Monckton and Monty – dead parrot parody of IPCC

Python_dead_parrotFirst, if you have not seen the Monty Python “dead parrot” sketch in your lifetime, before you read the satire from Christopher Monckton below, watch this video. Just click on the thumbnail at right.

Now the following will make a bit more sense from the satire context. YMMV.

An ex-theory – by Christopher Monckton

The Catastrophic Global Warming Theory is not just catastrophic: it’s catatonic.

So I says to my mate John Cleese – yes, he of the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch – I says to go down the Pet Theory Shop to complain about it and demand our money back. The shopkeeper is such a nice Indian gentleman, name of Patchy Pachauri. He used to be a railroad engineer, but now he writes best-selling bodice-ripping hard-porn pot-boilers with catchy titles like Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change Fifth Assessment Report.

clip_image002

Cleese: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

Patchy Pachauri said nothing.

Cleese: ’Ello, Miss?

Patchy Pachauri: What do you mean, “Miss”?

Cleese: (pause) I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Patchy Pachauri: We’re closin’ for lunch in Bali.

Cleese: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this pet Theory what my government purchased not a quarter of a century ago from this very boutique.

Patchy Pachauri: Oh yes, the, uh, the Thermageddon Blues … What’s, uh … What’s wrong with it?

Cleese: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. It’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

Patchy Pachauri: No, no, it’s uh, … it’s just Pausing.

Cleese: Look, matey, I know a dead Theory when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

Patchy Pachauri: No, no, it’s not dead, it’s, it’s Pausing! Remarkable Theory, the Thermageddon Blues, innit, eh? Beautiful hokey-stick curves!

Cleese: The curves don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Patchy Pachauri: No, no, no, no, no, no! It’s Pausing!

Cleese: All right then, it’s Pausing. I’ll wake it up! (Shouting at a copy of the Fifth Assessment Report) ’Ello, Mister TERI Thermageddon Theory! I’ve got a lovely fresh climate sensitivity estimate for you if you show any signs of life.

(Pachauri slaps the report)

Patchy Pachauri: There, it moved!

Cleese: No, it didn’t, that was you hitting it!

Patchy Pachauri: I never!

Cleese: Yes, you did!

Patchy Pachauri: I never, never did anything of …

Cleese: (yelling and hitting the report repeatedly) ’ELLO, TERI! Testing! Testing! This is your eleventh-hour alarm call!

(Takes the report and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Now that’s what I call a dead Theory.

Patchy Pachauri: No, no…..No, it’s just stunned!

Cleese: STUNNED?!?

Patchy Pachauri: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin’ up! Thermageddon Blues stun easily, major.

Cleese: Um … now look … now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That Theory is definitely deceased, and when the Department of Energy, Climate Change and Silly Walks purchased it not a quarter of a century ago, you assured me and my fellow taxpayers that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out owin’ to a prolonged hiatus.

Patchy Pachauri: Well, it’s, it’s ah … probably hiding the decline.

Cleese: HIDIN’ THE DECLINE? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its trend-line the moment we all started spending billions on it?

Patchy Pachauri: The Thermageddon Blues prefers a flat trend-line! Remarkable Theory, innit, squire? Lovely curves!

Cleese: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Theory when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been predicting drastic global warming in the first place was that the whole thing had been made UP!

(pause)

Patchy Pachauri: Well, o’ course it was made up! If we ’and’t made that theory up, we could never ’ave jetted round and round the world having important meetings at everyone else’s expense. VOOM! Bali. VOOM! Cancun. VOOM! Hawaii. This theory has the VOOM! Factor.

Cleese: “VOOM”? Mate, this theory wouldn’t fly if you put four million fossil-fuel-generated, carbon-emitting volts through it! It’s bleedin’ demised!

Patchy Pachauri: No, no! It’s Pausing!

Cleese: It’s not Pausing! It’s passed on! This Theory is no more! It is deceased! It has ceased to be! It is on the Other Side! It’s off the rails and in the gulch. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! It’s a stiff! Rigor mortis ’as set in. Bereft of life, it rests in peace! It’s not lost but gone before! It’s six feet under. It’s pushin’ up the daisies! Its metabolic processes are now ’istory! It’s off the twig! It’s fallen off its perch! It is at one with the cosmos! It is with Eywa now. It’s kicked the bucket, it’s handed in its dinner-pail, it’s shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain, lined up its 72 virgins, collected its ’arp and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-THEORY!

Advertisements

  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Harold

Patchy Pachauri: Birdy num-num.

cnxtim

Spot on -and love the graphic, thanks!

If laughter is the best medicine,
& satire is the lowest form of wit,
then ridicule is the best weapon.
I burst out laughing, Milord Christopher, crack on, crack on.
🙂

Very funny, you could have mentioned that global warming had become very “sluggish” in the last 18 years!

Pamela Gray

Oh…..My….GAWD!!!!! Laughin me wee little Irish ARS OFF!!!!!!!

p

am not inclined to pursue this line of inquiry any further, it is getting to silly!

Brad

I always heard it was really a 72-year old virgin?
Nicely done!!!

The Ol' Seadog.

I always compare CAGW people to coconut clackers pretending they are riding horses…. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzcLQRXW6B0 and tell them coconuts do migrate….

Harold

If we’re going to do the Full Monty (Python), CAGW is more like King Arthur’s horse. Or maybe the vicious rabbit.

Perceptive wit. I would never have come up with the comparison, but it’s a perfect fit.

John from the EU

Hilarious!!

csanborn

Deceased, as in Gored to death.

Mac the Knife

A Perfect Parody!

Is April Fools late this year?
Loved the mention of the “hokey” stick. If it was a mistake, I vote to leave it in anyway.

dayday

Dear Lord,
The Black Knight sketch “The Theory that would not Die”

Ed Zuiderwijk

Brilliant. Especially the 72 lined-up virgins. Is the collective noun for that a “phalanx” or is that the one for 72 lined-up men?

nzrobin

Please also look at Monty Python’s village idiot sketch, particularly at 2.50 to 3.15. There you will see the village idiots getting their degrees in idiocy from the none other than the University of East Anglia. He specifically mentions the place. I think Cleese was prescient. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bhDJxEPRDek

Perfect. Animate this on you-tube and it will go viral.

SIGINT EX

(y)
I’ve got it !
The trouble with the IPCC all along has been credibility.
They need a new spokesman ! not Patchy the jokesman.
The disaster films of the 70s (Airplane, Earthquake, Two Minute Warning et al. likewise) with be big ensemble casts had one thing going in their favor even though they were completely ridiculous, Charlton Heston.
Ah Ha.
The IPCC is in desperate need of the theater packing credibility that science cannot deliver.
With all the money that the IPCC gets from the UN (i.e. from world government member states) they should hire Sony (and their subsidiaries) to produce a holographic Charlton Heston (like Hatsune Miku or the Michael Jackson holo that did the BB Awards recently) to lead the charge of the light brigade Carbon Tax Revenuers against the evil Zulu Global Warming Savages across theaters world wide !
Forget the dull, lumbering and dead wrong reports ! Just make MOVIES with Holo Charlton rising his 1911 Enfield above his head shouting … “Not even from my cold, dead hand” … as he slaughters the savages and wins the box offices.
Yah Team IPCC Go Go Go. 😀
Ha ha

Joe Public

From: The Life of Brian – but could equally refer to a number names mentions on WUWT blog:-
‘Now, you listen here! He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!’

Peter Miller

I assume Pachauri was wearing his maharajah’s outfit to suit the lifestyle his TERI organisation funds for him.

Sleepalot

@ jdseanjd *Sarcasm* is the lowest form of wit, not satire.

Richard P

And now for something completely different…….reality.
Too bad the IPPC has such high resistance to it.

milodonharlani

dayday says:
May 25, 2014 at 11:13 am
Dear Lord,
The Black Knight sketch “The Theory that would not Die”
———————————————
The same sketch occurred to me:

Although CACA now has not even one leg left upon which to stand. Or keep hopping & hoping.

Good one. Kinda’ like Monty Python and The Holy Grail. “Bring out your dead. But, I’m not dead. Yes you are…”

Thanks, Christopher.
Cheers

Joel O'Bryan

It’s a bleedin’ Zombie Apocalypse Warming hypothesis. It’s dead but it doesn’t even know it. ZAW keeps on coming despite repeated whackings.
A better Monty Python skit for Global Warming is the black knight where ” it’s just scratch” as his limbs are getting hacked off.

Admad

One word: Respect.
Thank you, Sir.

WONDERFUL. Christopher Monckton, you are a talented man! Thank you so very much for this. This is perfect! 🙂

Cheshirered

Ridicule is a fine response. About all agw bullshit is worth these days.
“President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said ‘It’s just springtime.'” –Jay Leno
“They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out.” –Jay Leno
Thirty million acres of rainforest are being destroyed each year and I’m attempting to recycle a jar of Marmite. It’s like turning up at an earthquake with a dustpan and brush.

Dr Burns

Fantastic. It needs a video!

Bruce Ploetz

Add a line for Trenberth et al –
Patchy Pachauri: Now you look ‘ere, mate sometimes these Theories fall asleep and hibernate – for a decade or more! It’s hibernatin’ and I take it quite peculiar that you don’t believe me when I tell ye! Just you wait ’til that bloody great El Nino pops up later this year, and pumps up the GISS back into the model uncertainty zone again! Come and talk to me about dead theories then, why don’t ye! Yer’sle be talking out another side of your mouth in a few months!

Aussiebear

It’s pining for the trough!

July, 2011
The House of Lords have had an ongoing dispute with Monckton over his membership, as authorities have said Monckton is not and never has been a member and that there is no such thing as a non-voting or honorary member of the House.
In July 2011 the House took the “unprecedented step” of publishing online a cease and desist letter to Monckton from the Clerk of the Parliaments, which concluded:
“I am publishing this letter on the parliamentary website so that anybody who wishes to check whether you are a Member of the House of Lords can view this official confirmation that you are not.”
http://www.parliament.uk/business/news/2011/july/letter-to-viscount-monckton/

pat

i love a good laugh. thanks.
btw, to give the other Pythons their due:
Wikipedia: Dead Parrot Sketch
It was written by John Cleese and Graham Chapman…
The “Dead Parrot” sketch was inspired by a “Car Salesman” sketch that (Michael) Palin and Chapman had done in How to Irritate People. In it, Palin played a car salesman who repeatedly refused to admit that there was anything wrong with his customer’s (Chapman) car, even as it fell apart in front of him. That sketch was based on an actual incident between Palin and a car salesman…
In early drafts of what would become the Dead Parrot Sketch, the frustrated customer was trying to return a faulty toaster to a shop. Chapman realised that it needed to be “madder”, and came up with the parrot idea…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Parrot_sketch

John McClure

Christopher Monckton, our amazing soul who sincerely attempted to educate fools.
Your stride, educational exercise, is Gulliver with eyes wide open.
If fools are all we’ve got, what’s the point of the sucker?

Aphan

I suggest that we toss warrenlb into the river to see if he floats, like a small rock or a bridge! If he does, then he’s a witch….or a duck….but either one would be more useful than what he currently is now.
Now, go away or we shall taunt you a second time.

In answer to the off-topic whine of the furtively anonymous “warrenlb” about the House of Lords,here is the abstract of the legal Opinion of Hugh O’Donoghue, barrister-at-law, dated 23 October 2010:
“I am asked to consider whether The Viscount Monckton of Brenchley was correct when, in a recent radio interview in Australia, he answered the question “Are you a member of the House of Lords?” by saying, “Yes, but without the right to sit or vote.” My conclusion is that Lord Monckton’s answer was and is correct at all points. We have the authority of two Law Lords in the Privileges Committee that the meaning of the words “membership of the House” in the Act is confined to the right to sit and vote. The implication is that in all other respects excluded Hereditary Peers remain members of the House. Also, the Letters Patent that created Peerages such as that of Monckton of Brenchley have not been revoked, and we have the recent authority both of the Leader of the House and of the High Court for that. Though the House of Lords Act 1999 purported to remove “membership of the House of Lords” from excluded Hereditary Peers including Lord Monckton’s late father, its constitutionality is questionable. Peerages entail membership of the House. Lord Monckton is correct to state that he does not at present have the right to sit or vote, though if the 1999 Act is unconstitutional the excluded Hereditary Peers are unlawfully excluded. Therefore, Lord Monckton remains a Member not only of the Peerage but also of the House of Lords, save only that he cannot for now sit or vote there, and he was and is fully entitled to say so.”
And that’s that. If whoever pays trolls like warrenlb to whine about my undoubted membership of the House of Lords thinks the cause of climate extremism and of the hard Left more generally is advanced by their whining, think again – and just look at the UKIP election results, which show very clearly that totalitarianism, one of whose hallmarks is personal attacks on its democratic opponents, is now doomed to fail.

Seems it’s Monckton vs the House of Lords. Why would the House of Lords consider it necessary to publish such a letter, and wouldn’t they know whether Monckton is a member of their own body, or not?

John McClure

Lord Monckton of Brenchley,
Relax, you Sir are among Friends!!!
What You have done, in the face of stupidity, is beyond Amazing!
It’s an amazing honor Sir, please sit and enjoy.

John McClure

” it’s catatonic”
The curtain rises and we find The US Senate attempting to find their predetermined seats.

Rob Dawg

IMO the Lord picked the wrong Monty Python sketch…
R: Mr. Pachauri’s free, but he’s a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Dr. Mann; room 12.
M: Thank you.
(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)
Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that…
Q: Don’t give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR A DISCUSSION OF CAGW, I’m not going to just stand…!!
Q: OH, oh I’m sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!
(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for a discussion of anthropogenic global warming?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven’t.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn’t.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn’t
A: I did!
M: You didn’t!
A: I’m telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I’m sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute climate prevarication or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let’s get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
….

John McClure

Someone blows a horn and the chamber is opened to announce,
“I,m Good Enough”.
al franken takes a seat.

John McClure

al franken sits in a hero’s chair and is immediately confronted by the Gorgon Reid.
Forget SNL, he is as cold as ICE.

John McClure

franken falls in stone step to inhibit any passage of legislation as prescribed by the strings defining the Gorgon’s instructions.

Harold

Let me get this straight. Is warrenlb claiming that this routine is not allowed to be funny because of some legal opinion?

John McClure

Off Stage left, federal agencies now understand Congress is no longer in a “position” to Govern and decide to stray.
EPA decides to regulate their own farts as CO2 and condemn society to stupid litigation to prove the CO2 isn’t “harmful”.

John McClure

EPA then chooses to subject humans to trials to prove “dust”.
Congress then discovers stupidity (hello you gitts) and challenges the Farm Dust legislation yet fails to see an EPA gone wrong like Girls on Spring Break.

John McClure

So at this point you’re asking yourself, self — surely our government isn’t this screwed up?
Guess again!!! There’s enough material in the last to terms of Congress to keep SNL alive for decades! — right up until we all throw-up!

TomRude

Works for the IPCC theory and for the EU as well!