By Bill Steigerwald
“Junior saves the day”
U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING
Senator Boxer had to bang her gavel 15 times before she could stop the riotous laughter and regain order in the hearing room.
“Have that disrespectful boy in the baseball cap removed from this room at once,” she barked to the security guards. Grandpa turned around and saw two guards escorting Junior and Mother out the door.
“Stop!” he roared, standing to his full 10 feet and silencing the room. “I have something I want to tell everyone.”
“No you do not, Mr. Bear,” Senator Boxer shouted rabidly, banging her gavel and rapping her palm sharply on the top of her microphone. “Sit down, sir, or you’ll be removed as well!”
Grandpa stared long and hard at Senator Boxer’s face. He knew now he must do something he hoped he’d never have to do to a human being. But if he wanted to deliver his polar bear manifesto, it was now or never.
Grandpa walked over to Senator Boxer’s desk and looked directly into her angry bulging eyes. Then he bared his fearsome front teeth, raised one of his massive clawed paws and … slowly took off his eyeglasses.
“Oh, my Lord, you’re a real …!” Senator Boxer squealed before fainting dead away.
The other senators, except snoozing Senator Specter and cheering Senator Inhofe, gawked in horror at Grandpa. Grandpa put his eyeglasses in his coat pocket and turned to the spectators.
“Bear!!!!” a man screamed. “Run for your lives!”
“Don’t be afraid!” Grandpa shouted.
“A talking bear!!!!” screamed a woman in a $30 Greenpeace save-the-polar-bear sweatshirt. “Run for your lives!!!
“Please, listen,” Grandpa pleaded as a dozen TV cameras zoomed in on his face.
No one heard a word Grandpa said. Two hundred people were yelling and crying and knocking over chairs as they tried to escape.
Senator Franken threw a glass of ice water in Senator Boxer’s face. “What should I do?” he cried, “call the zoo?”
“Call 911, you idiot,” sputtered Senator Boxer, crawling under her desk, “before that horrible beast eats us all.”
In the confusion, as live TV cameras sent the sights and sounds of a talking polar bear to every corner of the world, Junior climbed up to Senator Boxer’s desktop, picked up her microphone and rapped it as hard as he could with his paw.
Peh-thunk, peh-thunk, peh-thunk. Peh-thunk, peh-thunk, peh-thunk.
Then he took off his baseball cap – and his eyeglasses — and began softly singing his favorite song. It was the song Junior always heard when he and Grandpa watched the Chicago Cubs games on TV.
O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
The hearing room became totally silent. Senator Boxer warily crept out from under her desk to see what was going on. Senator Specter’s eyes fluttered open and closed and, half asleep, he quietly sang along to himself.
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
When Junior stopped singing, he put his eyeglasses back on and returned to his mother’s side. Everyone stared in disbelief, not quite sure what they had just seen and heard or even if it had been real. The Senate hearing room was so still everyone could hear the sirens of 25 emergency vehicles racing to the scene.
Discover more from Watts Up With That?
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I have to take exception with Mr. Steigerwald. He wrote:
“Call 911, you idiot,” sputtered Senator Boxer, crawling under her desk, “before that horrible beast eats us all.”
It is a logical fallacy for Ms. Boxer to call anyone else an idiot.
Stacey…..ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!!!!!
I get the gist of the character list here: Boxer is the real beast in the story, shrieking and scolding. I like to think of her as the Outsourcing Champion of the Senate. Elections can’t come quick enough to stem the profuse economic bleeding due to her Shut America Down pawnshop extravaganza.
Just so long as Mr Bear calls her Senator and not Ma’am.
I love this, I nominate it for an award, only I cannot find one that has not been hackneyed and devalued. On my “unfit to serve” list, this boxer thing is up there near the top.
I remember when Sen. Boxer was called Barbara “Bouncer” Boxer.
The name came about because she wrote checks to the Senate Post Office annex made out to “Cash.” But Boxer’s checks all bounced, hence the nickname.
She didn’t just bounce one or two checks. Sen. Boxer kited over a hundred bad checks to the U.S. Post Office. She disregarded letters from the P.O. demanding repayment.
Someone in the Post Office finally called the newspaper, and when the story broke she quickly paid off the bad checks.
I wonder how the feds would treat you or I, if we had bounced even one check, and ignored their demands for repayment?
Senator Franken threw a glass of ice water in Senator Boxer’s face. “What should I do?” he cried, “call the zoo?”
“You gird your loins while I cinch up my Barbara Boxer Adjustable Thong to it’s maximal setting.”
Senator Boxer was soon back in action, her face showing a resulting expression of imminent threat possibly rivaled only by that of the Caput Medusa. But when the Zoo officials arrived they saw only one “protected species”, her, and off she was whisked to Rosewell Area 51 for examination and to just barely prevent the Public from a terminal panic. “The system worked”, DHS Chief Napolitano, later announced to a very troubled, but temporarily relieved Public, Boxer’s “I’ll be baaaack”, nevertheless still echoing in some ears.
Meanwhile in Berkeley, science labs are being cut from the curriculum for being “too white”.
Those of Asian extraction also being tarred as of a feather with the evil “forward looking” whites, eh? Touching, especially from the Diversity tribe. I guess they’re aiming for total gibberish as being the Model for knowledge, but by their own “logic” it would be impossible for anyone to say anything at all that anyone could understand. You’d be reduced to parroting noises at best, the “correct” ones of course.
A while back a Seattle School District – maybe the whole City? – declared planning for the future and “forward looking” as racist/White thinking. They also had a problem with the term “flesh colored” and some other nonsensical and counterproductive complaints, which they had institutionalized. They don’t seem to like human evolution very much.
Their aim appears to be to try to make everyone die being dumber than they were at birth.
Plato Says (03:57:33) :
Oh dear – they’re at it again
I’ve been waiting for them to run out of pretty things and animals, then suddenly discover sentient, “endangered microoganisms” so necessary to “life’s delicate balance” or somesuch. Actually I did hear someone worrying about a threatened micro parasite a couple of months ago.
If it’s not a fear inducing tactic or one dedicated to show how “sensitive”, “concerned”, or “in tune with nature” our empathetic superiors are, etc., it’s some kind of neurosis. Some ? centuries back in India, beggars used to roam the streets crying out, “Who’s going to feed the bed bugs?”, meaning them of course as the middlemen.