We Need a Name for the Imaginary Planet Simulated by Climate Models for the IPCC

Guest Post by Bob Tisdale

I recently ran across an article by Chelsea Harvey for BusinessInsider. It was the title that grabbed my attention: This Map Shows How Climate Change Will Screw The Whole World. Not just parts of the world, the “Whole World”. Wow. Interest piqued, I discovered she was referring to Figure 2.4 from the IPCC’s Climate Change 2014 Synthesis Report (longer report), shown below. It appears to be the same as Figure SPM.8 from the 2014 Synthesis Report Summary for Policymakers. The author described the map of future risks as a “handy chart”. I love handy charts.

IPCC SYR Full Figure 2.4

The map resembles the planet Earth, where most of us reside. The continents are in the right places, and so are the oceans. But we know that’s not the Earth. The risks illustrated are based on climate models, and we know that climate models used by the IPCC for their reports are not based on Earth’s actual climate, as it has existed in the past, or as it exists now. The maps output by climate models may resemble our Earth, but they’re fantasy maps of a fantasy world. They create nothing more than an illusion…an illusion that is intended to make it look like bad things will happen in the future if we all do not agree to reduce our carbon footprints.

We need a name for the imaginary planet simulated by climate models—a planet that looks like Earth, but is not Earth. I’ll propose the climate-modeled planet be called TurnsToCrap. No matter how the modelers present the product of their endeavors, they show the planet TurnsToCrap.

 

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Max P
November 14, 2014 12:31 pm

Misanthropia.

Resourceguy
November 14, 2014 12:32 pm

I repeat….
NIMBY

Resourceguy
November 14, 2014 12:33 pm

Sodom Says….or was it Gomorrah?

Reply to  Resourceguy
November 15, 2014 1:46 am

I never found out what gomorry might have been.

william
November 14, 2014 12:34 pm

It should be called the “Paleo Planet” because it can only exist on low carbs.
Other options:
Miranda (from Serenity)
Krypton
Girth (Gore + Earth)
Earthmannia
Snowball Earth
Kobol
Caprica
Alderaan
Gallifrey
9tee7%
PPM Planet
Unreal Clear Earth
Grant Generator
Perhaps if we just renamed this planet Mars and the Red Planet Earth, we could get all the climate scientists and environmental nutjobs to move there and save that planet!

milodonharlani
Reply to  william
November 14, 2014 12:44 pm

Blue Balls Planet.

November 14, 2014 12:35 pm

Planet 9 From Outer Space. It’s just bad science fiction.

Mark
Reply to  John G.
November 16, 2014 1:54 am

Isn’t that “Plan 9 from Outer Space” 🙂

Resourceguy
November 14, 2014 12:36 pm

Paywalled
Troll
Manniacal

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 12:36 pm

Fabricatia

AJ
November 14, 2014 12:37 pm

The Matrix

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 12:38 pm

Hotairius

Martin 457
November 14, 2014 12:38 pm

Catastrophicus.

urederra
November 14, 2014 12:39 pm

Planet 404
(experimental data not found)

Robert W Turner
Reply to  urederra
November 14, 2014 12:44 pm

+

milodonharlani
Reply to  Robert W Turner
November 14, 2014 12:57 pm

H.R.
Reply to  urederra
November 14, 2014 3:43 pm

+1 & +1. My favorite so far, though I liked Muddle Earth.
Yeah, yeah, I voted twice. Just practicing for the next elections ;o)

Reply to  urederra
November 15, 2014 1:47 am

Wow. I’ll have that.

Jeff Mitchell
Reply to  urederra
November 15, 2014 5:08 am

++

Reply to  urederra
November 17, 2014 9:03 am

This is the funniest yet!

George A
November 14, 2014 12:40 pm

ManBearPig

Man Bearpig
Reply to  George A
November 14, 2014 1:51 pm

Eh?

Randall_G
November 14, 2014 12:40 pm

Paradisum Lanatus – loosely: Watermelon Paradise.

Robert W Turner
November 14, 2014 12:43 pm

Tough one. I don’t think there has been a world in fiction that is comparable to the madness here. Planet bat-sh!t-crazy comes to mind.

Mark
Reply to  Robert W Turner
November 16, 2014 2:03 am

I’m sure the planet in question is somewhere in “The Number of the Beast”, by R. A. Heinlein. Possibly one of the Teh-positives surveyed in chapter 38.

Scizzorbill
November 14, 2014 12:43 pm

Never Never Land

garymount
Reply to  Scizzorbill
November 14, 2014 3:47 pm

In a few more years it will be called “Never Mind”.

pwl
November 14, 2014 12:45 pm

Flat Earth of Doom, since (most of if not all of) the climate models use two flat planes, one for the Earth and the other for the atmosphere… two flat matrices.

jorgekafkazar
Reply to  pwl
November 14, 2014 2:50 pm

Are you sure of that? I’d sure like to know. Got a linky-dink or two? Thanks!

Dudley Horscroft
Reply to  pwl
November 15, 2014 1:24 am

Obviously should be Discworld – if Terry Pratchett will let you have this name.

milodonharlani
November 14, 2014 12:45 pm

Terra Loca.

November 14, 2014 12:45 pm

Horsemanuearth.

Reply to  lenbilen
November 14, 2014 12:49 pm

Should have been HorseMannuEarth.

CaligulaJones
November 14, 2014 12:46 pm

Goremannistan

Larry
November 14, 2014 12:46 pm

Planet “Doom”

katarax
November 14, 2014 12:47 pm

Wherejohnstewartandfriendsgotopia

milodonharlani
Reply to  katarax
November 14, 2014 12:57 pm

Goretopia.
UEAtopia.

Mike Bryant
November 14, 2014 12:49 pm

Blazing Addled

CaligulaJones
November 14, 2014 12:49 pm

As the saying goes, truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Twain, if the Google is correct.

Brute
November 14, 2014 12:49 pm

Planet Wow.

Tregonsee
November 14, 2014 12:50 pm

Warmworld?
Fever?

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