh you are so boring with your chicken little babblings.

Alley
Reply to  Sunsettommy
August 11, 2018 6:18 am

Facts aren’t always exciting. I thought facts were relevant to a group that wanted to discuss climate science.

What part of point out facts is chicken little to you? Do physics classes bore you?

Gary Ashe
August 10, 2018 9:32 am

While you are are here, could you please donate, so as we can continue to bring you cutting edge factual journalism..

Feck ort

Manx for ”enough” [feck ort]

Fastyr Mei.

August 10, 2018 10:09 am

Did they happen to mention how many ppm/v it will take to get to 3 C. ????

Crispin in Waterloo
August 10, 2018 10:12 am

Five degrees C and civilisation comes to an end? Let’s see…

That would be like moving from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (annual average high, 9 C) to Windsor, Ontario (14 C). I think it you asked people in Saskatoon what they think of “civilisation” in Windsor, just across the river from Detroit, they would be inclined to agree with the Guardian author. Five degrees, and its over.

Oh, wait! It is also like moving from Sudbury, Ontario to Windsor, a distance of more than 700 kilometers! Wow! That is almost 1/3 of the distance across the Province! I can surely see global civilisation coming to a halt with a change as dramatic as that.

I imagine that if Saskatoon warmed by 5 degrees C crops now growing in Southern Ontario would be able to survive way up there. Things like wheat, barley, maybe even dairy cattle. Who knows what would be possible, eh?

Of course being 7 degrees warmer in winter like Windsor, they would have to learn to skate on slushy, crappy ice like we do in Waterloo if all that warming wipes out the refrigeration companies.

That much warming is also like moving from Edmonton to Toronto. I think Edmontonians would agree that having the Oilers replaced by the Maple Leafs would be a clear sign of the coming apocalypse.

Chris
Reply to  Crispin in Waterloo
August 12, 2018 2:13 am

No, it’s not. Gee, perhaps much of the world is not starting from a cool climate baseline like Canada. Have you head of India? Pakistan? Bangladesh?

Roger Knights
Reply to  Chris
August 12, 2018 3:50 am

“Have you head of India? Pakistan? Bangladesh?”

The tropics haven’t warmed much, and are not projected to do so much by the IPCC and other supposed experts. The supposed threat to the tropics comes instead from SLR (along coastlines like Bangladesh) and disruption of precipitation in bad ways.