Guest Post by Bob Tisdale
I recently ran across an article by Chelsea Harvey for BusinessInsider. It was the title that grabbed my attention: This Map Shows How Climate Change Will Screw The Whole World. Not just parts of the world, the “Whole World”. Wow. Interest piqued, I discovered she was referring to Figure 2.4 from the IPCC’s Climate Change 2014 Synthesis Report (longer report), shown below. It appears to be the same as Figure SPM.8 from the 2014 Synthesis Report Summary for Policymakers. The author described the map of future risks as a “handy chart”. I love handy charts.
The map resembles the planet Earth, where most of us reside. The continents are in the right places, and so are the oceans. But we know that’s not the Earth. The risks illustrated are based on climate models, and we know that climate models used by the IPCC for their reports are not based on Earth’s actual climate, as it has existed in the past, or as it exists now. The maps output by climate models may resemble our Earth, but they’re fantasy maps of a fantasy world. They create nothing more than an illusion…an illusion that is intended to make it look like bad things will happen in the future if we all do not agree to reduce our carbon footprints.
We need a name for the imaginary planet simulated by climate models—a planet that looks like Earth, but is not Earth. I’ll propose the climate-modeled planet be called TurnsToCrap. No matter how the modelers present the product of their endeavors, they show the planet TurnsToCrap.

Misanthropia.
I repeat….
NIMBY
Sodom Says….or was it Gomorrah?
I never found out what gomorry might have been.
It should be called the “Paleo Planet” because it can only exist on low carbs.
Other options:
Miranda (from Serenity)
Krypton
Girth (Gore + Earth)
Earthmannia
Snowball Earth
Kobol
Caprica
Alderaan
Gallifrey
9tee7%
PPM Planet
Unreal Clear Earth
Grant Generator
Perhaps if we just renamed this planet Mars and the Red Planet Earth, we could get all the climate scientists and environmental nutjobs to move there and save that planet!
Blue Balls Planet.
Planet 9 From Outer Space. It’s just bad science fiction.
Isn’t that “Plan 9 from Outer Space” 🙂
Paywalled
Troll
Manniacal
Fabricatia
The Matrix
Hotairius
Catastrophicus.
Planet 404
(experimental data not found)
+
“
+1 & +1. My favorite so far, though I liked Muddle Earth.
Yeah, yeah, I voted twice. Just practicing for the next elections ;o)
Wow. I’ll have that.
++
This is the funniest yet!
ManBearPig
Eh?
Paradisum Lanatus – loosely: Watermelon Paradise.
Tough one. I don’t think there has been a world in fiction that is comparable to the madness here. Planet bat-sh!t-crazy comes to mind.
I’m sure the planet in question is somewhere in “The Number of the Beast”, by R. A. Heinlein. Possibly one of the Teh-positives surveyed in chapter 38.
Never Never Land
In a few more years it will be called “Never Mind”.
Flat Earth of Doom, since (most of if not all of) the climate models use two flat planes, one for the Earth and the other for the atmosphere… two flat matrices.
Are you sure of that? I’d sure like to know. Got a linky-dink or two? Thanks!
Obviously should be Discworld – if Terry Pratchett will let you have this name.
Terra Loca.
Horsemanuearth.
Should have been HorseMannuEarth.
Goremannistan
Planet “Doom”
Wherejohnstewartandfriendsgotopia
Goretopia.
UEAtopia.
Blazing Addled
As the saying goes, truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Twain, if the Google is correct.
Planet Wow.
Warmworld?
Fever?