How much do you want to bet global warming causes sharknadoes?

No, really, after the week we’ve had where every opportunist out there is trying to blame global warming for the Moore Oklahoma tornado, I’m not kidding. Sharknadoes are the new EF10. The brief description:

When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace. And when the high-speed winds form tornadoes in the desert, nature’s deadliest killer rules water, land, and air.

This is actually a movie in production with a cast. I can’t tell yet if its an eco-thriller in the Day After Tomorrow genre or high camp of the Plan 9 From Outer Space genre. Whatever it is, the poster and DVD cover artwork says it all.

Sharknado

No word yet on whether James Hansen, Bill McKibben, Brad Johnson, and Joe Romm make cameo appearances.

It is really poor timing and in poor taste (as Senator Whitehouse tried and learned) on the part of the producers to make this film and highlight it at Cannes Film Festival.

About these ads

62 thoughts on “How much do you want to bet global warming causes sharknadoes?

  1. I’ll bet it doesn’t hit Compton, or South Central. Nah, it’s going after Santa Monica, Westwood, and Century City. Watch them run screaming on Rodeo Drive! You can bet your bippy!

  2. “It was the cover to get James Hansen out of NASA. See Argo, the movie.”

    Hansen and the Argonauts?

    I’ll get me coat …

  3. ‘No animals were harmed during the filming of this movie’
    Ummm, what happens when they hit the windmills?

  4. Don’t forget the elephants! The sharks must ride elephants to become the worlds most lethal animal.

  5. Sharknado is on Facebook!

    The movie was known about since last November:

    ‘Sharknado': New Best Thing Ever
    Posted 11/2/12 4:00 pm EST by Terri Schwartz in Humor

    The Asylum is shopping a movie around the American Film Market this week that is a high concept monster-meets-disaster movie. Yes, it is about a bunch of sharks who get caught in a storm and wreak havoc on the world. Probably not the best timing for this announcement considering a Miss Hurricane Sandy who recently devastated the east coast, but clearly this movie is meant to be taken with a grain of salt.

    Personally I preferred Piranhacane! After the Gulf Stream cranks up to hyperactive speeds as the Earth desperately tries to shed the near-runaway ocean warming by dumping it to the remaining shards of disappearing Arctic ice, a massive hurricane forms that sweeps across the Amazon, spawning tornadoes that suck the fish upwards, right from the river waters. The hurricane quickly sweep northward, drenching the East Coast.

    With the warmth and water having suddenly transformed the entire East Coast into fetid swampland (principal filming was done in Louisiana after Katrina when extras would work for food), the survivors come forth to seek survival in the ruins. And find how deadly the water itself has become. How even attempting boat travel, yields waves of sharp flying death that will shred flesh from bones!

    Seriously, the most terrifying moment I have ever experienced in film, was when the 38DD blonde discovered the fishies had invaded the municipal plumbing, when she sat down on the porcelain for a leak. I am so grateful this house has a sealed septic tank so that would be impossible here. *shudder*

  6. I wonder if Tara Reid is a scientist like she is in one of the lowest-rated movies in history (“Alone in the Dark,” co-starring Christian Slater). In her defense, she portrayed a scientist better than many so-called climate scientists do.

  7. In a warmer, wetter world, slime mold, aka “dog vomit” becomes increasingly prevalent, overtaking entire gardens. Then, in a freak accident at one of the few remaining nuclear power plants, some slime mold becomes exposed to radiation, causing it to mutate in a deadly fashion. Coming to theaters soon – it’s SLIMEAGEDDON. Bring your own barf bag.
    Can I have my $million now?

  8. Did somebody actually write a review of this scheisse? How did they stop laughing long enough to do it?

  9. Oh please, please, please, please have them blame the Sharknado on global warming. That would be a blow even Hansen would have trouble recovering from.

  10. Olaf, I strongly disagree… The Core was an okay movie. It was a genre of Science Fiction that I’ve always enjoyed… the type that essentially mocks Science Fiction while being Science Fiction. The only thing that disappointed me about it was there weren’t enough references to other Science Fiction, for example, “What would Captain Kirk have done?” or “Luke Skywalker could have just fixed this with his light saber”.

    It contained one of my favorite movie lines of all time:

    Serge Leveque: Excuse me Dr. Brazzelton, when do you think the ship will be operational?
    Dr. Ed ‘Braz’ Brazzelton: When I get my fabrication methods perfected, twelve… no, ten years. Ten years.
    General Thomas Percell: What would it take to get it done in six months?
    Dr. Ed ‘Braz’ Brazzelton: Fifty billion dollars, I…
    [laughing]
    General Thomas Percell: [deadpan] Will you take a check?
    Dr. Josh Keyes: Why don’t you use a credit card? You get miles.

    One of the few times I’ve actually laughed out loud watching a movie.

  11. The Trailer:
    “I will stop the Sharknado “Laser Beam” for One Mill…… One Bill…… One Trillion dollars!”

  12. Years ago I worked for, but didn’t paid by, a company that made really stupid extremely low budget movies, (so low budget they didn’t pay people), these so called films were named things “Attack of The Sexy Vampire Lesbian Zombies”. This made sure these movies had something for everybody, or for nobody.

  13. Great post. Up in the Great White North, I recently had the displeasure of reading the disgusting Vancouver Sun newspaper’s article about it, where they not only blamed the tornado on global warming, but added repeated use of the “D” word. Just plain disgusting.

  14. This has to be a SciFi channel original – this is exactly the sort of movie they would make – completely ridiculous, completely tongue in cheek

  15. Thunder is scenarist Thunder Levin’s real name. You have to admire the man (?) for attaching his (?) real name to this production.

    But really, isn’t it a failure of imagination to limit the effects of man-made global warming to mere tornadoes of sharks? The professional “climate science community” has already gone far beyond amateur science fiction in fact-free scare-mongering.

  16. Seriously, the most terrifying moment I have ever experienced in film, was when the 38DD blonde discovered the fishies had invaded the municipal plumbing, when she sat down on the porcelain for a leak.

    “Humping the shark”–there’s a title for a movie!

  17. I think this movie is going to be far more realistic and believable than “An Inconvenient Truth” was.

  18. Has to be a SyFy project. Ah, SyFy, where has-beens go to put the final stakes in their careers.

  19. From rogerknights on May 27, 2013 at 7:36 pm:

    Seriously, the most terrifying moment I have ever experienced in film, was when the 38DD blonde discovered the fishies had invaded the municipal plumbing, when she sat down on the porcelain for a leak.

    “Humping the shark”–there’s a title for a movie!

    What a dirty mind! Those were piranha, it was much more a permanent guarantee she’d never get hemorrhoids.

    Although I can see how certain adolescent minds would joke about the terrible example of ‘consuming a feline’.

  20. The Asylum has specialized in “mockbusters”, quickie, low budget productions very similar (and in some cases actually better) to upcoming big budget movies. Their “Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls” was shot on location in South Africa and unlike “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crustal Skull” had no “nuked the fridge” moment nor did it sport such stupidities as magnetic lead shot and gunpowder. Unfortunately many of The Asylum’s films do ‘feature’ audio mixing as horrid as “Inception”, which I had to watch with subtitles because I couldn’t hear the dialog over that incessant foreground “music”. (One of these days I’m going to get a DVD of that, rip the 5.1 audio, adjust the levels *properly* then downmix it to 2 channel stereo to make it standable to listen to. Can’t believe that won an award for it’s crappy audio!)

    What are SyFy productions of most likely pure stupid are Sharktopus and its sequel Piranhaconda. We knew it would come to this when the channel debuted as the SciFi channel instead of the Science Fiction channel.

  21. Thank you all I have not had such a good laugh in a long time, the mental images from some of your comments have been priceless (what this says about my mind we won’t go into!)
    Thank you again

    James Bull

  22. Instead of sharks, should be global warming causing a massive plague of bloodthirsty flying pigs. Coming soon to a theatre near you.

  23. “No word yet on whether James Hansen, Bill McKibben, Brad Johnson, and Joe Romm make cameo appearances.”

    Will they be the first to be eaten?

  24. I’d go see it if the Sharknado hit a nuclear plant and became an Atomic Sharknado. Regular Sharknado? Eh, not really enough going on there for me. Make it an Atomic Sharknado, throw in a Tara Reid nude scene and I think you got something I’ll pay $10 to see. Regular Sharknado with no topless Tara isn’t even going to make my Netflix instant cue.

  25. Another cheesy, direct-to-TV, SyFy “original” movie, perhaps? Invariably with a cast of unknowns or previous “semi-knowns” who are past their expiration date (eg, Tara Reid)

    Over the weekend I watched a little of SyFy’s “Shark-topus” … a humongous shark with 50 ft tentacles that also walks onto the adjacent land to terrorize the sunbathers.
    And then there is SyFy’s “Man-squito”.

    SyFy has a knack for these amusing, tongue-in-cheek mashups of creatures.

  26. Unless it contains long and explicit scenes of gay shark sex, it won’t meet the new Cannes standard.

  27. Maybe they will have a carnival owner create a T-Rex by reconstituting it’s DNA from mosquitos preserved in amber, and then the T-Rex will eat the sharks, snatching them out of the sky like a bear eating salmon.

    Save us T-Rex.

  28. aharris says:
    May 27, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Has to be a SyFy project. Ah, SyFy, where has-beens go to put the final stakes in their careers.

    ==================================================================
    Now, be nice. Many of them aren’t “has-beens” but rather “I sure wish I was’es”. (Did I just invent a word?)
    I like the made-for-SyFy movies at times. It’s where ’50’s B-movie movie plots go to get updated and become C-movie plots. Ever since “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ went off the air there’s no better place to laugh at what is intended to terrify.

  29. scf says:
    May 28, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    The FX Channel has a lot of great movies like that one, usually shown during afternoons to fill up programming time.
    Mega Python vs Gatoroid was a classic.

    http://www.syfy.com/monstermadness/

    I would like to see Sharnado vs the Sharktopus.

    ==============================================================
    Maybe someone will make “Monty Python vs Gatorade”?

  30. They got that idea from Oz. Sharks have been invading water traps on a Qld golf course, fair dinkum, after floods there. Nasty ones too, known to kill humans.(Bull sharks) Hence the golf course has closed and is finding it hard to financially to clear them out, as it happened a few years ago too and obviously coming in from the sea somehow. Thank goodness they are not crocodiles! I believe one comes onto a Florida golf course? There are pics on YouTube or Gooogle, if you wish to check it out.

Comments are closed.