Friday Funny: The Catastrophe Particle has been discovered

Forget the Higgs Boson, Josh has bigger fish to fry.

… inspired by various articles, particularly James Delingpole’s, and comments following George Monbiot’s admission that he got Peak Oil wrong.

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July 6, 2012 9:43 am

Ah! Satire at its finest.

cui bono
July 6, 2012 9:54 am

Superb!
Next the Giss particle, which comes in at 165Gev. No wait, after adjustments 155. No wait….

tadchem
July 6, 2012 10:14 am

The catastrophe particle is expected to be one of that class of particles called ‘drone-on’s.

July 6, 2012 10:17 am

Is that anything like the Mann blovion? Enquiring minds, and all that…

Ed Moran.
July 6, 2012 10:46 am

“Hurry up, Boson! It’s Sunday morning and you should be in church.”
“No rush, they can’t have mass without me.”
Sorry, all!

wikeroy
July 6, 2012 10:47 am

And the Gleick Boson? How many GeV is that. I have heard it’s very elusive…..

jorgekafkazar
July 6, 2012 10:56 am

I, for one, look forward to the discovery of the Borenstein bozon, the cosmic particle that in recent years has been responsible for reducing the IQ of journalists, academics, scientists, and politicians all around the world to levels even worse than we thought.

gregole
July 6, 2012 11:08 am

The Catastrophe Particle? Excellent, I wish I would have thought of that.

July 6, 2012 11:37 am

“I am interested in making up a good case for distortion, as I am coming to believe it is the only way to make people see.” (— Flannery O’Connor in my email today, what a coincidence.)
The Biggs Fibber also has applications in optics, as it bends incoming light from distant and nearby objects we see, thus confirming what we say is there, which makes everything more clear.

Gail Combs
July 6, 2012 12:08 pm

ROTFLMAO, the comment will give Josh even more inspiration. I really like th the Borenstein bozon…
Thanks for the laughs guys

Ethically Civil
July 6, 2012 12:33 pm

1.21 Gev?

July 6, 2012 12:34 pm

I am waiting for the discovery of the Data Archivion. I seriously doubt it will ever be found, which is sad, because in many ways it’s like the Higgs Boson. It’s responsible for everything we see in Climate Science but no one has yet seen it. We only have indirect observations which hint of its existence.

July 6, 2012 1:06 pm

Catastrophic pratt-icle in Crisis Moony-light.

Gunga Din
July 6, 2012 1:08 pm

nuclearcannoli says:
July 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm
I am waiting for the discovery of the Data Archivion. I seriously doubt it will ever be found, which is sad, because in many ways it’s like the Higgs Boson. It’s responsible for everything we see in Climate Science but no one has yet seen it. We only have indirect observations which hint of its existence.
========================================================================
If it ever is found perhaps it will lead us to the Grains of Truth concerning CAGW?

wikeroy
July 6, 2012 1:14 pm

I think Doomsday-Particle is a better name. When it hits a brain (no, not a brane, a brain ) , the amount of dark matter inside the brain will increase.
Dark Matter tends to feed on dark ideas. Doomsday ideas. There will be a population bomb. The planet has a fever. It will cook. There will be malaria everywhere. Animals shrink. Ice melts. It will rain a lot. It will be droughts. Snow, hurricanes, you name it.
The only way to cure it, is to buy Dark Credits. I have opened up the only legal transaction-website for it, world wide. The World Wide Dark Credit bank. WWDC. Hurry up and buy before it is too late!

Gunga Din
July 6, 2012 1:20 pm

Is the study of all these particles a branch of Epoxology? Something has to holding them together.
(I forget who coined the term but, kudos.)

Robert of Ottawa
July 6, 2012 3:29 pm

it takes 1 Gleick Event (GeV) to create 100 gazillion Hiroshima units. Or is it the other way around? Enviro-math is so complex. I suggest the One GeV known was created by several Manhattens 🙂

Paul Carter
July 6, 2012 3:33 pm

As a standard model particle, the catastrophe particle is characterized by a number of standard-model properties. It is full spin, lacks charm and, unlike single color quarks, is both red and green.

Gunga Din
July 6, 2012 3:43 pm

Mannian Matter. If it proves him wrong, it doesn’t matter.

TANSTAAFL
July 6, 2012 3:50 pm

so, does the Higgs Bosun have a Higgs Bosun Mate?

Mike Doner
July 6, 2012 4:11 pm

@nuclearcannoli
Once the “Data Archivion” is discovered and it collides with the “Castastrophie Particle” aka “Biggs Fibber”, this will be the end of the world as they (CAGW scientists) know it. I’m predicting (fingers crossed) sometime in late December of this year. Hmmm…… maybe the Mayans had it figured out all along 🙂

Follow the Money
July 6, 2012 4:37 pm

Not a particle per se, but the molecules of the mineral called McKibbenite makes the minds of AGW NGO leaders forget they are funded by the likes of Royal Dutch Shell and BP. It’s powerful stuff.

rogerknights
July 6, 2012 4:45 pm

Here’s an idea for a cartoon that I think is awfully clever–and that I hope someone draws. (It’s an improved version of something I posted a few months ago.)
A cartoon of a quack doctor’s office. Mr. Globe is standing by while a wacky, weird-beard Far Side doc squints at an oral thermometer under a magnifying glass that is (unbeknownst to him) focusing the rays (shown in the cartoon) from a head-mounted lamp onto the thermometer’s bulb, while saying, “You have a fever.” On the shelf (or on Mr. Globe’s head) is an ice pack with a price tag of $1 trillion.

rogerknights
July 6, 2012 6:14 pm

Here’s another cartoon idea I hope someone draws:
On an outdoor wall or billboard is a poster of Patchauri in a red-and-black Devil’s costume, including a tight-fitting hood over his head with horns, Patchy’s mephistopholean beard, a pitchfork, flames in the background, and an evil grin. He’s pointing at the viewer like Lord Kitchner, above the caption, “YOU won’t like it HOT! BUY indulgences NOW!”
Alongside the poster is one of Josh’s polar bears drinking a Coke with one hand while holding his other hand over his snout in an unsuccessful attempt to stifle a guffaw.

courtdom
July 6, 2012 7:02 pm

This came to mind quickly for no apparent reason.
Oldie, but goodie 🙂

kadaka (KD Knoebel)
July 6, 2012 9:42 pm

From cui bono on July 6, 2012 at 9:54 am:

Next the Giss particle, which comes in at 165Gev. No wait, after adjustments 155. No wait….

Confusing, isn’t it? A GISS anomalous particle will be larger in recent times but will get smaller in the past. The further you look back in time, the smaller it actually becomes in the distant past.
Don’t worry if you don’t comprehend it. We are assured the complicated physics and mathematics are completely understood by trustworthy fully-qualified supercomputer game programmers.

July 6, 2012 11:20 pm

All well and good, but Keith wants to know which one has the missing heat?

July 7, 2012 1:25 am

It appears that Einstein has had it wrong all these years:
Mass and energy are the same thing, so when the protons have very high energies, they’re very large.”
http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-07/hello-higgs-boson-lhcs-new-particle-looks-real-thing

michael hart
July 7, 2012 5:15 am

I expect they lepton that one.

cui bono
July 7, 2012 6:29 am

I got a hadron just thinking about it. Er, sorry.

Gunga Din
July 7, 2012 9:54 am

Hansenite. Only known use: Making crystal balls.

Gunga Din
July 7, 2012 9:57 am

Briffa Bits. Used in the fabrication of wooden thermometers.

johanna
July 7, 2012 5:03 pm

Iowahawk announces further discoveries:
“Pelosi’s Paradox states that in order to find out what is in a health care bill, it would have to be passed,” explained physicist Steven Hawking. “But in order to be a law it would have to be constitutional, which means someone would have to know what was in it, which would mean it couldn’t have been a bill in the first place. Think of Schroedinger’s Cat, except with a lobotomy.”
To solve the paradox, Roberts proposed the existence of the Taxon – an ephemeral, mysterious facton particle that in theory would allow the Universal Health System to be constitutional, without directly observing what was in it.”
More info at
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/

Brian H
July 8, 2012 11:50 am

The prospect of separating inertia from its proper residence is unsettling. Travelling along in a Newtonian way, execute a 90° turn by detaching that inertia — and doing what with it? Letting it trundle along on its own on the previous trajectory? Pity the poor sod it intersects! Suddenly jerked off in your previous direction without notice …
Life could get very difficult and complicated. Not to mention abbreviated by surprise.

Lars P.
July 9, 2012 9:41 am

It has the property to recirculate infrared radiation in a vicious circle.
Schrodinger’s cat-astrophe paradox: you cannot measure its temperature accurately, it will show no warming no matter how much infrared radiation it recycles in its vicious circle, only through adjustments can one deduct the right temperature.
With time it decays to GISS-particles (through GISS anomaly process), which as stated above are larger in the present but smaller in the past.
thanks all for the good laugh!

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