Friday Funny: Experts Warn We Have Only 12 Years Left Until They Change The Timeline On Global Warming Again

WORLD—Climate experts have solemnly warned that we only have twelve years left until they change the dates on global warming again.

“If we don’t take action, then in 12 years we will have to explain why the world hasn’t ended and come up with a new number,” one UN scientist warned. “This is a very serious threat, and we urge everyone to hand control of the economy to the government immediately before we have no more time left to change the timeline again.”

The scientific consensus is that roughly 10-12 years from now, the world will be flooded with new doomsday predictions. This can all be avoided if we overhaul the economy and become socialists, according to non-political, unbiased sciencey type guys.

“Should we not change our ways, our old predictions will melt, dangerously raising the chance of us having to move the goalposts again,” said Al Gore. “Do you really want me to write another book, film another movie, and go on another tour in my private jet just because you dingbats couldn’t be bothered to alter your lifestyles? I don’t think so. Let’s all get on board with this 12-year figure, or we’ll have to push back the date again.”

Hilarious full story here at the Babylon Bee

Lest you think I’m joking, look what the U.N. said in 1989: (bold mine)

U.N. Predicts Disaster if Global Warming Not Checked
PETER JAMES SPIELMANN June 30, 1989

UNITED NATIONS (AP) _ A senior U.N. environmental official says entire nations could be wiped off the face of the Earth by rising sea levels if the global warming trend is not reversed by the year 2000. 

Coastal flooding and crop failures would create an exodus of ″eco- refugees,′ ′ threatening political chaos, said Noel Brown, director of the New York office of the U.N. Environment Program, or UNEP. 

He said governments have a 10-year window of opportunity to solve the greenhouse effect before it goes beyond human control

Full story here: 30 Year Anniversary of the UN 1989 “10 years to save the world” Climate Warning

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August 2, 2019 9:59 am

I doubt that these climate slimeballs will take credit for cooler weather, although I hope that the more idiotic amongst them will.

AGW is not Science
August 2, 2019 10:21 am

My favorite Babylon Bee piece, though I was disappointed there wasn’t more than the headline – “Nation Torn Between Watching Democratic Debates, Sticking Face In Blender”

This whole continual “moving of the goal posts” is why the Dumbocrats keep trying to get younger people the right to vote – because they figure they’ll be too young to remember all the lies told about this bullshit story previously.

Gary McCollom
August 2, 2019 10:38 am

Pole reversals have happened in as short as 100 years but the majority take thousands of years to complete.

Some researchers in Switzerland just finished a study on 5 major volcanic eruptions in the 1800’s. They are speculating that the earths climate experienced a ‘gear shift’ at this point in time.

Which could very well be the mechanism, or one of them, that starts the pole reversal process.

If thats the case then we somewhere between 1000 and 2000 years into the process of a pole reversal. Look at how fast the magnetic pole is moving atm, 50 kms a year when NASA’s own information page on it says it moves meters a day up to 10 km a year.

The earth has not seen a pole reversal in over 780 000 years, we are overdue for one as they usually occur every 200 000 years.

” The results seem to support the existence of an information flow between SAA and GSL anomalies, with larger information transferred from SAA to GSL and a confidence level about 90%. The found connection does not mean that the geomagnetic field is fully responsible of the climate changes, rather that it is an important driving component to the variations of the climate. This result is especially relevant because could help to find a physical mechanism able to explain this connection by discarding those in which the climate controls the geomagnetic field and supporting the mechanisms associated to the geomagnetic field.”

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0207270#sec005

road rage
August 2, 2019 6:08 pm

I see two positives in this craziness.
People we know that believe this stuff we can now put on the loco list and avoid them. There is a great chance we will be spared other acts of insanity from them in the future.
Every time these predictions fail a few more of those people will fall off the crazy bus. Maybe by 2040 or so they will all disappear.

August 2, 2019 6:09 pm

They might be using the doomsday clock, which has been stuck at a few minutes to midnight for the last 50 years.

August 2, 2019 6:14 pm

Man goes to doctor.

Doc says “Bad news. You’ve only got 6 months to live.”

Man: “That’s terrible. And all my assets are tied up for the next year, I can’t settle my affairs or even pay your bill.”

Doc: (after a moment of thought)”Tell you what. I’ll give you another 6 months.”

nw sage
August 2, 2019 6:58 pm

The 12 year doomsayers are under the false impression that if “scientists” say something is true, then it must come to pass. Remember the press declared OJ Simpson guilty just before the end of his trial and they STILL believe he was guilty. Same thing with the press blindly believing the scientists and printing their claims. It seems that one of the maxims of the national press is that they can never be wrong – and the more important the issue is the more they are always right.
This 12 year kerfuffle is exactly that!

Reply to  nw sage
August 3, 2019 12:39 pm

Uh…OJ was found not guilty.
This says nothing about whether he did it.
If you think he did not do it, I am curious as to why you think that?

Andy
August 3, 2019 11:30 am

Time to give it up Anthony. The climate crisis is real. Why not use your talents for good instead of evil and join the global effort to save civilization?
https://www.carbonbrief.org/climate-change-made-europes-2019-record-heatwave-up-to-hundred-times-more-likely

Reply to  Andy
August 3, 2019 12:22 pm

The problem for you death cult doomsday monger and scientifically illiterate socialist agitators is that people with a brain and some information are not think buying the fake temperature BS, either regarding fake new temperature measurements or the nonsensical and phony comparison to altered historical records.

IOW…it is you climate liars and bedwetting fools that had best get around giving it up, and sooner would be better than later.

Do not say no one warned you.

Road Rage
Reply to  Andy
August 4, 2019 6:02 pm

I read your article. These people who believe this myth will find data to support it wherever they can. Reminds me of the believers in the eminent second coming of Christ. They find their proof in passages of the Bible. I am not denigrating Christianity, it is filled with good people. But I can’t help remembering that the reestablishment of Israel as a nation in 1947 was a sure sign of the second coming of Jesus.

So Andy I am sure you can find 100 weather changes per day that support your 1st Coming of the Climate Change Disaster Christ.

August 3, 2019 11:51 am

“He said governments have a 10-year window of opportunity to solve the greenhouse effect before it goes beyond human control. ”
This is the key sentence to focus on.
In it, the author of this nonsense give a unvarnished look at what they think: Humans are in control of the weather on the Earth.
In 1989.
And not just any humans, but politicians and the jackass fake scientists they hire as shills.

I will just plainly state the truth here:
Anyone who thinks people are in control of the weather or the climate of our planet, are nor just highly delusional, but psychotic lunatics.
Except for the ones who are big fat liars and/or incredibly stupid.

Amber
August 5, 2019 8:53 pm

Failed climate models of doom
Failed prophesy’s of catastrophic global warming
Failed media = 10’s of thousands of fuel poverty deaths each year .
Well done Climate con artists . The price of virtue signaling and fleecing of tax payers .