Friday Funny – screwy thinking for Earth Day

We’ve known for some time that the eco-minded tend to think that humans are a bad thing. For example, there’s the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement:

That’s no joke, it is a real organization. What follows is something I thought was just a  clever April Fools Joke, but sadly turns out to be only too real. So real in fact, it may be powerful enough to buzzkill all the effects of a Barry White album.

No, it isn’t an April fools joke. The website and the product is real, which you can see here.

They even have a distributor network, and unsurprisingly, the land of fruits and nuts is ground zero.

The caption for the polar bear wrapper reads:

POLAR BEAR
An international icon of global warming, the polar bear is going extinct as the Arctic sea ice melts beneath its feet because of the greenhouse gas emissions of 7 billion people — especially those in high-consumption nations like the United States. The bear was put on the U.S. endangered species list in 2008.

Some of the other wrappers are hilarious here’s another:

DWARF SEAHORSE
This inch-tall, curly-tailed fish occurs only in shallow seagrass areas in the Gulf of Mexico, along the Atlantic Coast of Florida and in the Caribbean. Unfortunately, as the Gulf gets more crowded and industrialized, this seahorse faces more threats to its existence. Widespread loss of seagrass habitat due to pollution, boat damage and global war.

Maybe we could get Josh to come up with some condom wrapper art for the climate skeptic movement.

I’m thinking of some slogans like:

  • Party like its 1999 (before GISS adjustments).
  • Hot times ahead – NOT!
  • My head just exploded! Romm bam, thank you ma’am!
  • The heat is missing, and it’s a travesty!
  • Use before hiding the decline

Discretion, please, in comments – Anthony

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128 thoughts on “Friday Funny – screwy thinking for Earth Day

  1. Birth rates among liberals (leftists) are at 1.3 births per couple. Among Conservative (right Leaning) is 2.7 children per couple. I did the math on this and it does not speak well for leftists.

    In 4 generations 100K leftists will shrink to about 18,000 people per generation. In the same time the right leaning people will swell to 330.000 people per generation. (making lots of assumptions)

    In 4 generations the right leaning pro reproduction people will out number the leftists by 18:1.

    In effect, the leftists are committing social suicide. I say don’t get in their way. Let us just make sure that their diseased POV does not infect the rest of the world.

  2. The faster we can get CAGW believers to extinctify themselves, the better off we all will be (luxuriating in a world rich with CO2, enjoying the warm, tropical beaches of the NWT and Baffin Island … … … ).

    Let’s all do our part!!

    Mark H.

  3. I can’t think of anything funny that would not be snipped! I’ve already erased at least 10 comments that were waaayyy over the top.

  4. It is always best to lead by example. I very much hope that proponents of this cause will show us the way as quickly as possible.

  5. Paul, that reminds me of the scenario portrayed in “Idiocracy”. Now obviously, conservatives aren’t idiots, but I wouldn’t mind smoking some Tarlingtons while drinking my Brawndo. And I would totally vote for Camacho, we could use a president with a little more testosterone.

  6. VHEMT are absurd. They want mankind to disappear because we’re bad. But any species willing to sacrifice itself is of course good. Therefore if we decided to commit mass suicide we’d be doing something wrong. Back to square one.

  7. STI, UHI, both spreading like a virus.

    Fiddle with your stats and you’ll go blind.

    Adjusting your stats in public could lead to arrest… eventually

    Protect your email or she won’t respect you in the morning.

    Be a big Mann and cover up… whatever needs covering.

    Watch where you’re sticking that Stevenson’s screen.

  8. “A rubber a day, keeps humanity away.”

    I still prefer “Live Long and Prosper”… it’s the Vulcan way.

  9. this seahorse faces more threats to its existence…….
    ================
    Florida Bay is ~1000 sq miles…
    …male dwarf seahorses need ~4 sq ft of territory, females don’t care
    that gives habitat for ~7 million dwarf sea horses

  10. Given that, as far as we know, humans are the only intelligent technological life in the universe – then pushing for extinction becomes a whole lot bigger issue than saving the planet.

    Suppose that, in fact, planets with biospheres are relatively common in our corner of the galaxy, but nowhere does intelligent life – much less advanced technological life – evolve. Then surely, a simple argument based on preserving scarcity, would be to preserve the human race first. Unless of course, voluntary euthanasia becomes our only solution to the unbearable lonliness that may befall our distant descendants.

  11. If I really had nothing better to do, I would go to an Earth Day event with a VHEM sign-up form. To make it more fun, I’d bring along somebody to film with a flip-cam. This could make great footage.

  12. Wait, what? Birth control is free? Hey! Someone should send this to Mz Fluke!!!!

    Do we need anymore proof that the enviro whack jobs are misanthropists?

  13. You could only be hotter if you had a big jet and a mile of runway.

    Your rise would look bigger if you dropped your starting points.

    Protect yourself, you can’t tell by looking if someone’s suffering from HadCRUT.

    It’s not the size of your temperature rise that matters, it’s what you do with it.

  14. When I first read “Endangered species condoms” I thought, how do the get the polar bears to wear them?

    I’m just slow, I guess.
    Hal

  15. Assume that somehow all humans are gone, then what? Given enough time, the sun will turn to a red giant and consume the Earth anyway. In the end, everything is gone, the only difference is when.

  16. If we extinct ourselves there won’t be one animal out there that’s going to realize let alone appreciate that we sacrificed ourselves for them.

  17. If that organization wasn’t hypocritical, its membership would keep collapsing, requiring massive new recruiting drives. But with few left to actually conduct them. What to do, what to do??

  18. This condom has been checked by Lord Oxburgh, Sir Muir Russell, Penn State, East Anglia Uni and the Science and Technology Committee. Disclaimer – This is a joke product and should not be used as protection from embarassing mistakes.

  19. Paul Westhaver says (March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am)
    Birth rates among liberals (leftists) are at 1.3 births per couple. Among Conservative (right Leaning) is 2.7 children per couple
    ———-
    Think of it as Evolution in action. Worthy of a Darwin Award for raising the average IQ of humanity a little each year…

    Meanwhile, worrisome conversations:

    I said I liked ribbed, not bristlecone pine (ouch!)
    Don’t worry, it probably happened to lots more men in the Little Ice Age.
    You’re not going to kill many bats with that!
    Do I have to wait for the next decadal oscillation?
    So that was a GISS-adjusted length you were boasting about…

  20. They were at this same game last summer.

    Amy Harwood, Human Overpopulation Organizer, runs the “Human Overpopulation campaign” including the Endangered Species Condom project for the “Center for biological diversity”

    She wrote a rebuttal to a post on “The Great Distraction: ‘Overpopulation’ Is Back in Town”
    by Betsy Hartmann http://www.commondreams.org/view/2011/08/30-1

    Here’s Amy’s ahem “rebuttal” http://www.commondreams.org/view/2011/08/31-4

    Warning your IQ will drop if you read the comments ;¬)

  21. Every time I see people with babies I personally thank them on behalf of God, country, and the human race.
    When I see their happy children laughing, I think of the grim future the Greens plan for them, and hope we can prevent the Big Takeover that is dismayingly well under way.

  22. “There is only one logical place to start voluntary extinction, Captain. That would be with the one who came up with the idea.”

    “Yes, Mr. Spock. Your logic is infallable as always. It would also help clean-up the gene pool. But then who or what would provide us with Friday Funnies?”

    “Hmmm, yes Captain. As always – – you do have a point there.”

  23. Edit to last post:

    People are as much a part of the ecology of this planet as anything else, and therefore not a problem for the planet, spotted owls and polar bears notwithstanding. That said there are people who are a problem for other people at various scales from individual to cultural. Been that way forever, and those problems eventually get resolved one way or another.

    My itch is with those in various positions of authority/influence who insist that “they have the answer” for saving the planet from humanity. Which, if you drill down thru all the BS, ends up being an artificial (as opposed to a natural ) reduction in the human population.

    Of course, they never volunteer to lead the charge over the cliff, opting instead for annual meetings in exotic locales to bemoan and berate the world for not jumping thru their flaming hoops of impending disaster; and blackmailing and extorting their way to financial and political power on the backs of the masses – who they claim to represent. Bah. I’ve heard that snake oil pitch before.

  24. gnomish says:
    March 30, 2012 at 11:39 am
    after the wine and before the decline, strip, bark and pine
    =============================================
    A lot of great lines but gnomish has my favorite so far.

    It always gets me that the “decrease the surplus population” always thinks everyone else but themselves are the surplus population.

    This calls for an appropriate curse; may all those condoms be spiked with capsaicin.

  25. IPCC condoms – Full of holes and past the sell by date.

    IPCC orgy – If you’re not going to cover up, you won’t be asked to join in.

  26. For some unfathomable reason I find a great deal of comfort in one undeniable truth: The future belongs to people whose parents had children. As a grandma, I love babies and rejoiced in the birth of each and everyone of my grandchildren.
    I do not understand and I truely pity people like the VHEMT. With out the hope, joy and laughter of children, it must be a sad and lonely existence for them.

  27. 1. Mr Watts, I heard about these people back in 2008, I kinda surprised you hadn’t heard of them before.

    2. Lucy Skywalker -LOL I like your tags.

  28. Vince Causey says:
    March 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

    “Given that, as far as we know, humans are the only intelligent technological life in the universe – then pushing for extinction becomes a whole lot bigger issue than saving the planet.”

    A universe that contains no sentient observer effectively ceases to exist. Humans are the only known sentient observers in the universe. So yeah, it’s a fairly big issue.

  29. “the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement” (Yeah, it’s a “movement” all right, but geez, it sounds like a Three Stooges bit:

    “You first.”

    “No, after you.”

    “No, no, after you.”

    “Yuk, yuk, yuk, Age before beauty.”

    “Please, beauty before age.”

    (Bonk! As they run into each other.)

  30. “Honey, how about some dwarf seahorse tonight?”

    Yes, I can see that entering the lexicon for “making whoopie”.

  31. Windmill condoms – expensive, ineffective and they explode if things go too fast.

    Solar panel condoms – they don’t work in the dark, they need regular cleaning and you must keep the bush from growing too thick round the base.

    Tidal power condoms – they only go in and out twice a day, get clogged up with debris and can silt up your estuary.

    Nuclear condoms – reliable but if they pop they’ll make you infertile and the only people who will come near you will be scientists in Hazmat suits.

    Biofuel condoms – rainforests are cut down to make these and they’re sludgy in cold weather. You can try a DIY version but you’ll smell like a fried food restaurant and only attract people who work in tax offices.

  32. “The bear was put on the U.S. endangered species list in 2008.”

    Right, but only because once again the “mainstream” Climate Scientists and other so-called Progressives couldn’t find even one valid example from the real world to fit their dumb a** memes. “Take it to the bank!”

  33. Actually, I can go with their slogan, “May we live long and die out.” But only if we get to live as long as the last dominate life form on this planet to “poison themselves out of existence”. So that was what, a 2 or 3 billion year run?

  34. For some reason this reminds me of the old joke about the computer salesman, who each night says to his wife, “It’s not quite ready yet, but it’ll be great when you get it!”

  35. They are bout as bright as the people that run the kingdom in the movie Chitti Chitti Bang Bang, who had a child catcher because kids were not allowed. this movie is way a head of it’s time, we are just arriving it seems to me.
    Actually when did this nightmare start, and when do we wake to a world again ran by responsible, morally sound people?
    how can we let them continue?

  36. Too. Many. puns.. must. try to resist. witty, quips.. brain overloading… Losing felling down one leg… Spidey senses shutting down… Must not, tell eco-condom joke…

    Q. How do you recycle a condom?
    A. Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.

    I feel much better now. Phew!

  37. WOW, this is better than any of the late night comedians. What a versatile comment group! Anthony, pleeeease do this more often. Never been soooo entertained (and educated). Sorry, still laughing.

  38. @ Paul Westhaver
    If only that were true, the leftists have the Education System and a legion of NGO’s to indoctrinate the offspring of everybody else. That’s how they increase their numbers, they don’t have to reproduce themselves.

  39. They have a creepy bestiality theme going on.

    I bet their condoms are ribbed for hare pleasure!!

  40. I know this is foolish and stupid but people have always been foolish and stupid. This kind of junk has been around so long much of it has gained some degree of respectability. Except with us in the master race of course.

  41. Here is one for the condom wrapper:
    EXTRA-STRONG!
    Strong enough to stick it up the climate’s beehind!

  42. This could be a trick to increase the birth-rate (and thus the gene pool) of people who are sufficiently gullible that they can be ‘greens’
    For example, have the condoms being supplyed been tested so as to avoid failure? The Titanic was.

    Richard

  43. This is giving life to the Logan’s Run scenario. Everyone turns themselves in on their 65th birthday to be recycled except those who run to a safe area.

  44. Based on current fecundity trends this process is already well under way. Add in a pandemic or two, and a world war. There will only be a slim remnant to deal with the end of the interglacial.

  45. Solar condoms. Help prevent Coronal Mass Ejections.
    UV safe condoms for nudist colonies members only.

  46. TWE says:
    March 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    @ Paul Westhaver
    If only that were true, the leftists have the Education System…..

    You are correct….That is what we are working on here…? Right.
    Marginalizing the leftists and dismembering the BS in the academic/educational world….. is the second phase… the leftists are failing to reproduce all by themselves…..

  47. Paul Westhaver says:
    March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Birth rates among liberals (leftists) are at 1.3 births per couple. Among Conservative (right Leaning) is 2.7 children per couple. I did the math on this and it does not speak well for leftists.
    _________________________________
    You forgot something.
    The left wing job description of “Welfare Mother” I know one dude who sired 52 welfare kids and a girl who by age eighteen had had six babies.

    All those second and third generation welfare types know who to vote for to keep the money rolling in and it is not Ron Paul.

  48. Fortunately celibacy, or condom use, which has the same end result, is not an inheritable trait. All such movements are self-extinguishing. Therefore I welcome this movement as chlorine for the gene-pool.

  49. It’s the start of spring break and he last two weeks have been positively brutal at work. I’m completely exhausted for a whole host of reasons. I feel like I could sleep for a week and I’m anxiously awaiting lab results that will indicate how awful my summer might be. And yet…

    …this is cheering me up immensely, thanks!

    Tee hee!

  50. There is pretty good evidence of an inverse relationship between intelligence and number of offspring (I hate to say it, but see Wikipedia for a start http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_and_intelligence)
    and very good evidence that human brain size is rapidly shrinking for an evolutionary time scale, http://discovermagazine.com/2010/sep/25-modern-humans-smart-why-brain-shrinking. So we are well on our way to stupiding our selves into oblivion anyway. No need to rush.

  51. “If I had a premature extinction event, would you still respect me in the morning?”

    MtK

  52. “Screw The Polar Bears!
    (Sturgeon Generals Warning: This behavior is bloody hazardous to your health. Condoms will not protect you from polar bears.) ”

    “If I said you had a beautiful Pacific Decadal Oscillator, would you hold it against me?”

  53. The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement is one of the few environmental organizations I respect because they are one of the few who try to live by their convictions. Many young environmentalists should consider joining them and taking the pledge, and the surgery.

  54. Is it just me or does anyone else find the humor in the fact that they found a guy named Peet to design condoms.

  55. Still think this is April Fools… no one is getting fooled on April 1st anymore, so they start earlier this year. We have this, Arnie’s Twins sequal with Eddie Murphy as the third child, and Anonymous saying they’ll turn off the internet on 31st.

  56. Being maketed for greenies – I trust they’re recyclable.

    Unlike the greenie versions of condoms, the skeptic versions need have no concerns about sustainability.

  57. This may be off topic, as if anything can be off-topic in a thread about Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, but I recently noticed that it is perfectly OK for Vegans to breast feed or even be cannibals; perhaps VHEMT should consider a recycling program.

  58. Apparently the ‘Voluntary Human Extinction Movement’ have never seen the bar code on a condom! Why? they don’t roll ‘em back far enough!

    (Heh their dicks are too small, but it’s okay, they’re busy re-adjusting their TSI).

  59. IJim G says:
    March 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm
    “Is it just me or does anyone else find the humor in the fact that they found a guy named Peet to design condoms.”

    Nah. You’re not the only one, but it was weak. Now if the condoms had been designed by Shorty Peters or Richard Peters or Drew P. Peters

    (Hope I didn’t cross the line. I’ve only been snipped once, and I believe that was 3+ years ago.)

  60. Seahorses are live bearers and it’s actually the male that gives birth. I wonder what kinda condom that is.

  61. Star Trek Epsiode 23, Season 1, Stardate: 3192.1: “A Taste of Armageddon”
    Spock realizes that the war is being fought by computers which calculate casualties and that the citizens who are declared “dead” are then required to report to disintegration chambers.

  62. paddylol says:
    March 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm
    This is giving life to the Logan’s Run scenario. Everyone turns themselves in on their 65th birthday to be recycled except those who run to a safe area.

    I don’t *have* to run — I’m armed…

  63. I don’t mind the basic premis of “May we live long and die out” and I used to show the VHEMT logo on my blog. With the world fast being overrun with left-ard totalitarian minded extremist nutters and jihadists etc, it takes a braver and more hopeful soul than I to want to inflict such a place and future upon a child of my own loins especially when there are already so many existing children out there already suffering. So I do the sponsorship thing and care not that my own dna shall come to an end. It’s not that I see humankind as the enemy of the planet (far from it), but rather that these days I see it as a form of child abuse to procreate. Deem it also to be a protest. The Larry Norman song “only visiting this planet” also springs to mind.

  64. Doc Hansen’s Warming Stimulators
    Designed to concentrate warmth at the end by getting cooler further back.
    Promotes control to prevent changes of the climate of your globes.

  65. What a difference 40 years makes! Back in the day, big names like Sammy Davis Jr. cut songs like “Candy Man” and “People Tree”. The kids of the current generation get to enjoy movies where teenagers kill each other in government-sanctioned competitions. And now this VHEMT thing! Hopeful, tolerant, procreation-promoting music and movies would never see the light of day now! My kid tells me that our schools have not been a source of pro-CAGW propaganda. Hopefully, they will not promote VHEMT, either.

  66. On the VHEMT.
    John Wayne is quoted as saying; “Life is hard, It is even harder if you are stupid.”

  67. Drain the lizard,
    Wrap the lizard,
    Pound the lizard,
    Save a lizard.

    Actually sounds more like an “exotic” cooking recipe. You know, we should just convince the eco-mentals that the time is too short, they must act quickly, play up the environmental damage from food production, and have them commit themselves to cannibalism. Volunteers only, consenting adults etc, no forcing of the consumption or of being the consumed. Where legally allowed of course, and for the sake of the planet they should lobby as needed until it is legalized.

    Season liberally, for consistency’s sake.

    Maybe we can convince them that mushy Green brains are a delicacy, also any they find with a Swiss cheese quality are double-plus good, have another serving.

    It’d make for great bumper stickers:
    Save The Planet!
    Eat Me Now!

  68. This is a genuine image from an advertisement which appeared beneath this article when I was viewing it:-

    The gravestone of the EU eco movement? Sorry, given the context, just too funny not to share :-)

  69. tadchem says:
    March 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Slogans?
    “Think of the Environment – Recycle This Bag”
    =========================================
    roaring laughing:-)

  70. If we are ever disposable, then we are always disposable, and some people and cooperatives believe we should have never have existed. Well, they are in the minority. We should be more concerned with individuals and cooperatives that suffer from delusions of grandeur, and in their superior judgment elect to denigrate individual dignity and devalue human life. There is also others who fear life, fear death, and choose to run amuck. There are certainly many villains that exist in our world to artificially enhance our native challenges.

  71. It’s only voluntary for those who volunteer. I hope most of you realize these nutcakes are going to try to make it mandatory for the rest of us. And, after we’re gone, there won’t be such a pressing need to eliminate people – and besides, someone has to teach polar bears how to become vegans so they don’t have to eat those cute cuddly baby seals.

  72. Personally, I am all for a voluntary human extinction movement. Just so long as its members lead by example.

  73. It might be stated as a ‘Darwinian’ evolutionary principle that if [Big IF] men who are condom intolerant tend to have more surviving offspring than other men, then condom intolerance would eventually become a universal male characteristic.

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