People send me stuff. This list of 20 intelligent jokes with a smattering of science and engineering jokes is worth sharing.
Some won’t get all of them, for example, I have no idea what #1 is about…the rest, are just entertaining.
People send me stuff. This list of 20 intelligent jokes with a smattering of science and engineering jokes is worth sharing.
Some won’t get all of them, for example, I have no idea what #1 is about…the rest, are just entertaining.
Did you hear about the climate scientist that tried to model the climate using a binary model:
is CO2 a GHG : 1
do humans burn fossil fuels : 1
is it getting warmer : 1
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 1
Therefore temperatures are rising and we are the cause. If we all stop breathering temperatures will go back down again. We must act now.
More:
http://mashable.com/2014/06/23/intellectual-jokes/
There are 3 kinds of people; those who can count and those who can’t.
They say that memory is the second thing to go; I forget what the first one is.
Hoser says:
July 8, 2014 at 11:01 pm
One physicist tells his colleague, “We’ve determined the core temperature of the star gamma Draconis is 50 million degrees.” The other physicist replied, “Oh, really? Is that Kelvin or Celsius?”
=====
A physicist would know that it’s not kelvin because there are no “degrees kelvin”. He would also know not to use capitals when spelling kelvin and celsius.
> 20. Today, I saw a dwarf prisoner climbing down a wall.
> As he turned and sneered at me, I thought:
> “that’s a little condescending”.
I phoned 911 to report the prison escape in progress, but cellphone service was out due to a power failure, and he escaped. It turn’s out that he’s a psychic who knows about events ahead of time, and had timed his escape accordingly. This evening, the TV news reported the story as “Small Medium at Large”.
A bunch of Hydronium ions in a weakly dissociated solution pour into the bar (after all, it IS a WET bar).
Flowing up to the bar, one of the positively-charged triple Hydrogen groupings says to the bartender, “Among us three, we seem to be missing a suborbital electron.”
Bartender asks, “Are you sure?”
They answer back, “No, we’re uncertain.”
My dad told me the “no double positives that make a negative” story about 20 years ago and said he had heard it as a real incident, but the counter example wasn’t “yeah right,” it was a dismissive “yeah yeah.”
PLEEEEAAASE, Greg. And BTW everyone thanks for the laughs.
Two small circles are connected by 7 parallel line segments. The circles represent atoms, not necessarily oxygen. Each line segment represents a shared pair of electrons. The whole picture represents an unusual kind of chemical bond.
Q: What do you call it?
A: It’s a James Bond.
Q.Why do engineers get confused between Halloween and Christmas Day?
A. Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
“Janice Moore says:
July 8, 2014 at 9:52 pm
I don’t get:
#9 and #18 (the cat in trunk part).
Anyone? Anyone?”
Rummage through a few back episodes of Big Bang Theory – “the cat’s alive, let’s go to dinner”.
The “yeah, yeah” story is also told in a very witty and charming novel by David Carkeet, himself a linguist. He wrote a trilogy about a main character who is also a linguist. The first book of the trilogy was a detective story titled “Double Negative,” which may be (but I wouldn’t swear to it) the book where the story appears.
There are two kinds of people. Those that can extrapolate from missing information.
One I had to look up:
What’s an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
What is the chemical formula for dog piss?
K₉P
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
A chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer are driving along in their car when it breaks down. “Let’s check the fuel” says the chemical engineer. “Let’s check the ignition circuit” says the electrical engineer. But the computer engineer says:”Let’s get out and get back in again.”
HAHA – these are wonderful! I’ve bookmarked the page.
Al Gore.
Greg says:
July 8, 2014 at 11:02 pm
Did you hear about the climate scientist that tried to model the climate using a binary model:
is CO2 a GHG : 1
do humans burn fossil fuels : 1
is it getting warmer : 1
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 1
Therefore temperatures are rising and we are the cause. If we all stop breathering temperatures will go back down again. We must act now.
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 11 it’s worse than we thought!
Museum Guide: This dinosaur skeleton has been dated by scientists, and they found that it was 85 million and 6 years old!
Boy: 85 million and 6? How can they date anything that accurately?
Guide: I’ve no idea – I just know that when I started here is was 85 million years old, and that was siz years ago.
let me wipe those smiles from your faces!
8 July: Breitbart: M.E. Synon: Revealed: EU Hands Out Multi-Millions to the BBC and Green Lobby
Figures are just out disclosing the millions of taxpayers’ money the European Union paid in 2013 to unelected, unaccountable non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and other special interest groups, especially to the “global warming” lobby.
One of the most disturbing figures is the amount the EU paid the BBC — €6,100,987 (£4,854,039) a sum in addition to the €24.4m (£19.4) in grants the EU paid the BBC between 2007-2012.
Grants to the green anti-industrial lobby included multi-millions to Friends of the Earth €4,188,230 (£3,332,220), WWF €5,344,641 (£4,252,279) and the RSPB €3,802,544 (£3,024,327).
More, the European Commission has taken taxpayers’ money from across the EU member states to subsidise United Nations institutions to the tune of nearly €140 million (£111m), despite UN staff indulging ““in corruption, waste and abuse that carries no real penalty,” according to Claudia Rosett, UN expert at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, a Washington public policy institute…
The multi-millions in hand-outs have come to light because of the sharp-eyed research of EU historian and blogger Dr Richard North, who says “the database is a goldmine of information…once again it brings to light the huge amount of taxpayer funding going to unaccountable NGOs, and especially (but not exclusively) climate change advocacy groups.”
He calls particular attention to a new entrant on the listing, an organisation which has not received money from the European Commission before, the World Resources Institute (WRI), which has been given €1,500,000 (£1,192,527) for “designing the 2015 global climate change agreement.”…
Dr North’s research follows the WRI, an American organisation, through its establishment in Delaware, the state most favoured by corporations for its light taxes, to its lobbying in Washington, and through its vast international funding from government institutions across Europe, including $2,041,246 (£1,192,291) from Britain’s aid ministry, the Department for International Development.
His research goes on through a list of the WRI’s top 43 donors, including governments, corporates, charities and NGOS. Altogether these contribute $43,688,366 (£2,738,474), amounting to 85 per cent of the WRI’s 2013 revenue – yet the WRI is a private US charity…
http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/07/08/EU-hands-out-multi-millions-to-the-BBC-global-warming-propagandists-and-the-UN