'Twas the nightmare before Christmas


Snow in Jerusalem, Dec 13th, 2013. Source: Dosmagazine – click for story

By Joe Bastardi

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the news,

There were reports of record cold, so many were confused.

Told global warming is why we should care,

And that the point of no return would soon be here.

The children were bombarded with tales of dread,

While visions of climate disasters were stuck in each little head.

And mamma in her Prius, and I on my bike,

To save the planet, got rid of the cars that we like.

When suddenly in the data there arose such a clatter,

The earth was not warming, what could be the matter?

The warming stopped, as quick as a flash,

Leaving proponents in sack-cloth, bathing in ash.

For far too common was new-fallen snow,

More than forecasted, temperatures 0 or below.

And, what to my wondering eye there appears,

But an uptick in sea ice, and even more polar bears.

With a little old driver, called the PDO,

I knew in a moment it had to be so.

Howling like beagles fearing the shame,

AGW pushers called skeptics many a name!

“Now, Denier! now, madman! now neanderthal, you’re lying!

You’re an idiot! you’re stupid, know nothing, we’re frying!

To the top of the chart! breaking through the temperature wall!

The warmings out of control, it’s frying us all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

This is the worst drought ever, global warming is why.

So up to the IPCC the climate pushers flew,

With a gravy train of grants, and politics too.

Make economies pay, we need no proof,

Just keep saying temperatures are going through the roof.

With the media complicit, my head was turning around,

To see the global temperature level off and then come down.

The warming had stopped, in their mouth was their foot,

Exposing the scam, and making off with the loot.

Readjusting temperatures, from many years back,

Peddling disinformation to the media pack.

At conferences they would drink and make merry!

While the deceit grew in a way, that made it quite scary!

For the tide it had turned, there was cold that would show,

You can’t say it’s warmer, if there’s too much snow.

The cold that was showing led to chattering of teeth,

As the cycle came full circle, not unlike a wreath.

The face of global warming had become a subject smelly,

Their position as “solid,” as a bowlful of jelly!

Hockey sticks broken, sea ice on the increase,

I laughed when I heard their excuses not cease.

Events we all knew were something ahead,

Were twisted into worst ever, something to dread.

How dare mother nature destroy AGW’s life’s work,

These deniers are as nasty as a Miley Cyrus Twerk.

But the data is there and everyone knows,

The temperatures leveled off while CO2 rose!

So when in the wire, you hear the cold wind whistle,

The AGW agenda is ready for dismissal.

So let me exclaim, as this fades out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

Apologies to Clement Clark Moore


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Thank You

Excellent but the problem is we now have a reality that behaves like a parody. Just look at this report that came out from RSA yesterday. http://www.thersa.org/action-research-centre/learning,-cognition-and-creativity/social-brain/reports/a-new-agenda-on-climate-change
It insists that there will no longer be any discussion on the scientific discussion of climate change. The whole agenda turns into making it a “social fact.” In other words, you use the monopoly on education and the cooperation of the media to make it what people believe even if it is not factually true. If it is wrong but guides perception, that’s still a useful social fact.
And it also suggests taking every wacky weather event as an opportunity to bring climate change into discussions so it becomes an accepted fact. This is a Through the Looking Glass moment.
Or, perhaps in the spirit of the holidays, I should say an Up the Chimney moment.


William Mcgonagall, you have met your match.
Nice one, Joe.


… smelly
… jelly
LOL (literally)

Dodgy Geezer

I have an English degree.
I think I should be compensated for reading this….


No apologies needed to Clement Clark Moore. I’m sure he’d love it. Priceless.
Josh, you have serious competition!!!!


This has probably been written many times on here, but I’ve never read it.
How much of “the pause” is due to the fact that warmists have adjusted historical temperatures down so much, that they’ve now boxed themselves into a corner? Did they created a trend line that isn’t sustainable even if there really hasn’t been a pause in warming?


Thank you Joe. And a Happy Christmas and Great Forecasting for the New Year.


No, you see, now that it’s “climate change,” that means that no matter *what* happens, you’re to blame and have to pay the advocates for it.
Too hot, too cold, too variable, too stable, it’s all *your fault*.
It also means no specific proof is needed, thus the incredible push to “end” the conversation.

Mac the Knife


Janice Moore

“But the data is there and everyone knows the temperatures leveled off while co2 rose… .”
AGW is dead. “Dead as a coffin nail.” (Dickens)
Bwah, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Well done. Thanks for the fun, and Mer… er, Happy Christmas to you, too!
And, as TRM said at 10:32am, no doubt Clement Clark Moore is smiling and applauding you up in heaven.

There once was a man from Penn State,
With friends, he decides to create,
Climate fear so extreme,
It became its own meme,
But reality screams, “It’s a fake!”

So sad; brilliant, but still sad.

Bryan Lee

Humours way of saying what is happening LOVE IT! LOL!

Janice Moore

@ Mac the Knife (third attempt — hope you see it this time!)
Some encouragement from me to you (from Dec. 6th around 6:30pm)
Hang in there in that office (and in this state of ours — aaaaarrrrrgh!). #(:))
P.S. I wasn’t copying your “Bravo,” btw, — just two great minds, heh.

There was a man called Viner
He really was a whiner
Snow’s a thing of the past
Cut your CO2 fast
All except for China!

Theo Goodwin

Hilarious! Wonderful! Amazing! You have some poetic/musical talent Mr. Bastardi.

ja, ja
Old Santa is getting more work
due to the climate change

Clement Clark Moore has nothing to fear. But not bad for a Meteorologist! 😉


Ridicule can be as cold and sharp as a dagger.
Kudos, Joe


From this old English professor, you get an A+….Thanks for the uplifting laughs…..

Ian W

Perhaps the camel in the snow should be used as a suitably evocative picture to balance (sic) the polar bear on an ice-floe?

Lars P.

Well, snow also in Egypt and in the desert 🙂
Robin says:
December 18, 2013 at 10:26 am
Excellent but the problem is we now have a reality that behaves like a parody.
Yes, that is unfortunate, however the more somebody tries to push garbage down the throats of children the more they hate it.
The more PR somebody does and there is disconnect from reality, the more obvious the PR is.

Mac the Knife

Hey Janice!
Saw your Dec 6th post – Thanks for the kind words! Hope all is well with you and yours! Much turmoil where I work, with a corporate reorganization in progress and all of the uncertainty and angst that goes with the projected ‘work force reduction’ adding to my teammates pre-Christmas stress. Joe Bastardi’s extended paraphrase of The Night Before Christmas was just what I needed to brighten my spirits at my now several times delayed lunch! Gotta go – ‘the game’s afoot Watson’,


This question goes out to who ever can answer, Would this snowfall in jerusalem be the equivalent of an atlanta snowfall or dallas, san antonio or vegas? anybody?


My vote (not that I get one, LOL) is for more humour threads like this one.
Joe – the poem was a masterpiece, I laughed from beginning to end.
I posted this next item in another thread, but it just seems to much more appropriate for this one that I feel compelled to repeat it:
And I went unto the Warmists and said Fear Not! For the CO2 is logarithmic and the T varies with the 4th root of P and that is the Physics.
And They mocked me and said Have you not seen the Tree Rings?
What hath Tree Rings to do with the Physics I asked of them. And They said if I did not know, I was a fool.
And so I came to look upon the Tree Rings. And they were false. For they did not foretell the instrumental record for near half its course. And this the Warmists tried to Hide. And when it came to pass that only a Single Tree spoke as they claimed, I said again, Fear Not! for CO2 is logarithmic and the T varies with the 4th root of P and that is the Physics.
And They mocked me and said that the seas would rise up against me.
What hath Sea Level Rise to do with the Physics I asked of them. And They said if I did not know, I was a fool.
And so I came to look upon the Sea Level Rise. And Lo! it was steady over the course of the data. Why has your Gore purchased at much cost a monstrous house next to the Sea you say will rise up I asked. Hath he, as hath I, understood that CO2 is logarithmic and the T varies with the 4th root of P and that is the Physics?
And They mocked me and said that the ice was melting and the Poles would soon be lacking of it entirely, a calamity upon us all this lack of ice.
What hath ice melting at one tiny part of the world to do with the Physics I asked of them. And They said if I did not know, I was a fool.
And so I came to look upon the Sea Ice. And Lo!, while that of the North was Melting, that of the South was Growing. And even as I said this unto Them, Lo, the North reversed its course and began to grow again also. And so I asked of them, You who have proclaimed these distant reaches the only safe haven when the Heat descends upon us have not emigrated to those lands, nor procured property there. Do you, as I, Fear Not! for CO2 is logarithmic and the T varies with the 4th root of P and that is the Physics?
And They spoke to me thus. Thunderbolts and Lightning! Very Very Frightening! The droughts and the hurricanes shall surely destroy all that has been built!
What hath droughts and hurricanes to do with the Physics I asked of them, hopeless now because I knew They would call me a fool and mock me.
And so I came to look upon the droughts of Palmer and found them unchanged. And I looked upon the hurricanes of Maue and found them to be in decline. And I said again Fear Not! for the CO2 is logarithmic and… They interrupted me and mocked me.
You are a fool they said, for you are not a climate scientist, and so you do not understand. And I said unto he of NASA, the Perlw1tz, Other than the collecting of the Data from the Trees and the Satellites and the thermometers and other such laborious tasks, what skills beyond first year Physics and Statistics are required to analyse Them? And the Perlw1tz of NASA Refused to Answer and the Anth_ny did Ban the Perl1tz until such time as he should Answer. And the Perlw1tz became Wroth with fury and made Accusations most foul and the Anth_ny banned the Perlw1tz forever and forbade the proper spelling of the Perlw1tz name on pain of Moderation.
But still others took up the Cause and said Lo!, the Heat is Hiding in places where we Cannot see it, and it shall someday spring forth upon us with the wrath gathered from centuries of Collection.
And I could not look upon those places where one Cannot see, and so how might I ascertain the veracity of their Claim? And so I said unto them, how will this springing forth happen, by what mechanism of Physics could what hath taken centuries to Collect instantly become UnCollected?
And for this They have no Answer.
Fear Not! I said, for Co2 is logarithmic and the T varies with the 4th root of P and that is the Physics.
And they spoke among themselves and said They would find a new measure by which to prophecy doom. They shall search and search for such a measure they did vow, but under no circumstance shall They discuss the Physics.


Nice one, Joe!
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you.


that should help me get a bit more into the holiday spirit.
Thank you Joe!

Etaoin Shrdlu

Thanks v. much. Top marks!


Mary, you’re a wonder to behold, a student of the arts reading WUWT? Mercy be, you must be first in line for the Lewandowski reeducation centre…


Oldseadog says:
December 18, 2013 at 10:27 am

William Mcgonagall, you have met your match

Don’t be silly.
“Had they been supported on each side with buttresses”
Now that’s poetry.

Tom in Florida

davidmhoffer says:
December 18, 2013 at 12:27 pm
“And the Perlw1tz of NASA Refused to Answer and the Anth_ny did Ban the Perl1tz until such time as he should Answer. And the Perlw1tz became Wroth with fury and made Accusations most foul and the Anth_ny banned the Perlw1tz forever and forbade the proper spelling of the Perlw1tz name on pain of Moderation.”
(laughed so hard Gatorade sprayed from my nose all over my keyboard)

Excellent, Joe!




Very nice! And a Merry Christmas to you! (I’ve saved this post – it’s too good to lose.)

Very humorous. Immaginative. A keeper. Watts’ Best

Jenn Oates
Jenn Oates

Well, that went flat.
Very funny, Joe. It made me giggle at my desk. 🙂

Thank you, Joe. Made me smile all the way through it.
Enjoy your holidays!!!!

Berényi Péter

Oh, shut up, even with everything under snow the interior of the earth is still extremely hot, several million degrees, according to Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., 45th Vice President of the United States of America. The heat must be hiding there, high officials never lie, do they?

This video contains content from NBC Universal, who has blocked it on copyright grounds.


Wobble, the answer is probably “quite a lot”, adjustments comprise about 50 % of the warming, but it’s difficult to get a fixed adjustment to affect a trend, that is, you can create a trend over a historical period, but it very hard to distort the future with it. So while the current world average temperature is undoubtably inflated, it is also clearly headed “not up”.
It doesn’t get mentioned so much any more here, because it tends to be a he said / she said issue. By questioning the adjusted record, you implicitly question the adjusters, and thereby imply a conspiracy. There may well be a conspiracy, climategate shows that, but conspiracy theories don’t general play well so they are best avoided. There are so many other flaws in this house of cards that it is dead set easy to bring it down, and in a classical science environment it would already be extinct, but in the new normal of politically funded pseudoscience even a lot of very educated people are allowing their hearts to rule their head.
That man has an impact upon the world is undoubted, it’s logical to most people that we should have to take care of it. It’s only a small step, to accept that man could destroy it. What most people don’t understand is that it is bloody difficult to perturb systems governed by nett negative feedback, and that makes the earth a difficult nut to crack, as shown by the fact that it manages to absorb the energy equivalent of thousands of atom bombs every second without even blinking.


Good points Robin December 18, 2013 at 10:26 am!
To that only one thing can be added: Mother Nature proven Theories of Science more valid than Theories of Politic Ideas…..

Blue Sky

In the Philadelphia area, Accuweather was the King. Channel six which had like 50% of the Market or KWY news radio. Elliot Abrams, Joel Meyers and the younger superstar Joe Bastardi. We still get Elliot!
Like a scolding parent I carp against those that I love. And Joe I know you think your being clever, but your not. Posters come on here all the time doing the same middle school stuff. They take about thirty seconds of time to “compose” new lines to classic writing.
Your at your best when you explain analogs, recurving Hurricanes in Asia, great insights that make me think about how the NH is different from the SH and how the oceans oscillate.
I know your just having fun, but sometimes that fun diminishes your Climate point.
Seriously…..You should get Elliot to write your funny stuff. He’s great!

William Astley

Merry Christmas Joe!
I agree with all of your points. It will be interesting to hear the creative explanations for global cooling. It is astonishing how long this charade has gone on for.
Best Wishes,
Just in case there is a politician in the crowd, the money has run. Please, let your number one resolution for 2014 be: Stop spending borrowed money on green scams that do not work even if there was a global warming problem which there is not, the planet is cooling. There is no climate change crisis to solve. Spending money on green scams that do not work destroys jobs. Ignoring reality does not change reality.
When the Money Runs Out Hardcover by Stephen D. King (William: P.S. Different Stephen King)
“Praised for the “dose of realism” he provided in his book Losing Control, King follows up in this volume with a plain-spoken assessment of where the West stands today. It’s not just the end of an age of affluence, he shows. We have made promises to ourselves that are achievable only through ongoing economic expansion. The future benefits we expect—pensions, healthcare, and social security, for example—may be larger than tomorrow’s resources. And if we reach that point, which promises will be broken and who will lose out? The lessons of history offer compelling evidence that political and social upheaval are often born of economic stagnation. King addresses these lessons with a multifaceted plan that involves painful—but necessary—steps toward a stable and just economic future.”


“Readjusting temperatures, from many years back”
I find this claim so damning it either needs to be totally accounted for by the people who make the claim or by the people who have done the adjusting.Were is the accountability?


The proof for falsification is easy to find. One exampel. In Swedish Journal Forskning och Framsteg nr 5 2008, 500 års väder (transl. Research and Progress No. 5, 2008, 500 years of weather.) you will find these:

“Our reconstruction of Winter and Spring temperature variations over half a millennium is shown in Figure 1.
The measurements since 1860 are corrected for the artificial warming caused by the city of Stockholm growth, so that the curve shows the more natural chang


That … was really good!
For those with less reading time available, how about a Haiku?
The Japanese deserve some continuing props for their COP19 stance and the contrast between them and the Obama administration seems ready made for a kireji. 🙂

Joe Bastardi

Link where this is published, in a more poetic form
FInding out who has a sense of humor, and who doesnt.
BTW the Miley Cyrus line was insisted on by wife and kids.. ha ha.
You know I get hit so many times, I dont care anymore what people say. But I am amazed, that here I pulled off something where I had to go over countless lines ( only left 2 in, the wild hurricane line and the ending) and I see people going after this like Its supposed to be anything beyond what it is. a little fun around the holidays.
Heh, at least you havent seen this before, and I tried to get original.
In any case if it made one person smile, then that is great with me. I sent it to Anthony and some other people in the fight, cause I thought it would make them smile. If it makes you frown, not much I can do about it, but hope you have a merry Christmas ( the poem ending actually is Happy Christmas) anyway. In the end, there is no human induced global warming, for that idea has no rhyme or reason. At least this poem does.
As far as the great names brought up where I once was employed.. I am not them, and never tried to be. But they have earned their places in the field and I was honored to be around them for a while in my career
REPLY: The post here was from an MS-Word doc Joe submitted. I’ve updated this post to match the form at patriotpost.us – Anthony

King of Cool

“I don’t know what day of the month it is,” said Scrooge. “I don’t know how long I’ve been among the Spirits. I don’t know anything. I’m quite a baby. Never mind. I don’t care. I’d rather be a baby. Hallo! Whoop! Hallo here!”
He was checked in his transports by the churches ringing out the lustiest peals he had ever heard. Clash, clang, hammer; ding, dong, bell! Bell, dong, ding; hammer, clang, clash! Oh, glorious, glorious!
Running to the window, he opened it, and put out his head. No fog, no mist; clear, bright, jovial, stirring, cold; cold, piping for the blood to dance to; Golden sunlight; Heavenly sky; sweet fresh air; merry bells. Oh, glorious. Glorious!
“What’s to-day?” cried Scrooge, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him.
“Eh?” returned the boy, with all his might of wonder.
“What’s to-day, my fine fellow?” said Scrooge.
“To-day?” replied the boy. “Why, Christmas Day.”
“It’s Christmas Day!” said Scrooge to himself. “I haven’t missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night. They can do anything they like. Of course they can. Of course they can. “
(Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol”)

And a Merry Christmas to one and all.
And thank you WUWT for a continued brilliant effort. May you continue to search for truth and hope just as Nature gives us Golden sunlight; Heavenly sky; and sweet fresh air.


Its really cold here in jerusalem ,, we have not seen this snow thickness(0.85m) since 1920 !!!