Loving the Brine Shrimp: Hydrosexuals, Queer Theory, and the Posthumanities’ Descent into Madness

In the pantheon of academic absurdity, there are works that boggle the mind and shake one’s faith in higher education. “Loving the Brine Shrimp: Exploring Queer Feminist Blue Posthumanities to Reimagine ‘America’s Dead Sea’” is just such a paper. Reading this treatise on the intersection of brine shrimp, queer theory, and “hydrosexuality” is like stepping into a postmodern fever dream—a world where actual problems like water scarcity play second fiddle to debating the eroticism of aquatic ecosystems. Buckle up; this is going to be a salty ride.

Abstract

The article aims to transform narratives surrounding Utah’s Great Salt Lake, often referred to as “America’s Dead Sea,” by reimagining how brine shrimp (Artemia franciscana) are perceived in science, culture, and art. It introduces the concept of hydrosexuality to bridge these realms, thereby enriching feminist blue posthumanities and feminist biology through art-based practices and queer advocacy. By navigating the environmental narrative of the GSL, the hydrosexual perspective challenges settler science by exploring the connections between the reproductive system of brine shrimp and the economy, ecology and culture. The article provides a framework for integrative cultural analysis that bolsters arguments about the multilayered exploitation of the lake and amplifies voices that recognize the brine shrimp as vital to the survival of multiple species and to the GSL as a unique ecosystem. Furthermore, this cultural analysis draws inspiration from low trophic theory and Queer Death Studies. This multifaceted approach is exemplified by two case studies in the arts, which gradually alter white humans’ perceptions and understandings of the brine shrimp, helping to reimagine the GSL in the context of rapid climate change.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10806-024-09934-0

“Hydrosexuality”—Yes, It’s a Thing

Introduction

This is a love story that aims to change narratives about the Great Salt Lake through how people imagine brine shrimp in science, culture and art. It explores the concept of hydrosexuality to mediate between these realms, enhancing feminist blue posthumanities and feminist biology with the art-based practices of queer advocacy you might not have heard of before.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10806-024-09934-0

Apparently, the Great Salt Lake’s iconic brine shrimp are not just extremophile crustaceans but are also subjects of philosophical contemplation. The author coins the term “hydrosexuality,” a bold new concept bridging the worlds of “feminist blue posthumanities” and “queer advocacy.” This involves imagining water as a “non-binary substance” connecting life across planetary ecosystems. Admirable? Perhaps. Comical? Most definitely.

The idea of being “hydrosexual” raises questions. Is this a critique of human hubris, or just an academic prank that got way out of hand? This so-called “hydrosexual position” appears to be a rhetorical device to argue that water, brine shrimp, and environmental justice are best understood through the lens of erotic fluidity. Because nothing says ecological advocacy like imagining brine shrimp in sexually charged metaphors.

Critiquing “Settler Science”

The paper takes aim at “settler science,” branding traditional ecological and biological studies as products of colonialism. The claim that naming brine shrimp Artemia franciscana is somehow part of a “biology of empire” feels like an Olympic-level stretch. Sure, let’s just ignore the practical need for Latin taxonomy in favor of a narrative that blames crustacean nomenclature on imperialism.

According to the author, the Great Salt Lake has been wronged by both settler colonialists and capitalist industries. Fair enough. But the solution offered is not focused on policy, conservation, or restoration. No, the answer apparently lies in embracing “queer blue posthumanities” and asking, “How can we make people fall in love with brine shrimp?” I wish I were kidding.

The “Marriage” of Humans and Brine Shrimp

Yes, you read that right. In one of the most bizarre moments in academic history, the author discusses an art performance called the “Cyber Wedding to the Brine Shrimp.” This ceremony involved vows made to the tiny crustaceans, followed by a procession through the Great Salt Lake’s dried-up lakebed, and a communal bath that was poetically described as “making love to the lake.”

Who needs practical environmental activism when you can marry a shrimp? This performance is supposed to challenge the exploitative relationship humans have with nature. But it feels less like meaningful advocacy and more like a caricature of academic performance art.

Sea-Monkeys and the Fall of Civilization

The author reserves special disdain for Harold von Braunhut, the inventor of the iconic “Sea-Monkeys.” The whimsical marketing of brine shrimp to children is characterized as part of a sinister colonial-capitalist agenda. Apparently, turning brine shrimp into toys for kids was an act of ecological violence disguised as family-friendly fun. Because heaven forbid children marvel at tiny aquatic creatures without pondering the environmental implications.

This product has been sold children in the U.S. and globally since the end of the 1960s by Harold von Braunhut, a mail-order marketer, inventor, and White supremacist (Brott, 2000). Working in collaboration with a scientific consultant, marine biologist Anthony D’Agostino, he obtained a patent for selling brine shrimp cysts that “come to life” upon the addition of water, salt, and chemically formulated nutrition. What had already been cheap fish food was also transformed into an illusion of vitality incubated in a small plastic tank included in the product package. Drawing from perspectives offered by queer death studies (Radomska et al. 2021, p. 2), the brine shrimp’s ambiguous status and reproductive agentiality, hovering between the “living” and “non-living” in a state scientifically referred to as cryptobiosis, were reinvented for entertainment, concealing environmental violence. I argue that the distribution of this example of bio-fiction pet amplified the brine shrimp characteristic as critters undeserving of empathy.

A Salty Conclusion

This paper is less about saving the Great Salt Lake and more about using the lake as a platform for self-indulgent theorizing. The environmental crisis it describes—the shrinking of the lake due to water diversion—is real, despite the knee-jerk blame directed at climate change. But instead of proposing practical solutions, the study disappears into a whirlpool of jargon-heavy metaphysics and half-baked social critiques.

The Great Salt Lake doesn’t need a “hydrosexual critique” or an avant-garde shrimp wedding. It needs real science, real conservation efforts, and real policies to preserve its fragile ecosystem. This paper, while colorful, is an example of what happens when academic naval-gazing substitutes for actionable ideas.

In the immortal words of the brine shrimp: Please stop.

Video of this performance art queer theory atrocity can be seen on X at this link:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1861460588225827276

H/T Colin Wright, @SwipeWright