Friday Funny: Life is a Gas!

Kevin Benn of Sweden writes with some poetry…

Hi Anthony,

[This] was an outlet for my frustration at not being able to engage local politicians or journalists in an open discussion about climate science and policy.

Please use it as you think fit!

Thank you for your Labour of Life – it’s a solace, a source of inspiration and knowledge, and a sure part of the solution!

Kevin Benn

Malmö, Sweden

LIFE IS A GAS!

Life is a gas – CO2 –

(and oxygen, of course)

But to say that it drives the climate

Puts proverbial cart before horse.

What Al Gore said in his lecture,

Unbacked by observable proof,

Turned out to be pure conjecture –

An inconvenient truth…

The ice-core samples from Vostok

Plotting temperature change over time

Revealed that in fact CO2 change

Lags hundreds of years behind.

Greenland was green when the Vikings

Settled a millennium ago;

While Frost Fairs were held on the Thames

Six centuries later, or so.

The IPCC used a Mann-made stick

To flatten this bumpy graph

To prove to us all – Q.E.D. –

That this life-giving gas ‘ain’t no larf!’

They say, thanks to human endeavour,

Our carbon footprints expand

Playing all hell with the weather

And flooding both ocean and land.

Once upon a time, CO2

Was a colourless, non-toxic gas;

Now: ”an anthropogenic emission”

On a mission to fry us, en masse.

The bottom line is that this vapour,

In solid or gaseous form,

Will turn the world into a greenhouse

Globally warmer than warm!

Mass production and consumption

Took off at the end of the war.

Despite Kyoto and Cops and Cap’n trade

CO2 levels continue to soar.

Fossil fuels, factories and flying machines

All add their bit to a graph

That rises each year exponentially

When it ought to be falling by half.

The temperature curve, however,

Just will not play the game:

Rise, fall, rise for a century

Then 17 years the same!

Elaborate computer models

Are the IPCC’s crystal ball

None of which have predicted

The recent no-warming-at-all!

Climate Science is now a religion

Where AGW is PC

And the MSM censure everything

Bar the Gospel of IPCC.

So worship the great god Consensus,

Believe what it tells you is Truth;

Or else you’ll be branded Denier

And your views will be taken as proof!

High Priest Strong said at Rio –

Leaving Greens to fill in the gaps –

”Isn’t the only hope for the planet

That the industrialised nations collapse?”

Now that’s hardly a secret agenda;

The Club of Rome endorsed it too:

”All we need is the right major crisis…”

And the scapegoat is – you know who!

So now parties of all creeds and colours

Profess to this climate-smart code:

Nature should be a museum

Back in pre-industrial mode.

The Germans have ‘Energiewende’,

Exchanging nuclear power for coal;

The Brits import timber from Canada

To spruce up their CO2 goals.

The rest of the Greens look to EU

To tax us all off the map

Survivors will catch the Royal Virus,

Prince Philip – jolly old chap!

Meanwhile, in the real world, the future

Has billions of new mouths to feed.

So ‘power plants’ must be provided

To supply them with all that they need.

Electricity and food for all

Means carbon dioxide, you see,

In South America, Africa, Asia…

Rather than just you and me.

Now 400 parts per million

Historically speaking’s quite small

So it’s thanks to a gentle warming

That the planet is greening at all.

For ask any market gardener

What the Greenhouse Effect means to them

And they’ll tell you that king-sized veggies

Crave 1200 ppm.

The more CO2, then, the better;

Photosynthesis thrives on the stuff.

So frack up both oil and shale gas;

Of which there is more than enough.

And let us pray Global Warming

Doesn’t take a turn for the worse

As its cousin, Global Cooling,

Is definitely more of a curse.

For Climate Change is the default –

The null-hypothetical state.

On those that say Man overrides this

The burden of proof is great.

For the climate has always been changing;

Change is here to stay.

As King Canute showed on the seashore,

Man cannot keep Nature at bay!

So, historians, when you review our time

And our hysterical CO2 show,

Remember that Mankind can’t be blamed

For your landscape of ice and snow.