Well, one year ago this week, a tipping point occurred. The apple cart was upset. Richard A. left this humorous satirical comment which seemed appropriate for today, so I’ve elevated it to a full post.
Press Relase – CRU East Anglia –
Everything is consistent with Global Warming
The CRU at East Anglia has released a new study which proves conclusively that Global Warming caused Climate Change, which in turn caused Climate Disruption, which in turn is the cause of everything else. Based on previous research by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster linking global warming with the decrease in the number of pirates over the last few hundred years, and new research showing that the current flat trend in global temperatures correlates with a recent resurgence of piracy, especially in the waters off of Somalia, Phil Jones et al, have submitted a new research paper to the Journal of Unbelievably New Claptrap (JUNC) that proves everything is caused by Global Warming.
“It was really very simple in the end,” said Jones. “Once we went over the Pastafarian research, which was very robust, we realized anything and everything with even the barest correlation to global temperatures could in fact be linked via other correlations to any and every other trend in the universe.” Indeed, the new paper which is currently under review at JUNC has linked Global Warming with trends in the stock market, the orbit of Mars and Jupiter, whale migrations, and turtle droppings. The algorithm used to draw these conclusions has been called “ground breaking” and “robust” by many of Jones’ colleagues.
Said Professor Michael Mann of The Earth System Science Center at Penn State, a coauthor of the paper: “How they have come up with these links is amazing, the cross disciplinary work has been very heartening.” Responding to criticisms from statisticians and engineers that such work is suspect, Mann replied, “Nonsense, they’re obviously being paid millions by ExxonMobile. The work I have done with the zoological community alone in order to get the requisite number of monkeys into one room to come up with the equations is proof enough of the robustness of the work.”
Gavin Schmidt of NASA agreed. “The critics of this paper are obviously being paid off by Big Oil, we know this because they drive cars and have to buy gas occasionally.” Schmidt, a contributor to the space based portion of the paper that found correlations with global warming and the movements of a blueberry muffin launched into orbit last year, declined further comment. When asked about their refusal of requests to release the algorithm in question in order to review the paper, Jones declined saying, “How or why anyone would want to check this kind of work is beyond me, the conclusions are so staggeringly awesome that they don’t need to be reviewed.” The editors and peer reviewers at JUNC agreed.
Said editor Alvin Hicks: “We don’t need to check this kind of work too carefully, and since I’d like to keep my job and would lose it if I dared question anything these guys put out, I’m confident in declaring it sound and worthy of publication.” Al Gore also hailed the paper as a milestone, writing in a press release, “All questions and skepticism should be ended at this point, the proof is in.” Gore declined to comment, aids saying he was too busy selling carbon offsets to himself.
The paper came at a fortuitous time for alarmists, who have been taking a bit of a beating lately due to the Climategate emails and the tendency of the IPCC to cite Leisure magazine and other sources in their reports on the current state of the science of global climate disruption. Jones concluded his remarks with this reporter, “I think we’ve finally got the name right so no one can question cause and effect via that route, now we have the science to back the name up and it’s really beyond criticism or question now that Global Warming is the cause of everything.” When asked about the convenience of having a theory that can’t under any circumstances ever be falsified, Jones shrugged. “Why would I want to falsify it? It’s bringing in tons of dough. The only people who would want to falsify it are Big Oil and their stooges.”
A passerby had been listening to Jones and I speak as Jones fished in the fountain, and asked, “Isn’t it a little paranoid and contradictory to posit this grand conspiracy by Big Oil and then claim their grand plan is to covertly fund a few blogs run by retired statisticians and weathermen?” Jones quickly jumped on the man and proceeded to try and strangle him with a spaghetti strand, and was subsequently arrested for assault with a deadly noodle.
On follow-up in the court Jones blamed Global Warming for his behavior, and was let off with a suspended sentence. Claims that Michael Mann, Kevin Trenberth, and others put pressure on the local government to impeach the judge and that Greenpeace activists harassed the judge by rummaging through his trash and egging his house unless the trial came to ‘the right decision’ were dismissed out of hand.
Is anyone watching this? It started at 11:00 AM EST
http://www.c-span.org/Watch/C-SPAN3.aspx
. . . . and the parody continues . . .
The same folks that produced the ‘No Pressure’ video said, “We have confirmed with G. Schmidt that he has found a highly significant inverse correlation between the number of people who believe what he writes and the number of times Hansen is arrested.” Neither Mr. Schmidt nor Mr. Hansen was available to hyperventilate about this statement at this time, sources close to hysteria said.
. . . . and the parody (temporarily) ends . . . : )
PS – thanks Anthony, this is fun
John
“The Real Story of Climategate” is great – let it hijack this thread, there’s room to share. This caught my eye:
If those problematic trees are off on the wrong track now, perhaps they’ve been on the wrong track before. Perhaps tree ring records are pretty lousy proxies….
Oh well, Happy Anniversary!
Well, that’s what I get for reading this while having a cup of coffee – now I have to do a major cleaning to the keyboard and computer after laughing so hard . . . 😉
. . a very good article . .
rupert.bear says:
November 17, 2010 at 7:47 am
is that meant to be funny?
Robustly so!
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of Catastrophic Global Warming, which obeys its own special laws.
Re: David Wendt-
Has the good “professor” ever heard the term, “Fighting words”, or “incite to riot”?
Once upon a time, people could be charged, CRIMINALLY for such.
Very difficult to decide if this is a spoof or not.
Anthony Watts says:
November 17, 2010 at 8:55 am
“The title “The Real Story of Climategate” of course wrong, and is mostly second and third hand speculation presented with spin. As a person who lived the actual history, I can say that the writer is clueless as to “The Real Story” but only offers an opinion shaded by leanings,….”
========================================================
Its amazing to me, that these people would try to “enlighten” the readers here. WE WERE ALL RIGHT HERE WHEN IT HAPPENED!! And now they’re going to tell us what happened?
Sorry Louise et al. You’re going to have to go to some other site or wait for people like Anthony(and myself and hundreds others) to die off before you start this bit of history revision. We all watched it unfold. We all read the implicating e-mails. We all read the code(and comments). Spin and twist what you will, its all out in the open.
Anthony Watts says:
November 17, 2010 at 8:55 am
I left a four-point rebuttal comment there about 5 hours ago and it hasn’t appeared yet. Surprise, surprise! So much for open dialogue. (I really didn’t expect it to, of course, so I limited it to just 4 points.)
REPLY: It may have accidentally been deleted with SPAM if it contained certain words or phrases that trigger the wordpress spam filter, or if it contained 3 links or more. Right now we are getting anywhere from 200-500 spam messages a day, so it’s quite a chore to filter through it all. Feel free to resubmit. – Anthony
To avert any misconception, Anthony, my 4-point rebuttal was posted at “The Real Story of Climategate”, not here at WUWT. You run the best blog around–which is opposite of what I can say about “The Real Story of Climategate”. Kudos.
REPLY: I know, but they run a wordpress blog too, and if you resubmit it there, along with a short separate note that the previous comment disappeared, then you can be sure they are censoring comments they don’t like. – Anthony
hunter says: “Mann saved money on expensive monkey rental by using grad students instead.”
They tried using lawyers, also, but there are some things even monkeys and lawyers won’t do . . .
I will never understand why ordinary decent folk firstly infallible believe that people, that they have come to believe that everyone else believes, are completely sane and rational people just because they are in the press. That seem to be the common denominator, equally powerful as if it were their bestest of friends.
Since when have ever hawkers of doom and gloom scenarios, that profit from hawking the doom and gloom scenarios been, objectively or in hindsight, believable? But of course poor sodding professors and scientist never do anything for profit right? Wrong, everything is for profit–for grant money, ever more grant money, larger sums of grant money, for article sale, interview pay, book sales, board member ship, or just even being the king of the hill on top of ones own heap scientific field. But sure I’m sure there are scientist doing anal science just because they’re all just very “nice” people who loves mucking about in people’s ass’ checking out the prostate for free, and dare I say, fun even–but even that is then for profit due to the personal gain.
RockyRoad says:
November 17, 2010 at 10:37 am
I left a comment there about an hour ago, and I didn’t go into very much detail, and still nothing. Well, I’ve increased the traffic there enough.
Anthony, I think Rocky was talking about posting at climatesight. lol, Louise provided a wonderful contrast of sites. She posts here without difficulty. Skeptics can’t post there.
Special thanks to Louise for once again showing the world the fear alarmists have of open debate and their closed minded approach to discovery. You go girl!
Happy Climategate Anniversary everyone!!
Shortly after this story broke, I presented it to one of my classes as an example of how “puffing up” research results in public health can backlash if promised benefits/savings don’t appear. Needless to say, I was scoffed at by students & faculty.
Oh well, guess I was right. The collapse of CAGW has all sorts of catastrophists in the public health field scrambling to find relevance to their missions. If planned disasters don’t appear, what will happen to funding, publications etc.? Oh, no, malaria won’t return to Wisconsin etc.etc.
I’m lovin’ it, believe me! Thanks, Anthony, it’s been a great year! Now, if only those remaining Climategate emails will suddenly appear (before Cancun, maybe)?
Global warming causes humor – and dandruff. (It is worse than we thought.)
Waiting for “Climate Gate” V.2.1 !, This time hopefully will include XXX massaging emails.
In an earlier post, I lamented the lack of a Gilbert & Sullivan piece on scary professors down under. Then as luck would have it, I was visited by a somewhat tipsy and unmusical muse and that led to this:
APOLOGIES: Gilbert and Sullivan
TITLE: I Am the Very Model of a Modern Climate Gateral
Lyrics
[Pirates of the IPPC]
I am the very model of a modern Climate Gateral
I’ve information digital, multimedia, and so quotable
I know the hacks of TV-land, and speak quite like an oracle
On ‘News at Ten’ to ‘News at One’, in order immaterial.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters computational
I can set parameters, both simple and fantastical
About principal components I’m teeming with a lot o’news
With many cheerful facts about the Yamal trees we like to use
I’m very good at scariness and all degrees of fearfulness
I know how to give a child nightmares quite horribilis
In short, in matters terrible, fearsome, and excitable
I am the very model of a modern Climate Gateral
I know our media’s trickery, in Nature and the NYT
I dish out those releases and they headline anything from me
I quote in elegiacs all the flaws of Homo Sapiens
With polemics I can dazzle almost any leftie audience
I can tell Trenberths and Santers from the Manns and even Houghtons
I know the Schmidts and Hansens from the Albert Gores and Joneses
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din anew
And whistle all the airs from that wretched M4GW
I can write a laundry list in Hulmian obtusiform
While forgetting every detail of those emails in exCRUciform
In short, in matters terrible, fearsome, and excitable
I am the very model of a modern Climate Gateral
In fact, when I know what is meant by “lapse rate” and “stratiform”
When I can tell at sight a timeplot from a tephigram
When such affairs as hunches and guesses I’m more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by “wet in an adiabat”
When I have learnt some better ways of methods so statistical
When I know more ANOVA than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental calculus
You’ll say a better Climate-Gateral has never walked among us
For my scientific knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of last century
But still, in matters terrible, fearsome, and excitable
I am the very model of a modern Climate Gateral
RE:Louise says:
***November 17, 2010 at 8:07 am
Excellent summary of the whole climategate affair at http://climatesight.org/2010/11/17/the-real-story-of-climategate/
Well worth a visit***
She is a University student and essentially an AGW supporter, so you will only see one sided comments. Obviously she will not understand the deep insights into the Climategate investigations that WUWT or CA have done. Then you have Tamino doing the back-slapping.
As to Rocky Road attempting to post – do not waste your time. The censoring is much like Unreal Climate. Comments not agreeing with AGW, etc are deleted(not posted) or declared inflammatory.
Jeremy says:
November 17, 2010 at 9:38 am
<>
absolutely! The AGW law(s) – I thought these were well known?
1) The instantaneously observed temperature of a body remains constant unless either the body or the observer is disturbed by a warp in the fabrication of time and space.
2) The recorded temperature of a body also remains constant for the instant it is recorded or until the recording is disturbed by a warp in the fabrication of time and space.
3) Any observed change in temperature (either positive or negative) in a body is directly proportional to a positive increase in the amount of carbon dioxide within the immediate proximity to the observed body.
“John Shade says:
November 17, 2010 at 12:03 pm
In an earlier post, I lamented the lack of a Gilbert & Sullivan piece on scary professors down under. Then as luck would have it, I was visited by a somewhat tipsy and unmusical muse and that led to this:”
Right, now sing it then paste it here 🙂
tonyb
– – – – – –
John Shade,
That was quite good. Hey, calling for producers for a London production.
John
Rockyroad
I have just posted a comment there which is under moderation. Lets see if that disappears as well.
tonyb
Well done, John Shade!
John Shade says:
November 17, 2010 at 12:03 pm
In an earlier post, I lamented the lack of a Gilbert & Sullivan piece on scary professors down under. Then as luck would have it, I was visited by a somewhat tipsy and unmusical muse and that led to this:
APOLOGIES: Gilbert and Sullivan
TITLE: I Am the Very Model of a Modern Climate Gateral
An absolute classic!!