Guest Post by Bob Tisdale
I recently ran across an article by Chelsea Harvey for BusinessInsider. It was the title that grabbed my attention: This Map Shows How Climate Change Will Screw The Whole World. Not just parts of the world, the “Whole World”. Wow. Interest piqued, I discovered she was referring to Figure 2.4 from the IPCC’s Climate Change 2014 Synthesis Report (longer report), shown below. It appears to be the same as Figure SPM.8 from the 2014 Synthesis Report Summary for Policymakers. The author described the map of future risks as a “handy chart”. I love handy charts.
The map resembles the planet Earth, where most of us reside. The continents are in the right places, and so are the oceans. But we know that’s not the Earth. The risks illustrated are based on climate models, and we know that climate models used by the IPCC for their reports are not based on Earth’s actual climate, as it has existed in the past, or as it exists now. The maps output by climate models may resemble our Earth, but they’re fantasy maps of a fantasy world. They create nothing more than an illusion…an illusion that is intended to make it look like bad things will happen in the future if we all do not agree to reduce our carbon footprints.
We need a name for the imaginary planet simulated by climate models—a planet that looks like Earth, but is not Earth. I’ll propose the climate-modeled planet be called TurnsToCrap. No matter how the modelers present the product of their endeavors, they show the planet TurnsToCrap.
Algoria
Algorithmia
Inferno – since all the models says we’re gonna burn up.
…Not only that, it’s gonna’ get colder too!
Climatopia
Planet Encypton
Since the model exaggerates the real Earth in mythic proportion, I the climate-modeled planet be called:
Mythos Major
Hey, this is fun . . . more names to come . . .
John
Planet Vista
OK, when does the voting start for the Imaginary Planet? Do we get a say in that?
Negfeedbak
Correction, for IPCC … Posfeedbak, for everyone else, NegFeedbak.
Since the models results have not been discovered by observation, the climate-modeled planet could be called:
The Undiscovered Planet
John
Planet The Jig Is Up for Trough-Feeding Leeches on Society.
At the risk of starting another game. Thing most likely to hear one of the inhabitants say…
”Oh sh1t, it’s freezing here too”
Eamon.
Climate modellers cry wolf, and using the tradition of naming planets after Greek and Roman gods: Lupa – ancient Roman wolf goddess. It’s a happy co-incidence that Lupa was also a slang word for prostitute in ancient Rome and it sounds similar to ‘loopy’.
Love the handy-dandy chart, reminds me of a board game I had when I was a little kid. But get real, fire should be red and tractors green. Hope they fixed that in Final Copyedit and Quality Control or nobody is gonna play.
Too hot? Terra therma
Too cold? ‘S no globe
Too many hurricanes? Map of the whirled
Too wet? Sea-sod
Too dry? Dez-earth
All of the above? Crapmo-sphere
The planet Excel
It’s always been my opinion that the ability to create professional looking graphs and presentations based on data of dubious pedigree has caused issues in many businesses. The rise of climate change has mirrored the age of the personal computer.
Concestius
Whose inhibitants are called Concestians and celebrate the 97th day of the year…
Since the models’ results exaggerate toward the image of a desert planet, then the name of the climate-modeled planet could be linked to arguably the most famous desert planet in fiction; the one in the Star Wars movies:
False Tatooine
John
Chaos, spelt Kaos.
“KAOS” is a play on the word “chaos”, but is not an acronym.
An international organisation of evil (as it is repeatedly called) bent on world domination.
KAOS was the evil enemy of CONTROL Agent 86, Maxwell Smart.
That’s where they publish the DailyKaos.
I like that one! It comes with a “cone of silence”.
Malwareia
Laia?
I like that!
Sorry I don’t have a name that is anywhere as good as the ones already offered. However I do have a hypothesis about the location of the planet, based on the following from Wikipedia:
The multiverse (or meta-universe) is the hypothetical set of infinite or finite possible universes (including the universe we consistently experience) that together comprise everything that exists: the entirety of space, time, matter, and energy as well as the physical laws and constants that describe them. The various universes within the multiverse are sometimes called parallel universes or “alternative universes.”
The structure of the multiverse, the nature of each universe within it and the relationships among the various constituent universes, depend on the specific multiverse hypothesis considered. Multiple universes have been hypothesized in cosmology, physics, astronomy, religion, philosophy, transpersonal psychology, and fiction, particularly in science fiction and fantasy. In these contexts, parallel universes are also called “alternative universes”, “quantum universes”, “interpenetrating dimensions”, “parallel dimensions”, “parallel worlds”, “alternative realities”, “alternative timelines”, and “dimensional planes,” among others.
The multiverse hypothesis is a source of debate within the physics community. Physicists disagree about whether the multiverse exists, and whether the multiverse is a proper subject of scientific inquiry.
Bottom line:
If the multiverse really does exist, there must be a planet somewhere that corresponds to an IPCC model. Maybe even additional planets which match up with other models that are inconsistent with that first one.
Since the models give an illusory impression, the climate-modeled planet could be called:
Planet ‘Terra Illusory’
John
Terrable (Meaning the model is bad! 😉
If wishes were horses…
How about naming it Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, known for his doctrine of change being central to the universe.
“Everything changes and nothing stands still”
“You could not step twice into the same river”
“All entities move and nothing remains still”
“Men who wish to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details”
Heaven
Kardashian