We Need a Name for the Imaginary Planet Simulated by Climate Models for the IPCC

Guest Post by Bob Tisdale

I recently ran across an article by Chelsea Harvey for BusinessInsider. It was the title that grabbed my attention: This Map Shows How Climate Change Will Screw The Whole World. Not just parts of the world, the “Whole World”. Wow. Interest piqued, I discovered she was referring to Figure 2.4 from the IPCC’s Climate Change 2014 Synthesis Report (longer report), shown below. It appears to be the same as Figure SPM.8 from the 2014 Synthesis Report Summary for Policymakers. The author described the map of future risks as a “handy chart”. I love handy charts.

IPCC SYR Full Figure 2.4

The map resembles the planet Earth, where most of us reside. The continents are in the right places, and so are the oceans. But we know that’s not the Earth. The risks illustrated are based on climate models, and we know that climate models used by the IPCC for their reports are not based on Earth’s actual climate, as it has existed in the past, or as it exists now. The maps output by climate models may resemble our Earth, but they’re fantasy maps of a fantasy world. They create nothing more than an illusion…an illusion that is intended to make it look like bad things will happen in the future if we all do not agree to reduce our carbon footprints.

We need a name for the imaginary planet simulated by climate models—a planet that looks like Earth, but is not Earth. I’ll propose the climate-modeled planet be called TurnsToCrap. No matter how the modelers present the product of their endeavors, they show the planet TurnsToCrap.

 

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Janice Moore
November 14, 2014 11:34 am

Mr. David M. Hoffer — great minds …
(didn’t copy — independent genius 🙂

November 14, 2014 11:34 am

Reblogged this on Scratch Living and commented:
I know a good name for the imaginary planet simulated climate models for the IPCC, “Paycheck” or “Easy Grants”.

Catherine Ronconi
Reply to  Red Dust
November 14, 2014 11:49 am

Grantlandia.

Reply to  Catherine Ronconi
November 14, 2014 11:59 am

Yes, that’s a good one!

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 11:34 am

Jackanorby

The Ghost Of Big Jim Cooley
Reply to  Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 12:06 pm

The Americans won’t get that at all, Mike!

Mike Bryant
Reply to  The Ghost Of Big Jim Cooley
November 14, 2014 12:23 pm

My beautiful English wife gave me that one 🙂 She explained it and I still don’t get it!

Janice Moore
Reply to  The Ghost Of Big Jim Cooley
November 14, 2014 12:23 pm

This one sure didn’t…

The Ghost Of Big Jim Cooley
Reply to  The Ghost Of Big Jim Cooley
November 14, 2014 2:02 pm

Here in England, in the late 1960s, 70s, and I believe maybe early 80s, there was a TV programme about 4.00 in the afternoon called Jackanory. The programme consisted of a very simple format. Someone well known, not just to children, would sit in a comfy chair and read a story to the camera. Believe it or not, that very simple format was just brilliant. The stories were never true stories, but fiction brilliantly told, and sometimes with some great voices by trained actors. The best one I ever saw (and I must have been in my 20s then!) was by the comedy actor, Rik Mayell, who sadly died this year aged only in his mid 50s. Some VERY famous British actors and actresses had a go at presenting Jackanory. It was a simple idea, in a simple time…and we all loved it.

Matthew R Marler
November 14, 2014 11:35 am

Good contributions above. Here are mine:
Simulistan,
Compustan,
Silicastan,
Democratic Republic of Alarm.

Gary Hladik
November 14, 2014 11:38 am
RJ
November 14, 2014 11:39 am

Pluto (not really a planet)

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 11:39 am

Craven New World

András G.
November 14, 2014 11:40 am

Planet Hell!

StoptheRot
Reply to  András G.
November 15, 2014 4:53 am

Nightwish?
Hang on why not just – Planet Wish!? (They wish CAGW was true0

November 14, 2014 11:41 am

“Lenina”. Huxley nailed it.

H.R.
November 14, 2014 11:41 am

Erewhon.

H.R.
Reply to  H.R.
November 14, 2014 3:57 pm
Mac the Knife
November 14, 2014 11:41 am

Planet Scare’m II, with it’s companion Moon “Lyre Ban Ki”

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 11:42 am

Smear Sphere

Catherine Ronconi
November 14, 2014 11:42 am

IPeCaC.
GoCiMo.

ShrNfr
November 14, 2014 11:43 am

Cruciarietsimulatione or Nonconputare

wally
November 14, 2014 11:43 am

Imagina-a-a-ation land…..

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 11:43 am

Mind Game Gaia

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 11:46 am

Malingerth

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 11:47 am

Model Twaddle

R. de Haan
November 14, 2014 11:47 am

Stupidonia?

Clint
November 14, 2014 11:48 am

Planet “Nerf” , soft science capital of the universe…

Michael Sununu
November 14, 2014 11:48 am

Model-topia
Middle Earth
LV-426
Otisburg

Catherine Ronconi
Reply to  Michael Sununu
November 14, 2014 11:51 am

Muddle Earth.

Reply to  Michael Sununu
November 14, 2014 12:09 pm

“Middle Earth”?
Sorry. I vote against that.
Tolkien put a lot more research into his fantasy world than these guys have.
Besides, who’d want to see a Gandalf that’s short and balding? 😎

Janice Moore
Reply to  Gunga Din
November 14, 2014 12:28 pm

Amen to that — and Tolkein never attempted to foist his world upon the rest of us as a real place (much less use it to justify taking away our money and liberty) — not even as an allegory (he would strongly object to his books being described as “allegories”). Pure fantasy with the author’s own stellar morality shining throughout.
Cf. the worse-than-useless computer climate simulations which claim to “predict” — they can’t even hindcast historical data!

Janice Moore
Reply to  Gunga Din
November 14, 2014 12:29 pm

Tolkien. (oops)

Frodo
Reply to  Michael Sununu
November 14, 2014 1:16 pm

Hey! We sit here in Hobbitton and laugh hysterically at your absurd fantasy land all the time.
That being said, this is a completely awesome topic. Lots of brilliance on display.

Bruce foutch
November 14, 2014 11:50 am

Fanatica

András G.
November 14, 2014 11:50 am

Model Zombie

November 14, 2014 11:50 am

Whenever I hear their descriptions, it always brings to mind Crematoria, the planet in Chronicles of Riddick. http://riddick.wikia.com/wiki/Crematoria

Chip Javert
November 14, 2014 11:51 am

Bovine Excrement, or, if you prefer French, Merde

milodonharlani
Reply to  Chip Javert
November 14, 2014 12:52 pm

Merthe, borrowing the “th” from “murther”, Shakespearian for “murder”. Rhymes with “Mirth”, above.