April 30th, 2019
WORLD—A new update issued by watchdog groups on climate change indicated this afternoon that we only have 12 seconds left until climate change destroys the planet.
We previously thought we had just 12 years, then 10 years, but the latest update indicates that we have well under a minute.
“The earth will be totally destroyed in the next, oh, 12 seconds,” said Beto O’Rourke at a rally. “If you don’t give the government a bunch of money and power, it will happen. Trust me.”
“So hand over the cash, guys,” he said. “Like, now. I’m super serious.”
Final punchline at Babylon Bee.
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The implication is clear: Stop the emissions reduction program (mitigation), all we can do is adapt, baby, adapt.
There you have it from the atomic scientists, no less.
12 seconds passed and, although you didn’t notice anything, the world got destroyed, I tell you. Destroyed now meaning that there’s nothing you can do to avoid destruction even if it looks perfectly fine at this moment. Erm… Nothing? Hey, wait a minute. Of course there are things you can do, I didn’t really mean nothing. You can still give me huge amounts of power and money, of course. The world will be destroyed anyway, but we can still maybe skip the worst, and live in a destroyed world with less inconveniences than in a, say, super destroyed world, right? So give all of that to me, before the next 12 seconds pass, so that we can avoid a super destruction.
…
12 more seconds have passed and, although you again didn’t notice anything, the world is now guaranteed to get SUPER destroyed. But, you know what? There are still a few things that you can do. Give me all the power and money and we may still be able to avoid a super mega hiper total destruction. I tell you, there is still some hope in the middle of the promised hopelessness. You just need to give me the money. And you have 12 seconds.
…
12 more seconds, super mega hiper total destruction guaranteed to happen, and you still are not giving me the money? F*ck, this is not working… I need to find an asperger teenager…
We’re still here!!!
But Greta says not—so now I’m confused…..but still here nonetheless.
LOL
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This tragic development means that humanity won’t have time to correct climate change, and our writers probably won’t even have time to finish thi
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well done 🙂
As a kid I clearly remember thinking-how good it is that we have outgrown the old days with mass scare campaigns,propaganda, witch hunts, persecuting people for telling the inconvenient truth, pagan virgin sacrifices and superstition. Then I realize that humanity has not woken up – we are rapidly heading to a return to the old days under the guise of “progress.”The only box that has not been ticked yet is the sacrifices. Here in Australia, we are poised to elect a government that will destroy the economy completely with its pagan fanaticism on climate change. How convenient that pre-polling has begun, bit the cost of all the green lunacy has not been revealed. It is likely to be in the trillions -remember, our population is only 25 million and swelling daily with groups that often refuse to contribute to society. It will only be a matter of time before they start reducing the carbon footprint by reducing populations.
Flora and fauna is doing well for the wrong reasons. Non- native species are crowding out native species. The fact it costs billions to control illustrates the success across the planet.
OK! Hand over the money now or the Baby gets it!