Add the words “climate change”, pass GO, collect $200

Image from the “Monopoly wikia” click for details

Follow the money. It’s not a game to these folks.

Climate change where you’d least expect it
by Philippa Martyr at Quadrant Online

In case you hadn’t realised the seriousness of the problem, I thought I’d share these budding projects with you. Names of grantees and institutions have been omitted to protect the innocent, but I have included the FOR, or Field of Research as coded by the ARC, and the total grant monies. Enjoy.

Physiology: “Abrupt environmental changes can put natural populations at risk of extinction. The project will show to what extent individuals can compensate for temperature changes and thereby render populations resilient to climate change. This research will make theoretical advances and improve the power to predict impacts of future climate change.” ($370,000)

Civil Engineering: “This project will develop innovative light gauge steel roofing systems with considerably increased wind resistance and reliable design rules for cold-formed steel codes worldwide. It will contribute to the Australian government’s goal of increasing building resilience against future extreme and more frequent wind events caused by climate change.” ($320,000)

Public Health and Health Sciences: “This study will investigate the effects of extreme heat, increasing temperatures and consequences of climate change, on the population health of rural communities in South Australia. Findings will inform adaptation strategies to prevent an increase in heat-associated and climate change-associated morbidity and mortality in rural areas.” ($122,000 – 2 years)

Political Science: “Commonsense says that claims about how social and political life ought to be arranged must not make infeasible demands. This project will investigate this piece of commonsense and explore its implications for a number of pressing issues, such as climate change, multiculturalism, political participation, inequality, historical justice, and the rules of war.” ($408,587)

Sociology: “We know very little about the ways food security is governed in Australia. This study – the first social-science based study of food security in the nation -will allow us to understand how a multiplicity of agencies come together to ensure the delivery of food, especially at a time of climate change impacts.” ($100,000 – 2 years)

Psychology: “Climate change represents a moral challenge to humanity, and one that elicits high levels of emotion. This project examines how emotions and morality influence how people send and receive messages about climate change, and does so with an eye to developing concrete and do-able strategies for positive change.” ($197,302)

Journalism and Professional Writing: “This project will examine the use of news management or ‘spin’ by Australian governments. Is it a legitimate tool of government in the face of a hyper-adversarial news media or a technique which undermines democracy? It will examine ‘spin’ in connection with policies on climate change, economic policy, indigenous policy and asylum seekers policy.” ($95,000)

Literary Studies: “The project will devise and develop a new ‘cultural materialist’ paradigm for science fiction studies and apply it to a case study of science fictional representations of catastrophe, especially nuclear war, plague and extreme climate change.” ($239,000)

Historical Studies: “This project will produce a comprehensive new biography of H.V. Evatt, High Court judge, minister in the 1940s, President of the United Nations General Assembly and leader of the Australian Labor Party opposition during the 1950s. Evatt’s life resonates with modern challenges both of liberty in a time of terror, and of internationalism in a time of global warming.” ($185,000)

{well almost a perfect score, climate change is just another code word for global warming}

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64 thoughts on “Add the words “climate change”, pass GO, collect $200

  1. You know what? Take alla that money, add it all together, and triple it, no-quadruple it, and devote it to a study of…nonsense. Now that I’d gladly pay for. Trouble is, such a study would force these flea ridden, oozing, slimy, leeches to suck the blood out of something else.

  2. The physiology one is priceless. North Dakota can have a temperature swing of 140 degrees in a given year and they want to see how life can persist with another degree or two?

  3. I am getting so fed up with this climate change thing.. Its become an excuse to collect, no steal, taxpayers money to come up with more useless cr*p about this non existing problem.
    Really, some of these frauds should be brought to justice.

  4. I’ve been saying this for years.

    A mate of mine used to be a University lecturer (before he started drilling for shale gas in North West England) and he told me in about 1995 that people who were after grant money were increasing their chances by linking their applications to global warming..

  5. To quote “Deep Throat” (the anonymous source of information that demolished the Nixon White House) ‘follow the money.’
    Global Warming / Climate Change is and always has been a clarion call, raising alarms of impending doom to panic the public (and the officials they have elected, and the officials appointed by the electees) into throwing money at ‘research’ programs which promise to do *something* that may help us deal with this Bogeyman. It matters not whether the work advances the stated objective. What counts is whether the elected officials, campaigning for re-election, can point to this and say “See! I care about your future!”

  6. Sports Science: “This project will catalogue and quantify the varying impacts of climate change on the psychological performance of soccer players at important matches.”
    Better stick me down for 400 large as I foresee a lot of travel involved.

  7. And it’s bonus points all round if you can show that it’s part of an out-reach programme to the gay muslim and pregnant community.

  8. hmm… I wonder if I did a study on all the emerging technologies coming to market as a result of “climate change” to help reduce carbon footprint of domestic dwellings, could I get three or four hunnerd grand to remodel my house?????

  9. Chance

    * Power plant stock falls 50% after EPA discovers water and poisonous CO2 going up stack
    * Umbrella business bankrupted when research shows global warming will cause global cooling
    * Home value falls when basement is confiscated to sequester CO2
    * Pay Carbon-Rich Tax: $20,000
    * You Are Assessed for Second-Hand Carbon Emissions

  10. Just finishing off my seminal paper “The effects of climate change on haemorrhoids treatments”.

  11. I think a grant of $1,000,000 for me to examine the possibility of changes due to Climate Change on the cultural and economic effects of tourism on the inhabitants of all the coutries of SE Asia, with particular attention to Thailand and the province of Petchabun.
    The fact that I am retiring soon to 12 acres in Petchabun will be a valuable asset in my studies of the local population, restaurants, golf courses and hiking trails in that province.
    I expect this study to take at least 20 years to complete.

  12. Been there, done it, got the T-shirt etc. That was back in the late 1960s. The big funders in the UK then were cancer research. My intermediate boss was hell-bent on becoming “an item” He convinced a charity to fund research into UTI (urinary tract infections) to establish a link to cancer of the bladder. Utter BS but follow the money.
    He successfully elevated himself from Registrar to Consultant. [non UK readers - just Google it and learn]

    This man is possibly the most odious character I have ever met. What sickens me is that he is fat dumb and happy, whilst I am …….. enjoying watching “Revenge” on C5, and taking notes.

  13. Authors of scientific studies don’t spend years on a topic of their choice, drafting a paper and word smithing every sentence without a funding source. The funding entity issues a request for proposal and the intent of the study is made clear. Very clear. The study validates the assumption of the proposal or the author will have a long wait before the next funded project.

    Saying that 98 percent of climate change papers conclude that climate change is harmful and a result of human activity is true. It’s true because 98 percent of requests for climate change studies request an evaluation of just how harmful climate change may be.

    An example of the circular proof of the climate change consensus goes something like “it’s true because I say it’s true”.

  14. Tie me kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down — then we tanned his hide when he died Clyde and that’s it hangin’ in the shed.

  15. Physiology, Civil Engineering, Psychology, … The gyre widens!

    It seems as if AGW has almost magical properties when it comes to undermining and debasing contemporary intellectual endeavor – as well as compromising almost everyone with credentials to carry out such endeavors.

  16. I propose a Mars mission for Michael Mann, Phil Jones, Hansen, et al, to go to the planet Mars to study it to further our understanding of Climate Change. Then I propose in typical government fashion we fund the voyage to Mars, but defund the return mission, or at least heavily delay it, so they stay there a good, long time.

  17. ” …study of science fictional representations of catastrophe, especially nuclear war, plague and extreme climate change.” ($239,000)”

    I thought it was all fiction. Is this the proof?

  18. How Global Warming Affects Climate Change
    Investigating how the Athropogenic Gllobal Warming has disrupted the Earth’s normal clomate cycles, and researching how to permanently remove humanity’s influence on global climate.

    Should be worth at least $200,000, to start. And the preliminary work for the second part has already been done, by Stalin, and Pol Pot…

  19. All I can say is climate change, climate change, climate change and global warming. Now where is go?

  20. “Civil Engineering: “This project will develop innovative light gauge steel roofing systems with considerably increased wind resistance and reliable design rules for cold-formed steel codes worldwide.”
    Newsreel of recent winds in Scotland have shown among other things:
    Trampolines being blown away and fences being blown down:

    Here is a photo of a traditional Scottish croft:

  21. Take what you have and use it to justify taking more of what you have. (And not just money.)

  22. Is there some method to do a word frequency search of the grant texts over a period of time? I’ll wager you’d see a lot of trends which correspond to whatever was “hot” at the time.

  23. Some years ago a researcher published a word for word application to a university or government for a grant – The key words were to prove that climate change was caused by man.

    I have tried to find that article or paper unsuccessfully.

    Perhaps some of the WUWT commentators can come up with a copy of such a application or contract?
    It would prove useful to support the article.

  24. Art: I plan to paint a lot of paintings, this helps me relax from the stress of global warming.

    Cheep at ($50,000 one year. )

  25. I had to fix the header for you…

    “In case you hadn’t realised the seriousness of the problem, I thought I’d share these budding projects with you. Names of grantees and institutions have been omitted to protect the innocent guilty, but I have included the FOR, or Field of Research as coded by the ARC, and the total grant monies. Enjoy.”

    There you are! All better now! Hand out those grants!

  26. Some managed to mention “climate change” twice. They deserve a bonus.

    I love the 400 k for Political Science research. Ok, I know, I know, you have to wine and dine a lot, learn to say “climate change” and “sustainable development” without flinching (1), subcontract some research to climate scientists for adequate results, make press meetings in posh hotels, wine and dine more.

    1 – Other must learn to say the easier cyclopentaneperhydrophenantrene. Which is why they’re paid less :-)

  27. *sigh* – many of my friends suggested to me that if I had added “climate change” to my PhD proposals, no matter how spurious the link, I would have got funding 10 years ago….looks like they were right.

  28. These are extremely important projects, after all without this type funding how would the media come up with such headlines as

    “Climate could kill you, Outback towns are told”

    UK Independent Environment headline on 13th July on an Australian report which looks remarkably similar to the “public Health and health Sciences” project

  29. What has the old commo Doc Evatt got to do with Global Warming? The world was heading for an Ice Age when he died.

  30. Clear evidence that Big Climate is the established market leader in gouging funding from Government . Forget about the Industrial-Military Complex, they are now completely in the shade of the Green Left Lobby-Academic Complex.

  31. To paraphrase that great scene in The Shipping News: now – “World Threatened by Deadly Climate Change”, not to distant future ( when the drugs have worn off) – “World Saved from deadly Climate Change”. The MSM and academia will milk the angle du jour for all they can. They have abandoned the legacy of the Enlightenment and have adopted the paradigm that its all just Entertainment.

  32. Stealing Graham Greens idea (sorry for that)

    Baseball is a elegant game played in the warm air of spring, summer and fall. CLIMATE CHANGE can have a devastating impact on the quality of play. This threat to our national pastime must be quantified. Traveling to games at each of the 30 parks several times a year for several years in order to get e quality N-value is essential to the success of this very important project. ($5,000,000) and renewable a maximum of 20 times should about do it for me, I mean this research project.

  33. Climate change can affect the quality of people’s leisure time. This project will assess the potential impact of climate on the usability of the World’s top 20 most popular beaches. In particular we will investigate the impact of climate change on the ability of personnel to transport cold cocktails from beachside bars to the customer reclining on the beach.

  34. Corrupt and corrupting. Why are the decision makers who allocate these grants not held accountable? I expect climate change is not the only bias they display?

  35. I think Graham Green and RobW are on to something with the sports studies, although I think studying projected growth in the popularity of beach volleyball in a warmer world is a potential winner. I would like to augment this basic analysis with personal research in the efficacy of various beverages in maintaining optimum hydration and attitude.

  36. Maybe Anthony or some-one could set up an Imaginary ‘Climate Research Fund’ of X million and see what scammers apply.
    I’m sure readers on here would come up with beautiful rejection letters.

    [REPLY: Interesting idea, but maybe you would like to think the whole concept through again? Borat we are not. -REP]

  37. katabasis1 says:
    July 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm
    *sigh* – many of my friends suggested to me that if I had added “climate change” to my PhD proposals, no matter how spurious the link, I would have got funding 10 years ago….looks like they were right.

    =========================================================================
    No. Funding or not, you would have been wrong if you had….Unless you were studying the effects of broken Hockey Sticks on the changing climate of Global Warming.

  38. Actually in one of those cases it’s quite apt to include climate change:

    Journalism and Professional Writing: “This project will examine the use of news management or ‘spin’ by Australian governments…It will examine ‘spin’ in connection with policies on climate change

    Yep, political spin and climate change go hand in hand. Though I still can’t see much good coming from the paper so spare me the expense.

  39. I just love “hyper adversarial media” in the journalism grant. Do you Aussies have a media challenging the government line about climate change rather than cheer-leading for more government to solve the problem? We have some adversarial internet and talk radio media in the U.S.A. but most of the traditional media will only turn adversarial if the Dem’s lose in November.

  40. (I didn’t need to change it much. The means have changed, the end goal is the same.)

    To the tune of: “The Times They Are A-Changin'”
    Come gather ’round funders
    Wherever you roam
    I’ll say that the waters
    Around you have grown
    And tell ‘em that soon
    They’ll be drenched to the bone
    If Ma Gaia to them’s
    Not worth savin’
    Then they better start swimmin’
    Unless they give you the throne
    For the climate we’ll claim is changin’.

    Come writers and Marxist
    Who prophesize with your pen
    And keep your lies comin’
    The chance won’t come again
    And hype Super Moons
    Give normal weather a spin
    And there’s no tellin’ who
    That you’re foolin’
    For the loser now
    Will be later to win
    For the climate we’ll claim is changin’.

    Come senators, congressmen
    Please heed the call
    Don’t stand in the doorway
    Don’t block up the hall
    For he that gets hurt
    Will be he who has stalled
    There’s a battle outside
    And it is ragin’
    It’ll soon shake your windows
    And rattle your walls
    For the climate we’ll claim is changin’.

    Come mothers and fathers
    Throughout the land
    And don’t criticize
    What only we understand
    Your sons and your daughters
    Are beyond your command
    Your fuel bill is
    Rapidly risin’
    Please get out your wallet
    And hand over your cash
    For the climate we’ll claim is changin’.

    The stick it is drawn
    The curse it is cast
    The slow one now
    Will later be fast
    As the present now
    Will later be past
    The order is
    Rapidly fadin’
    And the first one now
    Will later be last
    For the climate we’ll claim is changin’.

  41. (… climate change is just another code word for global warming)

    along with Gunga Din’s excellent parody of Dylan [July 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm] suggests to me that …
    With sincere apologies to the late, great Janis Joplin … should the above not read “… climate change is just another phrase for nothin’ left to lose …”?!

    OK, OK … I’ll get my coat!

  42. It took me a long time to appreciate the throwaway comments in research proposals. The civil engineering proposal is a great example. The devils food cake: “This project will develop innovative light gauge steel roofing systems with considerably increased wind resistance and reliable design rules for cold-formed steel codes worldwide.” And then there is the throwaway (the frosting): “It will contribute to the Australian government’s goal of increasing building resilience against future extreme and more frequent wind events caused by climate change.”

    Better wind resistance and design rules are sufficient – period. I expect that climate change is only mentioned in the introduction of the proposal and the abstract. “Climate change” is the cause du jour that has political clout.

    I don’t know the details of the Australian funding process. In the US, however, the program managers at NSF, DOE, NIST, DOD, NASA, etc. look for good science and engineering. In addition, a program manager will also look at current affairs for the popular causes that they can sell to the political class that funds the agency.

    Including the throwaway is one small additional step to getting funding. I eventually worked with a great engineering manager that pointed this out to me when I put together a proposal for improved tooling materials. And what does a carbide drill have to do with climate change (global warming)? Well, a better drill will cut faster and use less energy. And less energy (electricity) will require burning less coal producing less of that evil carbon dioxide. Multiply that saving per hole by the total number of holes drilled each year, and we are well on the way to saving the planet.

  43. @Gunga Din:
    “No. Funding or not, you would have been wrong if you had….Unless you were studying the effects of broken Hockey Sticks on the changing climate of Global Warming.”

    – Worry not. I stuck to my guns and finally secured funding two years ago I’m pleased to say, though my academic career will always be tainted by bitterness I think at the consistent negative reactions I’ve had when “coming out” as a climate sceptic and/or right wing.

  44. Lightweight structures……It always makes me laugh when media tries to show dramatic video during hurricanes. It’s usually some aluminum awning or other lightweight material blowing down the street. We build much lighter today than in the past, and that probably accounts for a great deal of the “increased cost” of storms these days.

    Lightweight science is often anchored with the phrase “climate change”.

    Thank goodness the winds of change are beginning to blow.these lightweight “sciences” away.

  45. In debates on various blogs, commenters deny that funding agencies bias their grants. While some topics are focused on pure research or are not related to climate change, if you are doing any research related to weather, geology, geography, ecology, conservation, etc it sure helps to toe the line. And grantees know they better kowtow when they write up their results too.

  46. I think global warming is caused by all the electricity we put into the air. How many gigawatts of power is flowing around on the grid and in the air in the form of electromagnetic waves? We are electrocuting mother earth and it has to stop NOW! All I need is a grant to do the research.

  47. I must admit to a bit of a giggle at some of the comments. My main feeling, though, is one of anger at what the ‘powers-that-be’ think we will swallow as valid ‘research’. Anything to control the masses.

  48. Jeez, I am struggling to raise £20,000 to fund a study to help prevent Type 2 Diabetes- there are now around 300 million sufferers Worldwide.

    Now if I say that “Type 2 Diabetes has increased in parallel with global warming and CO2 emissions…”

  49. Psychology: “Climate change represents a moral challenge to humanity, and one that elicits high levels of emotion. This project examines how emotions and morality influence how people send and receive messages about climate change, and does so with an eye to developing concrete and do-able strategies for positive change.” ($197,302)

    Those who set their hair aflame and commit reprehensible acts need and deserve a useful psychological defense aside from the old, hackneyed “insanity plea”.

    Waiting, here in Colorado…

  50. Don Keiller says:
    July 25, 2012 at 10:24 am
    ….Now if I say that “Type 2 Diabetes has increased in parallel with global warming and CO2 emissions…”
    _______________________
    Go for it.

    All that extra CO2 => extra grain => too much carbohydrates in modern diet => insulin exhaustion and the change in diet from veggies to grains due to increase availability of grain… Not to mention high fructose corn syrup in everything.

    Yeah I think you can easily get a tie-in

  51. Jerry says:
    July 25, 2012 at 9:07 am
    I think global warming is caused by all the electricity we put into the air. How many gigawatts of power is flowing around on the grid and in the air in the form of electromagnetic waves? We are electrocuting mother earth and it has to stop NOW! All I need is a grant to do the research.
    ===================================================================
    You get a grant for that then I’ll propose that all that electricty can’t cause global warming without an element. Edison’s first electric light had a carbon filiment therefore the electricity in the air is harmless without the element carbon. I’ll prove Hansen was wrong because it’s not CO2 as a greenhouse gas, it’s CO2 as a carrier of the element carbon! That’ll get the Earth Firsters in the grant giving community on my side since they hate humanity and humanity is a carbon-based lifeform!
    I think we’re on to something. Our gravy train has finally come in. Let me know when your grant comes through then I’ll apply for mine.
    (I’m sure glad they talk about “carbon capture” instead of “CO2 capture. That’ll make it easier for me.)

  52. We can do better can’t we? How could this be refused a grant?

    “This project will develop innovative light gauge steel roofing systems with considerably increased wind resistance and reliable design rules for cold-formed steel codes worldwide. It will contribute to the Australian government’s goal of increasing building resilience against future extreme and more frequent wind events caused by climate change which may damage hospital wards where children dying of cancer are treated.”

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