UN Warns Climate Change Will Destroy Earth By 2005

WORLD—The U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change came to a grim conclusion regarding the rapid warming of the earth, should people not band together to give more power over to the government in order to turn the tide in the fight against climate change.

The report definitively concluded that climate change will completely destroy the earth by 2005 if we do not take action now.

“We’ve run all the numbers, and it’s absolutely clear: every inch of dry land on the planet will be totally submerged by the year 2005,” said one member of the panel. “This is an absolute scientific fact.”

When several scientific researchers pointed out that 2005 came and went 13 years ago, they were informed that the earth was actually destroyed, everybody was killed, and we are all actually ghosts.

“Every person on the planet is now a spirit who was killed over a decade ago by climate change,” said a UN spokesperson. “And anyone who does not believe this will be labeled a ghost science denier.”


In case you have not figured it out yet, this is a spoof article – written by the Babylon Bee Welcome to our “Friday Funny” for the week.

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Earthling2
October 12, 2018 12:13 am

Ahhh, I just knew it. No wonder I can’t wake up. Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

neil watson
October 12, 2018 12:14 am

Are you sure it’s a spoof?? 97% etc etc….

John Endicott
Reply to  neil watson
October 12, 2018 6:01 am

yeah, sometimes it’s hard to tell a spoof from the real deal.

Tom Gelsthorpe
Reply to  neil watson
October 12, 2018 6:39 am

Actually the world is only 97% destroyed at the moment. That’s the part you and I can see from our windows. The rest is a barren wasteland. It’s touch & go whether it will grow back before we notice, or whether we will be destroyed, as well.

leowaj
Reply to  neil watson
October 12, 2018 4:06 pm

With the absurdity of some of the garbage coming out of the UN, I did a triple-take on this article before my brain accepted it as spoof.

Greg Cavanagh
October 12, 2018 12:15 am

I was hoping it was a spoof article. I’ve missed so many “end of the world”s now, I’d hate the miss the big one.

Mat
October 12, 2018 12:16 am

Not a good spoof…

Reply to  Mat
October 12, 2018 12:27 am

It got a smile on my grumpy face.

Ben Vorlich
Reply to  Caleb Shaw
October 12, 2018 3:54 am

And mine too

John Endicott
Reply to  Mat
October 12, 2018 5:31 am

What’s the matter Mat, too on the nose for you?

Greg Cavanagh
Reply to  John Endicott
October 12, 2018 2:04 pm

He wanted it to be real?

October 12, 2018 12:26 am

A pretty good spoof, as its not far off actual previous predictions, such as this one from the time of the first Earth Day:

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-didnt-first-earth-days-predictions-come-true-its-complicated-180958820/

Reply to  climanrecon
October 12, 2018 2:56 am

climanrecon, from your link:
“… the frightening power of human reproduction must also be curbed”

Every second of every day a woman gives birth … if only we could find that woman and stop her …

Tim
Reply to  Eugene S Conlin
October 12, 2018 6:16 am

Global populations will continue to rise.

97% of people in white lab-coats cite studies that reveal the reason: sex seems to be more fun than dying. More research grants are needed, however.

October 12, 2018 12:37 am

A better spoof would be to publish a 1991 summary for policy makers as a 2018 paper.
An even better spoof would be to publish a 1991 summary, and add 17 years to all dates. Then see if anyone can tell the difference.

Rich Davis
Reply to  Stephen Rasey
October 12, 2018 3:14 am

Did you mean 27 years?

DonM
Reply to  Rich Davis
October 12, 2018 10:16 am

Rich would have noticed the difference….

eyesonu
Reply to  Stephen Rasey
October 12, 2018 8:38 am

I think I got it.

The 1991 IPCC Summary for Policy Makers was a spoof of all the drama 42 years ago (1976) fearing Global Cooling and the immediate onset of another Ice Age. 15 years later the report was the ultimate spoof of the time of fear and a bunch of spoofed clowns still believe in the spoof!

Spoofing the spoof calls for more spoofing of the spoofed!

The answer as to how it all began is 42 today!

Reply to  eyesonu
October 12, 2018 8:59 am

Right

Yirgach
Reply to  eyesonu
October 14, 2018 8:13 pm

Congratulations, you have won the Internet today.
From all of us, thanks for all of it and more so.

Paul r
October 12, 2018 12:51 am

Here i was thinking how did this typo get past the editor then i thought it was another failed prediction story. Then i realised it is a failed humor story. Then i realised it only failed the humor bit because the ipcc would back it fully.

davidmhoffer
October 12, 2018 12:57 am

Don’t be silly.

The world ended due to the Y2K bug 5 years before that.
Well it would have except that it ended due toxic rain before that.
Which never happened because before it could, the world ended because of acid rain.
Well again, it would have except that it ended from global cooling before that.
I think I’ve worked my way back to 1974. Did I miss any?
Hmmm… I think I skipped the end of the world because of the population explosion, and also because we ran out of oil. Can’t remember what order the d*mn end of the world predictions are supposed to be in, there’s just too many.

Patrick MJD
Reply to  davidmhoffer
October 12, 2018 1:02 am

You missed the ozone hole which was going to give everyone skin cancer. DuPont to the rescue and the hole is gone. Ah nope, the tinning is back!

oeman50
Reply to  davidmhoffer
October 12, 2018 9:27 am

think Vanilla Sky……

DonM
Reply to  davidmhoffer
October 12, 2018 10:20 am

God has 12 fingers and 12 toes, so for us, the true (base 10) Y2K is 2880.

E J Zuiderwijk
October 12, 2018 1:10 am

The whole global warming rigmarole is not ghostly but ghastly.

October 12, 2018 1:23 am

Well, I’m so miserable without the annual Thermageddon, it’s almost like havin’ it here….

knr
October 12, 2018 1:38 am

Ever wonder why the words are ‘The end is nigh’ well because then you can claim it is always ‘going to happen ‘ so you never have to worry about being asked why it has not happened as you claimed it word . It’s the same as the sign that says ‘free beer tomorrow ‘
The difference is the second is a joke , while the first is climate ‘science ‘ in action.

Reply to  knr
October 13, 2018 3:08 am

The end is…
comment image

Peta of Newark
October 12, 2018 2:15 am

So unfunny it almost comes full-circle and is funny.

Don’t say I didn’t tell you:

Eating sugar rots a whole lot more than just your teeth

Hence it really is Worse Than We Thought, as in “There’s something funny going on here”

Except, it is in fact it’s not funny funny, it is deadly serious. The Most Excellent Fun that people have when playing with Deadly Diabetes & Deadly Dementia.
The Human Animal cannot lie, hence, whoever wrote this is telling us something.
Screaming out for help in fact.
Drowning, not waving.

Jeff Alberts
Reply to  Peta of Newark
October 12, 2018 6:31 am

The on trick pony is at it again.

schitzree
October 12, 2018 2:23 am
william Johnston
Reply to  schitzree
October 12, 2018 6:23 am

Is it the end of March already?

Patrick MJD
October 12, 2018 2:31 am

It is written in the book of Gore, it could be Brian, Mann and many more, that not believing in “climate change” will make the bottom fall out of your world. I counter this claim. No no no, I say! Drinking HSB (Horndean Special Brew. A UK, Hampshire brew I am very familiar with hic), the world falls out of your bottom, and with little resistance.

Jaakko Kateenkorva
October 12, 2018 2:36 am

The most convincing manmade apocalypse projection so far is a spoof. Venezuela was lost around that time.

ROM
October 12, 2018 2:44 am

As I am now apparently a spirit, a ghost so as to speak by the prognostications of the IPCC and numerous former surreal predictors of the climate often labelled as climate scientists but now apparently just ghostly climate scientists, who have in their usual ghastly ghostly fashion not a skerrick of evidence to support their Delphi like prognostications, none of them will allow me my ghostly skepticism otherwise I will apparently be a ghost science denier.

So the question is ; Do I have to continuing to pay taxes to a ghost government or can I substitute ghost taxes in lieu of aforesaid taxes instead particularly as the world is going to end very soon due to the very Ghostly Climate Change and all the taxes extracted out of the citizens won’t in the slightest, help to put the IPCC’s and UN’s Humpty Dumpty climate change back together again if you believe the IPCC’s ghastly ghostly climate scientists.

And if instead of warming, the globe begins to experience cooling then we will all have real trouble trying to find and identify all those vaporous ghostly scientific apparitions that today go under the brand name of “climate scientists” who draw munificent salaries based on their rather expansive and highly expensive predictions and explanations of phenomena that after some few hundred thousand years of similar climate and weather happenings, today constitutes “dangerous climate change”..
.
Ghosts governments are a real deal.
We just don’t ever get to see them around here as they are normally invisible although they can be heard usually at foghorn volumes near election times.
And they also appear when those non ghost taxes have to be paid or some sickly green ghastly ghost regulations have been broken again and their ghostly overpaid minions are bound then to be found hounding the non ghostly citizens.

ROM
October 12, 2018 2:46 am

That didn’t come out quite right but I’m still learning after 80 years!

ROM
October 12, 2018 2:48 am

As I am now apparently a spirit, a ghost so as to speak by the prognostications of the IPCC and numerous former surreal predictors of the climate often labelled as climate scientists but now apparently just ghostly climate scientists, who have in their usual ghastly ghostly fashion not a skerrick of evidence to support their Delphi like prognostications, none of them will allow me my ghostly skepticism otherwise I will apparently be a ghost science denier.

So the question is ; Do I have to continuing to pay taxes to a ghost government or can I substitute ghost taxes in lieu of aforesaid taxes instead particularly as the world is going to end very soon due to the very Ghostly Climate Change and all the taxes extracted out of the citizens won’t in the slightest, help to put the IPCC’s and UN’s Humpty Dumpty climate change back together again if you believe the IPCC’s ghastly ghostly climate scientists.

And if instead of warming, the globe begins to experience cooling then we will all have real trouble trying to find and identify all those vaporous ghostly scientific apparitions that today go under the brand name of “climate scientists” who draw munificent salaries based on their rather expansive and highly expensive predictions and explanations of phenomena that after some few hundred thousand years of similar climate and weather happenings, today constitutes “dangerous climate change”..
.
Ghosts governments are a real deal.
We just don’t ever get to see them around here as they are normally invisible although they can be heard usually at foghorn volumes near election times.
And they also appear when those non ghost taxes have to be paid or some sickly green ghastly ghost regulations have been broken again and their ghostly overpaid minions are bound then to be found hounding the non ghostly citizens.

October 12, 2018 3:19 am

A Warmist’s Lament

OMG!!! It’s like, “We’re all gonna die! Like, I mean, y’know, totally! And stuff… And it’s already happened!!! Yikes, we’re all dead!!! From global warming!!! Al Gore was right! Why oh why didn’t I listen to him??? Why didn’t I give Greenpeace more money? Now I won’t get to fill up my bucket list, and do all the cool things I wanted to do, but never got around to doing… This is so tragic, I mean so totally tragic, how could it all have come down to this? We’ve all been dead since 2005!!! HEY, WAIT A SECOND!!!” 🙂

henryp
October 12, 2018 4:23 am

Important to note here:
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. John 3:8

Interesting that in effect God says that He controls the weather. It is man trying to place himself as God [trying to control others] saying we can control the weather: A pseudo religion. And, looking at it objectively, the brainwashing that is still going on is as frighteningly good as it was in the days of Hitler, when the people were brainwashed into believing that the ‘Jews” were ‘the’ problem. They were pictured as rats that were ‘infecting’ Europe. In those days they even had an ‘eugenic’ science that could prove the ‘inferiority’ of the Jews, gypsies, blacks, etc.
Add to this the droughts and resulting hyper inflation [1930’s onward, also the Dust Bowl droughts 1932-1939] and you have a remarkable similarity and the call for the Strongman to lead the world – it is likely that this could happen again. If the droughts will come again – which they will – and ‘man’ is blamed for them.,,, That would be the final anti-christ who will become a global leader with a pseudo religion [including Islam? and other religions] – that person might in fact be a woman….

My own various investigations,
http://breadonthewater.co.za/2018/05/04/which-way-will-the-wind-be-blowing-genesis-41-vs-27/

lead me to believe that a return of the drought times in the NH is imminent and it could lead to worldwide food shortages.

John V. Wright
October 12, 2018 4:28 am

C’mon guys – the world ended 250 millions years during the Triassic when CO2 levels rose to more than 1,000ppm. It was because of the tipping point, see?

Bruce Cobb
October 12, 2018 5:11 am

We may be ghosts but don’t worry, the human brand is still worth something and if we all band together, we can come back from the dead.
Hey, it could happen – just look at Toys R Us.

October 12, 2018 5:23 am

Walking through walls is a lot of fun!

Crispin in Waterloo
Reply to  Eyal
October 12, 2018 6:01 am

I just gotta add:

Walking through walls of opposition is a lot of fun!

Editor
October 12, 2018 5:39 am

Of course, as we all know, polar bears went extinct during the Roman Warm Period, again during the Medieval Warm period, and most recently during the last El Nino.

eyesonu
October 12, 2018 7:09 am

I deny being a ghost. I’m only half dead! But I think I’m getting deader by the day!

John Endicott
Reply to  eyesonu
October 12, 2018 8:33 am

I was a ghost, but then I got better.

Wharfplank
October 12, 2018 10:30 am

Red Danson, is that you?

Wharfplank
Reply to  Wharfplank
October 12, 2018 11:01 am

*Ted

Sara
October 12, 2018 11:02 am

Hallowe’en is 19 days away and you pulled this one on us?

Nicely done!

u.k.(us)
October 12, 2018 1:03 pm

The horse named “Where’s Anthony” is just about to run at Woodbine (Toronto).
Current odds 3-1.

u.k.(us)
Reply to  u.k.(us)
October 12, 2018 1:08 pm

Finished third. Grrrr.

nw sage
October 12, 2018 6:48 pm

They WERE in error (or there was a typo) the REAL date the world was destroyed was 2006!

Amber
October 12, 2018 7:17 pm

Where do they get the mental midgets that work for the IPCC ?
Funded by Climate Con-Men and perverts .

Bill
October 13, 2018 2:03 pm

UN will issue this same report in 2040, but will change the date of disaster to 2045! Saves a lot of research $’s to pay for all their COPings!

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