We Need a Name for the Imaginary Planet Simulated by Climate Models for the IPCC

Guest Post by Bob Tisdale

I recently ran across an article by Chelsea Harvey for BusinessInsider. It was the title that grabbed my attention: This Map Shows How Climate Change Will Screw The Whole World. Not just parts of the world, the “Whole World”. Wow. Interest piqued, I discovered she was referring to Figure 2.4 from the IPCC’s Climate Change 2014 Synthesis Report (longer report), shown below. It appears to be the same as Figure SPM.8 from the 2014 Synthesis Report Summary for Policymakers. The author described the map of future risks as a “handy chart”. I love handy charts.

IPCC SYR Full Figure 2.4

The map resembles the planet Earth, where most of us reside. The continents are in the right places, and so are the oceans. But we know that’s not the Earth. The risks illustrated are based on climate models, and we know that climate models used by the IPCC for their reports are not based on Earth’s actual climate, as it has existed in the past, or as it exists now. The maps output by climate models may resemble our Earth, but they’re fantasy maps of a fantasy world. They create nothing more than an illusion…an illusion that is intended to make it look like bad things will happen in the future if we all do not agree to reduce our carbon footprints.

We need a name for the imaginary planet simulated by climate models—a planet that looks like Earth, but is not Earth. I’ll propose the climate-modeled planet be called TurnsToCrap. No matter how the modelers present the product of their endeavors, they show the planet TurnsToCrap.


670 thoughts on “We Need a Name for the Imaginary Planet Simulated by Climate Models for the IPCC

  1. The Real map of the Climate
    The Earth is a sphere, 70% covered by water. The central portion of the sphere between the 30˚ latitudes is half the surface area and absorbs 64% of the solar radiation. The higher latitudes get progressively less solar radiation and that includes most of the Northern hemispheric land masses.
    Since energy flows from hot to cold. The geometry clearly shows that the energy flows from the equator to the poles. The energy takes two paths and time frames, the bulk of the energy flow is by slow diffusion in the oceans, with a secondary flow via a relatively faster flux in the atmosphere.
    Geometry also shows that a cloud in the tropics primarily causes cooling by blocking the suns rays from being absorbed by the ocean and the same cloud in higher latitudes results in warming by reflecting surface radiation.
    That is it. More clouds in the tropics cools the climate and less clouds in the tropics warms the climate. Everything else is a rounding error.

    • This is a great point. It would have been wonderful if this thread had been more about the silly way climatologists “model” the earth by making it flat and averaging the sunlight over the whole darn thing at all times. A diffused twilight. Perfect for vampires perhaps, but not the real earth as we know it. It is a sphere, and it is a water filled world. It has a powerful heat source called the sun that will burn your butt at the equator if you are on a sandy beach. The atmosphere is a heat moving machine.
      Perhaps your comment could be expanded upon and made into a post someday when people realize that unless “science” looks at the darned beast as it is, and not as some fantasy place, we will never really understand the climate.
      Your post was a +1 with me. ~Mark

    • I’m certainly grateful for the clouds which brought snow yesterday & are now keeping the temperature here in NE Oregon from getting even more unseasonably cold. When they clear, we’ll yet again suffer Arctic chill under cloudless skies.
      You’re right about tropical clouds. One hypothesis to explain the exceptional heat of the Cretaceous is fewer clouds, producing hot oceans, which yield fewer biological CCNs in a positive feedback loop. Higher CO2 levels alone then can’t reproduce implied heat, without absurdly high CS assumptions.

  2. Nibiru Planet X set to destroy the Earth in 2003… No! 2012.. No! Dec 2014… Oh, I don’t know but its definitely there!

  3. I saw that article, too. I wanted to comment, but there was no place for one.
    Climatebabe Chelsea is just jumping on the bandwagon. She wants to be liked. Probably didn’t make the cut as a cheerleader in high school.
    Anyway, I could have saved her a lot of typing: ‘The End Is Nigh.’ Simples.

  4. All it takes is reading the title to know that this is indeed the hard-science we should be basing world-wide economic policy and social engineering on. Once they start showing them complex graphs where them orange bars jump from medium to the next level of medium…man, my head just starts to spin. I willingly submit to you, climatologists, my meek and unworthy brain as penance. Save us! Make the scary-colored graphs turn a soothing icy blue!

  5. For describing someone missing a grey cell or billion I always use Planet Zod. It’s close to earth but far enough away for the lunies to live on.

  6. Along the lines of a computer game little kids like to play, SimCity (where the people all turn red when you forget to put enough elevators in your apartment buildings and stuff like that)
    Ad slogan: “Not realistic, BUT tons of fun to play! Design fake buildings. Fool your friends — tell them you are a real engineer.”
    Not recommended for children under the age of 3.

      • Here in England, in the late 1960s, 70s, and I believe maybe early 80s, there was a TV programme about 4.00 in the afternoon called Jackanory. The programme consisted of a very simple format. Someone well known, not just to children, would sit in a comfy chair and read a story to the camera. Believe it or not, that very simple format was just brilliant. The stories were never true stories, but fiction brilliantly told, and sometimes with some great voices by trained actors. The best one I ever saw (and I must have been in my 20s then!) was by the comedy actor, Rik Mayell, who sadly died this year aged only in his mid 50s. Some VERY famous British actors and actresses had a go at presenting Jackanory. It was a simple idea, in a simple time…and we all loved it.

  7. Good contributions above. Here are mine:
    Democratic Republic of Alarm.

    • “Middle Earth”?
      Sorry. I vote against that.
      Tolkien put a lot more research into his fantasy world than these guys have.
      Besides, who’d want to see a Gandalf that’s short and balding? 😎

      • Amen to that — and Tolkein never attempted to foist his world upon the rest of us as a real place (much less use it to justify taking away our money and liberty) — not even as an allegory (he would strongly object to his books being described as “allegories”). Pure fantasy with the author’s own stellar morality shining throughout.
        Cf. the worse-than-useless computer climate simulations which claim to “predict” — they can’t even hindcast historical data!

    • Hey! We sit here in Hobbitton and laugh hysterically at your absurd fantasy land all the time.
      That being said, this is a completely awesome topic. Lots of brilliance on display.

    • Merthe, borrowing the “th” from “murther”, Shakespearian for “murder”. Rhymes with “Mirth”, above.

  8. Recall that, by convention, planets must be named after gods.
    So I propose the Japanese divinity of wind, storms and viciously cold weather:

  9. Catastrophia
    Calamitous II
    And in keeping with Larry Niven’s naming of planets. . .
    We Made It Up

  10. Miri, from Star Trek: The Enterprise discovers an Earth-like planet that was devastated by a horrific degenerative disease and is now populated entirely by impossibly old children. The disease is starting to affect the landing party, their nerves are frayed and their tempers are short. Now infected with the disease and crying, they find comfort in the arms of Captain Kirk (Dr. Mann)

    • “Beaming down, the landing party of Captain Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy, Janice Rand and two security men discover architecture like that of Earth, circa 1960. But there is debris in the streets and evidence that decay has been ongoing for at least several centuries, and that the distress signal is automated.”
      A planet over-run and decaying under eternal adolescents, starting in 1960. What a zinger! (: I didn’t say it.

    • I just so happen to have just watched that episode. Miri was the name of one of the inhabitants of the planet.
      – – –
      I have conducted an extensive poll and it is unequivocal that the name of this planet should be Gary.

  11. Though it’s still early in the NHL 2014-2015 season, I would go with Clemmensen, since there’s a hockey stick present that serves no apparent function*.
    *As of this post, Scott Clemmensen of the New Jersey Devils (which team name in itself brings to mind the searing heat claimed by CAGW boosters) has the worst Goals Allowed Average and Save Percentage of any goalie in the NHL this season.

    • Nice one, Gunga. Depending on how you say it and where you put the inflection, it can carry a load of sarcasm.

  12. It should be called the “Paleo Planet” because it can only exist on low carbs.
    Other options:
    Miranda (from Serenity)
    Girth (Gore + Earth)
    Snowball Earth
    PPM Planet
    Unreal Clear Earth
    Grant Generator
    Perhaps if we just renamed this planet Mars and the Red Planet Earth, we could get all the climate scientists and environmental nutjobs to move there and save that planet!

  13. Tough one. I don’t think there has been a world in fiction that is comparable to the madness here. Planet bat-sh!t-crazy comes to mind.

    • I’m sure the planet in question is somewhere in “The Number of the Beast”, by R. A. Heinlein. Possibly one of the Teh-positives surveyed in chapter 38.

  14. Flat Earth of Doom, since (most of if not all of) the climate models use two flat planes, one for the Earth and the other for the atmosphere… two flat matrices.

  15. As the saying goes, truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Twain, if the Google is correct.

  16. Jotunheim for Asgardians
    Furya for Riddick fans
    For Star Trek Fans:
    Ceti Alpha V think Kahnnnnn!
    Epsilon Eridani
    Iota Geminorum IV (think tribbles)
    Omicron Theta

  17. Similar projections for 2 decades from the alarmist side. On the real planet however, the actual reality is that this keeps happening:
    “Corn production is forecast at 14.4 billion bushels, down slightly from the
    previous forecast, but up 3 percent from 2013. Based on conditions as of November 1, yields are expected to average 173.4 bushels per acre, down
    0.8 bushel from the previous forecast but 14.6 bushels above the 2013
    average. If realized, this will be the highest yield and production on record
    for the United States.”
    “Soybean production is forecast at a record 3.96 billion bushels, up less than
    1 percent from October and up 18 percent from last year. Based on November 1
    conditions, yields are expected to average a record high 47.5 bushels per
    acre, up 0.4 bushel from last month and up 3.5 bushels from last year.”
    So what is the response from the IPCC to the booming biosphere, increased vegetative health, record crop yields, slightly less global drought, less strong/violent storms/tornadoes and less tropical cyclone energy?
    Boost their confidence level in the bad stuff to 95%.
    To be objective, the beneficial warming in the 80’s/90’s resulted in an atmosphere that can hold more moisture and this increased heavy down pours a bit.
    Also, the explosive growth from plants/vegetation caused some wildfires to be worse since that factor provided additional fuel for them to burn.
    Those negatives are actually a result of an overall positive.
    Who would want plants and crops to grow less, so that wildfires would not have as much fuel?
    Who would want less water vapor in the global atmosphere, which would result in less rain for areas that dependent on it?
    This planet and the response by life on it, shows conclusively that the one gas which should be increased…….even more is CO2.

  18. A new planet won’t be enough. You’ll need a new universe where you can customize the Earthly laws of physics. First, you will need to repeal the Second Law of Thermodynamics so Earth 2.0 can rest in equilibrium states. Then you’ll need to repeal Henry’s Law of Solubility so the ocean will stop sucking up CO2 emissions, and outgassing CO2 from solar heating (or any other source of global warming). And then you’ll need to repeal whatever laws govern cloud cover so that it can be constant instead of being a high speed, positive feedback to the Sun, and a slow speed, negative feedback to surface temperature.
    It might be easier just to convert everyone not already an IPCC-climatologist so that nobody cares whether climate models actually work. Easier yet, all you have to do is convert the remaining half of the US into liberal/progressives, or put them on the dole, then no one will worry about whether anything works.
    Or, cut of funds for these terrorists in mufti and huaraches, or whatever academic dress du jour is, and let’s all get back to useful work.

    • OK. Nobody liked my observation that you can’t just stick Planet X in the existing universe and have it reproduce the AGW model because that model violates universal laws. So, to play the name game for this compliant planet, I offer
      That stands for Karl RAImund Popper, who single-handedly founded Post Modern Science, the academically compliant, Publish or Perish “science”, without which IPCC compliant climatologists would be exposed as cranks. As Will Happer confirms on Paul Budline’s new video posted on WUWT a few minutes ago, “it’s complete falsehood to say that it’s science”. By it, he means (anthropogenic) global warming, which he condemns as propaganda from a religious cult.
      Under Popper’s principle of Falsification, the only valid model is one containing a clause that would show it is empirically invalid. Since the passing of David Stove, apparently I am alone in being amused by this observation. More than propaganda and religion, it’s insanity, specifically psychotic. Stove politely and untypically called proponents irrational.
      Just to be sure, AGW is peer-reviewed, published in AGW journals, supported by a consensus of AGW experts, and has a falsification clause involving an urgent, irreversible, global catastrophe just out of reach — the end of life-as-we-know-it in t-minus-100 years, and, apparently, holding.

  19. I’ve been using the name ‘planet Model’ both here and elsewhere to describe that scary planet of the future described by the imaginative and faithful.

  20. or AAAArth
    For Rowan Atkinson fans google “will this wind” from the Secret Policemans Ball”. Its an end of the world comedy skit.

    • Since Gore thought a picture of Earth was hung upside down, how about Tiljander? Although I like Planet Yamal, kind of like Ygdrasil, the Earth Tree.

  21. Helix….. I want my incandescents back
    Baldy…..after scraping the surface so we can grow our energy rather than pull from within
    Windex….after covering the planet with bird killing Windmills

  22. I just saw the new “Interstellar” movie. Mankind has to search for a new planet after climate change has destroyed Earth’s ability to sustain its population. Advance explorers are sent through a wormhole into another galaxy to look for such a planet. One of these explorers is a Dr. Mann (played by Matt Damon), and the planet he finds is called “the Mann Planet” by the main team of explorers…
    Fittingly, the Mann Planet is not at all like the messages Dr Mann has sent about it. In fact, the Mann planet is very cold. He sent erroneous information because he wanted to be rescued. Eventually, he turns on his colleagues and attemps to hijack the main team’s spacecraft…
    Mann would be a very appropriate name for the IPCC’s imaginary planet.

    • Good suggestion, but the “Blight” in “Interstellar” is making the Earth uninhabitable by sequestering atmospheric oxygen. As Professor Brandt the Elder noted, “The last not to starve will be the first to suffocate.” The writers seemed to avoid blaming Climate Change. While CAGW films may be in vogue now, they’re going to look trite and stupid when that meme falls apart.

  23. Planet Barbi – a wildly unrealistic, hollow-headed model of over-extrapolated proportions not calibrated to reality.

    • And the capital city is “la città ch’ha nome Dite.”
      “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate.”

    • It’s a crappy place to live. All that climate change, nothing good ever happens. It’s name is Crapton.

  24. Planet Shovel Ready
    Settled World
    Science Twilight Zone
    TermLimited World

  25. Clingon:
    In honour of those of the House of Green, who,
    clung precariously to the top of the atmosphere
    and lead the,
    Charge of the Right Brigade

  26. Dolos
    “In Greek mythology, Dolos (sometimes pronounced “Dolus”) is the spirit of trickery and guile. He is also a master at cunning deception, craftiness, and treachery. He became a master at his skill when he attempted to make a statue of Veritas again, in order to trick people into thinking they were seeing the real statue

  27. Htrae: where everything is backwards, from cause and effect to the scientific method to human progress….

  28. This chart reminds me of the radio weather office report I heard a couple of days ago.
    “There is a chance of sunshine and cloud and sometime during the day there may be rain”
    Do you know? Through some miracle of science he was correct! Although he must have omitted to mention that there was some hail as well.

  29. I have a need to quote Monty Python with this thread – and not because I have a vewy good fwend in Wome by the name Biggus Dickus:

  30. Planet ‘No Water’ would pretty much do it in my mind.
    For the models to come even close to the real influence of CO2 then we would need a ‘black body’ planet with a Nitrogen only atmosphere.

  31. There’s very little agreement among the various models as to what happens at specific locations on earth. They could just cancel all that out of the models, sell the supercomputers, and calculate the resulting dimensionless model on a smart phone, they’d be getting the same results where global temperatures are concerned. In fact, I’m running such a model on my iPhone now. Just add up the fudge, er, forcing factors and put in a time lag.

  32. Planet Potemkin.
    Because ‘It Takes A Village’ (UN-IPCC)…. and the resident village idiot (Pachauri).

  33. No! How many times must we explain this! The simulation is REAL, it’s the DATA that’s at fault.
    Call it The One True World, which we examine from within our flawed empirical one in our search for Climate Truth!

  34. Counter-Earth is a hypothetical body of the Solar system hypothesized by the philosopher Philolaus (c. 470 – c. 385 BCE).
    In modern descriptions Counter-Earth is a planet orbiting the Sun so that it was always exactly on the other side of the sun from Earth at the same distance from the Sun and with the same mass as Earth (according to the theory 🙂 ). It would be undetectable to astronomers (or any other human beings) on Earth but habitable to beings at least similar to humans.
    Thus it would seem VERY like earth, but it could never really be seen *from* earth.
    John Norman wrote over 30 sci-fi novels about a counter-earth he named “Gor.”
    I suggest the name “the planet Gor.”

  35. Planet Press Release
    Scare World
    Planet______ . Fill in the blank if you are a donor bundler.
    Planet Gone Wild

  36. If you can get through this bad corny post without getting nauseous, congratulations!
    Planet ; Nirvana
    Planetary Government;
    CCCC ;
    Committee for the Control of Climate and Citizens.
    By decree of the CCCC;
    “CliFi” ; [ shortened version of “Climate Fiction” ]
    Official religious colour ; Murky Bilious Green;
    Other Denominations and cults permitted by the CCCC.
    The very influential and major cult that has gained control of planetary governance “Ban CO2”
    The technologically orientated “Modeling CliFi” denomination,
    The “Renewable Energy” denomination.
    The doomsday cult of CAGW.
    Prayers to the Goddess “Climate Change” MUST be attended four times per day.
    Apostates when caught are sentenced to death in a deadly carbon dioxide chamber with concentrations of 2000 ppm of CO2.
    A lingering death occurs within four days thereby proving the CCCC’s official claims on the deadly nature of the CO2 gas.
    Some deep cover skeptics claim it is because drinking water is denied to the condemned that death occurs.
    Climate has been stabilised with a fall of 2% in the number of Model predicted storm and climate catastrophe events by the removal of all but tiny trace amounts of Carbon Dioxide from the atmosphere.
    The removal of all the deadly atmospheric Carbon Dioxide has led to the extinction of all Chlorophyll and therefore all chlorophyl reliant plant life.
    But that is a small price to pay in the eyes of the CCCC to save the planet.
    The CCCC is now having some concerns over the falling amounts of Oxygen in the planetary atmosphere.
    The state CliFi religion’s “Climate modeling” denomination is claiming that their modeling now indicates that all citizens in the aimed for rapidly declining population will need O2 supplementary breathing systems by 2122.
    With the demise of chlorophyl reliant plant life, the planetary surface is entirely silicon based and almost devoid of life in any form.
    Sea life consequently is nearly all extinct as it is now so overexploited as the only source of food for the planetary inhabitants.
    The CCCC has initiated a drastic population reduction program so as to enable the continuing resource of ocean life to be available for their remaining loyal supporters to continue to exist.
    Extensive Polar ice consists entirely of Dry Ice.
    Vast Wind power systems are the only planetary power generation system allowed by the CCCC with nearly all power generated used to keep the CO2 sequestering plants operating in the Polar regions.
    Frequent crisis arise when the wind stops blowing and the power to the Polar CO2 sequestering plants fails allowing vast amounts of Dry Ice to sublime back into the very dangerous CO2 gas.

    • +1
      “The removal of all the deadly atmospheric Carbon Dioxide has led to the extinction of all Chlorophyll and therefore all chlorophyll reliant plant life.”
      A better explanation for the lack of O2 in the movie Interstellar.

    • ROM
      Submitted on 2014/11/14 at 3:36 pm
      With the demise of chlorophyl reliant plant life, the planetary surface is entirely silicon based and almost devoid of life in any form.

      So the computers run the computer models to force model-based outcomes to create and control model-based policies that will kill all carbon-based life on the planet so silicon-based lifeforms can become dominant? (If a computer (er, silicon-based lifeform) were ever able to create power to feed itself without having to rely on fossil fuels dug by carbon-based lifeforms running carbon-burning power plants …)

  37. At one point in my geological career I did some research in Russia. I retained a bit of the language, so here’s my try at naming the new planet:
    Мудак Манна , which transliterates as Mudak Manna. I’ll leave the translation to to those with better language skills than mine (or perhaps those who know how to use Google translate).

  38. Try Hyperthymos from the Greek – means over heated or too passionate. Otherwise “Crematoria” from the time honoured Chronicles of Riddick.

  39. Planet Missing Heat….have you seen it?
    Planet No Time for La Ninas
    PR Planet
    Planet No Trespassing: Steyer Owned and Operated

  40. “Planet B” of course.
    Thereby invalidating all those “There is no Planet B” posters.
    — Bad News

  41. “Vulcan” (not the Star Trek planet):
    “Vulcan was a small planet proposed to exist in an orbit between Mercury and the Sun. In an attempt to explain peculiarities of Mercury’s orbit, in the 19th-century French mathematician Urbain Jean Joseph Le Verrier hypothesized that they were the result of another planet, which he named Vulcan. No such planet was ever found, and Mercury’s orbit has now been explained by Albert Einstein’s theory of general relativity.”
    More details here:
    The experts of the time were convinced it was real, but it was not.

  42. Plantit Cialis ….where a day is 4 hours long. …and if you are there longer than four hours, call your Mann doctor.

  43. Bob Tisdale says,
    “We need a name for the imaginary planet simulated by climate models—a planet that looks like Earth, but is not Earth. . . . ”

    Since the model exaggerates the real Earth in mythic proportion, I the climate-modeled planet be called:
    Mythos Major
    Hey, this is fun . . . more names to come . . .

  44. At the risk of starting another game. Thing most likely to hear one of the inhabitants say…
    ”Oh sh1t, it’s freezing here too”

  45. Climate modellers cry wolf, and using the tradition of naming planets after Greek and Roman gods: Lupa – ancient Roman wolf goddess. It’s a happy co-incidence that Lupa was also a slang word for prostitute in ancient Rome and it sounds similar to ‘loopy’.

  46. Love the handy-dandy chart, reminds me of a board game I had when I was a little kid. But get real, fire should be red and tractors green. Hope they fixed that in Final Copyedit and Quality Control or nobody is gonna play.
    Too hot? Terra therma
    Too cold? ‘S no globe
    Too many hurricanes? Map of the whirled
    Too wet? Sea-sod
    Too dry? Dez-earth
    All of the above? Crapmo-sphere

  47. The planet Excel
    It’s always been my opinion that the ability to create professional looking graphs and presentations based on data of dubious pedigree has caused issues in many businesses. The rise of climate change has mirrored the age of the personal computer.

  48. Since the models’ results exaggerate toward the image of a desert planet, then the name of the climate-modeled planet could be linked to arguably the most famous desert planet in fiction; the one in the Star Wars movies:
    False Tatooine

  49. Chaos, spelt Kaos.

    Chaos: When the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future. (Edward Lorenz)

    “KAOS” is a play on the word “chaos”, but is not an acronym.
    An international organisation of evil (as it is repeatedly called) bent on world domination.

  50. Sorry I don’t have a name that is anywhere as good as the ones already offered. However I do have a hypothesis about the location of the planet, based on the following from Wikipedia:
    The multiverse (or meta-universe) is the hypothetical set of infinite or finite possible universes (including the universe we consistently experience) that together comprise everything that exists: the entirety of space, time, matter, and energy as well as the physical laws and constants that describe them. The various universes within the multiverse are sometimes called parallel universes or “alternative universes.”
    The structure of the multiverse, the nature of each universe within it and the relationships among the various constituent universes, depend on the specific multiverse hypothesis considered. Multiple universes have been hypothesized in cosmology, physics, astronomy, religion, philosophy, transpersonal psychology, and fiction, particularly in science fiction and fantasy. In these contexts, parallel universes are also called “alternative universes”, “quantum universes”, “interpenetrating dimensions”, “parallel dimensions”, “parallel worlds”, “alternative realities”, “alternative timelines”, and “dimensional planes,” among others.
    The multiverse hypothesis is a source of debate within the physics community. Physicists disagree about whether the multiverse exists, and whether the multiverse is a proper subject of scientific inquiry.
    Bottom line:
    If the multiverse really does exist, there must be a planet somewhere that corresponds to an IPCC model. Maybe even additional planets which match up with other models that are inconsistent with that first one.

  51. How about naming it Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, known for his doctrine of change being central to the universe.
    “Everything changes and nothing stands still”
    “You could not step twice into the same river”
    “All entities move and nothing remains still”
    “Men who wish to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details”

  52. Well, if its a model, then it has to be the Planet Kardashian.
    Spectacularly and obviously fake, but everyone still wants to go along that it actually makes sense that it is so popular.

    • Planet Kardashian-Jenner.
      A fake jut butt-lift on one end and a face-lift fading into sexual reassignment surgery on the other.

    • Good one — the planet that races around its sun, makes every excuse imaginable & announces it’s the BEST planet of all.

  53. There is so many things wrong, just wrong, immoral, dishonest, and misleading about the sysnthesis report chart, it is difficult to know where to start.
    Maybe a place to start is with its landing a starring role in the next Dumb and Dumber movie.

  54. Since the models are fundamentally circular logic and since therefore they call up the image of the mythic serpent Ouroboros eating its own tail thus forming a symbolic circle, then the climate-modeled planet could be called:
    Planet ‘Ouroboros’

  55. There is only one viable answer. “SimEarth”, named after the only climate model suitably packaged: as a video game.

  56. [REPLY: No, I think not, “Gordon Ford/juan/beckleybud/H Grouse, etc. You are permanently persona non grata here. If your comments get through by mistake, they will be deleted within minutes. ~another mod.]
    [And as long as you use bad email addresses, you will be erased. .mod]

  57. Since the modelers after 30 years haven’t matched observations, the climate-modeled planet could be called:
    ‘SONG’ World
    SONG = Skeptical Observations Non Gratis

  58. This might help explain the Dunning-Kruger Effect, which says stupid people are too stupid to realize they’re stupid:
    DAVID DUNNING: Well, my specialty is decision-making. How well do people make the decisions they have to make in life? And I became very interested in judgments about the self, simply because, well, people tend to say things, whether it be in everyday life or in the lab, that just couldn’t possibly be true. And I became fascinated with that. Not just that people said these positive things about themselves, but they really, really believed them. Which led to my observation: if you’re incompetent, you can’t know you’re incompetent.
    ERROL MORRIS: Why not?
    DAVID DUNNING: If you knew it, you’d say, “Wait a minute. The decision I just made does not make much sense. I had better go and get some independent advice.” But when you’re incompetent, the skills you need to produce a right answer are exactly the skills you need to recognize what a right answer is. In logical reasoning, in parenting, in management, problem solving, the skills you use to produce the right answer are exactly the same skills you use to evaluate the answer. And so we went on to see if this could possibly be true in many other areas. And to our astonishment, it was very, very true.

    • Truth. It’s a happy circumstance for the village idiots that they never need realize they are idiots. That does not give license to others to prey upon their naivete, however. That kind of exploitation is how socialist Grubers design Obamacare legislation to be attractive to the easily deceived. And thus, scriptures are shown to be true…..

  59. htraE
    Earth backwards, I’d do it upside down and backwards but it is really hard to read. Instead we’ll just keep it to the other side of the looking glass view.
    Or aiaG for a backwards Gaia.
    If one is going for a complete reversal.
    htraE aiaG
    Which combines a backwards Gaia (over the top emotional nature world) with a backwards Earth (rejection of centuries of history)
    Or since alarmists operate in a whole different plane of reality.
    esrevinU for their backwards view of the Universe.

  60. By the way.
    Kudos to everyone for their amazing abundance of postulated names for the planet where alarmists (and other less productive people spin their less than honest horrors. I greatly enjoyed them!

  61. Did anybody say Cashcow yet? The capitol of world government would be Grantsville. Didn’t i see a parallel universe like this on Star Trek TOS?

    • Speaking of Star Trek, maybe the unnamed planet needs that “Genesis” device! …Talk about Climate change…

  62. Planet with no temperature regulating molecule ie. no water. . .
    Currently very cold. . .
    CO2 concentration low enough so that changes actually make a difference. . .
    Wouldn’t that be Mars?

  63. ‘Planet Windows’ ?
    or maybe ‘Google Earth’ – the forbidden planet, orbited by the moon ‘Ban’
    otherwise ‘Pachauri Climastophilis’

  64. Speculus x
    Actually there is a cload of planets, which belong to the cload of Speculus Ensemble. For example Speculus GissE-Ar4 is one of its planets. The lifetime of each planet is very short, because they have frequent collisions with the black hole of Reality. The resullt of this kind of a collision is the birth of a new planet, lets say Speculus GissE-Ar5, in an other universe.

  65. I second Mike McMillan’s ‘Fortran’. A planet based on an ancient programming language is exactly what we’re talking about.

  66. Since the models need unrealistic climate sensitivities to CO2 in achieving desired exaggeration, the climate-modeled planet could be called:
    Planet ‘Over-Sensitivities’ End

  67. It´s really very easy:
    *Translate: jajajajajaja (stop for breath) jajajajajaja (stop for breath) jaja …. ” (Descojonoland)
    “A parallel world in an imaginary universe close”

  68. I was thinking -topia, as in dystopia, however, like a good scientist, I turned to Greek for nomenclature:
    Ualeos – of glass (‘domos’ is ‘house’)
    Interestingly Greek has a verb ‘tuphopoieo’ – which means ‘construct an imaginary world’

  69. Does anyone remember the comic book about Bizarro World? It was a cube-shaped planet where normal cause and effect were (sometimes) reversed. The rules of physics sometimes applied but often not. Outcomes were frequently the opposite of the expected outcomes on Earth. Once trapped there, one had no real chance to return to our world.
    As it is a place that already exists in literature Bizarro World is my nomination for the planet the IPCC describes and where the ‘futures’ they detail could happen.
    I recall it as a Superman or Superboy series. I am sure others can supply links to a graphic showing the planet with its six flat surfaces.

    • It occurs to me that as the CAGW crowd is so fond of citing ‘the literature’, Bizarro World (TM) should be found in very good standing. It was reviewed in detail by hundreds of thousands of people like myself who were quite capable of distinguishing between logic and the fantasy on that planet to the point of finding it humorous.
      Each time an IPCC claim is refuted by science or data or logic, a citation can be given for the edition of Bizarro world in which a similar example of anti-science or anti-sense occurs ‘in the literature’ thus bolstering the IPCC claim as something ‘already reported’.
      There are many examples of Bizarro World thinking, the most well know perhaps being the Hockey Stick temperature chart. It’s math and claims are truly not of this world.

    • “Alan Watt, Climate Denialist Level 7
      November 14, 2014 at 1:36 pm
      I was going to suggest that, actual name is “Htrae”, but in DC Comics the Bizarro world is cube shaped, which kind of violates the spirit of Bob’s challenge…”

      Alan covered Bizarro world up higher in the thread. I should’ve credited him with the backwards Earth => htraE too. I claim loss of aged thinking skills by the time I read the thread to the bottom; all terrific suggestions.
      The benefit of the Bizzaro htraE is that since the alarmists want to reverse the ‘null’ so that science must disprove CAGW rather than CAGW providing clear evidence of CAGW; a reversal of scientific process perfectly fitting Bizarro CAGW theory and philosophy.
      Return (restore?) the alarmists to their Bizarro parallel dimension!

  70. Vulcanus.
    The non-existing planet postulated in the inner Solar System to explain the perihelion drift of Mercury’s orbit, before General Relativity gave the correct explanation. It supposed existence was in a sense the wrong prediction by a fundamentally flawed model.

      • I confess I missed it. On reflection Lagado is better than Balnibarbi it being home to The Academy of Projectors and ‘The Engine’ a sort of fictional Proto-computer.
        It is a bit depressing that Swift’s satire on The Royal Academy is still so relevant, headed as it is today by arch-warmist Sir Paul Nurse, a man who will brook no dissent or discussion against the ‘settled science’.

  71. That is a handy chart. Not one good outcome ffrom a warmer climate? Ok. Then colder must be eutopia. good thing it’s getting colder.

  72. Per my falstronomy textbook, that the planet Spurious. It circles the star Irregulus, which is in the constellation Olyin.
    The continents are Fougasia, North and South Scamerica, Aintarctica, Afraudka, Falstralia, and Eurroneous.
    You’re welcome.

  73. Gored. ‘to penetrate something’ …..although I dislike a name that allows algore to claim he had a planet named after him….

  74. Jerkury or Fakury
    Bars or Carbs
    Stupiter (already suggested)

  75. Since the public widely knows of the failure of the strategy to give models prioritization over observations and since that strategy was devised by institutionally sponsored scientists to support a need by their intellectual patrons to advocate significant AGW from CO2 by burning fossil fuels, then the climate-modeled planet could be called:
    Planet ’Fossil Priors’
    & . . . or
    Planet ’Fossil Prime’
    & . . . or
    Planet ’Fossiled Myopia’
    & . . . or
    Planet ’Patron’s Delight’
    . . . . and it goes on and on and on . . . .

  76. Since, the modelers’ recursively defensive answer to the increasingly mistrusting public wrt their failed model strategy has been “our important models are necessary but are only work in progress that will eventually save mankind, but until they do save mankind just assume they must be currently right and immediately make strict policy against fossil fuels”. Also since, in 25 years the modelers’ work product has not improved wrt the inability of their predictions / projections / guesses to actually match observations. Then, the climate-modeled planet could be called:
    Planet ’ Modelers’ Sisyphus ’
    & . . . or
    Planet ’Wrongfully Recursive’
    & . . . or
    ’SAD Planet’
    …where SAD = Sciency Appearing Dictates
    & . . . or
    Planet ’ Modelers’ Err ’

  77. Whatever you call it, I know where it’s inhabitants are. They apparently are vacationing in Australia on a beach.

    • Sorry, good one, but already proposed. Maybe time to close the nominations & let Bob pick a winner.

      • milodonharlani
        Sorry, good one, but already proposed. Maybe time to close the nominations & let Bob pick a winner.

        Nah. After 629 good answers, replies, and comments?
        Why stop?

      • To avoid repeats perhaps people should use “Control F” and search for their proposal to see if it’s been taken?

  78. Just name planet “HTRAE” because the physical science is apparently 180° out of phase with that of planet EARTH, and there’s really no need to be able to pronounce the name because the planet can never exist.

  79. Lielium (A world entirely lacking in truth.)
    Neversnow (No really, snow is just not going to happen there. Never ever.)
    Gigolia (The world of garbage in garbage out.)
    Hokey (Where hockey sticks rule.)
    Noradat (No, you can’t see my raw data.)
    Fakearth (should be obvious)

    • good one
      for crappy science how about:
      Pauling’s Helix

  80. Planet Boob [a binary planet system – the orbiting sister planet is called “Bob” to avoid confusion] located 7 trillion light years from reality. The name is self explanatory.

  81. De-earth
    DeMann (Jonesville, capital)
    Yamalski (Briffrica, capital)
    Fleece (Broke, capital)
    Dupetopia (Rubeton, capital)
    Chump (Patsy, capital)

  82. Why not call it Tlön, after the imaginary planet in the short story ‘Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius’ by Argentine writer Jorge Luis Borges.
    From Wikipedia: “In the story, an encyclopedia article about a mysterious country called Uqbar is the first indication of a massive conspiracy of intellectuals to imagine (and thereby create) a world known as Tlön.”
    Doesn’t that sound about right?

  83. Gaia. It’s fictional, already at the center of the green hypothesis, and has the added bonus of rhyming with Kaya.

  84. Wow, just wow to go through the list of nominations :).
    Maybe best woould be a combination of some very good names like: Planet Gaia-Noradat-Gigo?

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