Friday Funny: Experts Warn We Have Only 12 Years Left Until They Change The Timeline On Global Warming Again

WORLD—Climate experts have solemnly warned that we only have twelve years left until they change the dates on global warming again.

“If we don’t take action, then in 12 years we will have to explain why the world hasn’t ended and come up with a new number,” one UN scientist warned. “This is a very serious threat, and we urge everyone to hand control of the economy to the government immediately before we have no more time left to change the timeline again.”

The scientific consensus is that roughly 10-12 years from now, the world will be flooded with new doomsday predictions. This can all be avoided if we overhaul the economy and become socialists, according to non-political, unbiased sciencey type guys.

“Should we not change our ways, our old predictions will melt, dangerously raising the chance of us having to move the goalposts again,” said Al Gore. “Do you really want me to write another book, film another movie, and go on another tour in my private jet just because you dingbats couldn’t be bothered to alter your lifestyles? I don’t think so. Let’s all get on board with this 12-year figure, or we’ll have to push back the date again.”

Hilarious full story here at the Babylon Bee

Lest you think I’m joking, look what the U.N. said in 1989: (bold mine)

U.N. Predicts Disaster if Global Warming Not Checked
PETER JAMES SPIELMANN June 30, 1989

UNITED NATIONS (AP) _ A senior U.N. environmental official says entire nations could be wiped off the face of the Earth by rising sea levels if the global warming trend is not reversed by the year 2000. 

Coastal flooding and crop failures would create an exodus of ″eco- refugees,′ ′ threatening political chaos, said Noel Brown, director of the New York office of the U.N. Environment Program, or UNEP. 

He said governments have a 10-year window of opportunity to solve the greenhouse effect before it goes beyond human control

Full story here: 30 Year Anniversary of the UN 1989 “10 years to save the world” Climate Warning

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87 thoughts on “Friday Funny: Experts Warn We Have Only 12 Years Left Until They Change The Timeline On Global Warming Again

    • I think this matter should be addresed to the Minister of Silly Walks with a strong letter to follow.

    • Does this mean I have to live 12 more years to see the beginning of the end? I’m 72 and I really want to see how this turns out [among other things], so stop moving the timeline!

      • Clearly, Global Warming/Heating haws all but wiped common sense and healthy skepticism from the minds of a significant fraction of the human population so it must be happening.

      • You young whippersnappers are always in a rush and it’s all about you and here and now. Patience as Greta hasn’t completed the requisite proficiency with her sailing lessons yet.

      • Bill Capron

        Keep going mate, there are lots of laughs to be had from the catastrophic proclamations of the alarmists before you and I fall off our perches. I’m only 10 years behind you so, all things being equal, I’ll catch up with you at the pearly gates and fill you in on the latest giggles.

      • Move the timeline closer to the present, much closer. Kill that hype, the sooner the better.

    • State of Fear, by Michael Crichton, explains it all. Although a novel, he takes on the Al Gore’s with a vengeance.

  1. He said governments have a 10-year window of opportunity to solve the greenhouse effect before it goes beyond human control.

    And there you have it folks – the real reason. They want the power of God to control the weather and to command the storm “Peace, Be Still”.

      • “Climate experts have solemnly warned”
        “one UN scientist warned…”

        Not one so-called skeptic chose to check this? Try googling it. If anyone can name this “UN expert, climate scientist” let us know.

        Quote from Babylon Bee homepage
        “Fake news you can trust, delivered straight to your inbox”
        Uh huh.

        • And just like that, Loydo discovered that parody was a thing!

          Gosh, Loydo, just think what wonders are in store as you progress to 5th grade when you grow up.

        • So, you lead by example and call out the nonsense for what it is when the alarmists insist that the scaremongering is an essential part of ”getting the message out there to the masses. Every news bulletin across the globe broadcasts this rubbish, to appeal to the gullible and the uneducated, with one simple purpose, to scare the bejaysus out of them. Remaining silent, knowing it is nonsense, is as good as supporting it.

  2. As the Bee says it’s all about political power, it has nothing to do with climate. Watermelons: Green on the outside, Red on the inside.

      • So, if the coastal areas are going to be devastated by rising sea levels then why aren’t the insurance rates in those areas rising? Actually, why are they insuring those areas at all if they will supposedly disappear soon?

        And why do wealthy leftists keep building expensive homes on those ‘doomed’ coasts?

        • Insurance companies work on short timescales regarding individual policies.
          But lenders do not.
          So the question is better asked in regard to people with large sums of money with a long payback horizon.
          There are many that fit this profile, and none are doing anything more than talking, except for the ones that are also wasting money on so-called solutions that do nothing to reduce that which they say is causing the end of the world.
          Like for example a government that is spending trillions building wind turbines and solar farms while also increasing usage of brown coal, among other similar inanities, the net effect of which have been to waste a mountain of taxpayer money, cause little or no net reduction of CO2 production, while also wasting vast amounts of resources, materials, manpower, and land, causing massive long term environmental degradation including the death of wildlife, and doing it all while raising prices for power and hence for everything, all of which has thrown a massive and possibly permanent monkey wrench into their economic development.

  3. The green blob has been predicting imminent doom since I was in grade school, and CAGW is just the latest phenomenon that is supposed to kill us all.

  4. So we only had till 1999 before CAGW was outside human control?

    No point worrying about it now, then.

    • Once I understood who was pushing the warmist agenda I stopped worrying about the climate immediately. The ONLY thing I worry about now is that our “leaders“ might actually go through with their promise to legislate us all into poverty. I’d like to think they’re just patronizing Greta and her ilk, but I’m not convinced yet.

      • I concur.
        When stupidity is diffuse and avoidable it is merely amusing.
        When stupidity begins to accumulate and is harder to avoid it becomes annoying.
        When stupidity reaches critical mass it becomes outright dangerous to itself and others.

        “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” G. Carlin

    • Increasingly, that’s the response rational people are giving. A talk radio guy said if we only have 12 years left, let’s just spend the money for a giant party and stop worrying so much. That’s my response. You KNOW we’re going to fail and a new date will come out in 12 years. So party and don’t worry!

      • I’m starting to suspect that’s exactly what’s going on at the Italian resort Google gathering.

        “Alessandro, open another 10 pallets of Clos de Mesnil, the climate is killing us out here!”

    • Oh, you poor unenlightened one!
      Don’t you know of the catastrophic event that happened in 1999!
      I do.
      I watched it in the chapter of Earth’s Historical Records entitled “Space: 1999”.
      (Imagine, to be rescued from Gilligan’s Island only to have to witness that!)

  5. But but but … Big Ears said that we have only 18 months left so the goalpost will move again way before Al’s prediction.

    With climate scammers, April Fool’s Day is each every day of the year.

  6. I posted this on FB, might as well do so here too.

    The most entertaining aspect of this is that past predictions that failed so badly (e.g. Hansen’s 350 ppm limit) led to people making predictions with much longer timeframes (e.g. by 2100 all the …) so they couldn’t be proven wrong in our lifetimes.

    I guess that just didn’t resonate well enough, so here we are with the prediction pendulum swung back to “it’s worse than we thought.” It looks like we’ll be here until the Presidential primaries are complete.

    • Thanks to your comment I just had a lightbulb moment: there is absolutely no difference between this approach and the one taken by cult-based doomsday prophets. “Dear believers, sorry the (apocalyptic event of your choice) didn’t happen, but it was only because my calculations were wrong. It will happen in (fill in number of your choice) years.” A tactic as old as prophecy itself.

      I’ll say that again: CULT-based.

      • The leaders of doomsday cults are known to rationalize mass suicide (or murder) so that their followers never know how wrong they were. The direction the left wants to push the world is unambiguously towards economic suicide and it’s this we must be wary of since partisan politics has already elevated the fake threat of a climate catastrophe far above the real existential threat of economic suicide.

        • Cults are a stupid bunch. In the late 70’s a group of cultists predicted that very soon the US and the Soviet Union were going to have an all out nuclear war, and the cult leader organized a mass suicide, which they went on to do. The war never started, and all those people committed suicide for nothing.

          • Not for nothing at all! Those people gave an excellent real-world demonstration of natural selection.

  7. Don’t worry. I heard it through the grapevine that we have 19 years, 7 months, and 7 days left before we hit the tipping point. So get prepared…

      • No, the “tipping point” will be when “big climate” scientists are no longer paid from the public purse, but instead have to rely on tips from casual readers.
        Can’t wait for THAT day.

      • The tipping point occurred with the inception of the IPCC and UNFCCC, where the arbiter of science tipped from being the scientific method to being a political narrative whose goal was to redistribute wealth by destroying the ability of the developed world to prosper.

  8. Ehrlich had it doqwn for mass starvation doom gloom etc for the 80s
    epic fail
    and still…they keep doing the wash rinse repeat schtick

  9. If we’re being exactly precise:
    If we don’t take drastic action now, something horrible will happen a hundred years from now.

    A hundred years from now, the guilty will have all gone to their eternal rest. That makes their hypothesis, for practical purposes, unfalsifiable. OK then, if it isn’t falsifiable, it isn’t science.

    • It also makes it a I don’t give a rats issue because it’s a bogey man scary story you tell children and idiots.

    • My 16-year-old son gets this. He said, “What they are doing is no longer science. They obviously have some agenda that has nothing to do with science.”

      But then, he doesn’t take every Friday off for the sake of the climate. Maybe that’s why he’s maintaining a 98.5% average. Heads up, social justice warriors: he’ll be one of the people paying for your dole handouts. Put down the bong and show some respect please.

      • Your 16 year old son wouldn’t like to meet 16 year old Greta and talk some sense into her?

        tonyb

        • Oh, he’d love to. So would a lot of his friends who are going to end up in the sciences. What seems unlikely is her having the courage to meet them, or indeed anyone who doesn’t already believe exactly the same mountain of crap she does.

  10. I reckon they just keep forgetting to start their countdown clocks.
    So the 10 or 12 year window remains fixed.
    Not very persuasive.
    Especially when we’re told to start moving to higher ground.
    Move now so some future generation will have somewhere to live?
    Yeah sure. You go first. 🙂

    • I think there is a business opportunity here for someone with a brokers license; an agency that buys up all these “distressed” waterfront properties at pennies on the dollar from these scientists and activists and sells to skeptics too ignorant to understand that at some point in time the land will be underwater (or possibly miles inland).

      What! No one has yet offered to sell??!

      “Predictions are difficult, especially about the future.”

    • “You go first” – you mean like e.g. Harrison Ford, Albert Gore, David Suzuki, Leonardo DiCaprio, and James Cameron? Definitely; every day I’m reminded of how much I’d enjoy following the excellent example they’re setting. 😉

      “Conchita, open another case of Prosecco, the climate is killing me here!”

        • “Respected”? Well, for Gore and Suzuki it’s obvious: Suzuki has been running a multimillion dollar environmental NGO for decades, and near the beginning of his career as an environmental journalist he publicly compared human beings to maggots. Pretty sure there’s a YouTube video of him saying exactly this to a group of slack-jawed hippies.

          Goreacle wanted to be POTUS and failed, and started casting around for something that would give him similar power. He found out about James Hansen and the rest is history. Now he wants to punish us all for not electing him.

          Almost everyone in Hollywood is on the hard left, because getting stinking rich for providing nothing of genuine worth sometimes makes people feel guilty, especially when they’re indulging in sexual degeneracy and drug abuse as well. Being not exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer, they also believe it when their fans treat them like geniuses and demigods. So: save the earth from the depredations of… well, who exactly? Those same fans who worship the ground they walk on. Screw you, you pitiful bourgeois knuckle-dragger, I’ve got mine.

          Hopefully we’re on the same page now. If this seems a bit harsh, believe me when I say I could never express my loathing using the written word. I hate their stinking guts.

        • Who respects them, and for what?
          None of those people have any credibility or training in the subject at hand.
          Two are actors with some decent performances over the years, which is not exactly something that needs to be respected.
          The talent to make a boatload of money while playing make believe garners zero respect from me.
          James Cameron, a director who is one of the biggest egotists in Hollywood similarly is not in an business that commands what I would call respect, although certainly the ability to make numerous money making and entertaining films is something he can be proud of.
          Suzuki is a know-nothing hack.
          As is Al Gore.
          Both have a singular ability to make a ton of money for themselves while being completely uneducated regarding the topic they pretend to have expertise in.
          All of this means something about these people, I am sure, but respectability is not how I would ever describe what they have.

    • They want everyone to move to higher ground because that will lower the cost of beachfront properties for them.

  11. I think it’s worse than they expected – I don’t think they’ll even wait a year before they change the timetable again.

    AOC already has.

  12. Your money AND your life.

    They really plan to enslave us. I have survived socialism, I don’t want to repeat that experience.

  13. Poor CBC riding on Vautard’s papers on the European heatwaves…
    ttps://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/europe-heat-wave-climate-change-1.4904410
    Vautard uses a 1950-2018 base… evacuating the 1947 and 1911 events. Well done trickster!

  14. Remember when there was an “Arctic death spiral”, all the ice melted, all the polar bears died, and cities were inundated with water?
    Me neither.

    • The Babylon Bee is a funny site, like The Onion. But they are often quite serious about their mocking.

      ~¿~

  15. we urge everyone to hand control of the economy to the government

    Yes, democracy is the problem for them.

  16. These folks are not as stupid as they appear. They have access to the same data as the rest of us — particularly the solar cycle data. They can see that there is a solar minimum around the corner. They insist that everyone does what they say in order to avoid disaster. When the solar minimum hits with cooler weather, they can take credit for having avoided baking the world.

  17. And in related news if people do not repent the world will end and all will be cast into the pit of Hell where Global Warming has taken an especially powerful foothold.

  18. Play the ‘Tipple Point’ drinking game!
    Don’t bother keeping score, just have another drink.

    Here is the handy Recent ‘Death Spirals’ Sorted By Date using Google News, it’s hilarious sometimes what hyperbolic panic spirals are claimed in the press. I have it as a bookmark and check it every day.

  19. “The scientific consensus is that roughly 10-12 years from now…”

    Ooooo! Some uncertainty and error bars. I’m suitably impressed with this new dooming.

  20. I doubt that these climate slimeballs will take credit for cooler weather, although I hope that the more idiotic amongst them will.

  21. My favorite Babylon Bee piece, though I was disappointed there wasn’t more than the headline – “Nation Torn Between Watching Democratic Debates, Sticking Face In Blender”

    This whole continual “moving of the goal posts” is why the Dumbocrats keep trying to get younger people the right to vote – because they figure they’ll be too young to remember all the lies told about this bullshit story previously.

  22. Pole reversals have happened in as short as 100 years but the majority take thousands of years to complete.

    Some researchers in Switzerland just finished a study on 5 major volcanic eruptions in the 1800’s. They are speculating that the earths climate experienced a ‘gear shift’ at this point in time.

    Which could very well be the mechanism, or one of them, that starts the pole reversal process.

    If thats the case then we somewhere between 1000 and 2000 years into the process of a pole reversal. Look at how fast the magnetic pole is moving atm, 50 kms a year when NASA’s own information page on it says it moves meters a day up to 10 km a year.

    The earth has not seen a pole reversal in over 780 000 years, we are overdue for one as they usually occur every 200 000 years.

    ” The results seem to support the existence of an information flow between SAA and GSL anomalies, with larger information transferred from SAA to GSL and a confidence level about 90%. The found connection does not mean that the geomagnetic field is fully responsible of the climate changes, rather that it is an important driving component to the variations of the climate. This result is especially relevant because could help to find a physical mechanism able to explain this connection by discarding those in which the climate controls the geomagnetic field and supporting the mechanisms associated to the geomagnetic field.”

    https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0207270#sec005

  23. I see two positives in this craziness.
    People we know that believe this stuff we can now put on the loco list and avoid them. There is a great chance we will be spared other acts of insanity from them in the future.
    Every time these predictions fail a few more of those people will fall off the crazy bus. Maybe by 2040 or so they will all disappear.

  24. Man goes to doctor.

    Doc says “Bad news. You’ve only got 6 months to live.”

    Man: “That’s terrible. And all my assets are tied up for the next year, I can’t settle my affairs or even pay your bill.”

    Doc: (after a moment of thought)”Tell you what. I’ll give you another 6 months.”

  25. The 12 year doomsayers are under the false impression that if “scientists” say something is true, then it must come to pass. Remember the press declared OJ Simpson guilty just before the end of his trial and they STILL believe he was guilty. Same thing with the press blindly believing the scientists and printing their claims. It seems that one of the maxims of the national press is that they can never be wrong – and the more important the issue is the more they are always right.
    This 12 year kerfuffle is exactly that!

    • Uh…OJ was found not guilty.
      This says nothing about whether he did it.
      If you think he did not do it, I am curious as to why you think that?

    • The problem for you death cult doomsday monger and scientifically illiterate socialist agitators is that people with a brain and some information are not think buying the fake temperature BS, either regarding fake new temperature measurements or the nonsensical and phony comparison to altered historical records.

      IOW…it is you climate liars and bedwetting fools that had best get around giving it up, and sooner would be better than later.

      Do not say no one warned you.

    • I read your article. These people who believe this myth will find data to support it wherever they can. Reminds me of the believers in the eminent second coming of Christ. They find their proof in passages of the Bible. I am not denigrating Christianity, it is filled with good people. But I can’t help remembering that the reestablishment of Israel as a nation in 1947 was a sure sign of the second coming of Jesus.

      So Andy I am sure you can find 100 weather changes per day that support your 1st Coming of the Climate Change Disaster Christ.

  26. “He said governments have a 10-year window of opportunity to solve the greenhouse effect before it goes beyond human control. ”
    This is the key sentence to focus on.
    In it, the author of this nonsense give a unvarnished look at what they think: Humans are in control of the weather on the Earth.
    In 1989.
    And not just any humans, but politicians and the jackass fake scientists they hire as shills.

    I will just plainly state the truth here:
    Anyone who thinks people are in control of the weather or the climate of our planet, are nor just highly delusional, but psychotic lunatics.
    Except for the ones who are big fat liars and/or incredibly stupid.

  27. Failed climate models of doom
    Failed prophesy’s of catastrophic global warming
    Failed media = 10’s of thousands of fuel poverty deaths each year .
    Well done Climate con artists . The price of virtue signaling and fleecing of tax payers .

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