I couldn’t think of a way to easily excerpt this excellent piece of satire, so I’ll just repost it with apologies in advance and ask WUWT readers to go to wendymcelroy.com and give her props. -Anthony
==============================================================
My hat is off to the commenter at Watts Up With That who first dubbed the faked Heartland memo “The Protocols of the Elders of Heartland.” That quip says it all, really.
The second-best quip about the phony memo come from Megan McArdle at the Atlantic: “Basically, it reads like it was written from the secret villain lair in a Batman comic. By an intern.”
But, thinking of secret protocols and secret villain lairs made me wonder, what could this mysterious and elusive “institute” be doing with their anonymous funding? So I’m pleased to leak my very own Heartland strategy memo:
Top Ten Things Heartland Institute Will Do With $6.4 Million in Funding
10. Build a secret oil-powered nuclear-powered coal-powered lair on a South Pacific Island.
9. Arrange Arctic polar-bear hunting expeditions for wealthy contributors. With bazookas for top donors.
8. Train an armada of millions of kamikaze pigeons to fly into wind turbines, gumming up the works.
7. Replace Mitt Romney with a remote-controlled animatronic robot. Oh wait, that’s been done.
6. Exploit our Microsoft connection to install mind-controlling stroboscopic subliminal video messages in Windows Phone 7. People do use Windows Phone 7, don’t they?
5. Create the “Happy Children Fund” to provide subsidized tobacco products to pre-teens. Better yet, put it in their school lunches.
4. Genetically engineer a breed of SuperFlatulenttm cattle to emit a Gaia-destroying flood of methane into the atmosphere.
3. Re-train the armada of pigeons to defecate on solar panels. Maybe do this before #8.
2. Hijack a nuclear warhead and hold the world to ransom for one million dollars!
1. Send an obviously faked-up memo to DeSmogBlog to make them look ridiculous. Oh wait…
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Tom, did you know that the climate scientists on the BEST project received funding from the evil Koch bros? If you read posts on WUWT you would not have hit the post button sending your comment here for ridicule. By the way what is the Sierra Club’s annual budget? You do know that the Sierra Club received $25 million from the gas industry? You do know that Stanford climate group is funded to the tune of $750 million ($75 million per annum) by BP oil and Exxon? You do know that the Climate Research Unit (CRU) has been funded, among others, by BP Shell, Nirex nuclear? And you alarmists complain about $6.5 million. You people really are greedy.
Jeff Alberts says:
February 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Bazookas are so passe (and hard to find any more). I’d go with Miniguns, or, if you really want the explosion with nothing left, Hellfire missiles. Fire and forget, dontcha know.
===========
Yep, sticky bombs appear to be the weapon of choice now.
All the more reason to drive a plastic car.
johanna says:
February 18, 2012 at 12:44 pm
this isn’t about gloating as far as I can see. It’s about observing the ridiculousness of the situation that has been entirely created by the warmist camp – the silliness of the MSM, the crazy attitude of folk that will publish or promote anything in a blind faith – and then finding it’s a load of tosh!
It’s ironic, don’t you think?
johanna says (February 18, 2012 at 12:44 pm)
Can’t we have a bit of fun occasionally? Eg:
Maybe Trenberth and his Team mates could personally check out whether the ‘missing heat’ is in the ‘deep ocean’.
So: Q. What do you call a Team of AGW climate scientists at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A start.
Sorry!
johanna – as I am the author of the original piece which Anthony has graciously chosen to repost here, allow me to respond.
You seem to lack an appreciation of the value of satire in political debate. This tradition goes back decades, if not centuries; it has been practiced by those ranging from amateur lampoonists to H.L. Mencken. Recall that Boss Tweed didn’t fret about the editorial writers; it was the cartoonists that worried him. When something ridiculous is being promoted with great seriousness, seriousness is not always the appropriate response.
In this case, I saw a memo which clearly embodied a warmist caricature of the views of global warming skeptics (anti-climate! anti-science!), with elements of the big-oil-funded-deniers conspiracy theory. I chose to exaggerate, for comedic effect, two aspects: the apparent warmist view of what deniers “really want” (destroy Gaia!), and the apparent belief that six million dollars is an astonishingly huge sum of money to achieve their ends (hence the Austin Powers reference). It’s a “send-up” of some ridiculously silly notions, meant to highlight the fact that those notions *are* silly.
Call me immature if you like, but it’s not “gloating.” I have nothing to gloat about; I’m not in the climate-research or the think-tank business. But I do have a message, and I’m happy to see that many people here “got it.”
Speaking of supervillan lairs, there’s a few on the market…
http://www.cracked.com/article_19678_6-abandoned-places-that-will-make-awesome-supervillain-lairs.html
johanna, I am disappoint.
Forever and ever you comment here smartly, and now you whine?
I will send you delicious gift basket, make you happy again.
Remind me what kind food do concern troll eat?
xoxoxox
11. Install climate control inside Stevenson screens so “adjustments” may be applied by remote control at the point of measurement.
Amino Acids in Meteorites says:
February 18, 2012 at 12:53 pm
johanna
I don’t see this as a gotcha. There are people that are right now, as we are commenting here, pushing this “HeartlandGate” thing. They want to world to believe it is real. The truth has to be told to show they are lying.
—————————————————————–
I agree, without equivocation, that people who promulgate lies should be taken down. But that is not what this thread is about. My concern is that a thread which invites snark and schoolboy ‘humour’ as its primary purpose on such an important issue puts WUWT down in the basement with the pimply blogger whose idea of a great night is watching movies about frat boys behaving badly with a big box of tissues at hand (so to speak).
Alternatively, WUWT is just a branch of Letterman ‘humour’.
There is lots of genuinely funny stuff on this site, in both posts and comments, and that’s great. But this one is a lapse which undermines the credibility of WUWT, IMO.
I get credit for the protocols quip. My prize is a nice cold Shiner Bock. Actually, come to think about it, send it to Anthony. Thanks for the hard work bub.
James, no me!! On the original thread on the 16th. That is MY beer!
Ok, I will share….
These are really good ideas.
What you mean this is satire, you should have said so.
Reverse order, with proper points:
1. Spot the communist hippie slugs
2. pour salt on them brain slugs
3. Wait for it…
4. Wait for it…
5. Wait for it…
6 … no not yet.
7… stop that snickering laughing howling, just wait for it.
8 What da hell. Was that it? No big ego bang? No nuthing? Just a pfft!
9. Oki, the pub?
10. Beer beer beer, tiddly beer beer beer…
Mitt Romney is a carbon tax candidate, and has been deeply involved in carbon emissions reductions regulations and renewables agreements. A subsidiary of Bain Capital owns Styron, one of the makers of smart meters expected to be installed on homes world wide. He supports international ghg reductions agreements. Ref: political positions of Mitt Romney. Ref: Styron. Ref: No Apology p 262.
He has been running for 5 years, so many of us are not taken in by this global warming/Romneycare candidate, and can provide accurate and truthful information about his many different stands, statements, and actual policies regarding ghg regulations and energy policies.
Even though number 9 is worthy of an evil organisation, it needs a rework as it could add to warming fears. Needs something that will hide any decline in bear numbers. Two options:
9. Develop and deploy coal-powered mechanical polar-bears.
or
9. Put penguins in polar bear suits and transport them to the Arctic.
johanna says:
February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm
The people pushing this doom mongering farce and their media sycophants have proven themselves immune from rational challenge for decades. They will only be successfully ferreted out of their numerous bureaucratic fiefdoms, from which they issue their growing cascade of nanny state regulations to control every aspect of the lives of everyone who is not one of them, when the instantaneous reaction to each new piece of catastrophic hyperbole they produce is not OMG!!!, but ROFLMAO!!! As long as we confine our efforts to arguing technical niceties on themes where they have, by language and construction, established all the ground rules of the dialogue, they will continue to prevail in driving us down the path to societal seppuku. Given the dismal quality of almost all the BS(Bad Science) produced around this topic over the last several decades, the proper response is and always has been, not to offer attempts at rational counterargument, but instead to apply derision and a raucous horse laugh.
Well, I posted a reply to johanna, but it seems to have vanished into moderator limbo. And if I repost it, I’m told “duplicate post.” C’est la vie.
[REPLY: My fault. I’m the duty moderator and snuck out for a quick dinner. Your comment to Johanna is now released and on display. -REP]
johanna says:
February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Oh C’mon! Whats wong with a bit of schoolboy humour every ONCE in a WHILE?? For Pete’s sake, lighten up a bit!
I wish they could create flying cars to avoid traffic jam! Funny post
crosspatch says: February 18, 2012 at 2:07 pm
11. Install climate control inside Stevenson screens so “adjustments” may be applied by remote control at the point of measurement.
Very wiitty.
You may be interested in the work of this scientist, John Brignell. http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/lying.htm
home page: http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/number%20watch.htm
Reference to his books by Rereke Whakaro & Byron on Jo Nova’s site
http://joannenova.com.au/2012/02/toxoplasmosis-could-that-latent-infection-affect-peoples-behavior/#comment-965589
– Create the Schrödinger’s cat chair for contributions to Climate Change Research – now you see it now you don’t…
The 6 million dollar budget would be busted big time with some of the suggestions above. I suggest a more subtle use. Buy out Tom’s Restaurant
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/10/21/nasa-giss-a-division-of-vandelay-industries/
and replace it with a coal fired pizza parlor. The centerpiece should be a Hansen/Schmidt wall of shame with a flood level gauge with the following website links and printout prominently displayed:
http://www.john-daly.com/ aka Still Waiting for Greenhouse and of course Anthony’s epic post:
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/10/22/a-little-known-but-failed-20-year-old-climate-change-prediction-by-dr-james-hansen/
A comparison of Hansen’s income sources to HI ‘s budget should also be prominently displayed.
Amino Acids in Meteorites:
These are the people who couldn’t hack the hard sciences. So they gather together (like a pack of dogs or ambos) against those who know. Revenge Against The Nerds. Herd behaviour is a well-known phenomenon, the warmists are abusing research.
johanna says (February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm): “There is lots of genuinely funny stuff on this site, in both posts and comments, and that’s great. But this one is a lapse which undermines the credibility of WUWT, IMO.”
OMG, you’re right! The CAGW propagandists have been using Anthony’s sense of humor to undermine his credibility! If we act all sober and serious-like, they’ll have absolutely nothing to use against him! I mean, then they’d have to, you know, make stuff up, and we know they’d never do that, right? 🙂
But serially, comparing Anthony and, say, James Hansen, I’d estimate their credibility is inversely proportional to their respective senses of humor. 🙂
Let me try again.
johanna: as I am the author of the original piece which Anthony has graciously chosen to repost here, allow me to respond.
You seem to lack an appreciation of the value of satire in political debate. This tradition goes back decades, if not centuries; it has been practiced by those ranging from amateur lampoonists to H.L. Mencken. Recall that Boss Tweed didn’t fret about the editorial writers; it was the cartoonists that worried him. When something ridiculous is being promoted with great seriousness, seriousness is not always the appropriate response.
In this case, I saw a memo which clearly embodied a warmist caricature of the views of global warming skeptics (anti-climate! anti-science!), with elements of the big-oil-funded-deniers conspiracy theory. I chose to exaggerate, for comedic effect, two aspects: the apparent warmist view of what deniers “really want” (destroy Gaia!), and the apparent belief that six million dollars is an astonishingly huge sum of money to achieve their ends (hence the Austin Powers reference). It’s a “send-up” of some ridiculously silly notions, meant to highlight the fact that those notions *are* silly.
Call me immature if you like, but it’s not “gloating.” I have nothing to gloat about; I’m not in the climate-research or the think-tank business. But I do have a message, and I’m happy to see that many people here “got it.”
johanna says:
February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm
“But this one is a lapse which undermines the credibility of WUWT, IMO.”
Well, your opinion is dead wrong. Humor is one of the most powerful weapons that can be employed to stop a nutty idea in its tracks. People hate looking ridiculous, and they will flee from the side that looks that way.
The Warmist sympathizers who engineered this fiasco for themselves hoped to fabricate evidence to carve a shortcut to that very same goal. They deserve to be pilloried and ridiculed until their ears bleed.