Monckton Announces A Sustainable-Energy Startup: Invest Now!
By Christopher Monckton of Brenchley
WUWT does not usually endorse commercial or investment opportunities, but this one is an exception. It’s simply too good to miss. At last, the global energy crisis has a credible, sustainable solution.
The radical new technology – an ingenious fusion of biochemistry and physics – has the capacity to provide zero-emission locomotive as well as static energy for the entire planet at only 0.8 cents per kilowatt-hour. I kid you not. It’s the real deal. You can trust me on this.
After almost a decade of intensive research at the gleaming laboratories of the Grand Academy of Lagardo, conducted in the greatest secrecy (we didn’t want the Chinese stealing the technology), we are at last ready to go public. Within less than a decade, when the first Small Modular Uplift Generator rolls off the production line at our Terafactory (formerly known as Texas) to the chink of decarbonized-champagne glasses, all existing forms of energy generation and supply will have become entirely redundant overnight.
Her Majesty’s Government, via the Sustainable-Transition Unlimited-Potential Industrial Development fund administered by the Department of Energy and Net Zero, provided the initial $4 billion in seed capital to get this radical and exciting new technology market-ready.
Inflation-Reduction-Act funding of £10-$100 billion a year has been guaranteed by the U.S. Treasury. The Bill Gates Foundation has chipped in $40 billion. Elon Musk has taken a 3% stake for $50 billion. But we don’t want this to be an exclusively big-bucks project. Here, then, is your chance to get some penny shares while they are still affordable.
Market cap of the We Intend ZerO corporation is already well above $1.5 trillion. We are now at last permitted to go public, for we have just been notified that we will be listed next week on NASDAQ under the tetragrammaton WIZO. Readers of WUWT are the first to know. We are letting you in on the ground floor. You’ll thank me, you really will.
Recently one of my noble friends, Lord Swift of Wetwang, sent his learned clerk, Mr Gulliver, to the Grand Academy to report on our research, conducted under the able direction of Professor Sir Gradely Champion, PhD (Oxon.), FRS:
“The first man I saw [the Professor] was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and face, his hair and beard long, ragged and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt and skin were all of the same colour. He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in warm, inclement summers. He told me he did not doubt, in eight years more, that he should be able to supply the Governor’s gardens with sunshine at a reasonable rate; but he complained that his stock was very low, and entreated me ‘to give him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season for cucumbers’. I made him a small present, for my lord had furnished me with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of begging from all who go to see them.”
Now, you may think this is all a joke. How can one get two sunshines’-worth of energy out of only one sunshine and a cucumber? Doesn’t that violate the laws of thermodynamics? Isn’t it a perpetual-motion machine? Doing the sums on the back of an envelope, it looks to me, Monckton, as though you’re saying you could get seeds from the first cucumber and plant them and then get two sunshines’-worth of energy out of each new cucumber. Surely that’s impossible?
We often hear this from investors at first. But, as the Professor explains in his peer-reviewed paper on the subject, the law of physics that you can’t get summat from nowt (or, as he colorfully puts it, “nowt for nowt and b*gger all for sixpence”) simply does not apply where one is using crossover tech between the radiative physics of sunlight and the physical biochemistry of chlorophyll fluorescence in photosynthesis. It’s all a matter of the metabolic pathways, as every schoolboy knows. I mean, try it for yourself.
As head of marketing for WIZO, I can assure you that our business model is identical to that of many previous startups that achieved major market caps. Take Arrival, an exciting British startup of 2021. The brilliant idea behind Arrival was that White Van Man, with his mullet, his fake gold chain, his baggy Chinese Levi knockoffs and his Converse All-Stars, had not yet joined the mass movement towards net zero, and ought to be brought into line.
So Arrival had what you can see was an idea almost as brilliant as ours. Its directors decided that it should use reliable, century-old technology for powering milk-floats with electricity, fitting white vans not with real engines but with enormous, heavy batteries whose sheer weight would help to improve the van’s grip on Britain’s slippery roads – an important health and safety improvement given White Van Man’s reputation for bad driving.
The first, crucial step in this field of research, of course, is to get AU to generate a shiny-looking image of what the finished product might look line. Arrival did this beautifully, as you can see, though perhaps they might have added a little color:
ARRIVAL has departed, in a very real sense
Next, the marketing team planted a series of stories in willing news media. Here are a few:
March 2021: “Federal policies, local production – Arrival is meeting the American moment”.
April 2021: “Mindful sustainability – for a clean, circular and equitable future”.
July 2021: “Making Safety Equitable”.
July 2021: “Anaheim PTO partners with Arrival to secure a $2 million Clean Vehicle Grant”.
August 2021: “Arrival’s autonomous driving technology achieves major AU advancement”.
August 2021: “Arrival co-developing its Automotive Open Data Platform with Microsoft”.
October 2021: “UPS and DP World delivering world-first Electric vehicles charged using off-grid solar power at Expo 2020 Dubai”.
October 2021: “Arrival hand-picked by UK Government to showcase at exclusive Global Investment Summit in London”.
November 2021: “Arrival aims to transform fleet servicing with Global Service Network Program”.
December 2021: “Arrival reveals its first Electric Car designed to transform the global ride-hailing industry.”
December 2021: “Arrival begins proving ground trials of its electric Bus”.
May 2022: “Arrival achieves EU bus certification milestone”.
June 2022: “Arrival produces first production verification van in Microfactory”.
What a roaring success! By this stage, Arrival’s market cap was $15 billion. It had not sold a single vehicle, but who needs to, these days? That business model is way out of date.
By January 2023, it became plain that, because Arrival had not yet adopted WIZO’s Small Modular Uplift Generators, it was not going to be able to compete in the ever-more-competitive market for electric buggies. From then on, the headlines were different in tone:
January 2023: “Arrival announces significant savings initiatives to reduce spend by half”.
February 2023: “Arrival announces a $50 million equity capital commitment and exchanges $121.9 million of debt for equity.
March 2023: “Arrival announces $300 million equity financing line and provides 2023 outlook”.
April 2023: “Arrival advances U.S. commercialization plans through business combination with Kensington Capital Acquisition Corp”.
May 2023: “Arrival reports first quarter 2023 business update”.
June 2023: “Arrival to exchange £40 million debt for equity with Antara”.
July 2023: “Arrival and Kensington Capital Acquisition Corp. agreed to terminate business combination agreement”.
July 2023: “Nasdaq grants Arrival required extension to file its annual report on Form 20-F”.
August 2023: “Arrival to report second-quarter 2023 business updates in early September 2023”.
September 2023: “Arrival’s secured bridge financing accelerated and terminated”.
September 2023: “Arrival reaches agreement with lender on exit fee”.
November 2023: “Notice of delisting or failure to satisfy a continued listing rule or standard”.
January 2024: “Arrival receives Nasdaq notification of non-compliance with listing rules 5250(c)(2) and 5620(a)”.
January 2024: “3.8 times around the Earth. Van trials 2023 results”.
January 2024: “Arrival receives notification of trading suspension and delisting from Nasdaq”.
February 2024: “Arrival announces appointment of administrators for Arrival UK Ltd. and Arrival Automotive UK Ltd”.
By this stage, you may well have deduced that Arrival was an invention, complete with its own bogus website: https://arrival.com/topic/news.
Unfortunately, like so many other gee-whiz startups in the Clean Green Circular Mindful Ongoing Sustainable Equitable Crossover Meeting-The-Moment Transformative Open-Data Modular Showcase Global Energy Transition Synergy Partnership Sector, Arrival was a genuine attempt at a corporation. Like far too many others of its kind, from Solyndra via Virgin Hyperloop One to Britishvolt, Arrival gobbled up billions and spat out nothing before disappearing up its own tailpipe. Just another example of Lomborg’s Law: green investment is neither green nor an investment.
But WIZO is different. It really is. Truly. Cross my fingers and hope to get away with it. Let me end with the statutory warning before you send me your very large check: “Investments can go up, and up, and up, as well as up.”
And I considered my venture into voodoo acupuncture to be speculative.
Will the Arrival be available with a diesel engine?
If a diesel version is ever produced, it will be branded as the Arrival/Departure.
But will it be Cancelled, or Delayed?
“Arrival gobbled up billions and spat out nothing before disappearing up its own tailpipe.”
Obviously, the diesel engine Arrival was intended for their 2nd model.
Buy and hold?
Supposedly sane folks are becoming infested/enamored with renewable garbage?
Aw Nut’s!
I mean, I was about to launch the same idea with Nuts. Green ones. There are so many of them we are tripping over them.
The British and US parliaments are littered with them. Media outlets are stuffed with them. They are positively gushing out the BBC.
Just gather them up, bury them in a field and you’ll have a flourishing new crop next year of fresh, young, green nuts.
I haven’t quite figured out how to turn them into energy yet as they play a good game of wack-a-mole, even when you use a Moonbat to tempt them with. It’s damn difficult to flush them out and turn them into anything useful. But I’m working on it.
I even have my Logo.
That takes toooo long.
There you will find young and green biased and nut people.. Already to process into green energy.. (hot air)
That seem rather a modest proposal.
No doubt that cucumbers will provide the UK with ample, sustained wind.
Beans, on the other hand !!!
My money back guaranteed startup is EVentuality administrators sequestering the wet dreams of watermelons and all who bubble along with them-
Arrival – the “British Tesla” – goes BUST after not selling a SINGLE van | MGUY Australia (youtube.com)
EV Ambulances and Fire Trucks are a TERRIBLE idea | MGUY Australia (youtube.com)
Green jobs aplenty with the red inkers.
PS: EVentuality is not really a startup but more of an endup-
From BAD To WORSE at FORD | SHOCKING CHANGES (youtube.com)
🙂 Thanks for that interlude from today’s chaos.
I’m afraid that Lord Monckton has seriously misrepresented Arrival. Their product was much more flexible and varied than this limited article by Lord Monckton suggests. Arrival’s vans were available in either white or black. Well, they might have been if they had ever been produced. Another issue which Lord Monckton’s limited article avoids is: how much money ended up inside the pockets of the people running Arrival? I suspect that a very large part of the money flow through Arrival was diverted there instead of being used to design and make white (and black) vans. I am of course completely satisfied that this will not happen with WIZO.
Their later plan to produce only gray vans, rather than one in white and another in black, as a means of saving money apparently fell through when the marketing department pointed out that the $50,000,000 already spent on pre-production advertising included illustrations of vans painted in both white and black.
Whizzo may already be taken – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zZQQijocRI
I had a big stack of hundreds ready to invest in Monckton’s scheme, but it was a cold day, so I used them to start a fire. It was just more value for the money.
I love a good piss-take.
IMHO
The publication of this very interesting article should have been delayed until April 1, 2024.
If he had then some people might have mistakenly thought it wasn’t genuine and not invested in it.
Blimey Christopher, This is a bit early for April 1st…
On a slightly more researched investment option and not too far removed from your solar cucumber energy multiplier concept, have you looked at farming?
I was seriously thinking of investing in that rather old fashioned concept of ‘grow and prosper’ but am being cautioned by the ongoing war against anything constructive or life giving, by the Woke communities springing up all across government.
I am still fixated on the farming potential though, after a demo I watched (over a few months admittedly), where a bag of humble spuds actually multiplied into a small truck load of similar potatoes.
I was tempted to go to the NY stock market with my enthusiastic investment finding called ‘farming’ but when I mentioned I wanted to show them a truck load of potatoes, they looked at me all funny and said where is the truck…..
“You’ll thank me, you really will.”
Thanking you in advance.
epic.
and without giving any clue of upcoming mental disarrangement, illogicality and other carnage (the basis of all the very best jokes and definition of: GSOH), perfectly described the operation of the Global Greening Sputnik
for humour transplantees and those existant in Brandon’s World, here it is:“between the radiative physics of sunlight and the physical biochemistry of chlorophyll fluorescence in photosynthesis. It’s all a matter of the metabolic pathways, as every schoolboy knows
iow: Just as Kumcubers = Sunbeams, so does, dead, dying, brown and blackened plants = Global Greening
It’s sooooo funny you wanna cry
G’Day Peta,
“…without giving any clue …”
The ‘Title’: “Wizo, Small Modular Uplift Generator”
When a string of words don’t ‘feel’ natural, look for the ‘kicker’, quite apart from “Wiz_”, English slang for ____?
Later: “Sustainable-Transition Unlimited-Potential Industrial Development”
My Lord,
Before committing to investing I would be most grateful if you could give me an exchange rate for Micronesian Cowrie Shells to Pounds Sterling. The Xe Currency Converter web site doesn’t seem to list them.
If it’s a rare zoilla, you’re talking thousands. Each. With the common cowrie you could exchange a small handful for pennies.
Nice bit of research, my lord. A year ago I nearly invested in proud, all green electricity distributer Octopus Energy! Wow. Phew.
Through their acquisition of Co-op Energy, my supplier is now Octopus. I read yesterday that they’re planning to become a major hirer-out of EVs! What could possibly go wrong? I would take my business elsewhere but I’ve just started a 12-month fixed-rate contract with exit penalties. Damn!
One is as bad as the other. I’m with BG but when I tried to move they all demanded I fit a smart meter.
The good thing is the larger organisations are more resilient to price fluctuations.
This article is an excellent expression of being an Englishman through and through. It expresses the sarcasm of hope, the joy of parody and the evocative thought of small schoolboys excelently. Its closest rival is probably Monty Python, or Thompkinsons schooldays as in “Ripping Yarns”. Why the score is only 4.2 shows that a large proportion of readers are from foreign parts where the concept of “Englishness” has been lost! Jolly good my Lord!
Errr… Christopher, shouldn’t that be “His Majesty’s Government”?
Pronouns dear chap. We’re allowed to use what we want these days. Whichever seems most appropriate.
I am unclear how his Highness self identifies. He may vary that in the interests of diversity, or if one particular sex toilet is full. I wonder if Charles uses the DoE’s old kasi at Epsom, if it’s still Royal’s only in the Suite loos?
Er …. that should be His Majesty. He stopped being a Highness when his Mum died.
And what gas are the bubbles of the champagne comprised of?
Your hubris has already sown the seeds of your demise!
Well it’s decarbonised, innit. Which means no bubbles in the champers old fruit – it’s vin ordinaire from the approximate vicinity of France, or possibly just the EU.
INVESTMENT REPORT: WIZO (Offshore) SA.
As an investment advisor in such schemes I suggest the best approach for an investor, with some grasp of the actual biological and physical processes involved, is to prefer to eat the cucumber in a suitably thinly sliced sandwich, perhaps with a sustainable and thinly sliced hard boiled egg, while absorbing the sunshine. This will deliver at least two, no three, measurable benefits. No, four.
It provides balanced food, provide employment for one’s sandwich chef, also you will not lose your money to no benefit at all. Also, given this is done at one’s estate where sunbathing is acceptable, the consumer will benefit from additional Vitamins A and D AND a more acceptable darker skin colour if one of those indigenous population who are still unfortunately and rasically white, and, finally, you will have the knowledge that you have achieved the virtue of avoiding the waste of the valuable input commodities on the pre failed scam in an unsustainable venture.
It should be pointed out, that all this is well summarised by Lomborg’s well proven law, which is still not obvious to most government members and investors, as well as the swivel eyed loonies promoting similarly unachievable Extremely Silly Greed (ESG) investments, claiming to be solutions to problems we cannot measure or see for ourselves, by people who are who are educated only in practically useless subjects and have no understanding of how nature can be put to work to profit people paying for the output, but ARE expert in how to lie about such things and profit from the lies at public expense, legally.
These skills are mainly taught at elite schools for pseudo science salesmen such as WIZO’s founder has attended, the ‘arrer Skool for toffs close to Northwick Park roundabout, not far from its posher and higher fee’d superior Eton, just across the bridge from Windsor Cattle. Location, location, location. Harrow runs a close second to Eton’s top liars college in the UK, the most equitable, diverse anf untroubled by facts Ivy League Universities in the Americas, hence the highly developed abilities of senior politicians and civil servants to support such offerings with other people’s money.
Those promoting this particular scheme, which, like other such “sustainable, affordable, low carbon, equitable and diverse energy solutions”, are in fact arranging the legalised financial transfer of your money to them, by law, without useful output of any kind, except employing yet more people to “help” manage your lives. It’s nota fraud, because its legalised fraud, malfeasance. Perfectly legal, and how central and local government is run in the UK.
While this is the standard and legal model for Government expenditure, it is not a good investment for the private sector, where its methods can be seen, perhaps harshly, and only by the masses made to pay for it, lacking private incomes and non dom status, and government officials and politicains who legalise it, and the courts who enforce the law on ordinary people, as criminal fraud.
THe company will claim early problems are unforeseen , in part because the intended customers are not far-seeing enough. In fact it sis likely such customers need to see what works to earn a living, as they are not part of the parasitic infestation of woke elites on the taxpayer classes, none of whose ideas need to work to get paid.
Even if the supposed customers can’t see a problem, perhaps they can smell it?
The parasite insiders invest before the IPO, know nothing about anything that is useful to the people expected to buy the products offered, but do know that a well subsidised business will look attractive to mug punters, who to get “on board” from government, supporting the IPO, or on the board. All will know when to buy their private pre IPO share offers and when to dump them, mainly because they are advised on this by the companies legal advisors, Float, Pump and Dump, while they advising others on how to continue to invest in these “opportunities”. You will not.
THis is known as The Pelosi or Deben portfolio style of investment, but the advice is not cheap.
Alternatively, as another test, one could corner the lead offerees at a public meeting, , and insert the formerly useful cucumber into said individuals, with or without a coating of natural oils, as a dip stick test (of the individual, not the cucumber). It seems to me that the Cucumber, a tasty and useful vegetable, formed from CO2, water and solar energy, will come out smelling of the human reality of most such “renewable/sustainable/equitable” investment, and not of the roses the investors claim.
Conclusion:
Do not touch this investment with a shitty cucumber. Avoid cucumber related energy projects, and indeed other bio fuelled energy, unless it receives guaranteed subsidies at public expense, or, better, you are advised by a government insider as regards the timing of buying and selling of this stock ……. or retain Float, Pump and Dump, who are well advised to know this from the retired Ministers and permanent civil servants they retain as advisors, so investment advice will be based on the reality of the money, not the reality of the claimed business offering.
Be careful out there, remember Lomberg’s Rule, and avoid Extremely Silly Greedy investing.
Sorry you lost me at the first hurdle. I understand how one might thinly slice a sandwich as you describe but fail to see how the whole cucumber fits in – does one insert the whole cucumber into the sandwich before thinly slicing the whole thing, or afterwards, which might make for a bit of a mouthful. Personally I would put one thin slice of cucumber into the champagne glass but I’ve been told that’s perverted and not to be done in polite company.
I’m gonna buy cucumber futures PDQ.
Good to see Monckton back.
I’ll run this idea past my investment advisor, Ned Fairfakes. 😉
Humblest apologies to Lord Monckton for the Danegeld situation and much Krone is on the way to fly you in for mutually agreeable negotiations with our Association regarding the cucumber credits-
Danish farmers must cut production to achieve climate goal, says government advisor (msn.com)
Reminds me of the late Heinz Wolff’s Calculating Cricket Company. He took the observation that chirp rate in crickets is linearly related to temperature. Having calibrated your cricket, there were endless uses in measurement delivered through the CCC, an international company worthy of investment.
It is, I think – but only in some species and not consistent in individuals, especially once they get used to the different temperature.
There is something special about using the english language or any language to create “Having calculated your cricket”. Bravo
I understand that if you convert the cucumber into pickles first, the energy output quadruples. In the words of Wolfman Jack “It all depends on your boogaloo situation, you understand.”
I understand only too well… We’re talking Blazing Saddles here if I’m not mistaken?
I remember seeing science demo things where they had two beakers of water (salt water?) with lemons or potatoes with wires connecting them. that could turn on a little light bulb.
All we need to do is attach a bunch of to the grid instead of a light bulb!
But that would need a bunch of green for testing.
(OH! Lemons and potatoes aren’t green. Maybe jalapenos would work better to produce more power? A bit more green needed for testing.) 😎
I guess my calendar is just plain wrong . . . I thought we still had 40 days to go.
According to the Opus DEI of wrathful Gaia that precise timeline could depend on numbers and fit with the trumpet call-
https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/women-have-run-out-of-female-only-spaces/ar-BB1iFwhd
“Sustainable-Transition Unlimited-Potential Industrial Development”
Someone’s been reading “Retief” books by Keith Laumer
EVentuality….ground floor…can’t lose…
Rivian cuts jobs, sees annual production below estimates (msn.com)
I didn’t know it was April 1st.
Epic. Well played, sir.
His Majesty, King Charles III recently coronated with Waters of the River Jordan, that river right in the middle of Babylon 2
The world is in His hand now, er, he said we were of the World, or something.