Friday Funny – @NRDC Now it’s toilet paper causing ‘climate change’

From the ‘climate change is the universal boogeyman’ department comes this ridiculous claim from the National Resources Defense Council (NRDC)

Now the left wants to tell us how to wipe, and people aren’t having it. Some of the responses are hilarious, others are in the vein of “WTF is wrong with you people?”. They’ve really stepped in it this time.

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Dr. Bob
July 19, 2019 12:51 pm

This is just a rehash of the Greenpeace hype about Kleenex about 10 years ago. https://www.greenpeace.org/usa/victories/kleercut-kimberly-clark-commits-to-end-deforestation/
One activist from GP told me that Kimberly Clark was cutting down 17,000 year old trees to make Kleenex and I should join GP to stop them. The number of errors in this statement alone would keep anyone from joining them. So NRDC is totally behind the time and can only come up with old hype to keep you scared and donating to their absurd cause.

Bryan A
Reply to  Dr. Bob
July 19, 2019 2:19 pm

Ayup
17000
Year old trees.
The year old trees have finer grains like Veal vs Beef

Curious George
Reply to  Dr. Bob
July 19, 2019 5:59 pm

NRDC: “One of America’s 100 Best Charities…. Even by environmentalist standards, this is a relentless group of lawyers and scientists.” —Worth magazine
Also a wholly owned subsidiary of the Democratic Party.

Are they already saving 50% of toilet paper?
https://wattsupwiththat.com/2019/07/19/friday-funny-nrdc-now-its-toilet-paper-causing-climate-change/#comment-2748695

July 19, 2019 12:58 pm

I don’t see the problem. When I was a kid an expired telephone directory was hanging in the toilet. Today they are gone and we use toilet paper instead.

Will this film sequence be banned?

Tom in Florida
Reply to  Gunnar Strandell
July 19, 2019 1:26 pm

The funniest scene in a very funny movie. Did someone say “birdie num num”?

birdynumnum
Reply to  Tom in Florida
July 19, 2019 4:04 pm

yes

Mark Fraser
July 19, 2019 1:22 pm

I like the Charmin commercial showing the bear family at the edge of the forest, looking at the “No Dumping” sign.

fretslider
July 19, 2019 1:24 pm

As the Pythons might say: I will fart in your general direction…

You silly NRDC things

SMS
July 19, 2019 1:43 pm

I’m thinking Sheryl Crow wrote this article. Reminds me of her “one square” of toilet paper meme.

Earthling2
July 19, 2019 1:49 pm

Toilet paper already is renewable, so what are they complaining about if they are advocating that everything be renewable? That old boreal forest that is no longer sucking up CO2 will now be replanted or it will regenerate itself naturally and will absorb far more ‘carbon’ than the old forest it replaced. If the old forest burnt, then that is just additional CO2 being liberated. We shouldn’t blame toilet paper for anything, jut like we shouldn’t blame wood pellets for anything either, the most of which are made with bark and sawdust from sawmill operations, or are grown as a crop on a dedicated planted woodlot on private lands. Whether that lumberman wants to sell his crop for toilet paper or for wood pellets, nobody should complain. There sure are a lot of whiners and complainers out there that don’t know squat about what they are talking about.

Bryan A
Reply to  Earthling2
July 19, 2019 2:22 pm

I know Squat…That’s what the Toilet Paper is for

And Bigfoot Hunters know Squatch

James
Reply to  Earthling2
July 20, 2019 9:29 am

A logged forest doesn’t burn. Lumber sequesters carbon in homes. A replanted forest absorbs carbon. Repeat every forty years.

William
July 19, 2019 1:49 pm

Greens have another solution to the toilet paper problem… simply hold your waste in. Bill DiBlasio has practiced this for years.

Walt D.
July 19, 2019 1:56 pm

They are just preparing us for when Socialists take over and we go the way of Venezuela.

Reminds me of Yacov Smirnoff’s coverage of the opening of McDonald’s in Moscow’.
After standing for over an hour to get his fast food, the person he interviewed said – “this is great -they even give you toilet paper! (Which shops had run out of.)

michael hart
Reply to  Walt D.
July 19, 2019 3:26 pm

Similar to my thoughts. Countries unable to supply toilet paper don’t really count as a country anymore.

(When I went trekking in Pakistan to K2 base-camp I took a copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses with me, but that’s another story.)

Dan J. Cody
July 19, 2019 1:59 pm

This is all turning into a big sh!# storm! The activists want to WIPE us out in order for us not to WIPE it out! They all want us to go paperless! Now the sh!# is really going to hit the fan!

I can’t think of anything else to say.I suffer from a condition known as C.R.S – Can’t Remember Sh!#

Bryan A
Reply to  Dan J. Cody
July 19, 2019 2:27 pm

Seems to me like you have your Sh!# well covered

Dan J. Cody
July 19, 2019 2:04 pm

You know what the 2 toughest jobs in the world are? Flushing ,N.Y. and Wheeling,West Virginia.

Beachbum
July 19, 2019 2:19 pm

Leaves of three make good TP!

July 19, 2019 2:19 pm

I believe it was François Rabelais who recommended using a goose’s neck for the task. I would advise binding the wings and duct-taping the beak though, they tend to get violently uncooperative when they realize what’s about to happen. I did consider using IPCC reports at one time, but I found them to be already impregnated with the substance I was desirous to remove.

ozspeaksup
Reply to  Right-Handed Shark
July 20, 2019 3:26 am

crying laughing…
you might manage to flush a duck…but a goose?
I have this mental image of a taped n tied goose on the loose in a VERY bad mood.
I may never recover

Robert W. Turner
July 19, 2019 2:31 pm

They fail to mention that they are mostly poplars that reach full maturity in 20-30 years. Not to mention that most of the trees harvested are from plantations with hybrid poplars that reach maturity in even less time. The lumber industry is completely sustainable, if it wasn’t then toilet paper wouldn’t be affordable.

John F. Hultquist
Reply to  Robert W. Turner
July 19, 2019 8:06 pm

Some hybrid plantations have been on a 7 year cycle.
If used for tp, all the better, but I don’t have info on usage.

ozspeaksup
Reply to  John F. Hultquist
July 20, 2019 3:28 am

eucalypt palntations in aus blue gums and were making a motza sending the cips to china? or somewhere for loopaper they said in biz reports recently.
which is good cos a LOT of people went broke investing in those ugly plantations

DavidC
Reply to  Robert W. Turner
July 24, 2019 8:59 am

Paper is to forestry as hamburger is to the meat industry. The bits and pieces of scrap are made into other useful products and there is little to no waste. These environmental idiots seem to think that a huge tree gets ground to pulp and used entirely for paper… They would do well to study industrial engineering and forest management before opening their flapping lips to insult us.

Frank Hansen
July 19, 2019 2:33 pm

I prefer a Japanese style washlet. It is very clean and almost no toilet paper is required. Great for the skin too.

marque2
July 19, 2019 2:34 pm

I am sure the plan is to just ban Angel Soft, because it is owned by the Koch bros. Once that is done, the issue will go away.

Michael Jankowski
July 19, 2019 2:36 pm

Apparently some brand (Quilted Northern?) was the first to advertise “splinter free” in the 1930s.

Randy Wester
Reply to  Michael Jankowski
July 19, 2019 4:10 pm

Are the recycled brands advertised as ‘Staple Free’?

‘Cause except for creosoted cedar, zinc plated steel is the worst kind of slivers.

Reply to  Randy Wester
July 19, 2019 8:20 pm

Recycling paper results in shorter fibers and weaker and rougher tissue.
That often results in you wanting to wash your hands whether there is a sign by the sink or not.

Gato
Reply to  Randy Wester
July 22, 2019 9:56 pm

I had the worst slivers when I was a kid. I fell against a rotten wood fence, extending my hands out to break my fall and received rotten wood slivers in both palms. I was picking out slivers for years! You couldn’t get them out at once because, being rotten, they kept breaking.

Roger Knights
July 19, 2019 2:39 pm

I’m sure 99% here are aware of this, but I’ll remind the rest: Only toilet paper disintegrates in a sewer pipe (or septic tank, I assume). Anything else, including paper towels, is going to clog your drain eventually and be an annoyance to a sewage treatment plant.

Tom Abbott
Reply to  Roger Knights
July 19, 2019 3:55 pm

Yes, toilet paper disappears very quickly in a septic tank.

marque2
Reply to  Roger Knights
July 19, 2019 9:42 pm

Doesn’t Kleenex dissolve as well?

Gato
Reply to  Roger Knights
July 22, 2019 9:58 pm

In some countries you don’t flush the paper, you discard it into a receptacle.

Editor
Reply to  Gato
July 23, 2019 3:26 am

and in others you just toss it on the ground

July 19, 2019 2:57 pm

I liked CarlB’s reply

Saw mill shavings are turned into pulp. A by product of thoroughly planned sustainable lumber industry. Nothing goes to waste anymore,

So true. The NRDC acts as if Canada is some undeveloped nation that just clear-cuts our trees and leaves the land to die. Our forestry industry is highly regulated, and completely sustainable (in the true meaning of that word, not the green reinterpretation).

July 19, 2019 3:17 pm

I found this on the Stand.earth website.

The Issue With Tissue
STAND.EARTH & NRDC JOINT PUBLICATION – Our new report and scorecard takes Procter & Gamble, Kimberly-Clark, and Georgia-Pacific to task for destroying North American forests and exacerbating the world’s climate crisis by using zero recycled content in their toilet paper
https://www.stand.earth/publication/forest-conservation/charmin-toilet-paper/issue-tissue

THE ISSUE WITH TISSUE:HOW AMERICANS ARE FLUSHING FORESTS DOWN THE TOILET (31 pages)
https://www.stand.earth/file/4577/download?token=6UR_eQ0A

Reply to  Cam_S
July 19, 2019 4:09 pm

I forgot to mention…
Rex Murphy says ” Twitter is the slop pail of political correctness.”

Tom Abbott
July 19, 2019 3:59 pm

How much toilet paper could be made out of the excess forest growth in California?

They could solve two problems at once by thinning California forests: More toilet paper and less California wildfires.

Dan J. Cody
July 19, 2019 3:59 pm

all these left wing activists should leave us alone and fly to urANUS!

D. Anderson
July 19, 2019 4:45 pm

Never shale hands with a leftist – without putting on your rubber gloves.

Reply to  D. Anderson
July 19, 2019 8:25 pm

Now that’s over the top.
I’m sure leftist don’t use shale.
They use three seashells.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdnuOa7tDco&w=928&h=340%5D

Big Al
July 19, 2019 5:00 pm

they say it is a “dramatic and irreversible toll on forests” when the photo clearly shows forest regrowth already occuring. This is a remarkably silly report given the Left’s fixation upon demonising Carbon. If Carbon (on which all life is based) is evil and to be minimised in the atmosphere, then we need to sequester Carbon and prevent it from retirning to the atmosphere. Old growth forest such as the Canadian boreal forest is virtually useless at Carbon sequestration, as the trees are full-grown, lazy and idle. Cut them down and sequester the Carbon as toilet paper lining the sewers of the US, then let fast-growing new pine trees suck more Carbon from the air. The NRDC should be championing this practise, not vilifying it.
Of course CO2 is a beneficial plant food, so the whole argument is moot: for the benefit of crops and nature, we should be de-sequestering all the Carbon locked up in fossil fuels and retirning it to the Carbon Cycle.

Geoff Sherrington
July 19, 2019 5:27 pm

Clearly the propaganda funding work of Big Laxative. Geoff S

Wiliam Haas
July 19, 2019 5:30 pm

What are we suppose to use instead of TP? TP is really a means of sequestering CO2 unless it is burned. The best way to reduce TP use is to reduce human population. So is that the solution to climate change, radically reducing human population?

JS
Reply to  Wiliam Haas
July 20, 2019 6:13 am

You realize this is their end game, right?