New Element Discovered: Governmentium


The discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to

science. The new element has been tentatively named


Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75

deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving

it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held

together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by

vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However,

it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which

it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium

causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when

it w ould normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does

not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a

portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons

exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually

increase over time, since each reorganization will cause

some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists

to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons

reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical

quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

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David Walton
June 12, 2007 11:46 am

On a side note that may be of interest —
It has been recently observed that when morons decay into neutrons they emit the long sought after theoretical exchange particle — the intermediate vector bozo.
This elusive clown of the Fermi-ion circus is thought to be responsible for Govermentium’s time dialation of normally fast reactions and appears to be a key energy exchange element in moron promotion.

Anthony Watts
June 12, 2007 12:21 pm

…the intermediate vector bozo
You mean the Higgs Bozon ?

David Walton
June 12, 2007 2:35 pm

No, no, no. The intermediate vector bozo. It has a large bulbous nose with no spin. I miss-wrote earlier, this bozo is not a fermion but actually a fuzzyion. It is found only in Governmentium which makes it something of a singularity in the sub-atomic realm.
Do you mean the Higgs Boson? (with an “s” in the middle and an “n” at the end? I am not familiar with the Higgs Bozon, but I bet it is a funny particle and hypothetical to boot.

June 13, 2007 7:20 pm

I appreciate your site very much, all the stuff about Global Warming is informed, accurate and insightful.
Of course, write what you want whenever you want, but please don’t turn into another Libertarian web site, there are 2 trillion of them already.
I’m a traditional conservative and I find Libertarianism a bit a little bit like Tweedledum to Socialism’s Tweedledee — just another revolutionary utopianism, and not at all the product of rationality and knowledge.
So as not to detract from your GW writing.

June 17, 2007 6:46 pm

I’ve been away for a bit Anthony…this had me in stitches and I’m not that knowledgeable in the realm of science.

June 18, 2007 6:40 am

This element was of course found while so-called scientists were looking at so-called science within C.E.R.N., which for the uninitiated is a fifteen-mile diameter tunnel somewhere near Basle or wherever in Europe; wherein they have discovered the only known example of a perfect vacuum. They know it’s a perfect vacuum because they’ve shovelled untold billions of dollars/euros/francs into this hole, and absolutely nothing has come out of it!

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