A Christmas poem and jingle from ‘Lord Monckton’

A seasonal message from the Vicar of Bray

⇒ William York http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viw5JXopin0, with some adjustments by Christopher Monckton of Brenchley, offers a little Christmas merriment with his new version of the English folk-song The Vicar of Bray, who notoriously switched his religious allegiance with each new monarch. Today’s Vicar of Bray is probably preaching climate at a community college somewhere in upstate New York.

In George Bush Senior’s golden days when climate change no harm meant,

A climatologist was I, and so I gained preferment.

I quickly knew more CO₂ might further my promotion:

I wrote computer code to push the global warming notion.

And this is law that I’ll maintain: my forecasts you shall cite, sir,

For, hot or cold or drought or rain, my model’s always right, sir.

When William Clinton took the oath, with climate change in fashion,

And Big Al Gore bestrode the world, Apocalypse his passion,

IPCC provided me with excellent connections:

Who needs to be a Wall Street quant? Do climate change projections.

And this is law…

When nations signed the Protocol to ease our planet’s fever,

The Hill said Nay and I became a bright Green eager beaver.

I got to know an NGO to champion my predictions,

And (never mind what physics says) to swear they were not fictions.

And this is law…

When George Bush Junior took control and challenged our consensus,

And Nature whined that governments must ever recompense us,

Conformist manuscripts alone the editors selected,

And all who swam against the stream they hastily rejected.             

And this is law…

When Barack next stretched forth his hand to stop the oceans rising,

The times had changed: I knew by then that this was not surprising,

So when Solyndra, subsidized by half a billion dollars,

Went bust I switched to Hyperloop from fossil-fuel’d Corollas.

And this is law…

When Trump the Paris pact denied, and shock’d the true-believers,

I did not know whom I should back – the stayers or the leavers.

But batteries, it seemed to me, might offer a solution,

And so I bought a Chevy Volt – my pride and absolution.

And this is law…

The gravy train will trundle on with each Inauguration

And, though the temperature may fall, the code of our creation

Will ever show a warming world: our models shall not falter.

Though we be wrong we’re always right — although the times may alter.

And this is law…

My own e-Christmas card for readers of WattsUpWithThat this year is a recording of my interpretation of Schubert’s Christuswiegenlied der lachenden Engel, the Laughing Angels’ Lullaby, the virtuoso concluding movement of his much-loved Kindersonate in D major. This Christmas toccata quasi chitarra has the reputation of sending insomniac babies (and adults) peacefully to sleep more quickly than any other. Sleep well, and awake rejoicing, for the end of the climate scam is at hand.

In the light of the decision of the druidical director of the Harvard-Smithsonian observatory to send out “Happy Solstice” cards this year, here is a famous seasonal message to one and all drafted by my indefatigable U.S. attorneys (scholars and gentlemen all) from the leading Wall Street partnership of Sue Quick, Wyn Boult, Phil Banks & Hyde Good.

Please accept – with no obligation of any kind, whether oral or written, actual or potential, explicit or implicit – our very best wishes for a non-culture-specific, environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, zero-carbon, non-addictive, gender-neutral, politically-correct happy holiday celebration of the winter solstice, within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice (with due consideration for the religious or secular persuasions or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, or for genuine and legitimate differences of opinion as to the timing or significance of the solstice), and a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling and medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally-accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendar choices of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped to make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only America in the western or any hemisphere), and without regard to the wishee’s race, creed, color, age, religious faith, choice of computer platform, physical ability or sexual preference or prowess. By accepting this greeting and not entering any defense or other plea with 14 days or such other period as may be applicable as specified in federal or state law, you are accepting the following terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher actually to implement any of the wishes personally or for others. It is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. It is warranted to perform as expected within the parameters for the reasonable application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever shall first have occurred. Warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. This greeting constitutes the entire wish. It is void where prohibited by law. Should any part of this greeting be held unlawful or otherwise invalid, all remaining parts shall continue to have effect in terms of generally accepted wishing traditions or conventions to the full extent permissible under law.