The Weather Channel to start applying monster names to hurricanes and tropical storms

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE  – June 3, 2014

ATLANTA – In response to the study just released from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, “Female hurricanes are deadlier than male hurricanes” (2014) doi: 10.1073/pnas.1402786111 , which suggested that female named storms don’t elicit enough alarm in the general populace, resulting in lower evacuation numbers, and in keeping with the practice that TWC pioneered of naming winter storms, TWC has decided to rename Northern Hemisphere tropical storms this year, using names taken from monsters and mythology.

The study found that for highly damaging storms, the more feminine the storm’s name, the more people it killed. The team’s analysis suggests that changing a severe hurricane’s name from the masculine “Charley” to the feminine “Eloise” could nearly triple its death toll.

The authors of the PNAS study said in their press release on the paper:

“In judging the intensity of a storm, people appear to be applying their beliefs about how men and women behave,” said Sharon Shavitt, a professor of marketing at Illinois and a co-author of the report. “This makes a female-named hurricane, especially one with a very feminine name such as Belle or Cindy, seem gentler and less violent.”

“If people in the path of a severe storm are judging the risk based on the storm’s name, then this is potentially very dangerous.”

Therefore, in the interest of public safety, TWC has decided to take the initiative and apply new names that will elicit action on the part of TWC viewers.

TWC spokesperson Tiffany Bleuhard said “While many people feel they can ride out storms, as we’ve seen from actual TWC operations in the field, the only people qualified to ride out hurricanes, tropical storms, and tornadoes are trained meteorologists. Our  goal is to make sure that they take these storms seriously enough to heed official warnings. We feel that by giving the storms names that are appropriate to their intensity and risk, people will take them more seriously and let the experts do their jobs.”

The alphabetical list of TWC named storms for 2014 follows.

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TWC 2014 NAMES OF TROPICAL STORMS (with sources and translations)

Abe Sapien (Hellboy)

Beisht Kione (Irish Mythology – “The Beast With a Black Head.“)

Cyclops (one eyed monster)

Dhampir (Serbian vampire)

Ekimmu (Mesopotamian A bloodsucking ghost that resembles a pale giant with a bull’s head on its shoulders.)

Futakuchi-onna (Japanese – Woman with a second mouth on the back of her head)

Godzilla (TWC received special license for this name in exchange for promoting the movie)

Hippogriff (Renaissance invention in Orlando Furioso)

Ichthyocentaur (sea-Centaur)

Jersey Devil (Demonic dragon that was given birth to by an American living in New Jersey)

Kasha (Japanese – Cat-like demon which descends from the sky and carries away corpses)

Leviathan (Jewish – Sea monster, as seen in Job 41)

Muldjewangk (Australian Aboriginal mythology – Water monster)

Nukekubi (Japanese – Disembodied, flying head that attacks people)

Ogre (Medieval folklore – Large, grotesque humanoid)

Pollo Maligno (Colombian – Man-eating chicken spirit)

Qalupalik (Inuit mythology – Aquatic human abductor)

Rồng – (Vietnamese – Dragon)

Shen (Chinese – Shapeshifing sea monster)

Toire-no-Hanakosan (Japanese – Ghost who lurks in grade school restroom stalls)

Unktehila (Lakota – Reptilian water monster)

Vântoase (Romanian – Female bad weather spirit)

Wanyūdō (Japanese – Demon in the form of a burning ox cart with a human head)

Xing Tian (Chinese – Headless giant)

Yamata no Orochi (Japanese – Gigantic, eight-headed serpent)

Zennyo Ryūō (Japanese – Rain-making dragon)

 

For those who have not noticed yet, it is clearly labeled below: “This entry was posted in Humor, Satire, The Weather Channel. ”

It is entirely a satirical fabrication, but as some have noted in comments, , it’s also plausible.

 

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Stupid.

Amr Marzouk

Am stocking up for the “man eating chicken spirit”.

Robert in Calgary

Hmmm. Having a fun day are you….?

TimB

Katrina kinda biases it a bit. And of course, male names are recent. Kinda stands to reason if Galveston hurricane and New Orleans hurricane were female names, nothing else matters.
Maybe they should do a study on which letter of the alphabet is the most dangerous and just skip that letter so people will live.

Data Soong

Is this satirical? I sure hope so. (Though knowing how far astray TWC has gotten, I doubt it.)

TimB

And can anyone tell me why The Weather Channel has turned it’s videos into a snuff film site? Is it really necessary to have videos of children being killed by trees on camping trips? It seems most of their latest coverage is all about the death of people in freak accidents.

bladeshearer

Perhaps TWC will contribute one of these frightful names as a replacement for “climate change” or “global warming.” “Pollo Maligno,” or “Toire-no-Hankosan” might get us to take CAGW more seriously.

Janice Moore

“Our goal is to make sure that they take these storms seriously… .”
LOL.

noloctd

One assumes this is satire, but it gets harder and harder to tell the Onion from the scieintific press these days.

Gunga Din

To sad to be true.
(PS Are these to be the “official” names? I know that when TWC started to name winter storms (snow job Obama?) they asked the NWS to go along and were told, “Thanks but no thanks.”)

hunter

lol. Send it to the White House. It would certainly be no less credible than what the climate obsessed have been promoting lately…..

Abe Sapien was pretty wussy. Think I’ll ride that one out.

Was it Ted Turner who bought TWC and helped turn it into a fear factory? Over the years I’ve noticed every snow storm is now “The Blizzard of (insert year)”. In fact every weather event is now extremely over hyped on TWC and elsewhere. I think the big boys have been priming the pump for this climate change hysteria for a couple decades now. Weaponized weather reports deserve monster names.

kadaka (KD Knoebel)

Dhampir (Serbian vampire)
Clearly these people are quite comfortable with fantasy and science fiction, as they read, write, and believe such. But they have a regrettable deficiency of exposure to Marvel Universe lore, else they would have known of a being known by that term but not that definition.
Thankfully the Weather Channel is not interested in viewers about 40 and younger who may complain about differing from accepted recent terminology.

K. Russell

This has a serious chance of backfiring. Americans are not frightened by monster names but instead would laugh at such nonsense. Maybe they should look into what causes complacency such as calling an evacuation then the storm changes course. The next storm that comes into the area nobody takes seriously because they already took the time, money and effort to evacuate the first time and in hind sight it was for naught.
REPLY: It’s satire – not a real press release, note the category it is posted under – Anthony

Gunga Din

TimB says:
June 3, 2014 at 2:35 pm
And can anyone tell me why The Weather Channel has turned it’s videos into a snuff film site? Is it really necessary to have videos of children being killed by trees on camping trips? It seems most of their latest coverage is all about the death of people in freak accidents.

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Their “Local Weather on the 8’s” is becoming less and less reliable. Yesterday they said we were supposed to have thunderstorms today. I saw a few raindrops. That’s all.
If they aren’t showing Ice Road Tow-Truckers, all they focus on is a real storm that is happening. If there are no real storms in progress, they talk about past events like Sandy or Katrina or a drought somewhere with a carbon twist as the cause.

David Riser

So apparently trained meteorologists are storm proof and capable of withstanding 150mph winds.
who knew?

george e. conant

I am beginning to think the weather channel assigned people to monitor WUWT to get fresh ideas… monster names for hurricanes….really (eyes rolling)…. Have they offered up a name for the super El Nino yet?

Roy Spencer

Naming El Ninos! Awesome idea, George!

Data Soong

How about naming El Ninos after evil “Deniers”?!

Chuck Nolan

Pollo Poco would be scary.
cn

“man-eating chicken spirit” – I love it! Good for a laugh anyway! The world has gone mad.

tz2026

Fortunately, I still only get Weather Nation, the channel.that has weather conditions and forecasts 24/7 instead of the infotainment and TruTV rejects
Damp hamper, I mean Dhampir is supposed to inspire more than confusion?
I would bet it is a hoax, but given it is TWC, I can’t be sure. They don’t take weather as seriously as ratings.

Latitude

the only people qualified to ride out hurricanes, tropical storms, and tornadoes are trained meteorologists.
====
oh the irony

Berényi Péter

There is a clear trend of hurricane names becoming increasingly more horrible, which indicates anthropogenic climate change, doesn’t it?
I just wonder if the Long Island Express was male or female?

Rud Istvan

I have a ‘brilliant’ counter proposal for TWC. Name them all Hannibal Lecter. Scary, and not a female. You can do sequels just like the movies. Here comes Hannibal Lecter xx, worse than Hannibal Lector x…. Well, OK, as lame as TWC itself has become.
Second counter proposal. Unplug TWC. Permanently, as they seem now to be brain dead.

Billy Liar

Spokesperson – ‘Tiffany Bleuhard’ ???????

Gunga Din

Anthony Watts says:
June 3, 2014 at 3:12 pm
For those who have not noticed yet, it is clearly labeled “This entry was posted in Humor, Satire, The Weather Channel. ”
It is entirely a satirical fabrication, but as some have noted, it’s also plausible.

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True, I didn’t notice….but it is most definitely “plausible’ for TWC.
(Hurricane “Talking Boobs”?)

bw

Too pathetic for serious response. Here’s my considered response.
Aah-choo. Booger. Chewbacka. Doody. Eepopporkahaah-etc. Fool. GAG-me. Hoo-ee. Imbecile.
Juicyfruit. Kowabunga. Looser. Mega-stupid. Noogy. OOOOPS. Purile. Que. Rin-Tin-Tin. Syrup.
Taa-Taa. Unusually-insipid. Vacuous. What? Xena. Ypsilanti. Zero.

The first hurricane that threatens the southern part of Texas really needs to be named Chupacabra.

Ack
James the Elder

Andrew was a cross dresser.

Paul Coppin

If it were truly desirable to get the message out, the TWC would name them all “Heidi”

Geology Joe

Just when you thought Obama-centric science couldn’t get possibly any dumberer. It surprises again with an amazing exhibition of even dumberitude-edness.

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That is a flat-out lie. TWC couldn’t predict 12:30 at 12:00 noon, much less an accurate forecast 1 day ahead of time. That is obviously a hyperbole but nothing changes the fact that TWC is about ratings not accuracy, and the sad fact is they fail in both.

I just noticed this was satire and I read the entire blog post. That was good satire because it was very close to the real thing. My points about TWC accuracy still stands.

We are overdue for this classic.
http://youtu.be/mTb6CU3mhG0?t=15s

LOL. Abe Sapien???
But Cthulu has got to be on that list! And of course no entity can fill the “Y” slot better than Yog-Sothoth!

MattN

This is from The Onion, right?

John Mann

TWC spokesperson Tiffany Bleuhard said “While many people feel they can ride out storms, as we’ve seen from actual TWC operations in the field, the only people qualified to ride out hurricanes, tropical storms, and tornadoes are trained meteorologists.
I know she is real because I remember Tiffany from a James Bond movie!
“My name is Tiffany Bleuhard.”
“But of course you are my dear.”

DanMet'al

Anthony Watts says:
June 3, 2014 at 3:12 pm
“For those who have not noticed yet, it is clearly labeled “This entry was posted in Humor, Satire, The Weather Channel. ””
Yes it was labelled as you say in gray 8 pt text just two lines above the 12 pt emboldened “Response Headline”. So you got me. . . but no hard feelings here! I guess in the future I should take more care to scour your posts to determine whether your post is serious or a spoof! You need to understand that maybe I’m gullible but actually nothing from the CAGW surprises me these days. . . no matter how absurd
Again. . . no complaint . . . you are championing what I believe is a noble cause!
Dan

Larry Ledwick

What is really scary, is that it did not seem all that outside what I would expect from the weather channel.

John Archer

Name them after politicians, IPCC offcials and klimate alarmists, NGO chiefs, Guardian columnists, islamic terrorists, serial killers … and any other thorough nasties.

Gamecock

Here’s a problem. They name a storm Chernobyl as it crosses 40 degrees west. The storm turns north, and dissipates. No one will be afraid of Chernobyl anymore.
MOST named storms affect no one.

Karl Z.

Anthony: mobile devices may cut off or omit the tags, which means an overly credulous person reading this on an iPhone might miss the point…
Oh, and…Bwahahahahahahahaha!
REPLY: I anticipated that. There are a couple of hints in the body of the story, name of the spokesperson for example. and the link under tornadoes. – Anthony

Louis

Whoever composed that list of monster names inadvertently left off Susan from “Monsters and Aliens.”

Gary Pearse

”Female hurricanes are deadlier than male hurricanes”
OMG! They say that people pay less attention to the danger if the H has a female name. Now how do you suppose this naming came to be? Do these clowns not understand that it is the political correctness (a branch of the ‘affirmative action’ policy carried to extremes) instituted by progressives that was applied to H naming? Do they not understand Hollywood’s been making films for a several decades where testosterone brimming, swinging-breasted sweathearts are kicking male ass on a regular basis? Do they not know that other studies show male sperm counts have been stomped down by Gloria Steinem and Germaine Greer and the ladies are now impregnating themselves. Do they not know that when women adopted panty hose, pansy jokes were being made about Batman and Robin? Sheesh! Of course they know or they would have switched back to male names to protect the stupid from H.

urederra

Woman with two mouths, These japanese know how to scare people.

I for one welcome our catastrapharian overlords and egarly await the arrival of super-storm Ummagumma Jr. and pray it’ll wash the deniers into the burning sea.