Some cheesy jokes about this Saturday’s March
By Sam Kazman
Back in February, Yale Computer Science Professor David Gelernter, who may become the next White House science advisor, had this to say about the upcoming March for Science and its organizers: “It’s like this is some sort of Looney Tunes thing. I must be trapped in an alternate reality. They couldn’t possibly be serious.”
But with science marches now scheduled in many cities for this Saturday, timed to coincide with Earth Day, the organizers obviously are serious. Too serious, in our view. Using street protests to handle scientific controversies like climate change is only a few steps above using animal sacrifice.
At times like this, we need some perspective. And we need some cheesy science march jokes.
1. Why did the marcher walk straight into a tree even though he clearly saw it?
Because he refused to let an empirical observation get in his way.
2. Why did hundreds of marchers kiss the feet of one woman?
Because she was a model.
3. Why were so many of the marchers in tears?
Because they were far too sensitive.
4. Why did several hundred science marchers bump into each other at a red light?
Because they refused to recognize that the march had paused.
5. What percentage of the marchers had kale for lunch?
97%.
6. What did the Mexican food vendor say when the marchers complained about his salsa?
“I don’t change my recipes; the salsa is settled.”
Q: How many science marchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The bulb never gets replaced because all the science marchers are protesting the use of nonrenewable electrons…. in the dark!
How many climate modellers does it take to change a light bulb?
None.
When the light bulb fails to illuminate as expected, they simply change the performance standard to “Dark”.
Happy Birthday Vladimir Lenin
Climate scientists see themselves as part of the solution, sceptics see them as part of the precipitate
drips?
Perhaps this company produces also Kool-Aid
Q:How can you recognise a level headed science marcher?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth at the same time.
Good one, Beaufort! 🙂
This could do some real good if the march could get the laws of thermodynamic changed.
Q: What does Donald Trump share in common with a climate scientist?
A: He’s in love with a model.
…and yet only one relationship has been validated.
Look at the news. The question asked is always whether you BELIEVE in Climate Change. The “Wise Men” (computers) are INFALLIBLE, because everyone agrees they are.
This is where human nature leads us if “Belief” and the “Wise Men” of the day are held to be infallible:
http://c8.alamy.com/comp/E0T8FF/spanish-inquisition-auto-de-fe-capital-punishment-death-by-burnig-E0T8FF.jpg
The alamy stock photo captures perfectly the diverse social mix and healthy LBGTQ representation.
How did they know ?
Why do Science March and Earth Day are held on the same day?
So they can average the message.
I did get in a spot of trouble for suggesting it would be a good place to get some anti dihyrogen monoxide petition signatures…..
Q: Why did the science marchers march off a cliff?
A: Their models told them there was no cliff.
Q: How many science marchers can you fit in a bottle?
A: 97.
Q: What is the difference in the average intelluctual capacity between a monkey and a science marcher?
A: It is too small to measure.
Q: How many climate scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: About 2000 scientists (600ish to analyse the light bulb and 1400ish to work out what effect it might have on the biosphere and to suggest alternative lightbulb solutions) and around 102 computer models. Total cost around £2trillion p.a., but at least the planet’s safe.
Q: Why is the science March taking place in April?
A: Because it was the hottest March evaah!
+:)
The March for Science has just published its definitive route.
In case photo won’t attach here, this is the link:
https://twitter.com/artex18/status/855116084583825408
Does that mean they’ll never return?
Hey,
Thanks so much for this post! I am excited to hear that the march for science is gaining more traction! I’m also glad that you included a list of science march jokes at the end as well. I hope that with an international team this event can be made a success!
Best,
Dennis
Sure, Dennis — reporting from Fantasy Scienceland.
Baghdad bob missed his calling. He could have defected to the USA, converted his spiel to a stand up act and made a fortune.
Not seriuos by design
I see the new pattern. The weekly queue of agency press releases directed by the Obama White House on all aspects of climate change has morphed into weekly protest march themes. Neither of these are random queues.
And the reason why the scientists lost the arguement was because they were a Mann down.
One small step for Mann, one giant Leap of Faith …
Politicians of various persuasions have been hijacking the flag of science for a long time. On the left, one can go all the way back to Engels’ scientificsocialism. On the right there was a purported attempt to run Mexico scientifically. (Google cientificos.)
That didn’t turn out so well for Porfirio Diaz.
http://www.livescience.com/58758-neil-tyson-science-denial-could-dismantle-democracy.html
orwellian double speak
Descartes walks into a bar. They bartender asks him if he would like a drink. He said, “I think not,” and *Poof* he disappeared.
Decsartes on the global warming modelling:
“in my dreams I am accustomed to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake.”
I wish I had a dime for every dollar of carbon offsets these dorks will pay to get to the march…
Wait. What?
Well, if you listen to any of their collateral comments – about such things as Colonization, racism, immigration, native rights, sexism, ‘trans-phobia’ – I think this is a good example of a community of ideologues, who are so indoctrinated in their close-minded worldview – to the point of being almost unaware of their almost total prejudice and conformity on almost ALL social matters – and it is as good a reason as any to take pretty much anything they say as coming from a position of advocacy and (incredibly arrogant) opinion, with not even a passing nod to objectivity, and certainly not science.
In fact, if you, yourself, are not likewise encumbered with such absolute one-way blindness (I call it bigotry, because it’s the same mechanisms at work), it’s actually quite easy to see how AGW has been promoted beyond all possible reason… because reason was jettisoned early on.
http://acsh.org/news/2017/02/02/why-scientist-wont-be-attending-science-march-10811
A bulwark of science is replication. Any valid scientific study should be reproducible. In that light most science papers are not valid because they can’t be replicated. link That is true even in chemistry, physics, and engineering. The Wiki article doesn’t break out climate science specifically but I expect that 97% of us agree that it’s the worst.
We desperately need good science and what we’re getting is junk. I don’t have a solution and I expect that whoever does solve the problem should receive several Nobel Prizes.
I would go on a march for science if I thought the result might be good science.
You get what you pay for. Governments, academia and the Green industrial complex pay for junk science to justify their tyranny and theft.
From the March for Science website:
“……Nevertheless, the march has generated a great deal of conversation around whether or not scientists should involve themselves in politics. In the face of an alarming trend toward discrediting scientific consensus and restricting scientific discovery, we might ask instead: can we afford not to speak out in its defense?
There is no Planet B. Join the #MarchForScience……”
IMHO, there are two mistaken assumptions they make in the above quote:
1) Science is infallible and never gets things wrong (like when Pluto was considered a full-fledged planet in our solar system. That is what I was taught in grade school). Therefore, they need to get politically active to defend it. The MSM seems especially deluded by this notion that climate alarmist scientists are infallible.
2) That politics and tax dollars are incapable of corrupting science. The truth is that they can corrupt everything they touch, and there is no reason to believe that science would be exempt. If these marching bozos think that no one is aware of that, they are kidding no one but themselves.
Feeling the need to march on Saturday only goes to show me that that they lack faith and confidence in their so-called “science”, especially if it is the CAGW theory they are primarily marching in support of.
I will reiterate my post above. Most science papers are junk because they can’t be replicated, even by their authors.
Forget third false assumption:
3) That consensus serves as an acceptable substitute for proof in science. Yeah, right. I’ve heard it said that if Hitler had died in Germany in the late 1930’s before starting WWII, he would have gone down in German history as one of its great leaders……..
….
….we climate hu$tlers had better get out there and….. HU$TLE!