Friday Funny: Life is a Gas!

Kevin Benn of Sweden writes with some poetry…

Hi Anthony,

[This] was an outlet for my frustration at not being able to engage local politicians or journalists in an open discussion about climate science and policy.

Please use it as you think fit!

Thank you for your Labour of Life – it’s a solace, a source of inspiration and knowledge, and a sure part of the solution!

Kevin Benn

Malmö, Sweden

LIFE IS A GAS!

Life is a gas – CO2 –

(and oxygen, of course)

But to say that it drives the climate

Puts proverbial cart before horse.

What Al Gore said in his lecture,

Unbacked by observable proof,

Turned out to be pure conjecture –

An inconvenient truth…

The ice-core samples from Vostok

Plotting temperature change over time

Revealed that in fact CO2 change

Lags hundreds of years behind.

Greenland was green when the Vikings

Settled a millennium ago;

While Frost Fairs were held on the Thames

Six centuries later, or so.

The IPCC used a Mann-made stick

To flatten this bumpy graph

To prove to us all – Q.E.D. –

That this life-giving gas ‘ain’t no larf!’

They say, thanks to human endeavour,

Our carbon footprints expand

Playing all hell with the weather

And flooding both ocean and land.

Once upon a time, CO2

Was a colourless, non-toxic gas;

Now: ”an anthropogenic emission”

On a mission to fry us, en masse.

The bottom line is that this vapour,

In solid or gaseous form,

Will turn the world into a greenhouse

Globally warmer than warm!

Mass production and consumption

Took off at the end of the war.

Despite Kyoto and Cops and Cap’n trade

CO2 levels continue to soar.

Fossil fuels, factories and flying machines

All add their bit to a graph

That rises each year exponentially

When it ought to be falling by half.

The temperature curve, however,

Just will not play the game:

Rise, fall, rise for a century

Then 17 years the same!

Elaborate computer models

Are the IPCC’s crystal ball

None of which have predicted

The recent no-warming-at-all!

Climate Science is now a religion

Where AGW is PC

And the MSM censure everything

Bar the Gospel of IPCC.

So worship the great god Consensus,

Believe what it tells you is Truth;

Or else you’ll be branded Denier

And your views will be taken as proof!

High Priest Strong said at Rio –

Leaving Greens to fill in the gaps –

”Isn’t the only hope for the planet

That the industrialised nations collapse?”

Now that’s hardly a secret agenda;

The Club of Rome endorsed it too:

”All we need is the right major crisis…”

And the scapegoat is – you know who!

So now parties of all creeds and colours

Profess to this climate-smart code:

Nature should be a museum

Back in pre-industrial mode.

The Germans have ‘Energiewende’,

Exchanging nuclear power for coal;

The Brits import timber from Canada

To spruce up their CO2 goals.

The rest of the Greens look to EU

To tax us all off the map

Survivors will catch the Royal Virus,

Prince Philip – jolly old chap!

Meanwhile, in the real world, the future

Has billions of new mouths to feed.

So ‘power plants’ must be provided

To supply them with all that they need.

Electricity and food for all

Means carbon dioxide, you see,

In South America, Africa, Asia…

Rather than just you and me.

Now 400 parts per million

Historically speaking’s quite small

So it’s thanks to a gentle warming

That the planet is greening at all.

For ask any market gardener

What the Greenhouse Effect means to them

And they’ll tell you that king-sized veggies

Crave 1200 ppm.

The more CO2, then, the better;

Photosynthesis thrives on the stuff.

So frack up both oil and shale gas;

Of which there is more than enough.

And let us pray Global Warming

Doesn’t take a turn for the worse

As its cousin, Global Cooling,

Is definitely more of a curse.

For Climate Change is the default –

The null-hypothetical state.

On those that say Man overrides this

The burden of proof is great.

For the climate has always been changing;

Change is here to stay.

As King Canute showed on the seashore,

Man cannot keep Nature at bay!

So, historians, when you review our time

And our hysterical CO2 show,

Remember that Mankind can’t be blamed

For your landscape of ice and snow.

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kadaka (KD Knoebel)

Oh, that’s good!

Well done!
And yes, CO2 IS GOOD FOR PLANTS, GOOD FOR THE EARTH, AND GOOD FOR YOU!
/Mr Lynn

Love it!

Twobob

Twenty eight stanzas clear wisdom.
Conflated show pernicious information about trace Co2.
Evidence clear but glass not.

somersetsteve

An admirable ode Kevin!
Re King Canute…he was actually being ironic when he commanded the tide to recede..to demonstrate the limitations of his kingly powers to his courtiers. Sadly, our modern day rulers think they can control the weather…or at least would like the sheeple to think they can. So much for progress!

Thanks Kevin, this is a lovely poem. Here in the U.S. Obama campaigned on two issues. Life isn’t fair and the weather is getting worse. He promised to fix them both, the latest with his “Carbon Pollution” fix. With your permission I will reblog it on lenbilen.com.
From a fellow Swede here is a poem in Swedish.
I U.S. har tiderna blivit allt svårare.
Obama har ännu en hord av bedårare
De får finna ut
när lånen tar slut
i grunden han var blott en feg solochvårare.

Nigel S

Excellent, I don’t think even Kurt Wallander could find the inconveniently missing heat.

Stacey

Excellant but should Prince Phillip read Prince Charles?

Annie

I do like that! Thank you.
Stacey…I thought that too.

Mark Hladik

Priceless!

DaveF

That really is first-rate effort, Kevin. Well done.

Eric Baker

Bravo!

John in L du B

Yes. I think Prince Charles has been confused with his father here, who, to his credit, has refused to allow wind generators on royal lands. He called windmills “a disgrace” in 2011.
…or maybe that was what was meant. People who survive this green hijacking of the economy will catch Prince Phillip’s skeptic virus.
Reawhly daddy!

cnxtim

Phil and Chuck are equally nutty ingredients of the same fruitcake, but yeah it was Windsor the Younger..

Gunga Din

A nice summation of lots and lots of information.

urederra

Awesome.

Bill Parsons

Thanks, Kevin. What do Swedish papers do with a heretical tract such as this? (If they won’t publish it, I’d be willing to storm the Boulder city gates and nail it to the door at NOAA headquarters.)

Colorado Wellington

Truth, wit and poetry! What a refreshing change in a sea of dull high-handed deception. Thank you for starting my day with a smile, Kevin.

GeeJam

An extreme group of warmists did shout,
“CO2 causes flooding and drought”,
they made such a din,
but dropped dead breathing in,
‘cos they refused to ever breathe out!
The coroners verdict was tense,
when “they believed 400ppm was immense”,
just key in a one, with six noughts,
divide by 400, you’d thought,
so is 2,500th of all gas is ‘an offence’?
And from 2,500th of all gas in the air,
of which 97% is naturally there,
these warmists are taught,
“it’s all man’s fault”,
though the man-made bit is a 3% share.
So the moral to this suicidal debt,
Is if this tiny amount of CO2 is a threat,
then you cannot divide or add,
CO2 is good, not bad,
and our world will not burn up quite yet.

Colorado Wellington

Bill Parsons says:
June 6, 2014 at 8:59 am

I’d be willing to storm the Boulder city gates and nail it to the door at NOAA headquarters …

… and I’d be honored to serve on your tactical distraction team or join a second wave should you encounter stiff resistance and fail to reach the summit.
Let’s reform this corrupt church!

John W. Garrett

I have to admit it; I expected doggerel.
I was wrong. It’s quite good.

John Slayton

Those monkeys up in the coconut tree,
Discussing things as they’re said to be,
Are currently pondering something new:
The climate of earth and its CO2.
The eldest advises his proteges
Of sciency man and his goofy ways.
“My lads, we know humans are not like us,
Discussing opinions without a fuss.
When they disagree about what may be true,
They go hire lawyers and run down and sue.”
“So Brothers, it’s clear what we should do.
We must reaffirm our earlier view
That man descended, the ornery cuss,
But Brothers, he didn’t descend from us.”

Eugene WR Gallun

Lots of interesting, unusual rhymes in there.
Clear aforethought followed by careful execution. The purpose of the poem drives the rhyming and not the other way around.
Decent handling of meter. Length demonstrates mastery.
What’s not to like?
Eugene WR Gallun

gnomish

as long as it’s poetry corner time…
Noble Savage
living with nature, exposed to the weather
tools made of pebbles and chewing on leather
wearing no clothing and painting our cheeks,
squatting in bushes and pissing in creeks
rattles and feathers and hypnotic trances,
changing the climate with chanting and dances
dung fires, dibble sticks – isn’t it nice?
smothered in bear grease and clawing at lice.
we are noble – we are savage – and we keep it real!
burning a virgin to placate our gods- and what in the hell’s a ‘wheel’?

Louis

Stacey says:
June 6, 2014 at 5:47 am
Excellant but should Prince Phillip read Prince Charles?

No, it was actually Prince Phillip who said he wanted to return as a killer virus. Here’s the quote:
“If I were reincarnated, I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.” — Prince Phillip
The apple (or nut) doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Jimbo

Great stuff. And now for a few words.
Our carbon, which art in heaven,
Damned be thy name,
Thy power be gone,
Emissions be none,
On Earth as as well as in heaven,
Give us this day our daily rations,
And forgive us our emissions,
As we forgive those who emit against us,
and lead us not into electrification,
but deliver us from evil carbon dioxide
For his is the kingdom, the power and the Al Glorey for ever and ever, Carbon.

LogosWrench

Sweet

Tom J

This rhyme from Kevin
I find quite sublime
For to rhyme has been a human endeavor
For just about all of time

Boulder Skeptic

Jimbo says (June 6, 2914 at 11:50am)…
Nice. One suggested tweak…
As we won’t forgive those who emit against us,
better captures the hypocrisy, maybe?

What an excellent poem. Wisely and correctly assembled. To demonstrate the demons are those that deny the facts. This should be on posters, cards and Youtube, at least.

David, UK

Brilliant – like all the best humour it works on multiple levels (funny-cos-it’s-true, just plain funny, intelligently written, great timing). It’s a gift! Thanks Mr Benn!

David, UK

The money for Greens and all that
Has made Mr Gore rather fat
And although he’s a rat –
A manipulative twat –
His movie’s sell (what’s up with that?)

Sorry, it’s late, I’ve had a drink, and I’m tired. And other excuses. Okay, it’s cheap. Must try harder…

gregole

Very good!

Eugene WR Gallun

gnomish June 6 11:14am
you went 95% of the way. Just a little more extra effort.
For the sake of meter replace “hypnotic” with “mystical”,
Line 7 — For meter you need something like — Dung in the fire and dirt for a spice
Last line — Gods are fickle — burn a virgin — what the hell’s a wheel?
Gut out that last 5% — wrack your brain — make the meter work — poetry needs to be perfect or its not poetry.
Liked the alteration of line length in the ending.
Your poem is good and deserves a tough critique.
Eugene WR Gallun

somersetsteve

Here continueth the lesson according to Jimbo…
Hail Gorey, two of face
The con is with thee
Blessed are thou amongst wamists
And blasted be the deniers of your doom thesis
Flay us deniers now
And at the death of our economy.
Carbon.

Oh Come on Gallum!
Shirley you can critique stronger than that! 8<)
But, following "your" key, make Jimbo's prayer even better.

Jimbo says:
June 6, 2014 at 11:50 am
Great stuff. And now for a few words.
Our carbon, which art in heaven,
Damned be thy name,
Thy power be gone,
Emissions be none,
On Earth as as well as in heaven,
Give us this day our daily rations,
And forgive us our emissions,
As we forgive those who emit against us,
and lead us not into electrification,
but deliver us from evil carbon dioxide
For his is the kingdom, the power and the Al Glorey for ever and ever, Carbon.

RACook changes Jimbo to read … (but only with Gallum's OK)
Our carbon, whose fart be towards heaven,
Damned be thy name,
Thy power be gone,
Emissions be none,
On Earth as as it was in heaven,
Give us this day our daily ration,
And forgive us our emission,
As we hate those who emit against us,
and lead us not into pure fictation,
but deliver us from evil in carbonation.
For his is the kingdom, the power and the Al Glorey for ever and ever, Carbon.

somersetsteve

Typo fixed and insert a missing line..
Hail Gorey, two of face
The con is with thee
Blessed are thou amongst warmists
And blasted be deniers of your doom thesis
Holy Gorey, lover of dosh
Flay us sinners now
And at the death of our economy.
Carbon