Well, one year ago this week, a tipping point occurred. The apple cart was upset. Richard A. left this humorous satirical comment which seemed appropriate for today, so I’ve elevated it to a full post.
Press Relase – CRU East Anglia –
Everything is consistent with Global Warming
The CRU at East Anglia has released a new study which proves conclusively that Global Warming caused Climate Change, which in turn caused Climate Disruption, which in turn is the cause of everything else. Based on previous research by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster linking global warming with the decrease in the number of pirates over the last few hundred years, and new research showing that the current flat trend in global temperatures correlates with a recent resurgence of piracy, especially in the waters off of Somalia, Phil Jones et al, have submitted a new research paper to the Journal of Unbelievably New Claptrap (JUNC) that proves everything is caused by Global Warming.
“It was really very simple in the end,” said Jones. “Once we went over the Pastafarian research, which was very robust, we realized anything and everything with even the barest correlation to global temperatures could in fact be linked via other correlations to any and every other trend in the universe.” Indeed, the new paper which is currently under review at JUNC has linked Global Warming with trends in the stock market, the orbit of Mars and Jupiter, whale migrations, and turtle droppings. The algorithm used to draw these conclusions has been called “ground breaking” and “robust” by many of Jones’ colleagues.
Said Professor Michael Mann of The Earth System Science Center at Penn State, a coauthor of the paper: “How they have come up with these links is amazing, the cross disciplinary work has been very heartening.” Responding to criticisms from statisticians and engineers that such work is suspect, Mann replied, “Nonsense, they’re obviously being paid millions by ExxonMobile. The work I have done with the zoological community alone in order to get the requisite number of monkeys into one room to come up with the equations is proof enough of the robustness of the work.”
Gavin Schmidt of NASA agreed. “The critics of this paper are obviously being paid off by Big Oil, we know this because they drive cars and have to buy gas occasionally.” Schmidt, a contributor to the space based portion of the paper that found correlations with global warming and the movements of a blueberry muffin launched into orbit last year, declined further comment. When asked about their refusal of requests to release the algorithm in question in order to review the paper, Jones declined saying, “How or why anyone would want to check this kind of work is beyond me, the conclusions are so staggeringly awesome that they don’t need to be reviewed.” The editors and peer reviewers at JUNC agreed.
Said editor Alvin Hicks: “We don’t need to check this kind of work too carefully, and since I’d like to keep my job and would lose it if I dared question anything these guys put out, I’m confident in declaring it sound and worthy of publication.” Al Gore also hailed the paper as a milestone, writing in a press release, “All questions and skepticism should be ended at this point, the proof is in.” Gore declined to comment, aids saying he was too busy selling carbon offsets to himself.
The paper came at a fortuitous time for alarmists, who have been taking a bit of a beating lately due to the Climategate emails and the tendency of the IPCC to cite Leisure magazine and other sources in their reports on the current state of the science of global climate disruption. Jones concluded his remarks with this reporter, “I think we’ve finally got the name right so no one can question cause and effect via that route, now we have the science to back the name up and it’s really beyond criticism or question now that Global Warming is the cause of everything.” When asked about the convenience of having a theory that can’t under any circumstances ever be falsified, Jones shrugged. “Why would I want to falsify it? It’s bringing in tons of dough. The only people who would want to falsify it are Big Oil and their stooges.”
A passerby had been listening to Jones and I speak as Jones fished in the fountain, and asked, “Isn’t it a little paranoid and contradictory to posit this grand conspiracy by Big Oil and then claim their grand plan is to covertly fund a few blogs run by retired statisticians and weathermen?” Jones quickly jumped on the man and proceeded to try and strangle him with a spaghetti strand, and was subsequently arrested for assault with a deadly noodle.
On follow-up in the court Jones blamed Global Warming for his behavior, and was let off with a suspended sentence. Claims that Michael Mann, Kevin Trenberth, and others put pressure on the local government to impeach the judge and that Greenpeace activists harassed the judge by rummaging through his trash and egging his house unless the trial came to ‘the right decision’ were dismissed out of hand.
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is that meant to be funny?
REPLY: Only for people that have a sense of humor – A
I knew it, fruit flies and apple maggot moths were caused by global warming! And look at all the fruits and maggots who are cashing in on it!
algorithmalgorerythymvery funny!
It’s true–if it weren’t for the sun and the energy the earth derives from it, along with the greenhouse gasses and the fortunate fact that ice floats, we’d have global icebox. And none of us would be here. So I thank the good Lord for what some would think is just a fortuitous set of circumstances, along with living at a time when I can jump on my computer and leave messages like this (perhaps Thanksgiving-esque), drive my car down the road in comfort, communicate daily with my kids who are splattered from Texas to Japan, and find sufficient leisure time to pursue half a dozen hobbies.
Viva la Global Warming!
My sides hurt….
i cant stop laughing….
Kudo’s Anthony!
Excellent summary of the whole climategate affair at http://climatesight.org/2010/11/17/the-real-story-of-climategate/
Well worth a visit
Mann saved money on expensive monkey rental by using grad students instead.
This interview has not been picked up by the BBC News yet; I guess they are too distracted by the Royal Wedding …?
LMAO….Awesome
My favorite line…“How or why anyone would want to check this kind of work is beyond me, the conclusions are so staggeringly awesome that they don’t need to be reviewed.”
Louise — I’m sorry, but link entirely misrepresent “Climategate” as badly as the skeptical fringe. The reality is that Climategate shows an echo-chamber of hubris and activision. The “trick” shows that 1) the Team knew that trees were not reliable thermometers in all circumstances and 2) were crafting a “narrative” for political/marketing reasons.
More damning is HARRY_README.txt which shows too clearly technical feet of clay of substandard software and data management. As for “independence” of the temperature datasets canard, the echo chamber again applies. The same data is munged the same way (for example applying Dr. Jones removal of UHI technique, from the same adjusted sources. Dot product ~= 0.
It Bites 🙂 Nice post!
Merry Climategate Day everyone!
Remember, the goal of Climategate day is to KEEP the lump of coal in your stocking, without having it taken away by the eeeeevil Gavin! He’s sneaky, he’ll come down your chimney to take it! We’re not quite sure why, but there’s something about a train.
On this date in 2009, the world was turned upside down. At first we thought it was a hoax, we wondered if they were going to deny everything, but to our surprise they confirmed it was their email and cried “hackers” in an indignant tone.
On this date in 2009, the world of Science took a first step on its long, tortuous way back to reality and respectability.
Have yourself a Merry little Climategate Day!
Recommended Climategate Day activities:
1. This would be a good day to begin putting up Christmas lights. Lots of them. A whole megawatt worth. We need to keep those generating stations generating!
2. Visit family. Preferably the ones who live on the other side of the planet. Nothing says Climategate like long distance air travel and days of driving around aimlessly in a rental car!
3. Picket a power generating station.Oops, that was for the other side, ignore it.3. Decorate a power generating station. Drop by and tell them they’re doing a great job.
4. Buy a new vehicle. V8, baby! Big engines, big vehicles. Just for the fun factor, use that vehicle to drive climate protesters to their next protest.
5. Lie to Congress. Nothing else quite captures the spirit of the season like telling Congress we’re experiencing record heat and catastrophic global effects, especially if there’s currently a cold snap.
6. Make plans to attend the next climate conference. The hypocrisy is stunning… a respite from increasingly cold temperatures in a beautiful warm resort… how could that possibly be bad?
7. APPLY FOR A GRANT! Make sure to use the current buzzwords: climate disruption.
Louise says:
November 17, 2010 at 8:07 am
climatesight.org? – shouldn’t that be ‘climateblinkered’ ? Guess I won’t be clicking any links to that site again! LOL
Louise says:
November 17, 2010 at 8:07 am
That is perhaps the most laughable article on climategate I’ve ever read, Louise–full of excuses and distortions (but perhaps the reason you’ve included it under this spoof by Anthony?). You may think of it as an “Excellent summary”, but I find it to be yellow journalism (defined as biased opinion masquerading as objective fact).
Laughed `till i nearly…. Oh dear!!
rupert.bear says:
November 17, 2010 at 7:47 am
is that meant to be funny
Apparently Winnie the Pooh isn`t the only bear of very little brain.
All hail the satirically challenged!!
In the UK, the increase in atmospheric CO2 towards the end of the 20th century has also shown a good correlation with:
teenage pregnancies
illegal drug consumption
legal drug consumption (alcohol)
sales of televisions
house construction
fizzy drink consumpton
Chinese and Indian food take away restaurants
Roll on, Roll off ship container traffic
varities of ice cream flavours
hip replacement operations
It is therefore, as logical to assume, that the increase in CO2 is the cause
Way toooooo funny!
That was a funny piece. The “excellent summary” is even funnier. Bravo, Louise.
Slightly (but not entirely) OT. This could be funny, if it would not be so damn serious…
The latest news from “cold is warm” department of the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research (PIK):
I read the link Louise provided. Commenter “Tamino” likes it, heh. He’ll probably repost over on that Open Mind affair.
The title “The Real Story of Climategate” of course wrong, and is mostly second and third hand speculation presented with spin. As a person who lived the actual history, I can say that the writer is clueless as to “The Real Story” but only offers an opinion shaded by leanings, which explains why Tamino likes it.
I’m not sure if this is really funny or really scary, but it is a sign that the fight is far from over.
Louise: Tamino thought it was a great article. Therefore by definition it must be cr@p.
The real story of climategate was revealed here starting a year ago and it was with intense fascination that we followed it in real time. For that, Mr Watts, I for one am extremely grateful. Dave.
Louise says:
November 17, 2010 at 8:07 am
Excellent summary of the whole climategate affair at …….
Well worth a visit
========================================================
Louise, really?
“Researchers discussed how to statistically isolate and “hide the decline” in problematic tree ring data that was no longer measuring what it was supposed to,…”
I don’t care how you twist it, but a “trick” to “hide the decline” is exactly what it says it is. An intentional act of deception. You could actually take the time to read the e-mails yourself. Or continue in your ostrich like mannerisms.
At this point, now that the world has seen and can see what was in the e-mails and other files, defenders of these scientists only hold themselves up for ridicule and continue to move down the path towards irrelevancy. Denial indeed.
Ref Louise’s recommended read
What a load of garbage! No wonder Tamino liked it so much
The article was writen by Kate, who has a BSc and aspires to become a climatologist. With such a grasp of truth and science, I am sure she will become a very good climatologist. I am not sure that becoming a climatologist will prove to be a smart career move though.