Reposted with permission from The Babylon Bee
U.S.—A series of new bills working their way through state legislatures in New York, California, Oregon, Hawaii, and several other progressive states will require you to listen to a Greta Thunberg lecture before purchasing gasoline.
Motorists will be required to watch a 20-minute lecture by the 16-year-old climate activist before they purchase gallons and gallons of harmful fossil fuels.
“We want to make sure drivers are informed,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom, who says he will sign the bill into law. “So we are having them get lectured by a 16-year-old so they will have all the facts before they do something rash like put gasoline in their cars to go to work.”
Once the driver has listened to Thunberg’s entire lecture, they will be prompted to complete a quick, fifteen-question quiz to show they understand how horrible they are for driving a car. Drivers who get at least 80% will then be allowed to refuel their vehicles. As they refuel, the screen will simply play a clip of Thunberg saying, “How dare you!” over and over again.
The law will not apply to celebrities purchasing jet fuel.
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https://youtu.be/2flZ5UfgzC8
This chilling video taken by the Russian military – no doubt in protective suits – shows graphically the environmental destruction in the Arctic caused by climate. The music grippingly evokes the deadly miazma of ecosystem collapse.
There never was liquid water before in the Arctic Ocean – OMG what have we done? Birds cling to a last holdout on precarious cliffs – never before have they been forced to nest their young precariously on vertical cliffs – each one that falls to their death adds to a mountain of human guilt for such a tragedy. A polar bear lies dying by a poisoned creek – howling mournfully.
Alas the blighted seals have developed grotesquely overgrown front teeth – a quick fact-check from David Attenborough confirms this horrible mutation is quite new and without doubt caused by chemical contamination. Icebergs melt under a relentless sun into hideous shapes before disappearing forever. Another polar bear struggles in vain for life. Pure instinct refuses to surrender to merciless climate.
Adding insult to injury, human vandals damage centuries-old ice with an axe – have you no shame? Mutated seals languish in fetid stagnant pools. International tourists look on from a pleasure-boat. In panic a polar bear flees the stench from the polluted waterline and despairingly climbs a mountain face. Party-goers ignore the devastation caused by their kin and wave banale-ly at a camera. Where is Greta Thunberg when we need her?!
Greta’s handlers haven’t yet worked out that she’s only the opening act for the UN Secretary General, not the main performance.
The “show me the money” finale is the real highlight of the climate follies extravaganza, which Greta doesn’t get to do.
And, like David Suzuki’s kid, when G. has served her usefulness to the U.N., they will dump her for someone more pitiful.
Get ready for floods of tears from faithful supporters.
Or not.
+50
searing and accurate
Like Bryan A I rushed to the calendar to make sure it wasn’t April 1 !!
I assume they will have a sign language interpreter for the language of choice in the background for those that are deaf.
They wont need braille for the blind as they shouldn’t be driving anyway although I do wonder at times.
Think of all the l-o-n-g, l-o-n-g lines waiting at the pump, and spewing fumes into the air, while everyone watches little Greta for 20 minutes and then takes a 15-minute test on her words of wisdom. If my brother and his family didn’t live in CA, I’d say go ahead and really make this a dream come true. California would be a better state if all the flakes, fruits, and nuts who live there (“why is California like a breakfast cereal?”) could be polluted out of existence by hundred-miles lines at all the gas pumps!
…and Martians have landed at Horsell Common near Woking.
“… minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.”
Except for the I.Q. part, a pretty good description of California’s government.
I used to play on Horsell Common in the 1950s.
The only aliens I saw were trainee army despatch riders riding BSA motorbikes, wearing their leather jerkins and gloves, and their pudding basin safety helmets
You have obviously not read H.G. Wells’s “War of the Worlds.” Try it. One of the classic science fiction novels.
Is October 8th in USA equivalent to April 1st in UK?
Since this not April Fool’s Day, it MUST be true – but I suggest that the “How dare you” bit is replaced with the clip of the woman exhorting us to “eat the babies” – and that there is a Kentucky Fried Babies next to the filling station – and (yes, there’s more) if you drive an EV, your baby burger is free.
My comment is in the cryosphere – without naughty words. Why?
Who will go up in flames first? The gas stations or the people having to listen. Actually thinking about, maybe both should be included.
Words fail me.
This has to be a joke.
I certainly hope it is.
Regards,
Bob
The fact that you have to say ‘hope’, is indicative of what we’ve learned to expect from this group.
They’ve made parody impossible to identify at face-value.
are you Dilbert’s janitor?
This is funny! Really hilari…wait, what? Whaddaya mean it’s real???
You may skip the video with an add-on Greta tip if you choose. Just hit the G-button on the side of the pump. All proceeds will go to clean climate needs and UN climate committee, unless another unrelated budget need arises in California. (That’s where some climate marketing consultants come in with wordsmithing the public statements of explanation, if any.)
I’m exempted since I already watched a movie of Chucky the bloody doll.
The way young Greta’s Asperger Syndrome has been exploited by the alarmists is beyond shameful. Due to her form of autism, she is unable to evaluate what is told to her, and so wholeheartedly believes what she hears. And once she believes something, she is unable to change her mind when later facts show she is wrong.
The alarmists should be ashamed of the way they are exploiting her disability. But lack of shame is their own disability.
Ed Fix
You said, “And once she believes something, she is unable to change her mind when later facts show she is wrong.” Are you suggesting that liberals suffer from Asperger Syndrome?
That’s an over-generalization of the syndrome. In the autism spectrum of disorders, symptoms vary quite a bit from individual to individual. There’s no way of knowing specifically what this girl struggles with the most, but I have a son that has Asperger’s and he does not believe everything he hears. In fact, oppositional defiance is one of his symptoms. Typically though, they have problems understanding emotions, not only other people’s, but their own as well. They are often baffled by common social situations and misread other’s motives (more than those not on the spectrum). I seriously doubt she has the ability to detect how she’s being manipulated, and at 16 likely does not have the knowledge base to evaluate even the basic claims of the CAGW conjecture, nor does she have a functioning BS detector (that comes with age and wisdom).
Frankly, I feel sorry for her. This is really going to set her back when she discovers the truth.
Of course my post is an over-generalization, but the evidence suggests that in this particular instance (global warming) of this particular case (Greta) it is close enough. She is very easily manipulated/brainwashed, and the Alarmists are exploiting that weakness for their own political ends. They don’t give a flip about her, and are totally unconcerned about the harm they are causing to her. She’s useful, and that’s all that matters.
It’s plausibility all the way down.
Here in England my company, which sells extremely durable hardware items, useful for 100 years, pulled an April 1st. stunt of considerable complexity. We wrote to all our UK customers warning of a new rule from the European Union, effectively immediately, April 1st, that all these items would need to be stamped with a ‘sell-by’ date of only six months after manufacture, beyond which date it would be illegal to sell them on the open market, and they could be disposed of only to an EU ‘Intervention Manager’ who would remove them from the market, or destroyed. We backed this with long, detailed excerpts (several pages) from the relevant legislation, couched in sober legalese. We advised that we had complained to our own government, which had strenuously tried to get the legislation halted or delayed, but had failed to persuade the Commissioners. And finally, we added a spoof engineering drawing showing how the ‘sell-by’ date was to be etched on the products, which contained a lot of ridiculous jokey stuff that completely gave the game away.
What shocked us was that, of all the customers we sent it to, almost NOBODY picked up on the date, and saw it for what it was. Some were near apolectic. Some customers, who had huge long-term stocks of product, needed counselling. Even when it was explained to them, some still did not believe it a spoof. Three customers told us they would never deal with us again (I recall that they did, after a space).
They were all, because of long and terrifying experience with the EU, prepared to believe this ridiculous ‘legislation’ was true. Even some of our own employees were too stunned to see the funny side of it. I suspect that, in the States, the antics of the California, Oregon, Washington lawmakers are engendering a similar suspension of disbelief. I’ve never made an April 1st. joke since.
Since the EU legislate the power consumption of a jug (to boil water) and a vacuum cleaner, all bets are off regarding everything else (parody or otherwise).
“It’s plausibility all the way down.”
Well, not strictly speaking all the way down.
Only down to the turtles.
It’s a joke guys. But a good one. Made me laugh at least.
It’s California though. That makes it both scary and funny at the same time.
The pods coming out of Santa Mira by truck were much easier to laugh at with some entertaining movie scare factor. You got to go home after the movie.
But California over reach has been institutionalized without apology when they get it wrong.
Naming Oregon gave it away as a joke. In both Oregon and New Jersey retail consumers can’t pump their own gas.
About that time is when I leave the state
You mean, you’re still there????
It is getting so that The Onion and The Babylon Bee are the most credible parts of the US news media.
Reminds me of the poem, “Rainy Day Greta” which goes:
Well, she’ll shame you when you’re trying to be so good
she’ll shame you just like she said she would
she’ll shame you when you’re trying to go home
And she’ll shame you when you’re there all alone
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get shamed
Well, she’ll shame you when you’re walking on the street
she’ll shame you when you’re tryin’ to keep your seat
she’ll shame you when you’re walkin’ on the floor
she’ll shame you when you’re walkin’ to the door
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get shamed
she’ll shame you when you’re at the breakfast table
she’ll shame you when you are young and able
she’ll shame you when you’re tryin’ to make a buck
Then she’ll shame you and then she’ll say “good luck”
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get shamed
Well, she’ll shame you and say that it’s the end
Then she’ll shame you and then she’ll come back again
she’ll shame you when you’re riding in your car
she’ll shame you when you’re playing your guitar
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get shamed alright
Well, she’ll shame you when you walk all alone
she’ll shame you when you are walking home
she’ll shame you and then say you are brave
she’ll shame you when you are set down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get shamed
I wonder if the folks who think this satire is outrageous yet plausible realize so-called conservatives have done this exact thing to women who want an abortion.
Meat is murder, abortion is choice?
Yes – because fake “man-made” climate change is totally the same thing as murdering a child.
I really didn’t know much about strawman arguments until I started looking into the climate debate tactics being used.
So abortion is like buying some gas. Well put.
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
So killing babies is the same as pumping gas… hmm… yeah, I guess you could be right. But wait, I thought we were supposed to eat the babies?
Y’all prove my point. The hypocrisy is noted. When partisans can see only their own outrage they are easy to dismiss.
Yes, indeed. We certainly are dismissing you.
Thing is, I’m no partisan. I see the phoniness of both left and right. The left thinks its outrage is ‘privileged.’ The right thinks its outrage is ‘privileged.’ Both sides want a nanny state to teach us how to behave. Neither side has the moral high ground. Both sides are full of hypocrisy. For the good of the country, at some point partisans should stop lying to themselves.
It’s not “hypocrisy”, Don. It’s a fundamental clash of incompatible values. Might as well invoke Godwin’s Law here. Why couldn’t the Poles and Jews just listen to the Germans and find common ground? Their hypocrisy led to a very expensive and inconvenient series of events for the rest of us, wouldn’t you say? How could they justify their selfishness?
You’re blind to the fact that you too have a principle you cling to as in your mind “privileged”. Your radical libertarian view that individuals can and should be absolutely autonomous atomic units in society causes you to utterly dismiss the rights of one human being because s/he is in any way inconvenient to the autonomous one.
Rich Davis, False. You don’t know me. You should stop fantasizing about who I am. I am no libertarian. I recognize the ties and obligations we humans have as humans and as good citizens. What I do try to be is non-ideological. What I referred to above is not an incomparable clash of values. For you to bring up the Nazis in relation to what I said is ridiculous. Hypocrisy is simply hypocrisy. Cherished values get challenged, then some people use it as an excuse to stop thinking.
Don buddy, I’m certainly not fantasizing about you! What you said was “both sides want a nanny state to teach us how to behave”. This reference tags you as a libertarian thinker. It also tags you as a shallow thinker. There are only two sides? Really? The reality is that there are many different values that individuals hold sometimes inconsistently. In the one example here, either you value human life as something never to be taken unjustly, or you don’t. If you don’t, you dismiss other people who do value human life as being partisans or slaves to an ideology, superstition, etc.
Bottom line is that the narcissist knows that all his opinions are correct values, and everyone else needs to let go of their irrational beliefs and get on board with reality.
Fascinating how the troll can only see the outrage of others.
Like most leftists he just assumes that all right thinking people agree with him.
I’m no leftist. I despise the left. I pound on them at least as much as I pound on the right. Yet you assumed I am a leftist based on what? On the fact that I see rampant hypocrisy? This is what’s wrong with political debate these days. Too many people have stopped listening. They assume they are so right there’s no reason to listen.
Don, an apparently acceptable reply to your comment for progressives would be –
“some people did something . . .”
Killing your baby is the equivalent to buying gas?
Well Ya know, they gotta do something to make dumping fossil fuels into your tank as costly and time consuming as dumping electrons generated by fossil fuels into your n+battery
Flying penguins (National G?) and Italian spaghetti trees harvest (BBC?), two famous 1 Apr videos.
Yes, that was the BBC trafamadore. That was in the days when they still had a proper sense of humour!
Any state legislator who votes for this in California or Oregon is guaranteed to get voted out of office next term. New York, maybe not, because many of those who live in NYC don’t own cars and rely on mass transit.
Traffic around Los Angeles and San Francisco is already a nightmare, with many commuters spending over an hour in traffic each way. Adding at least 20 minutes to the wait at each fillup to listen to the Greta Dumbbird Show is bound to frazzle even the most patient of drivers.
The wait is probably going to be longer than that, since each gasoline pump could only service a maximum of three cars per hour, instead of about 12 cars per hour now, assuming that it takes about 5 minutes per driver to insert a credit or debit card, punch in a PIN, pump gas, and get a receipt. At busy gas stations, the waiting times would quadruple.
Also, if a driver fills their tank once a week, they would lose about 17 hours per year listening to little Greta saying the world will end in ten years. The time we have left is so precious, we don’t want to waste 170 hours, or over seven full days of our lives over the next ten years, listening to Greta lecture us!