People send me stuff. This list of 20 intelligent jokes with a smattering of science and engineering jokes is worth sharing.
Some won’t get all of them, for example, I have no idea what #1 is about…the rest, are just entertaining.
People send me stuff. This list of 20 intelligent jokes with a smattering of science and engineering jokes is worth sharing.
Some won’t get all of them, for example, I have no idea what #1 is about…the rest, are just entertaining.
There are 3 kinds of people in this world — those who can count and those who can’t.
Q: What did the one neutron say to the other neutron?
A: You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if you tried.
A man walks into The Entropy Bar.
The waiter walks up and asks “May I take your order?”
Janice #9,
Why call it a bus stop when the bus so often doesn’t stop?
good joke in the final para***
9 July: UK Telegraph: Raziye Akkoc: Lord Lawson: BBC has banned me because of my climate change scepticism
Former chancellor accuses ‘Stalinist’ BBC of silencing debate about climate change after it bowed to complaints over his commments on Radio 4’s Today programme
Lord Lawson added: “However useful computer models may be, the one thing they cannot be is evidence. Computer climate models are simply conjectures.
“The fact is that, on this issue, the BBC has its own party line (indistinguishable form that of the Green Party) which it imposes with quasi-Stalinist thoroughness.”
However, Lord Lawson claimed “at no time has either the head of the Editorial Complaints Unit or anyone else from the BBC sought to get in touch with me about this”…
***Although Lord Lawson said he did not support the ban on non-scientists discussing climate change issues, he argued it should be “even-handed”.
“They should also ban non-scientists such as Energy Secretary Ed Davey, Ed Miliband, Lord Deben (chairman of the Government’s Climate Advisory Committee), Lord Stern (former adviser to the Government on the Economics of Climate Change and Development) and all the others who are regularly invited to appear,” he wrote.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/environment/climatechange/10955605/Lord-Lawson-BBC-has-banned-me-because-of-my-climate-change-scepticism.html
What were the headlines after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail?
Small medium at large.
An engineer, a systems analyst and a salesman are driving along when they get a blow out. The engineer says he’ll get the jack and change the wheel; the analyst suggests they change each one in turn until they find the flat; but the salesman gets the car manual out. What are you doing say they engineer and the analyst? I’m checking the sales docs as I think this must be a feature.
BTW: Child’s joke: How does Batman get called to the table by his mum: “Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman!”
Five Swiss in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
A customs agent stops them and says, “I’m sorry, but it’s illegal to put five people in a Quattro.
One of you will have to get out.”
“What do you mean, illegal?” asks the driver.
“Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official. “Not five.”
“But Quattro is the name of the car,” the stunned driver replies, “not its seating capacity.
Have a look at the papers. It IS designed to carry five persons.”
“You can’t pull that one on me,” replies the customs agent. “Quattro means four. You have five in your car, and you are therefore breaking the law. Either one person gets out or I’ll have to arrest you.”
The driver begins losing his temper. “You idiot! Call your supervisor;
we want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”
“I’m sorry,” responds the Italian, “he can’t come. He’s busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno.”
An amoeba named Joe and his brother
Were drinking a toast to each other.
In the midst of their quaffing
They split themselves laughing,
And now each of them is a mother.
–William Cadiz Schmidt, 1958
You guys kill me!!!! You really do. What great talent! Never get anything like this from the Greenalists, to busy talking doom & gloom all over the place!!!!
You can’t trust atoms…they make up everything.
A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: “Is that stool taken?”
A young engineering dude is hiking in the forest, stops to take a rest and hears a little voice, “I’m really a young beautiful medieval princess trapped for hundreds of years by an evil spell. If you kiss me the spell will be released.” The engineer looks around and only sees a toad so he picks it up and it says, “Finally! Someone noticed me! Thank you so so very much! Now all you have to do is kiss me to release the spell and I’ll return to being a princess and I promise that you won’t be disappointed if you know what I mean.” The toad winks at him.
The engineer puts the toad in his shirt pocket. The toad shouts out from the pocket, “Didn’t you understand? Please just kiss me, I’ll be indebted to you forever!” The engineer replies, “Yes yes, I totally understood you and considered your offer but .. having a toad that talks and winks is really cool.”
The barman says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.”
A tachyon enters a bar.
For the mathematicians:
How do you get a polar bear?
You transform a Cartesian bear!
Two cats are sitting on a roof. Which one slips off?
The one with the smaller mu.
Three logicians walk into a bar:
The bartender asks, “would all three of you like some beer?”
The first one replies,”I don’t know”
The second one replies, “I don’t know either”
The third replies, “Yes all three of us would like a beer”
One for all our Green friends. They’ll hate it!
A baby seal walks into a club …
Statistics means never having to say you’re certain.
The midget spy from Prague was being chased down the street by the K.G.B. He went into a bank and asked “Can you cache a small Czech?”
Number 1 is clear enough – but it should be 24 Sodium atoms.
All together now –
Na Na Na Na,
Na Na Na Na.
Na Na Na Na,
Na Na Na Na.
Na Na Na Na,
Na Na Na Na.
BATMAN !
Question: What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?
Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.
My guess on 1):
Data. Data, Data. Data, Data. Data, Data. Data, Data. Data, Data. Data, Data. Data, Data. Data, BATMAN
Theme from TV show. But why a sodium atom would equate to “Data” eludes
Some of these were great! Thanks!
Bill
Janice #9
Helps to know that what the cop actually said was “do you know you have a dead cat in this trunk?”
Do you have empirical evidence for this? Because I think that I can easily falsify this statement…;-)
degree sign, mostly because if one wrote lower case k it would be easy to confuse with kilo or Boltzmann’s constant or the electric constant or… gosh, physics overloads so very many symbols so very many times:-)
There are the rules. Then there are the rules that people (including physicists) actually know. Then there are the rules that people (including physicists) both know and care about or bother to follow, especially when trying to describe the equivalence of degree size in Celsius and Kelvin scales to undergraduates. Then there are the picky aspects of the rules — when speaking of Kelvin (the man) we must use a capital, but the unit itself should be written kelvin, except when abbreviating it when it is common/correct to write K without the
To put it another way, most physicists have probably not read this:
http://physics.nist.gov/Pubs/SP811/sec09.html
and the only time they really worry about it is when a journal editor gets on their case for not following the convention in a submitted paper.
So what you mean is that physicists “should” know and follow the conventions, and no doubt some do, some of the time:-)
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