Friday Funny- Gavin Schmidt on: Polar Bears, Martha Stewart, and Me

Jim says:
July 8, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Was this trip on our nickel or his??

What do you think? The “enlightened” are above the rules that apply to peons like you and me. So naturally it was on our nickel.

I was in Churchill August 2009. The polar bears were hanging around, waiting for the ice to form over the Churchill River; when the ice is thick enough, the snows are deep enough for the bears to walk to where they want to go. It is a wonderful example of how nature uses a natural process to time another (the bears could swim the distance any time they wanted.) In the meantime it can be spooky wandering along the side streets, and people who can drive with rifles in their trucks.
The bear trap is used to grab bears that become too interested in people. During the wait the bears basically do not eat. Small dogs and slim people are safe as the bears get enough protein but need fat; to the southeast of Churchill husky sled dogs are staked out in polar-bear-land without problems. It is rare that people get et, but it does happen, which then causes the demise of Sir Bear. The bear being slung beneath a helicopter is probably a problem bear that was put in the “bear jail”. The bear jail is a concrete structure with tiny windows and nothing in it. For a couple of months the bear is there and only gets ice. No food. No people. Nothing. The problem bear learns that this is a very bad place to be. When the other bears have left, the problem bear is sedated, slung and dropped off up the trail with its brothers and sisters. Suitably impressed with human involvement, problem bears remain being bears but stop being problems. As for the PETA people, they don’t know about the starvation thing, mostly because they wouldn’t understand what real wild animals are like and how they have to be treated.
The locals know that there are far more polar bears than there used to be. Locally the primary reason is that in the 1940s through the 1960s Churchill was an important Defence Early Warming station for the American Air Force. Before the Commie nukes could fall on Washington, they had to fly over Churchill where they would be targeted and, it was hoped, detonated early, perhaps over Ottawa, Canada, but certainly before the US capital. During that time there were a many troops there, all armed with M1s, whose job it was to keep the tarmac, base and visiting VIPs safe from enemy infiltration and the jaws of white bears. Generals, colonels and the upper staff officers on tours or junkets used to go out on polar bear shoots (not really a hunt) and come back on the C140s with their trophies. Of course this was all off-the-record, but when you are dealing with polar bears vs armed warriors, only one has the tale to tell. And one reason they had the polar bear population around was the large, open garbage dump between the base and the town. The dump doesn’t exist any more, but even after the base was decommissioned it did. So you could always find the polar bears, if you wanted. They still sleep inside the fuselage of a downed cargo plane on the outskirts of Churchill, but they are just hanging around, stomachs growling these days (and waiting for tourists to check out the wreck. That one and the ship rusting to pieces further south, in the Bay shallows.)
Churchill is a poster child of various things. In the museum you can see how the temperatures have risen drastically … up to 1982. Then the record stops. It didn’t get much warmer after that. The eco-ist warmer comes and gets in the big-wheeled trucks when the ice is thick enough and is amazed at the numbers of polar bears. They are everywhere!, especially on the 100m wide trail that they use and have used for millenia that the tour operators know about. While I was there some of these overpaid, underthinkers and his male-impressed bride told me that they had seen 6! 6! bears that day. The town was flooded with polar bears! If they saw 6! 6! there must be HUNDREDS out there.
Fact is, polar bears are bored and a little annoyed at being followed. So they wander. During my time there I got to know the conservation officer and a truck rental guy who helps him load bears when needed into the backs of trucks to go to the Polar Bear Jail. There was only one bear in town. It wandered a bit. Just after the eco-6! 6! couple left, I heard the polar bear alert horn go off and then, a few minutes later, the sound of a tranq-firing gun going off. Sir Bear was now prisoner August-01, and was denied bail. You could suntan (except for the mosquitos) in Churchill once more.
The Inuit and the Dene who live in Churchill have been saying for years that there are more ‘bears now than in their childhood, and with good reason. And them’s good huntin’, at least from a permit point of view (think $50,000/bear, with 75% restricted to American hunters). You won’t find one of God’s Natural Men (or Women) saying the polar bear is endangered. Skinnier, yes, as the ice goes away early. The Hudson Bay polar bears get south of Churchill when the ice they ride drifts south as it melts, so they come onshore. Hard to hunt seals when you are onshore, but guess where seals go when the ice is out? Close to shore, don’t ya know. Seems to work out. The worst thing for polar bears in Hudson Bay would be ice that didn’t break off and drift south. They don’t plan to go south; melting ice does that thinking for them.
Churchill and the ecoist warmist is such a good mix that every business in Churchill will tell you how difficult it is for the polar bears now and how you MUST come and stay and go on tours because, you know, your children won’t have any polar bears to see. Reservations are recommended during high season, bring your BankCard for unexpected purchases or expenses, please. Check out the abandoned base but never do so without a guide (actually, this part is true: there are so many nooks and crannies for a bear to hide in you might as well wish to visit the Haunted House where they actually carve up the occassional visitor).
What a place, what a time. Not that the polar bears care. They don’t like each other, anyway, it’s just that all polar paths lead to Churchill, so that’s where the gang end up. The bears and those awful guys in NorthFace jackets (wolf fur around the collar), their damn cameras and the Tundra buggy they park in the middle of the road.

Eric Gisin says:
July 8, 2011 at 5:29 pm
……[Tips&Notes takes forever to load].
Experienced the same problem Eric. My little steam driven PC seems to get lost somewhere along the way and give up.