Science, Engineering, and other related jokes

People send me stuff. This list of 20 intelligent jokes with a smattering of science and engineering jokes is worth sharing.

Some won’t get all of them, for example, I have no idea what #1 is about…the rest, are just entertaining. 

science_jokes

 

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Janice Moore

Hi, Anth-ony! Thanks for the fun jokes!
Here’s what #1 is (I think)
Sodium = “Na”
So…..
Theme from Batman:
“Na, na, na, na,
na, na, na,na,
na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na — BATMAN!”
#(:))
Just my speed, heh. lolololo

Greg from L.A.

Hmmmm….
The original batman song went something like this:
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na N a… BATMAN!!!!!!!!

Hilarious!

Alvin H. Belt

Sodium is Na.
NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa…Batman!

Janice Moore

I don’t get:
#9 and #18 (the cat in trunk part).
Anyone? Anyone?

kenwd0elq

An engineer and a mathematician are competing for a beautiful woman. The engineer and the mathematician are told, “You can go to her, but you must travel this way; go half the distance, and then stop; then go half the remaining distance and stop; go half the remaining distance, and then stop, and so on.”
The mathematician never starts, because he knows he can never reach her. But the engineer takes off running, because he knows that he can get close enough for practical purposes.

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na……BATMAN!

MattS

What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Alps?
A flat elephant and the ghost of Hannibal shows up and tells you that you did it backwards.

MattS

What do you get if you cross Batman with an elephant?
Flatman!

Bob Diaz

Two atoms where talking when one cried out,”I lost an electron!”
Are you sure?
Yes, I’m positive!!!

Janice #9: The person proved the friend’s point by using the word “irony” completely inappropriately.

Janice Moore

Thanks, Anth-ony!
***************
Bob Diaz — LOL.

Janice Moore

Thanks, Craig Krum (that makes up for you COPYING ME, just kidding).

Err, “ironic”

Lol, takes a long time to type out Na 16 times on a cell phone!

Jokes for my birthday!
” I got so much debt, I could start a government”
Cheers, Anthony. 🙂
No. 10 is tops.

Andrew N

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, sorry, you’ve found Pascal!”.

gnomish

did you hear about the climate computer that works in base 1 and has a terabyte of write only memory?
there are 10 kinds of people in the world- those who know binary and those who don’t.

Keith Minto

I like this one…
Are you (Mg/Fe)7Si8022(OH)2 ?, if so, when?

lee

free munfs ago I couldn’t even spell injuneer- now I are one.

One of my favorite science jokes happened on Johnny Carson in the early ’80s. I wish I could find it on YouTube or even in text, but no luck. It went something like this:
JC: (to Ed McMahon) You remember last week when we talked about whether a tree that falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… does it make a sound?
Ed: I do. And I said it did make a sound.
JC; Yes, you did. Well…. You were wrong!
Ed: Really? Says who?
JC: I have a letter here from Dr. X, a professor of physics at Cal Tech. He writes:

“I wanted to let you know that it is accepted physics that when a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, that it does NOT make a sound.
More importantly, the tree does not actually need to fall before this question must be faced. According to the theory of Quantum Mechanics, it is believed that the tree does not actually EXIST until someone SEES IT!”
(slaps the letter onto to the desk). There you have it — from an expert!

Andrew N

Two Plus Two = Five for large values of Two

Janice Moore

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JDSEANJD!
Yes, #10 was good. I’d change the “banker” to a “windmill promoter,” though.
Jokes and…..
a song!
“Happy Birthday to You” by Sonny Vande Putte

Hope your special day is lovely. Hope you are feeling strong and full of hope and that this is one of your “good days.” I pray for you.
Your WUWT ally,
Janice

Hoser

One physicist tells his colleague, “We’ve determined the core temperature of the star gamma Draconis is 50 million degrees.” The other physicist replied, “Oh, really? Is that Kelvin or Celsius?”

Greg

Did you hear about the climate scientist that tried to model the climate using a binary model:
is CO2 a GHG : 1
do humans burn fossil fuels : 1
is it getting warmer : 1
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 1
Therefore temperatures are rising and we are the cause. If we all stop breathering temperatures will go back down again. We must act now.

rogerknights

megawati says:
June 1, 2013 at 3:38 pm
Reminds me of this old joke on the shortcomings of mathematics:
Problem: If a girl of 16 can go in the forest and pick 4 pounds of berries in 5 hours and a boy of 17 can pick 5 pounds in 6 hours, how many are they going to pick if they work together for 7 hours?
Answer: probably not very many.

Aron
rogerknights

John Garrett says: December 31, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Missing: 7,000 quintillion joules of heat energy
If located, call Kevin Trenberth.
Reward offered.
Lance says: October 20, 2011 at 3:40 am
As I step away from my computer I accelerate to 3 m/h in 1 second. Extrapolating from these “actual measurements” I will break the sound barrier in a little over 4 minutes.
I better button my pajamas.
Steve from rockwood says: November 7, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Symptom: faster fish.
Cause: too much research money.

rogerknights

TinyCO2 says: November 4, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Q. How do you tell the difference between a Climate Bot and an AGW believer?
A. The Bot won’t think a picture of a polar bear constitutes an argument (unless it’s really badly written).
B. The Bot doesn’t suffer from a persecution complex and won’t accuse you of being in the pay of Big Oil because it has run out of arguments.
C. The Bot doesn’t have to be embarrassed about its huge carbon footprint.
D. The Bot won’t turn up at your front door.
E. You’ve got the better chance of getting the Bot to see reason.
DN says: November 4, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Jeez, it’s not like you have to run a Turing test on this thing. The fact that it’s not responding in all capitals with misspelled ad hominem attacks should be a hint that you’re not arguing with a warmist.

There are 3 kinds of people; those who can count and those who can’t.
They say that memory is the second thing to go; I forget what the first one is.

Greg

Hoser says:
July 8, 2014 at 11:01 pm
One physicist tells his colleague, “We’ve determined the core temperature of the star gamma Draconis is 50 million degrees.” The other physicist replied, “Oh, really? Is that Kelvin or Celsius?”
=====
A physicist would know that it’s not kelvin because there are no “degrees kelvin”. He would also know not to use capitals when spelling kelvin and celsius.

> 20. Today, I saw a dwarf prisoner climbing down a wall.
> As he turned and sneered at me, I thought:
> “that’s a little condescending”.
I phoned 911 to report the prison escape in progress, but cellphone service was out due to a power failure, and he escaped. It turn’s out that he’s a psychic who knows about events ahead of time, and had timed his escape accordingly. This evening, the TV news reported the story as “Small Medium at Large”.

Jeff

A bunch of Hydronium ions in a weakly dissociated solution pour into the bar (after all, it IS a WET bar).
Flowing up to the bar, one of the positively-charged triple Hydrogen groupings says to the bartender, “Among us three, we seem to be missing a suborbital electron.”
Bartender asks, “Are you sure?”
They answer back, “No, we’re uncertain.”

My dad told me the “no double positives that make a negative” story about 20 years ago and said he had heard it as a real incident, but the counter example wasn’t “yeah right,” it was a dismissive “yeah yeah.”

asybot

PLEEEEAAASE, Greg. And BTW everyone thanks for the laughs.

Larry Fields

Two small circles are connected by 7 parallel line segments. The circles represent atoms, not necessarily oxygen. Each line segment represents a shared pair of electrons. The whole picture represents an unusual kind of chemical bond.
Q: What do you call it?
A: It’s a James Bond.

Shytot

Q.Why do engineers get confused between Halloween and Christmas Day?
A. Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC

Paul Coppin

“Janice Moore says:
July 8, 2014 at 9:52 pm
I don’t get:
#9 and #18 (the cat in trunk part).
Anyone? Anyone?”
Rummage through a few back episodes of Big Bang Theory – “the cat’s alive, let’s go to dinner”.

Lance Wallace

The “yeah, yeah” story is also told in a very witty and charming novel by David Carkeet, himself a linguist. He wrote a trilogy about a main character who is also a linguist. The first book of the trilogy was a detective story titled “Double Negative,” which may be (but I wouldn’t swear to it) the book where the story appears.

Aron

There are two kinds of people. Those that can extrapolate from missing information.

One I had to look up:
What’s an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

Martin A

What is the chemical formula for dog piss?
K₉P

Rational Db8

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.

Charlie

A chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer are driving along in their car when it breaks down. “Let’s check the fuel” says the chemical engineer. “Let’s check the ignition circuit” says the electrical engineer. But the computer engineer says:”Let’s get out and get back in again.”

HAHA – these are wonderful! I’ve bookmarked the page.

Father Dougal McGuire

Al Gore.

Kelvin Vaughan

Greg says:
July 8, 2014 at 11:02 pm
Did you hear about the climate scientist that tried to model the climate using a binary model:
is CO2 a GHG : 1
do humans burn fossil fuels : 1
is it getting warmer : 1
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 1
Therefore temperatures are rising and we are the cause. If we all stop breathering temperatures will go back down again. We must act now.
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 11 it’s worse than we thought!

steveta_uk

Museum Guide: This dinosaur skeleton has been dated by scientists, and they found that it was 85 million and 6 years old!
Boy: 85 million and 6? How can they date anything that accurately?
Guide: I’ve no idea – I just know that when I started here is was 85 million years old, and that was siz years ago.

pat

let me wipe those smiles from your faces!
8 July: Breitbart: M.E. Synon: Revealed: EU Hands Out Multi-Millions to the BBC and Green Lobby
Figures are just out disclosing the millions of taxpayers’ money the European Union paid in 2013 to unelected, unaccountable non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and other special interest groups, especially to the “global warming” lobby.
One of the most disturbing figures is the amount the EU paid the BBC — €6,100,987 (£4,854,039) a sum in addition to the €24.4m (£19.4) in grants the EU paid the BBC between 2007-2012.
Grants to the green anti-industrial lobby included multi-millions to Friends of the Earth €4,188,230 (£3,332,220), WWF €5,344,641 (£4,252,279) and the RSPB €3,802,544 (£3,024,327).
More, the European Commission has taken taxpayers’ money from across the EU member states to subsidise United Nations institutions to the tune of nearly €140 million (£111m), despite UN staff indulging ““in corruption, waste and abuse that carries no real penalty,” according to Claudia Rosett, UN expert at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, a Washington public policy institute…
The multi-millions in hand-outs have come to light because of the sharp-eyed research of EU historian and blogger Dr Richard North, who says “the database is a goldmine of information…once again it brings to light the huge amount of taxpayer funding going to unaccountable NGOs, and especially (but not exclusively) climate change advocacy groups.”
He calls particular attention to a new entrant on the listing, an organisation which has not received money from the European Commission before, the World Resources Institute (WRI), which has been given €1,500,000 (£1,192,527) for “designing the 2015 global climate change agreement.”…
Dr North’s research follows the WRI, an American organisation, through its establishment in Delaware, the state most favoured by corporations for its light taxes, to its lobbying in Washington, and through its vast international funding from government institutions across Europe, including $2,041,246 (£1,192,291) from Britain’s aid ministry, the Department for International Development.
His research goes on through a list of the WRI’s top 43 donors, including governments, corporates, charities and NGOS. Altogether these contribute $43,688,366 (£2,738,474), amounting to 85 per cent of the WRI’s 2013 revenue – yet the WRI is a private US charity…
http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/07/08/EU-hands-out-multi-millions-to-the-BBC-global-warming-propagandists-and-the-UN