Science, Engineering, and other related jokes

If you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate.

@Caleb
“I prefer cruder humor:”
In that case:
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don’t ask me how they got in the light bulb.

Sidney Morganbesser was, as far as I am aware, the originator of the “Yeah, yeah.” joke. (#15)
“In the early 1950′s, the esteemed Oxford philosopher J. L. Austin came to Columbia to present a paper about the structural analysis of language. He pointed out that, in English, although a double negative implies a positive meaning (i.e. ‘I’m not unlike my father…’), there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative. ‘Yeah, yeah,’ scoffed Morgenbesser from the back of the auditorium.”
http://jrbenjamin.com/2013/10/10/sidney-morgenbessers-sense-of-humor/

Harry Passfield Says: (http://wattsupwiththat.com/2014/07/08/science-engineering-and-other-related-jokes/#comment-1681338)
“How does Batman get called to the table by his mum:”
Trick question. Batman’s mom is dead. 🙂

A businessman from Milan arrives in Rome in dread about the usual ordeal and time he’ll waste with government bureaucrats getting permits for his company. He is elated when by mid-day the Environment Ministry officials take his money, approve his applications and promptly issue the authorizations. He prods the cabbie across town to his next governmental stop. He arrives at the Palazzo delle Finanze and finds the door locked with no sign of life inside.
He sees a policeman standing in the shade and shouts in anger: “What? Don’t they work in the afternoon?”
“No, Signore,” replies the policeman. “They don’t work in the morning. In the afternoon they don’t come.”

I like the recursive nature of the name of the operating system GNU. GNU is an acronym for “GNU’s Not Unix”

Colorado Wellington says:
July 9, 2014 at 10:10 am
Here in the States, civil servants are required to not work for eight hours per day. But they’ve really mastered that art:
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
The first man was an engineer, the second man an accountant, the third man a chemist, and the fourth man was a government employee.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog, “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk and, with a pen, promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle onto some paper.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty good. The accountant, though, insisted his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He proceeded to divide the cookies into four equal piles of three each.
Everyone agreed that that too was pretty good. The chemist, though, proclaimed that his dog could do even better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard, and then poured exactly eight ounces into the glass without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty good, as well. Then, they all turned to the government employee and said, “Hey, pal, what can your dog do?”
The government employee stood up, called his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, took a sh*t on the paper, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he’d injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers’ Compensation, and then went home on sick leave.

For those who don’t know, the increased size of calves due intense breeding programs has resulted in many breeds of cows being unable to deliver their calves without manual human assistance. This involves the rancher reaching into the uterus, grabbing a pair of legs, and pulling for all they are worth.
Two Boeing engineers are driving across the farmlands of eastern Washington when they spy a rancher out in a field near the road trying for all he is worth to pull something out of the cow. Intrigued and disturbed by the bellowing of the distressed cow, the aerospace engineers stop, roll up their sleeves, and add their strength to the effort.
In a moment the trio of humans succeed and the calf emerges into the world and is soon standing and being licked clean by the mother.
The rancher offers, “Gee, I sure am grateful to you guys. Can I pay you anything?”
The engineers confer for a moment and then one asks, “Can you just tell us how fast that calf was going when it hit the cow?”

#2 reminds me of West Berlin. It was in fact surrounded by a fence (or rather, a wall) and was defined as being “outside”. It used to be, so to speak, a topological disaster in the middle of Europe.

Gotta admit, the first one had me stumped…. but it was good laughs after that! And all of the other contributions here are excellent!
Here’s a couple more:
Dyslexics of the World – Untie!
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the woods?
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one… but the light bulb really has to want to change.