Friday Funny reposted with permission from The Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a panel on climate change held yesterday, the Senate brought in a group of excited third graders for ideas on fighting climate change.
“These kids have ideas and they are passionate, so we must listen to them,” said Sen. Brian Schatz of Hawaii. “There are no possible downsides to taking kids who have been told the world is ending by the public school system and allowing them to dictate national policies on important issues.”
The kids came up with the following list so far, though they say they’re “just spitballing” and the ideas need some fleshing out:
- Bribing the climate with cookies and candy
- Putting the climate on time-out
- Just ignoring climate change and playing Fortnite
- Building a giant magnet and sucking up all the bad climate stuff
- Buying a Nintendo Switch for every person in the nation (so they’ll stay inside and play Nintendo instead of driving cars)
- Making a big freeze ray gun like in Despicable Me and shooting the climate
- Pointing and laughing at cows who fart so they’ll be embarrassed and stop farting
- Hey do you guys want to play some Minecraft? This is boring.
“It’s incredibly brave for these kids to volunteer to take over our government’s climate change policies,” said Schatz as the panel convened for its seventh Fortnite break of the morning. “I’m not sure why we didn’t think of this before.”
The kids will also be asked to make policies on bedtime, homework, and candy.
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It all makes sense now.
The messiah of the movement is a 16 year old girl.
Of course the troops will be third graders.
The politicians are so mind boggling stupid they think pandering to this group will help garner votes with adults.
Just enough adults have brain activity so low that they will vote for the above politicians based on nothing more than reflexive lower brainstem activity.
And so it goes.
Just curious as to how many of the kiddies would show up if the demonstration was scheduled for a Saturday evening?
Love The Bee, but this story could trigger a proof of Muggeridge’s law.
I am amazed how climate can escalate nonsense to an excellency asset !
If kids are good enough to steer a nation’s future, would climate masterminds feel safe with a third grader as pilot in command of the plane that brings them to the next green junket ?
My dog has ideas of sorts and is very passionate about various things, but I’m not going to listen to him, either…
I wonder how many children were drinking carbonated drinks today, and if any of them knew that the gas that gave it a fizz was CO2?
Apparently, the best way to convince people that anthropogenic irreversible catastrophic global warming is caused by the magic molecule of carbon dioxide is to make them stupider.
There are about 186 school days in a calendar year in the USA. If a child has perfect attendance, does his homework, and studies hard, in a school year he will be 100% (186/186) smarter.
Well, this just won’t do. We need climate warriors, not smart aleck smartypants brainiacs.
Greta says we need to save the planet. NOW. There’s no time for thinking. We need less of that. We need to DO SOMETHING. The less time spent thinking, the better. So let’s DO SOMETHING while at the same time making people just a tiny bit stupider (185/186) by keeping them out of school for a day.
This is the only way it will work. Because if you give people enough time to think about it for themselves, they might come up with dangerous, non-planetary ideas. They might decide not to DO SOMETHING. They might read something contrary to the urgent need to DO SOMETHING.
If we can make people stupid enough, they will believe anything we tell them. Keeping them out of school for a day to DO SOMETHING to save the planet is a start.
A positive element in this is that due to their association with these third graders, the politicians that brought them in have probably up-graded their own intellects!
“Let’s just ignore climate change and play fortnite.’ Great idea (for now)!
They first had to round up the children from the corn field.