Friday Funny: praying polar bear caption contest

Credit: Ocean View Photography, Jessica Andrews

A Canadian photographer was stunned when she went back through the photos she snapped of a polar bear in her backyard to find it praying in front of a cross.

Jessica Andrews, 22, learned the bear was roaming around the Wesleyville, Newfoundland on an island behind her house from an online alert Wednesday.

Andrews didn’t even notice the photo of the praying bear until she went through the 200 photos after the shoot.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4368188/Polar-bear-caught-praying-cross.html#ixzz4cvclXNNh

Surely, this photo will end up in Al Gore’s slide show, and be used in creative ways by WWF and other rent seeking outfits under the guise of something like “polar bear prays for the Arctic”. But, I thought we might find some other, obviously funny captions from our community of readers.

Have at it!

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Resourceguy

GreenPeace and Sierra Club did not approve this message.

SC

Dr. Dave nailed this one first so I felt his post should go up here…

“The truly amazing thing is where this bear was seen… Wesleyville, Newfoundland. Not being an expert on Newfoundland, I did a search of Google Maps to see just where “Wesleyville” is located. I was surprised to find out how far away from the Arctic this place is… its latitude is only slightly higher than the northern tip of Maine!”

Turns out the former seal hunting town is just north of the Provincial capital of St John’s with a population of 200,000. Guess we know what he was praying for! 😉

http://www.all-canada.net/golfing/images/map_newfoundland_a.gif

SC

The Canadian government says there are 7.4 million East coast Harp seals which is around 6 times greater than the population of the 1970’s. (Thank you Pamela Anderson).

http://www.dfo-mpo.gc.ca/fm-gp/seal-phoque/seal-species-eng.htm

They like to eat cod, halibut and capelin eating around 4-6 percent of their body weight daily. Since the average seal weight is around 300 pounds we are looking at 15 lbs of fish times 7 million or 105 MILLION POUNDS PER DAY!

Environmental scientists claim that the seals are not responsible for the declining cod stocks. That’s the fault of… wait for it… global warming!

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/10/collapse-new-england-s-iconic-cod-tied-climate-change

SC

And 2,000 kilometers or 1,300 miles from the arctic circle.

Malcolm Carter

Here is a map of polar bear range from the Canadian government.
comment image

Malcolm Carter

Oh Lord let them read the facts and leave us the #%*& alone.

An Inquirer

Malcom, Thank you for posting the polar bear range map from the Canadian government. That analysis was from 2014. I wonder if there is any update since then?

brians356

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Polar bear? Aren’t they extinct?

Dear Bear God . . . please help me find a good tasty human to eat. I’m starving. Amen.

powers2be

God Bless Pappa Bear, and Momma Bear and thank you lord for that tasty Goldilocks treat.

SC

Janice… that’s one fat bear!

See how well the power of prayer works!

Doesn’t this mean there’s a large torpedo shaped thing underneath? Filled with luscious people and free handouts?

I wonder how one gets them to surface?

powers2be

What’s with all this snow already, can’t you warm this place up a bit. Frig it’s cold!

cbone

I’m tired of penguins. Send more enviro tourists.

Johann Wundersamer

Climate refugee penguins.

Janice Moore

+1

Johann Wundersamer

AAA, Janice!

gator69

Dear God, please get me out of this you forsaken frozen wasteland, and let me roam among those who find me cuddly. Berkeley will do.

Malcolm Bryer

Please Dr Mann can we stop taking pictures now?

Has anyone seen Griff, is he up here.

Burrrrp!

Ljh

There’s too much ice! Please send open water!

patrick bols

this stake is perfect to mark my territory, maybe I should relieve myself

Cujo

“Hmm, I’m sure there was some meat hanging here yesterday.”

charles nelson

beat me to it!

“Bless us o Lord, for these thy gifts, from thy bounty, through Christ, amen”

Ok kids, eat the pink ones.

toorightmate

The bear is praying for the Greens – “Forgive them Lord. They know not what they do.”

Mumbles McGuirck

Greens are an essential part of any diet.

Janice Moore

…. and please, please, make Susan Crockford and Jim Steele stop telling the truth about us. Okay. Okay! I KNOW you hate lies, but (whine), just this once? We need, er, I mean, want those Coke deals.


(youtube)

*******************************************

THIS THREAD IS GRRREAT! So many fun comments above mine. Thank you, Anthony!

Soft drinks are for kids. We need POLAR BEER commercials… “brewed using the finest Arctic glacier water”.

marty

So why do we wonder where the sea ice goes! 🙂

NW sage

It follows the A & B ice!

Leo Smith

Bryan A

Should Coke Deals be Kock Deals

Bryan A

DANG AUTOCORRECT
Should Coke Deals be Koch Deals

Edmonton Al

I pray that Coca Cola will stop putting CO2 in their pop as it is causing global warming and all our ice is melting, and we will starve …. boo hoo………..

Bill Snow

Dear God, can’t you make then go away and leave me alone?

Thomas Homer

I’m looking for organic matter to consume, I need it to survive. You know, the matter containing Carbon that was extracted from CO2 thru photosynthesis.

Nick Werner

I’ve never seen one of these before. I wonder if it could be a bear feeder?

AndyG55

More likely just using the human worshipping pole as a scratching post , to sharpen his/her nails.

TDBraun

“God, save us from well-intentioned humans. Amen.”

chris moffatt

dear bear-doG: please send Bill McKibben and some climatologists up here now; before it ices up and they can’t travel. I’ll be all cuddly, really I will. I promise. And it’ll be a nice change from seals. mmmmm

Birdynumnum

That reminds me – its time to hunt for Easter eggs.

Birdynumnum

Is this a pole I bear?

TjW

Obviously, this is Gladly, the cross-eyed bear.

will gray

The winner.

As I stretch up high to pray
I beg you let warm weather stay
Ice and snow and freezing cold
Makes joints all stiff when you are old
Where are the seals to make me fat
Or one big Mann. What’s Up With that?

MattS

You get my vote for winner.

greymouser70

+1

James in Perth

Winner.

Winner by a mile.

+++

Rhythm slightly off. Suggest “Makes joints stiff when you are old, Where are seals to make me fat”

Wrong, Don. The rhythm is perfection, this is proper poetry and the best applicant. See p

RHS

Please let us have diminished sea ice for easier seal hunting.

Gary

“… and lead us not into environmental alarmism …”

Tom in Florida

Let’s see, how did that class go? Grab pole, wait for music, wrap legs, hang upside down, collect dollars.

“Resurrection” — what does that mean? And where is my dinner?

jimmy_jimmy

Would it kill you to shine a little sun here and warm this place up a bit ?

Bryan A

Lord,
Can you do something about this Human population problem up here? Every time I turn around there is either a Hunter or a Human with a camera taking my picture.

Lance

“I see the light!!!”

lance

but I wanted a Bud Light…

Designator

Icy the light. Hey, that was mine! Lol

Bryan A

Or
Icy delight

I hear they sometimes dangle people from these things…

Birdynumnum

Theres nothing up there.
This must be no Manns land

Bill Stoltzfus

Huh…I could have sworn Al Gore was nailed here last time I looked…

Janice Moore

You mis-remember, Ms. Polar Bear. — That was Al Gore nailing Truth to the cross. Thankfully, God had other plans. 🙂

TRUMP WON!

“God’s amazing grace.” Mike Pence, very early in the morning, November 9, 2016

Dr. Dave

The truly amazing thing is where this bear was seen… Wesleyville, Newfoundland. Not being an expert on Newfoundland, I did a search of Google Maps to see just where “Wesleyville” is located. I was surprised to find out how far away from the Arctic this place is… its latitude is only slightly higher than the northern tip of Maine!

The question to ask is how in the world did that bear get so far south? It couldn’t have caught a ride on an ice flow since the arctic ice is supposedly all gone… sarc/

Duane

Great catch, Dr. Dave …. if polar bears can live there, they can live about anywhere that’s got cold winters.

I looked up the map of Wesleyville too .. it’s just a short hop over to St. Johns, which is a year around ice free seaport, as I understand, with average daily highs barely below freezing in January and February (around 30-31 deg F). Certainly not “arctic” climate, where all those poor white-furred dears can’t possibly survive except on a humongous ice pack with an occasional small hole in the ice in which to pluck seals out to eat.

Malrob

Just looking for somewhere to hang out at Easter.

heysuess

We all have a cross to bear.

MarkW

As long as we don’t have a bear to cross.

Latitude

Please Lord…..Al Gore

Jur

“Lord I thank thee for Warming Alarmists. Their gullibility has made our plight a pleasure. We’re more popular and populous than ever. I wouldn’t mind a few for breakfast. Amen.”

I must give Shia a call. Those /pol/ kiddies will never find it here.

Robin Hewitt

Why isn’t it going round? Where are the dead birds?

Jaakko Kateenkorva

+1

Auto

Jaakko underscores you!!
This is +
100 at least . . . . .

Auto – nearly spilling red wine for this one!

urederra

oh great seal provider my name is ʕ•͡ᴥ•ʔ
am I in the naughty or in the nice list?

Birdynumnum

“This is a very positive sign”

Birdynumnum

But its more than a Bear can Mann.

(Groan)

Trever with an 'e'

Please help! I just dined on Michael Mann…now I can’t get this taste of BS out of my mouth.

++

David A Smith

I know I was told not to stick my tongue to these things buuuut….

Sheri

That was my thought, too.

EM

And deliver us from climate researchers

truckulater

The truth will out. Took you a while too.

comment image?w=672

“I heard they taste just like chicken!”

Cam_S

Please God, send me Leonardo DiCaprio.

Bryan A

The times they are a changin. I heard from my great great uncle that his great great uncle saw this before but the snow covered it up and it was lost. Now that the snow is gone again I’ve found it. I guess my ancestors were right.

heysuess

Seriously though, is there ANYTHING in nature that credulous humans won’t anthropomorphize?

I know, and how about those credulous scientist that see a hockey stick on a graph! (all caps!!!)

Sheri

No.

Gullible polar bear lovers are the worst – if you don’t believe me, check out the Facebook page of Polar Bears International. https://www.facebook.com/PolarBearsInternational

These were the people crying and wringing their hands over Al Gore’s polar bear on an iceberg (and any similar images since).

They keep the “save the polar bear” nonsense alive because they don’t think – they FEEL – so of course they would think this bear was “praying.”

And thumbs up to Richard Courtney’s comment below.

John MacDonald

This isn’t the North Pole?
Darn, where did I go wrong?
And where are the polar bear welfare people?
I need a fur seal pup right now!

Del

Hey, a Viking’s Mast.

Mike Ford

That nice lady is taking my picture. If I look cute enough maybe she’ll come closer and I can have dinner.

Thanks! Just like the ol’ Far Side comics.

markl

Thank you for answering my prayers and sending us Trump.