Friday Funny: Madden Now Allows You To Select Greta Thunberg As Your QB

Reposted with permission from The Babylon Bee

September 8th, 2020

REDWOOD CITY, CA—Sports fans and gamers around the world are jubilant after EA Sports’ recent announcement that they will be adding Greta Thunberg as a playable quarterback in Madden NFL 21.

“After we added socially conscious non-football-player Colin Kaepernick as a playable QB on every team in Madden, we realized we didn’t have to stop there,” said EA’s CEO Andrew Wilson. “We are thrilled to be adding Greta Thunberg to the mix as a tremendously overpowered character! With every down, Greta will help Madden fans remember how terrible they are for killing the planet.”

According to developers, Madden NFL 21 will require players to select either Thunberg or Kaepernick as their quarterback every time. If a player refuses, the game will require them to purchase carbon credit loot crates or risk being doxed and banned from all multiplayer servers forever.

Sources have confirmed that Thunberg’s stats will even be higher than Colin Kaepernick’s already maxed-out stats. She will shriek and scream “how dare you!” or “you’ve ruined my childhood!” every time she is tackled. Players who tackle her will receive a 15-yard penalty since tackling a child is wrong. Any player who selects either character will have the option of pressing “X” at any time during a game to start a riot on the field and end the game.

Several proposed future additions to Madden NFL 21‘s roster include Rosie O’Donnell, Alyssa Milano, Jussie Smollett, Michael Moore, and the baby from the beloved children’s classic Anti-Racist Baby.

In an announcement on Twitter, EA Sports said, “We are proud to be a part of making American football a more inclusive place for influential people, as well as for anyone who still remembers what the heck American football is.”

72 thoughts on “Friday Funny: Madden Now Allows You To Select Greta Thunberg As Your QB

    • Washington Who? (They should have called themselves the Washington Team Football or the Washington Football Youth; the acronyms would have been better.)

      I know this is a joke article but, it really does seem as if the NFL wants to get broke by going woke. They will change their tune when they see their revenue stream dry up because, people don’t watch sport to be lectured about politics. Fans will tune out, turn off and drop out in droves. They better find a way to fix stupid quickly or they will lose a lot of money.

    • But then Greta will be an even bigger hero.

      All of the players will then have to try to fit the name Greta Thunberg in that little white space on the back of their helmets!

  1. The game should give us the option to play somebody who gains from all of this PC nonsense. But since it seems to affect all the major sports, and TV and movies too, I can’t think of anybody who gains except the Grinch.

  2. In the NFL Combine they always talk about metrics, like arm length, and performance in specific drills, as well as the cognitive testing to determine their ability to process simple spatial situations.

    Unfortunately, for Greta, none of the NFL’s metrics include the ability to spew hot air.

  3. It is funny but the NFL is dead to me. Done with all of the major professional sports that use a ball. Also done with NASCAR. Still Love the sprint and midget racing. I suspect taking a knee at those races would be hazardous to ones health.

  4. We could add a couple more local players.

    The Griff he just runs around calling out “the ice is melting” with tears in his eyes sobbing “what about the polar bears”.
    The Ghalfrut yells out “You are selfish” everytime someone receives the ball and then goes off for lie down.
    The Loydo just randomly runs around in the same circle on the field yelling “Climate change”
    The Nick Stokes he comes out redefines all the rules so only he knows what they are and the score is whatever he defines it as.

    • No, Loydo squats and takes a dump on 50 yard line. Or 55 yard line in Canadian version.
      Speaking of which, when will EA Sports allow us to select Johnny Football about QB? 😂

  5. Please don’t underestimate the value of laughing at these people. Abuse and science they bat away with returned interest. Faced with laughter which corrodes and punctures their posturing self- importance they become enraged and uncomfortable. Charlie Chaplin and the Great Dictator remains a valuable pointer.
    Pile it on, planet savers have no sense of humility or humour and need to be reminded of that frequently.

    • There are two things that progressives absolutely cannot stand: 1) being ignored, and 2) being laughed at. Carry on and keep up the good work.

  6. Beep-beep boop beep-boop! This just in! The much-disgraced so-called “Scientific American” has disgraced itself again by endorsing Biden, giving “President Trump’s well-documented rejection of science” as the primary reason, then dishing out all of the nauseating, TDS-inspired, Democrat astro-turf spin we so adore.
    Now back to your regularly-scheduled programming starring Gretta How-Dare-You Thunderpants.

  7. More to the point, why not have Greta’s trademark “How dare you” as the ring tone on your phone. It will be very appropriate when a scam call comes in. Perhaps Malcolm Roberts-“Show me the evidence.”
    We are counting down the days until Greta turns 18 (3 months and 15 days) and loses her status as Child High Priestess of the Climate Cult of Doom and Gloom. Her fibs and tantrums can no longer be tolerated. After all, fibs and tantrums in particular are her trademark. Acceptable for a minor, but not an adult. You do have to wonder how warmists can veritably worship tantrums.
    Poor Greta, COVID and the US election are dominating the news propaganda cycle. With whatever new fear campaign comes out just after the election, it will be too near to Christmas to regain any traction.

    • (checks)

      Well there you go, I was under the impression she was a February child.

      To be honest I am a bit nervous about Greta becoming an adult. I guess you could argue that she is already an adult because in her own words her children was stolen, but you get my point.

      On the plus side she will no longer be able to play the ‘child’ card.

      On the scary side she will now legally be an ‘adult’ and hence legally be allowed to do ‘adult’ things. And by ‘adult’ I am referring to stuff like getting shirtless, writing ‘HOW DARE YOU’ all over your collar bones and then posting the photos to Twit as part of a Stunning and Brave personal protest.

      Remember there is ample proof that the less attention an ‘activist’ is getting the more likely they are to perform these sorts of stunts.

      Be afraid.

  8. I don’t get why Colin Kaepernick and other U.S football players kneel. Our Flag represent our form of government and our Bill of Rights which gives them the right to protest peacefully, so they must not want our Bill our Bill of Rights and form of government.

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