Friday Funny: Madden Now Allows You To Select Greta Thunberg As Your QB

Reposted with permission from The Babylon Bee

September 8th, 2020

REDWOOD CITY, CA—Sports fans and gamers around the world are jubilant after EA Sports’ recent announcement that they will be adding Greta Thunberg as a playable quarterback in Madden NFL 21.

“After we added socially conscious non-football-player Colin Kaepernick as a playable QB on every team in Madden, we realized we didn’t have to stop there,” said EA’s CEO Andrew Wilson. “We are thrilled to be adding Greta Thunberg to the mix as a tremendously overpowered character! With every down, Greta will help Madden fans remember how terrible they are for killing the planet.”

According to developers, Madden NFL 21 will require players to select either Thunberg or Kaepernick as their quarterback every time. If a player refuses, the game will require them to purchase carbon credit loot crates or risk being doxed and banned from all multiplayer servers forever.

Sources have confirmed that Thunberg’s stats will even be higher than Colin Kaepernick’s already maxed-out stats. She will shriek and scream “how dare you!” or “you’ve ruined my childhood!” every time she is tackled. Players who tackle her will receive a 15-yard penalty since tackling a child is wrong. Any player who selects either character will have the option of pressing “X” at any time during a game to start a riot on the field and end the game.

Several proposed future additions to Madden NFL 21‘s roster include Rosie O’Donnell, Alyssa Milano, Jussie Smollett, Michael Moore, and the baby from the beloved children’s classic Anti-Racist Baby.

In an announcement on Twitter, EA Sports said, “We are proud to be a part of making American football a more inclusive place for influential people, as well as for anyone who still remembers what the heck American football is.”

72 thoughts on “Friday Funny: Madden Now Allows You To Select Greta Thunberg As Your QB

    • “Satire acts like an overhead projector, taking something that people usually ignore and projecting it up on the wall for everyone to see. It forces us to look at things we wouldn’t normally look at and makes us ask if we’re okay with them.” link

      It’s important, and good news IMHO, that folks can find humor in the Greta phenomenon.

      • Perhaps – but I find less and less to be amused by – and I see much more ominous overtones in people like Greta. Because they’re growing up and they’re not kidding.

        AOC is in congress. And if Biden gets in, she will likely be within reach of a cabinet position.

        These people are from hell and can’t wait to show it.

        • “These people are from hell and can’t wait to show it.’

          I agree. But, having a chuckle or even an outright laugh about some absurdity is good for the health. When you can do it at the expense of those you oppose, even better. As long as it doesn’t cause folks to minimize or dismiss the threat people like Thunberg and AOC represent then I say ridicule, satirize and laugh at them when imagination and opportunity presents itself.

          • Oh, I understand the psychological benefit – it’s just lately, I find myself unable to avail myself of much levity.

            Although, I have been doing a hell of a lot of push-ups. You use what coping methods you can find, I guess.

          • Heh. With all the bovine fecal matter flying around everywhere… I hope (probably in vain) the election will put a damper on the hurricane of bovine scat.

          • ‘I hope (probably in vain) the election will put a damper on the hurricane of bovine scat.’

            From your mouth to God’s ear.

    • She’s Greta the climate whiner and finger wagger. She can do anything Steve. CNN even named Greta as an expert on their COVID-19 panel.

      The only problem I have with this is the day, made me check my watch in case I’d slept though and missed Thursday.
      I guess it’s Friday though in Australia and NZ now though. But not in the US however.

    • People STILL don’t know that the Babylon Bee is all satire??

      Having said that, it would be awesome to have your 350lb defensive linemen sack the crap out of her. SQUISH!

    • Washington Who? (They should have called themselves the Washington Team Football or the Washington Football Youth; the acronyms would have been better.)

      I know this is a joke article but, it really does seem as if the NFL wants to get broke by going woke. They will change their tune when they see their revenue stream dry up because, people don’t watch sport to be lectured about politics. Fans will tune out, turn off and drop out in droves. They better find a way to fix stupid quickly or they will lose a lot of money.

      • If they keep it up until Trump is out of office, maybe he will resurrect the USFL and actually make money at it!

    • But then Greta will be an even bigger hero.

      All of the players will then have to try to fit the name Greta Thunberg in that little white space on the back of their helmets!

  1. The game should give us the option to play somebody who gains from all of this PC nonsense. But since it seems to affect all the major sports, and TV and movies too, I can’t think of anybody who gains except the Grinch.

  2. In the NFL Combine they always talk about metrics, like arm length, and performance in specific drills, as well as the cognitive testing to determine their ability to process simple spatial situations.

    Unfortunately, for Greta, none of the NFL’s metrics include the ability to spew hot air.

  3. It’s from the Babylon Bee. It’s satire. It’s a joke. It’s fake.

    It’s funny but it does it belong here?

  4. A lot of us might buy that just to watch Greta being virtually creamed by blitzing 300 lb linebackers every play.

  5. It is funny but the NFL is dead to me. Done with all of the major professional sports that use a ball. Also done with NASCAR. Still Love the sprint and midget racing. I suspect taking a knee at those races would be hazardous to ones health.

  6. We could add a couple more local players.

    The Griff he just runs around calling out “the ice is melting” with tears in his eyes sobbing “what about the polar bears”.
    The Ghalfrut yells out “You are selfish” everytime someone receives the ball and then goes off for lie down.
    The Loydo just randomly runs around in the same circle on the field yelling “Climate change”
    The Nick Stokes he comes out redefines all the rules so only he knows what they are and the score is whatever he defines it as.

    • No, Loydo squats and takes a dump on 50 yard line. Or 55 yard line in Canadian version.
      Speaking of which, when will EA Sports allow us to select Johnny Football about QB? 😂

    • Friday? ===> That was part of the fun.
      I was in a call with a supplier right after reading this Friday Funny. Told mistakenly it was Friday today.

      Hope Saint Greta is handling the football better than climate science.

  7. Please don’t underestimate the value of laughing at these people. Abuse and science they bat away with returned interest. Faced with laughter which corrodes and punctures their posturing self- importance they become enraged and uncomfortable. Charlie Chaplin and the Great Dictator remains a valuable pointer.
    Pile it on, planet savers have no sense of humility or humour and need to be reminded of that frequently.

    • There are two things that progressives absolutely cannot stand: 1) being ignored, and 2) being laughed at. Carry on and keep up the good work.

        • I have sent videos by Naomi Seibt to at least 5 of my leftist friends,
          (most of my friends are left Dems)
          All of them stand with Greta – go figure. . .
          One of them is a physics, math, computer scientist PHD, retired professor.
          Go figure again. . .

          – JPP

  8. Beep-beep boop beep-boop! This just in! The much-disgraced so-called “Scientific American” has disgraced itself again by endorsing Biden, giving “President Trump’s well-documented rejection of science” as the primary reason, then dishing out all of the nauseating, TDS-inspired, Democrat astro-turf spin we so adore.
    Now back to your regularly-scheduled programming starring Gretta How-Dare-You Thunderpants.

  9. More to the point, why not have Greta’s trademark “How dare you” as the ring tone on your phone. It will be very appropriate when a scam call comes in. Perhaps Malcolm Roberts-“Show me the evidence.”
    We are counting down the days until Greta turns 18 (3 months and 15 days) and loses her status as Child High Priestess of the Climate Cult of Doom and Gloom. Her fibs and tantrums can no longer be tolerated. After all, fibs and tantrums in particular are her trademark. Acceptable for a minor, but not an adult. You do have to wonder how warmists can veritably worship tantrums.
    Poor Greta, COVID and the US election are dominating the news propaganda cycle. With whatever new fear campaign comes out just after the election, it will be too near to Christmas to regain any traction.

    • (checks)

      Well there you go, I was under the impression she was a February child.

      To be honest I am a bit nervous about Greta becoming an adult. I guess you could argue that she is already an adult because in her own words her children was stolen, but you get my point.

      On the plus side she will no longer be able to play the ‘child’ card.

      On the scary side she will now legally be an ‘adult’ and hence legally be allowed to do ‘adult’ things. And by ‘adult’ I am referring to stuff like getting shirtless, writing ‘HOW DARE YOU’ all over your collar bones and then posting the photos to Twit as part of a Stunning and Brave personal protest.

      Remember there is ample proof that the less attention an ‘activist’ is getting the more likely they are to perform these sorts of stunts.

      Be afraid.

  10. I don’t get why Colin Kaepernick and other U.S football players kneel. Our Flag represent our form of government and our Bill of Rights which gives them the right to protest peacefully, so they must not want our Bill our Bill of Rights and form of government.

  11. Don’t forget to include Jane Fonda on the list. She would make a good quarterback. Maybe better than Greta.

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