Cheesy Jokes for the April 29th March, recycled and improved
By Sam Kazman, Competitive Enterprise Institute
CEI doesn’t support recycling mandates, but there’s nothing wrong with voluntary recycling. And that’s what we’re doing here—recycling our March for Science jokes from last week for tomorrow’s People’s Climate March—with a few additions.
–Why did the People’s Climate marchers feel such a sense of déjà vu?
Because they were just here last week.
–Why did so many marchers wear heavy make-up?
To hide their decline.
–Why did the marcher walk smack into a tree that was right in front of him?
Because he refused to let an empirical observation get in his way.
–Why did hundreds of marchers kiss the feet of one woman?
Because she was a model.
–Why were so many of the marchers in tears?
Because they were far too sensitive.
–Why did several hundred science marchers bump into each other at a red light?
Because they refused to recognize that the march had paused.
–What percentage of the marchers had kale for lunch?
97%.
–What did the Mexican food vendor say when the marchers complained about his salsa?
“I don’t change my recipes; the salsa is settled.”
–Why won’t there be any People’s Climate Marches in countries named “People’s Republic of …”?
Because the marchers aren’t that crazy.
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How many “Climate Change” supporters does it take to change a light globe?
None. There are no lights.
Why call them Climate Chiropractors?
Because they overcharge for questionable manipulations and adjustments.
Niiiice!!
Except that chiropractors aren’t all complete and total charlatans.
Reading the article and then the comments, it’s pretty obvious that science is not a fertile source for humor.
Craig. Hope this changes your mind.
There are three types of people:
Those who believe in climate change and those who deny it.
There’s three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.
Craig is this any better?
How do you stop B Nye from whining and jumping around in the back seat?
Move him to the front seat.
If you don’t like this jokes, I have a better one for you.
Knock Knock
Go away!
Heisenberg was pulled over by a patrolman, but he could not fathom why. When the patrolman asked if he knew how fast he was going, Heisenberg collapsed into tears and cried out– I kept getting lost!
Particle/wave duality is like a Roadrunner cartoon. The Coyote can observe the wave properties, the frequency or speed, of a truck from the highway shoulder, but only by stepping onto the highway does he collapse the wave function and observe the particle properties, the location and/or momentum, of the truck.
Along with odd behavior of trucks, the time lags between various body parts accelerating, the lag between walking off an edge and changing vertical energy levels, as well as the frequency of the Roadrunner tunneling through walls, the value of Plank’s Constant is much larger in Roadrunner cartoons than in real life.
I don’t know how you can say that when I have refused to let you see the data.
Dyslexic Climate Change Marchers Untie!
HmmmmMan….I am going to sell all my stuff before I die. Wife….Why do that? Man…..When I die you’ll probably remarry and I don’t want some asshole using my stuff. Wife….What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?
O/T copied from another thread but didn’t copy the name.
During a recent trip to the United States, Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians. She spoke for almost an hour on her plans for Scotland and Europe. At the conclusion of her speech, the crowd presented her with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name – Walking Eagle. A very chuffed Nicola then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds Nicola Sturgeon. A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh.t that it can no longer fly.
Even funnier, the march here in Denver will be in almost a foot of SNOW. Nothing says Global Warming better than snow. Will Al Gore be here?
Bill Nye “Is Not The Right” Guy Would Prefer an Ice Age Over the Current Warming
The Nation Magazine didn’t even grasp that if what Bill Nye said is true, CO2 is the greatest gift man has ever been given. Forget New York flooding in 10,000 years due to global warming, New York would be covered in ice after just a few years of an ice age. Societies collapse and die during ice ages, they thrive during warming periods. Liberals are so blinded by their ideology they don’t even understand how insane their positions are. Possible death 10,000 years in the future due to warming, or certain death during an ice age. Bill Nye makes is sound like the certainty of death and misery during an ice age is preferable to continued warmth.
https://co2islife.wordpress.com/2017/04/29/bill-nye-is-not-the-right-guy-would-prefer-an-ice-age-over-the-current-warming/
Ha-ha, what a joke this so called ‘science walk’ is… No wonder, actually, as the ‘science guy’ is on, he’s a [bad] joke by birth and since…
Anyway, a [true?] story about thermodynamics goes:
A professor in thermodynamics gave his graduates an examination query consisting of one single question: “Is Hell exothermic (releases heat) or endothermic (absorbing heat)? Prove your theory!”
Most of the students referred to the Boyles law – a gas will cool at expansion and heat up at compression – and/or similar law.
One student, however, wrote the following:
“Firstly, we have to define how the mass of Hell is changed over time. Thus, we must know the number and pace of soles entering and leaving Hell. I assume that when a sole has entered Hell, it will not leave, thus no soles leave Hell.
As to the number of soles arriving in Hell, we need to examine the different religions in the World. Some of these say that if you’re none of us, you will end up in Hell. As there is more than one religion saying just that and as Man very seldom confesses to more than one religion, we can assume that everyone will end up in Hell. Considering the birth and death rates of today the number of soles in Hell will increase exponentially.
Next, we have to consider the changes of volume of Hell as Boyles law says that, if temperature and pressure are to be kept the same, the volume has to increase as new soles arrive. This gives us two possible solutions:
1. If Hell increases slower than the pace of soles arriving, the temperature and pressure will increase until (the whole) Hell breaks loose.
2. If, on the other hand, Hell expands faster than the pace of new soles arriving, the temperature and pressure will sink until Hell freezes to ice.
So, what is relevant? If we consider the basic principle given to me by the beautiful young lady Therese Banyan during my first year here: “Hell will freeze to ice before I go to bed with you” and then consider the fact that I have not been successful in establishing a sexual relation with her, alternative two above can not be relevant.
Thus, Hell has to be exothermic.”
This student was the only one getting the top grade in class.
Brgds from Sweden/TJ
Thanks for that. Made my day.
The greatest comedienne Christiana Figueres is organising her farewell do.
http://newsroom.unfccc.int/unfccc-newsroom/unfccc-executive-secretary-to-step-down-in-july/
Is the Green Blob planning to rely on homeopathic electricity?
MSM: Dr Ehrlich, did you expect so many people to spontaneously turn out for this global March?
Dr E: No, I didn’t even know there were this many people still in the world.
–Why won’t there be any People’s Climate Marches in countries named “People’s Republic of …”?
Because leftist marchers didn’t want to take a shot at it.
What did the Climate Seance marcher say when Bill Nye blew in its ear?
“Thanks for the refill!”