Meet the Mutants – the latest Government effort to defeat Climate Change

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Guest essay by Eric Worrall

It would be wrong to think that the governments of the world are solely focussed on reducing CO2. Just in case the Paris conference fails to deliver, our selfless government scientists are spending your money, exploring a diverse range of strange mutant varieties of every day farm animals, to ensure world stays fed in the midst of soaring temperatures.

The latest focus is the Dwarf Cow.

According to the Sydney Morning Herald;

… the solution to the problem is simple and small, livestock experts argue: heat-tolerant dwarf cows.

A team of researchers from Kerala Veterinary and Animal Sciences University and the state government’s Animal Husbandry Department are now promoting a switch to Vechur and Kasargod cattle, two local varieties known for being easy to raise, resistant to diseases and – most important – better at tolerating high temperatures than the more popular crossbred cattle.

“High-yielding crossbreed varieties of cattle can faint or even die during hot and humid summer days,” said E.M. Muhammed, an expert on animal breeding and genetics at the university. “Our natural breeds can better withstand the effects of climate change.”

Dwarf cows, on the other hand, appeared to carry a “thermometer gene” that allowed them to better tolerate high temperatures, researchers said.

Dwarf cows were already gaining popularity among some farmers because they consumed less food and water than conventional cattle varieties, the experts said. Small-scale farmers needed only one or two dwarf cows to meet the milk needs of their households, they said.

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/environment/climate-change/the-heattolerant-dwarf-cow-may-help-india-adjust-to-climate-change-20150630-gi103g.html

The Dwarf cow will no doubt find a place in the cattle yard, next to the Featherless Chicken, another government science favourite.

According to New Scientist;

Featherless chickens could be the future of mass poultry farming in warmer countries, says an Israeli geneticist who has created a bare-skinned “prototype”.

The new chicken would be lower in calories, faster-growing, environmentally friendly, and more likely to survive in warmer conditions, claims Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. He created his red-skinned chicken by selectively crossing a breed with a naturally bare neck with a regular broiler chicken.

But critics say past experience with feather-free chickens resulting from random genetic mutation shows they suffer more than normal birds. Males have been unable to mate, because they cannot flap their wings, and “naked” chickens of both sexes are more susceptible to parasites, mosquito attacks and sunburn.

“Featherless birds would also be very susceptible to any temperature variations – especially as young birds,” says Tom Acamovic, of the Scottish Agricultural College in Ayr.

The chicken is “disgusting”, says Joyce D’Silva of Compassion in World Farming. “It’s a prime example of sick science and the suggestion that it would be an improvement for developing countries is obscene.”

Read more: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2307-featherless-chicken-creates-a-flap.html

These tentative steps are nothing compared to the efforts of Palaeontologist Jack Horner, to do a full conversion on modern Chicken breeds, to revert them back to ancient forms.

A genome does not evolve in a tidy fashion. Old genes are not always discarded when they fall out of use. For example, there may be a whole host of genes that direct the growth and movement of a dinosaur’s arm and fingers. If another gene evolved to fuse some of those bones into a wing during embryonic development, many of those arm-and-finger genes would be pushed to the sidelines. But the potential for a dinosaur arm could still be there. If you can identify the newer gene that causes bone fusion and disrupt its expression, those sidelined genes may suddenly start producing arms.

Horner posits that three primary engineering tasks will lead him from a conventional chicken to something resembling a miniature velociraptor (a small predator that became famous in “Jurassic Park”): creation of a long tail; the development of a toothed, beakless head; and the fashioning of arms with fingers and claws instead of wings.

Read more: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/paleontologist-jack-horner-is-hard-at-work-trying-to-turn-a-chicken-into-a-dinosaur/2014/11/10/cb35e46e-4e59-11e4-babe-e91da079cb8a_story.html

Perhaps Horner has missed a bet – if he had framed his grant application as an effort to produce heat tolerant chickens, chickens fully adapted to +4c Cretaceous conditions, we’d probably all have little pet dinosaurs by now.

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July 1, 2015 3:27 pm

Precious……..HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA,
Can’t stop laughing….
Dwarf Cows and Featherless Chickens
Thanks for posting this article – made my day

old44
Reply to  kokoda
July 1, 2015 5:55 pm

Don’t laugh, my grandfather had a featherless chicken but we think it just had the mange.

James Bull
Reply to  old44
July 1, 2015 11:16 pm

Ken Dodd has a great story of someone breading a 3 legged chicken.

James Bull

oeman50
Reply to  old44
July 2, 2015 9:04 am

All chicken becomes featherless before I eat it.

Mike Bromley the Kurd
Reply to  kokoda
July 2, 2015 1:15 am

The stupid no longer hurts. I’m just numb.

Paul Mackey
Reply to  kokoda
July 2, 2015 1:55 am

They can join the brainless scientists…..

bushbunny
Reply to  kokoda
July 4, 2015 12:51 am

Well cattle bred in the top end of Australia, they don’t suffer from heat. Brahmans. Come from Africa and India.

Latitude
July 1, 2015 3:27 pm

I didn’t know a cow could feel a 1/2 degree change in temperature?

AndyG55
Reply to  Latitude
July 1, 2015 7:29 pm

Look at where beef cattle are grown in Australia.
http://greycliffspermaculture.com/pic_news_land_use_plan_cows_map.jpg
Now tell me they can’t cope with heat !!

Richard of NZ
Reply to  AndyG55
July 1, 2015 9:03 pm

Not only that, but many of these Australian cattle are Brahmin cross breeds, originating from India. They tend to be quite massive cattle. The less massive cattle tend to originate in more temperate regions such as Jersey, Norway and Scotland.

JB
Reply to  Latitude
July 4, 2015 1:59 pm

Perhaps it is all psycowlogical?

Mike Smith
July 1, 2015 3:28 pm

Oh dear God. Please can someone genetically engineer zero emissions climate scientists so we don’t have to put up with all this poop.

SMC
Reply to  Mike Smith
July 1, 2015 5:39 pm

I recommend adapting by wearing a pair of sturdy leather boots and carrying a shovel. It’s what I do whenever I visit an oil refinery or coal fired power plant… Well, actually, I supervise those carrying the shovels. Wouldn’t want to get my hands dirty after all. /sarc

Peter Miller
Reply to  Mike Smith
July 2, 2015 1:22 am

“zero emissions climate scientists”?
Whoa, that could mean tens of billions of dollars each year being spent on something useful, the greenies in government would never tolerate that.

Pamela Gray
July 1, 2015 3:42 pm

…except that some coverings are designed to keep an animal cooler under hot conditions compared to bare skin.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/why-did-the-elephant-have-thin-hair-12-10-12/

Alan Robertson
Reply to  Pamela Gray
July 1, 2015 5:38 pm
PaulH
July 1, 2015 3:42 pm

Perhaps Garry Larson will finally see his boneless chicken ranch. 😉

Mike McMillan
Reply to  PaulH
July 1, 2015 4:24 pm

To stop poaching, we could engineer hornless rhinos and tuskless elephants.
Umm, and maybe finless sharks?

Reply to  Mike McMillan
July 1, 2015 4:34 pm

Toothless sharks would be an improvement.

Mike McMillan
Reply to  Mike McMillan
July 1, 2015 7:40 pm

Good call. I never liked shark tooth soup anyway.

Another Ian
Reply to  Mike McMillan
July 2, 2015 1:38 am

Caleb
But did you ask the sharks union about this?

Harrowsceptic
Reply to  Mike McMillan
July 2, 2015 1:41 am

Toothless sharks an improvement!! – Not for the sharks

Olaf Koenders
Reply to  Mike McMillan
July 2, 2015 1:43 am

Bring on the Turducken..

B.j.
Reply to  Mike McMillan
July 2, 2015 4:28 pm

And leafless plants to cope with hot dry conditions and they could be called sticks!!! Come to think of it I have a few in my garden all ready…

July 1, 2015 3:43 pm

Lets see – most ranchers are still breeding their cows to calve in February when it is 20 to 30 below C. I understand why, but somehow I don’t imagine most ranchers worry much about a couple of degrees. Now rain, that’s another matter … Sheesh.

July 1, 2015 3:45 pm

Then there is the three legged free range chickens bred around Pincher Creek, Alberta for KFC – extra drumstick. Trouble is, they are so fast we’ve never been able to catch one … 😉

Reply to  Wayne Delbeke
July 1, 2015 3:58 pm

We have unicorns in our neighborhood but they are so darn fast and we have never caught one. I got some pictures though.

SMC
Reply to  Wayne Delbeke
July 1, 2015 5:42 pm

KFC is breeding six leg, six wing chickens for the market in China.

Menicholas
Reply to  SMC
July 1, 2015 7:38 pm

But the big breakthrough still had to be the development, for the Fridays Restaurant chain appetizer menu, of chickens with those huge all white meat boneless fingers.
Compared to breeding a chicken with six inch long fingers, all the rest of those projects are amateur hour.
They are now working to develop a chicken with the layer of breading instead of skin.

Mike T
July 1, 2015 4:03 pm

Sorry, but to combine “revert” and “back” in the same sentence is an egregious tautology, no matter that it’s a favoured combination of commentators everywhere.

Neil Jordan
Reply to  Mike T
July 1, 2015 8:17 pm

Agree. And it is also an unnecessary redundancy.

Reply to  Neil Jordan
July 1, 2015 9:46 pm

Agree. And a superfluous pleonasm.
But so is my phrase…

ferdberple
July 1, 2015 4:07 pm

Square trees are next. Instead of pesky round logs, they grow with square sections, with the trunk the same size from base to tree top. Perfect for the mill, and they don’t roll when felled, which is an important safety factor.
http://designcrack.com/v2/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/square-tree-trunk.thumbnail.jpg

Reply to  ferdberple
July 1, 2015 4:45 pm

I suppose they do great swaying in the wind. 😉

Tom J
Reply to  ferdberple
July 1, 2015 6:00 pm

Yeah, but how is Michael Mann going to count the tree rings to come up with temperatures a billion years ago.

mebbe
Reply to  Tom J
July 1, 2015 6:16 pm

Easy!
With the Tijander maneuver, you take the square of the log and discard the least squares.

Reply to  Tom J
July 2, 2015 6:33 am

Simple…
It’s “LOG”rythmic, doncha know? 🙂

JB
Reply to  Tom J
July 5, 2015 7:32 am

With the usual computer models!

Bruce Cobb
Reply to  ferdberple
July 2, 2015 8:40 am

Why not? Pi are squared already.

July 1, 2015 4:21 pm

I’m not certain but paleontology may be one of the “disciplines” to influence the new tendency in science to “model” reality. I don’t know if it has ever occurred to any one else that there is an awful lot of prehistoric theory built on pretty scant evidence when it comes to even number of specimens and time between them.

July 1, 2015 4:28 pm

I wonder if Brahman cattles, commonly found in hot and semi arid conditions in Australia OutBack will be able to take the higher rainfall and Humidity, with all the grass growing expotentially higher and better they’ll probably spend more time producing marbled meat……..

Louis Hooffstetter
Reply to  Mareeba Property Management
July 1, 2015 6:56 pm

You nailed it.
From http://www.brahman.org/about/benefits-of-brahman/:
“The Brahman F-1 (first generation hybrid with European cattle) is also very popular because these cattle display many important characteristics of their Brahman parent, such as drought resistance, heat tolerance, disease and parasite resistance and increased longevity.”

Tom Crozier
July 1, 2015 4:33 pm

Who knows? Once perfected it might be delicious…..

Gregory
July 1, 2015 4:37 pm

Like the square hogs in “Space Truckers”.
The Japanese grew square watermelons years ago, they could pack more melons in a smaller carco area that way. They just put square plastic forms around the melons while they grew.

July 1, 2015 4:43 pm

I am going to splice the genes of tomatoes, peppers, onions and garlic, and get a plant that makes sauce.

PiperPaul
Reply to  Caleb
July 1, 2015 7:13 pm

Go all the way and splice in some spaghetti genes.
https://youtu.be/tVo_wkxH9dU

Melbourne Resident
Reply to  PiperPaul
July 1, 2015 8:36 pm

The funniest thing about the spaghetti harvest documentary was that it was once broadcast on South African TV as a serious item. The mention of the last two weeks in March should have been the give away!
Cheers

Richard of NZ
Reply to  PiperPaul
July 1, 2015 9:10 pm

A similar item was broadcast in NZ in the late 60’s but it was about the threatened macaroni harvest. Apparently (please forgive my failing memory) it was because insecticides such as DDT were killing off the insect larvae that drilled the hole through the middle.

July 1, 2015 4:48 pm

Under Stalin a scientist was planning to cross radishes and cabbages, and get a red, fat, delicious root and a fat, scrumptious cabbage top. He did succeed in crossing the plants, and wound up with something with the root of a cabbage and leaves of a radish. Wound up in Siberia, as I recall.
Scientists need to be careful, when they mess about with the Left, and that includes climate scientists.

Reply to  Caleb
July 3, 2015 11:47 am

G. D. Karpechenko was murdered in 1941.
In recent decades, more useful hybrids of radishes and cabbages, ie not just new species but genera, have been developed.
Various estimates of the proportion of plant species which evolved as a result of hybridization and polyploidy exist, but they range from 30 to 70% just for the latter.

Reply to  sturgishooper
July 3, 2015 3:06 pm

My cartoon loses its humor when it is associated with a real man’s name. Karpechenko was an associate of Nikolai Ivanovich Vavilov, who got in trouble because he had the nerve to criticize the politically correct bozo, Lysenko. Vavilov was arrested August 6, 1940, and Karpechenko in October. They were sentenced to die the following July; and on July 28, 1941 Karpechenko was executed. Vavilov was “pardoned” and his sentence reduced to 20 years, but prison was such that he starved to death in 1943,
The insanity of this situation is that Stalin was still destroying his nation’s most brilliant minds even after Hitler launched Operation Barbarossa on June 21, 1941, with the intent of basically destroying ALL Russian minds. Even insaner is the fact Lysenko glides through this monstrous madness, with an army of 3 million clashing with an army of 3 million, purring like a cat in the cream. It was a calamity so horrible that to truly fathom it would create an anguish that would kill you, and therefore I defend myself with humor and by turning things into a cartoon. Forgive me.
But I will stand by my final paragraph, “Scientists need to be careful, when they mess about with the Left, and that includes climate scientists.”

Tom Crozier
July 1, 2015 4:48 pm

There is a certain portion of the population of industrialized nations which has an overwhelming need for security. For those, the word “change” means facing their own mortality. They will always be with us, they will always be in a state of panic over any events which mark the passage of time; and they’ll bust a hame trying to hold back progress.

Gary in Erko
July 1, 2015 4:56 pm
George Devries Klein, PhD, PG, FGSA
July 1, 2015 5:07 pm

Looks to me tht the government is staffed by people with ‘dwarf brains’

RWturner
Reply to  George Devries Klein, PhD, PG, FGSA
July 2, 2015 9:35 am

Well you get what you pay for. Government jobs for scientists acts as a filter, where the less intelligent work for the government and the more intelligent go work for private industry. You end up with a society where the less intelligent scientists are the ones making the regulations that hinder the work of the more talented private industry scientists. And ultimately you end up with the situation that we currently have in society, junk science rules.
https://www.ida.org/~/media/Corporate/Files/Publications/STPIPubs/ida-d-4740.pdf

Frank Lee MeiDere
July 1, 2015 5:20 pm

Ah, if only Diogenes had lived in modern times he’d have had no need to pluck a chicken to screw over Plato’s definition of a human. (At least we still have those “broad, flat nails” to distinguish us.

Tom in Florida
July 1, 2015 5:23 pm

“the solution to the problem is simple and small, livestock experts argue: heat-tolerant dwarf cows.”
Plagiarism!
This is an idea taken from the Miami Vice episode titled “Cows of October” where a scam artist is trying to sell bull semen that will produce dwarf cows for third world countries. It was a scam on the episode and it is probably a scam now.

Alan Robertson
July 1, 2015 5:27 pm

If they’re gonna miniaturize cattle,they better get to work on miniaturizing Coyotes and other predators, too.
Better yet, forget the whole thing.

Reply to  Alan Robertson
July 1, 2015 5:42 pm

In India the issue is Tigers. Doesn’t much matter what kind bovine genes you try to stack up against that.

Leo Smth
Reply to  fossilsage
July 1, 2015 11:08 pm

Not any more.

Alan Robertson
July 1, 2015 5:36 pm

If any of these ideas can fill a niche and can be used to meet demand and create wealth, then go for it. Hair brained ideas in the real world either fall apart or make something out of nothing, all the time. These ideas aren’t part of the real world, but are coming from academia, so if past is prologue, their chances of viability are slim without further rifling through the pockets of taxpayers.

Retired Engineer Jim
Reply to  Alan Robertson
July 1, 2015 9:32 pm

Or some Government useless idiot decides to pick it as “the” right answer, and subsidizes it, with our money. And it turns out to be as useless as the bureaucrat.

RWturner
Reply to  Alan Robertson
July 2, 2015 9:44 am

Government incentivized science is absolutely the problem. That’s how we end up with higher food prices so that we can burn engine-damaging ethanol as a fuel and higher energy prices so that we can construct bird chopping wind mills. Some politician may decide that, for the sake of the planet, we must subsidize miniature cows, you really can’t put it past them.

July 1, 2015 5:40 pm

Actually Brahma cattle are generally used in breeding to increase stamina to hot weather and drought. They are in no way miniature!

Alan Robertson
Reply to  fossilsage
July 1, 2015 5:46 pm

It’s a good thing they’re so good natured, as big as they are.

Another Ian
Reply to  Alan Robertson
July 2, 2015 1:44 am

Not necessarily!
Helps if they’re treated right – similar with humans I seem to notice

markopanama
July 1, 2015 5:41 pm

Well, us humans should also get on the bandwagon of this genetic improvement program.
With increasing temperatures, there will surely be more poolside cocktail and BBQ parties. As anyone who has ever attended such an event knows, it is physically impossible to manage a plate of food, a glass of wine and a fork with which to eat the food all at the same time. Clearly we need three arms.
This design oversight on the part of the Intelligent Designer will compromise the conversational, and thus reproductive success, of future generations living under the scourge of almost daily pool parties in the warming world.
In fact, you might be interested in joining my class action lawsuit against the Almighty for this blatant and damaging design defect in the human species.

Pamela Gray
July 1, 2015 5:41 pm

Animal engineering has such a long successful history.
Bulldogs who can no longer birth their big-headed pups.
Toy white poodles that are now dumb as a post.
Animal skin and eye cancer because we don’t like dark colored animals (how stupid is that!).
Inbred diseases because we want the perfect example of a species.
Honey bees that aren’t so sweet because we want more honey.
Tasteless strawberries and peaches because we don’t want bruised ones shipped from far away places.
The list goes on.

Tom J
Reply to  Pamela Gray
July 1, 2015 5:52 pm

Pam, I hate to tell you this but strawberries and peaches are not animals.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Best wishes to a cool one.

PaulH
Reply to  Tom J
July 1, 2015 6:31 pm

“…strawberries and peaches are not animals.”
One day the global warming will change that.

Reply to  Tom J
July 1, 2015 6:38 pm

Who knew?

Menicholas
Reply to  Tom J
July 1, 2015 7:51 pm

Oh, but I knew this girl in college and, oh boy, was she a tomato!

D.J. Hawkins
Reply to  Pamela Gray
July 2, 2015 9:59 am

Fifty years ago, before suburban sprawl wiped out open spaces near our home, my little sister discovered wild strawberries in one of those fields. She dug up a couple and transplanted them to our yard in a sunny patch near the house. Well the berries were only about as large as the end of your little finger, but WOW! the flavor was intense. I’m ruined for the golf balls they now sell by the pint and claim are strawberries; they just don’t seem to have any flavor at all.

Alan Robertson
July 1, 2015 5:42 pm

… a pet Velociraptor…

Tom J
Reply to  Alan Robertson
July 1, 2015 5:56 pm

I wouldn’t recommend it. My older sister bought one for me. I lost two legs and an arm. Nasty.

Alan Robertson
Reply to  Tom J
July 1, 2015 6:27 pm

Clever girl…

Mike McMillan
Reply to  Tom J
July 2, 2015 12:41 am

I thought maybe you were going to say it cost her an arm and a leg.

Alan McIntire
Reply to  Tom J
July 2, 2015 11:02 am

Pet veloceraptors shouldn’t be any more dangereous than the pet wolves, a.k.a. dogs, we keep.
True , a few people get killed by them each year, (42 in 2014) but most of us are willing to put up with that small risk.

ralfellis
Reply to  Alan Robertson
July 2, 2015 3:44 am

>>… a pet Velociraptor…
There was a sci-fi story about breeding small dinosaurs, because they were much more tasty than chicken. It was predictably called the dino-chicken.

papiertigre
July 1, 2015 5:46 pm

The weather girl blew the forecast again. They called for between 105-109 for today in Sacramento. Here it is 5:42 and the thermometer hasn’t reached 100 yet.
A piddling 98 degrees. Day after day it’s the same thing. Make a forecast, predicting doom as per the prevailing political position, spectacularly fail, but never revisit the blown call.

Tom J
July 1, 2015 5:49 pm

I understand that they’re cross breeding normal chickens with chickens that suffer from androgenic alopecia. There’s been some problems since many of the offspring of the androgenic alopecia chicken breeds have been either known to get very depressed or to acquire tattoos and goatees or van dykes. Moreover, diners have been a little put off when served drumsticks where tattooed skulls and ‘f..k you for eating me’ were still visible. And it’s been reported that agents of PETA have invaded these chicken centers with the intent to deliver substantial quantities of Minoxidil which screws up the androgenic alopecia chicken breeding programs.
In other news, hunger experts (a discipline that most definitely does not include Michelle Obama) have opined that drawf cows will be insufficient to feed people unless we simultaneously breed drawf people for whom the caloric intake of the drawf burgers and drawf steaks and drawf filet mignons produced by drawf cows will be adequate. The drawf calories from the drawf steaks from the drawf cows are otherwise inadequate for larger than drawf people.

SMC
Reply to  Tom J
July 1, 2015 5:54 pm

Hey! A solution to the obesity epidemic!

Bruce
July 1, 2015 6:02 pm

I saw Heat-tolerant Dwarf Cows open for Buffalo Springfield in 67.

Gregory
Reply to  Bruce
July 1, 2015 7:41 pm

I saw Blue Oyster Cult with ZZ Top and Johnny and Edgar Winter all on the same bill in early 70’s.
I’m not sure if Blue Oysters are natural but I’m fairly sure Johnny and Edgar Winter are the result of an experiment gone horribly wrong.

PiperPaul
Reply to  Gregory
July 1, 2015 8:29 pm

I assume that Frankenstein and Godzilla were there? Dunno about any ZZ Top freaks of nature, though.

Crispin in Waterloo but really in Yantai
Reply to  Gregory
July 3, 2015 2:20 am

I saw the Johnny half of the Winter twins in Toronto, dressed in tight leather top to bottom. He looked the part of a speed freak in both senses of the term. If his music was an experiment, it went horribly right.

BFL
July 1, 2015 6:06 pm

Aren’t the chicken and pig farms combating climate change with the modern way of raising them in confined quarters:
http://www.mspca.org/programs/animal-protection-legislation/animal-welfare/farm-animal-welfare/factory-farming/pigs/pigs-on-a-factory-farm.html
The animals sure put out a lot less CO2 that way.

Philip A
July 1, 2015 6:11 pm

Its already been done in Australia as a result of a breeding experiment by NSW Agriculture in the 1990s where they tried to grow the largest cattle by natural selection, they also as a side experiment bred the smallest ones and came up with the “Square Meater”
They are very popular with the Chinese , I guess because smaller people can handle the cattle easier and they give better meat yield than larger breeds.
http://squaremeaters.com.au

Louis Hooffstetter
Reply to  Philip A
July 1, 2015 7:09 pm

And now for something completely different…
http://feeder-leader.com/worlds-largest-cow/

u.k.(us)
July 1, 2015 6:47 pm

Eric Worrall says:
“It would be wrong to think that the governments of the world are solely focussed on reducing CO2.”…………
==============
Wrong is the wrong word, it doesn’t capture the extent of the assumed gullibility of the unwashed masses.

Tom Harley
July 1, 2015 7:24 pm

Paris-itics, just in time for Paris!

Another Ian
Reply to  Tom Harley
July 2, 2015 1:48 am

Tom
How about “Climate Parisitis” for before, during and after?

Gunga Din
July 1, 2015 7:43 pm

Dwarf cows to handle the futures theorized higher heat?
In the Old West didn’t they raise longhorns to do that?

Gunga Din
Reply to  Gunga Din
July 1, 2015 7:49 pm

Couple that with velocichickens and then we’ll really be going back for the future!

MattS
July 1, 2015 8:03 pm

“Dwarf cows, on the other hand, appeared to carry a “thermometer gene” that allowed them to better tolerate high temperatures”
What grotesque nonsense.
It’s actually fairly simple. If you reduce the volume of an object without changing the basic topology of the object you also increase the ratio of surface area to volume. By increasing surface area relative to volume you make it easier for the object to radiate/conduct away internal heat.
Smaller mammals do better in hot climates than large mammals. Duh!

mebbe
Reply to  MattS
July 1, 2015 9:05 pm

Elephants, hippos and rhinos seem to do fine in hot climates. Along with others.

MattS
Reply to  mebbe
July 2, 2015 7:01 am

Elephants developed large thin ears to create enough surface area to radiate away heat. Hippo’s spend most of their time in water, which is a more efficient thermal conductor than air.

Juan Slayton
July 1, 2015 8:23 pm

Unconfirmed reports that researchers at UC Santa Barbara recently crossed an abalone and a crocodile. Hoping to produce and abadile, they were disappointed to discover they could only come up with a crockabaloney.

MattS
Reply to  Juan Slayton
July 1, 2015 8:28 pm

What do you get when you cross Batman with an Elephant?
.
.
.
Flatman!
What do you get when you cross an Elephant with the Alps?
.
.
.
You get a dead elephant and get whacked over the head with a clue stick. You are supposed do it the other way around dummy!

Harrowsceptic
Reply to  Juan Slayton
July 2, 2015 1:51 am

crockabaloney – like it

johnrmcd
Reply to  Juan Slayton
July 2, 2015 4:18 am

Magic! The perfect comment on this whole crock of merde.

July 1, 2015 9:24 pm

We’ve heard it before, let’s hear it again.’These Guys are Totally Nuts’. The proposal for Dwarf Cows and Featherless Chickens makes the six-legged Chicken proposal look sensible..

Pete of Perth
July 1, 2015 9:27 pm

Who ever successfully crosses a dwarf cow with a featherless chicken will rule the universe.

H.R.
Reply to  Pete of Perth
July 2, 2015 2:13 am

Only if the cow gives barbeque sauce instead of milk, Peter.

Captn' Carl
July 1, 2015 9:48 pm

I just had some 4 inch long ‘chicken fingers’ at my local Asian restaurant. I really want to see these chickens. They are so meaty. yumm!

July 1, 2015 9:55 pm

In the Kurt Vonnegut story Slapstick, the Chinese figure out how to miniaturise themselves, but people start getting sick from inhaling them.

July 1, 2015 10:13 pm

A way to save the world at last,
I’m so thankful for that;
But what about the Easter Bunny,
And why not mention of the Cheshire Cat?
http://rhymeafterrhyme.net/climate-compensation-and-cop19-its-alice-in-wonderland-revisted/

July 1, 2015 10:24 pm

So….the natural breeds better tolerate heat. Hmmmm.

dp
July 1, 2015 10:43 pm

I wonder how many mutant micro-bovines and featherless creatures evolved since the end of the most recent glaciation. Allow me this fanciful flight of imagination – the number shall be none. In the greatest and most recent event of substantial global warming not a single canary shed so much as a feather-creating genome. Cattle are the size they are today because that is the size the provides the greatest return. If a different size is deemed economical that shall drive the size. Such is the fate on bovines who have no say in their genetics because the are not allow to breed at random.
I’d appreciate it if someone can provide the name of a climate scientist known to have a functional brain. There is little to suggest such a thing exists.

Crikey Mikey
July 1, 2015 11:14 pm

Marvelous mirth … thanks to all for the hilarious lineup of witticisms, especial Juan Slayton and Matts. Laugh! I haven’t laughed so hard since Aunt Mable got her left tit caught in the mangle.

4TimesAYear
July 1, 2015 11:20 pm

Can somebody please give thes “scientists” a real job…like in the real world?

4TimesAYear
July 1, 2015 11:20 pm

*these*

rah
July 2, 2015 12:24 am

HA! According to National Cattlemen’s Beef Assoc. http://www.beefusa.org/beefindustrystatistics.aspx
“Top 5 states for all cattle and calves (2015):
1. Texas – 11.8 million
2. Nebraska – 6.30 million
3. Kansas – 6 million
4. California – 5.2 million
5. Oklahoma – 4.6 million”
Oh, and BTW Florida is 12th.

M Courtney
July 2, 2015 12:41 am

Smaller cows that need less food to produce the same amount of milk… that seems like a good idea to me.

rah
Reply to  M Courtney
July 2, 2015 6:41 am

If that were correct then today the diary cows would probably be the size of a dog!

hunter
July 2, 2015 2:23 am

Cattle ranchers worldwide are laughing at the climate kooks.

Ed Zuiderwijk
July 2, 2015 2:34 am

Model-averse dwarf climatologists is what we need.

July 2, 2015 2:57 am

It would be wrong to think that the governments of the world are solely focused on reducing CO2. Just in case the Paris conference fails to deliver, our selfless government scientists are spending your money, exploring a diverse range of strange mutant varieties of every day farm animals, to ensure world stays fed in the midst of soaring temperatures. ~ Eric Worrall

It came to me overnight that the worst fate of all would be to knock your English soccer team out of the World Cup with an own goal. I am so sad for that poor girl.
But the second most terrible thing is to see money, time, talent, and other resources spent trying to mitigate a 2C rise in temperatures. Especially since there will most likely be a reduction in average temperatures rather than a rise in temperatures.
Has anyone noticed that mankind might well be near the end of this interglacial period. Wisconsin might will be under ice again someday soon. (can Milwaukee’s roads handle that?)
And besides that, the Scottish Sceptic has an interesting post on the “Haseler gap”. Well worth your time to read that short post. (should be run here perhaps)
http://scottishsceptic.co.uk/2015/07/02/the-haseler-gap-imminent-global-plummeting-temperatures-in-next-2000-years/

Greg
July 2, 2015 5:13 am

Now if they could breed a 6 winged chicken that sweats buffalo sauce…..

Bill Illis
July 2, 2015 5:25 am

We have already downsized cattle by 50%.
They were domesticated from the wild Auroch.
The Auroch were wild cattle that lived in Europe, Asia and North Africa. They are featured in every cave art painting and probably formed the main part of our diet for the past 1.8 million years or so (or at least related earlier evolutionary species).
Twice as big cattle roaming the great plains and deserts during the ice ages when there was very little trees and no nuts, fruit, vegetables or roots. All there was to eat was grass-grazing herbivores. And one of them tasted like beef and was twice as big as today’s modern cattle so a single kill could feed a stone age tribe for weeks.
Humans hunted them into extinction and/or only left the domesticated kind around eventually. The last wild Auroch lived into the early 1600s and they were domesticated as early as 9,000 years ago.
The domesticated version is 50% of the size probably to make them easier to handle and/or it came along with the breeding selection for tameness.
Size comparison illustration.comment image

Glenn999
July 2, 2015 6:07 am

there are plenty of heat tolerant cattle
featherless chickens is really dumb. They will do fine with shade and water in high heat. A featherless chicken would be half charbroiled on a hot sunny day.
Okay, how about breeding chickens with a basil or rosemary plant.

PaulH
July 2, 2015 6:37 am

This is officially the fumiest thread evah, IMO. 🙂 I’m bookmarking this for future laughs.

BLACK PEARL
July 2, 2015 7:46 am

The BBC enviro dept must have missed this one.
This sort of report is their usual bread & butter
Bill Illis
Would like to see the size of sirloin steak you could get off that

Ralph Kramden
July 2, 2015 8:06 am

On ABC news this morning they said according to the government one third of polar bears will be in imminent danger because of green house gasses by 2025. I consider this good news because based on the track record of global warming predictions the polar bears are safe.

Will Hudson
July 2, 2015 10:13 am

I don’ no nuffin bout that climat stuff. I just come here for the comedy. This whole thread was great, guys. Thanks!

otsar
July 2, 2015 11:06 am

I am waiting for the cubic eggs. The chickens will probably put up a big squack about them.

Gregory
July 2, 2015 7:18 pm

IIRC there were dwarf Mammoth on the island of Catalina at one time, they call it island dwarfism.
An area in central Europe that had been a plateau also turned up fossils of dwarf prehistoric animals of many types.
We are all “Mutants of the Monster”.

DirkH
July 3, 2015 1:20 pm

“The new chicken would be lower in calories, faster-growing, environmentally friendly, and more likely to survive in warmer conditions, claims Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. ”
Oh great and I hope it tastes like crap as well.

simple-touriste
July 4, 2015 7:29 am

Will people buy pet chickens/velociraptors?
Will chickens exist in the defense pet variety?

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