Top Ten Things Heartland Institute Will Do With $6.4 Million in Funding

I couldn’t think of a way to easily excerpt this excellent piece of satire, so I’ll just repost it with apologies in advance and ask WUWT readers to go to wendymcelroy.com and give her props. -Anthony

==============================================================

My hat is off to the commenter at Watts Up With That who first dubbed the faked Heartland memo “The Protocols of the Elders of Heartland.” That quip says it all, really.

The second-best quip about the phony memo come from Megan McArdle at the Atlantic: “Basically, it reads like it was written from the secret villain lair in a Batman comic. By an intern.”

But, thinking of secret protocols and secret villain lairs made me wonder, what could this mysterious and elusive “institute” be doing with their anonymous funding? So I’m pleased to leak my very own Heartland strategy memo:

Top Ten Things Heartland Institute Will Do With $6.4 Million in Funding

10. Build a secret oil-powered nuclear-powered coal-powered lair on a South Pacific Island.
9. Arrange Arctic polar-bear hunting expeditions for wealthy contributors. With bazookas for top donors.
8. Train an armada of millions of kamikaze pigeons to fly into wind turbines, gumming up the works.
7. Replace Mitt Romney with a remote-controlled animatronic robot. Oh wait, that’s been done.
6. Exploit our Microsoft connection to install mind-controlling stroboscopic subliminal video messages in Windows Phone 7. People do use Windows Phone 7, don’t they?
5. Create the “Happy Children Fund” to provide subsidized tobacco products to pre-teens. Better yet, put it in their school lunches.
4. Genetically engineer a breed of SuperFlatulenttm cattle to emit a Gaia-destroying flood of methane into the atmosphere.
3. Re-train the armada of pigeons to defecate on solar panels. Maybe do this before #8.
2. Hijack a nuclear warhead and hold the world to ransom for one million dollars!
1. Send an obviously faked-up memo to DeSmogBlog to make them look ridiculous. Oh wait…

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121 Responses to Top Ten Things Heartland Institute Will Do With $6.4 Million in Funding

  1. BarryW says:

    Create snow and below normal temperatures at various spots around the world. Oh wait, just send Al Gore and Jim Hansen that works just as well.

  2. theduke says:

    Now that’s funny . . .

  3. Fred from Canuckistan says:

    11. Start a Recovery Center for recovering Climatologists to help them deal with the pangs of withdrawal from a decade of Fame & Funding as they revert back to being no-name professors in unheard of backwater universities and government labs.

    12. Start a Truth and Reconciliation Commission that will allow the legions of “scientists” who preferred fame and funding over proper scientific process that resulted in $$$Hundreds of $$$Billions of taxpayer’s dollars to be diverted from useful programs like Public Health and Education into utterly useless and futile Eco-Friendly Greenie Gaia Saving programs, to come clean and apologize to society.

  4. TG McCoy (Douglas DC) says:

    Love the smell of Shaudenfraude in the morining…

  5. Robin Hewitt says:

    How about develop a car that runs on orimulsion?

  6. According to CNN with 6M$ Heartland wouldn’t even be able to provide a single toe to Steve Austin

    http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2008/pf/0805/gallery.inflation_pop_culture/

  7. cui bono says:

    13. Build and launch ‘doomsday probe’ to black out Sun, in order to prove Sun does have some influence on climate.

    14. Build heated villain lair able to withstand constant outside temperature of 3 degrees K. Oh darn, should have done before 13..brrrrrr

  8. Skiphil says:

    13. Endow the “Peter Gleick Chair of Propaganda Studies” at a prominent university (if one can be found) able to commit to rigorous analysis of media propaganda in a politically correct age.

  9. Mardler says:

    15. Rebrand as The Heatland Institute and invite Hansen, Jones et al to become board members.

  10. John in NZ says:

    Close the Office for the Receipt of Complaints.

  11. Charles.U.Farley says:

    Invent a strand of science that runs on bullshit.

  12. John Greenfraud says:

    15. Carve an image of the Koch Bros at Mt. Rushmore…..then deny it.

  13. b_C says:

    FOIA, unleash the key to the remaining 200,000 emails!!!!

    Climategate 1.0 – The Phil Jones (Hide) Memorial Edition
    Climategate 2.0 – The Michael Mann (Hockey Stick) Memorial Edition
    Climategate 3.0 – The Peter Gleick (Ant-climate) Memorial Edition

  14. Dude says:

    Maybe Heartland will start a disinformation campaign (okay another one according to Desmog) and the goal will be to undermine the words “science” and “consensus”. Muh ha ha ha ha ah

  15. Otter says:

    I have to admit, when I first saw Wendy’s page, I thought this was another attack on HI… but after the first few seconds the sense of humor, expressed all over her page, registered quite beautifully.

    It is Not something one would find on a warmist’s page. Humor comes from Thinking people. Great list, Wendy!

  16. Al Gore's Holy Hologram says:

    Put up a prize of $6.4 million to anyone who can prove:

    1. Homeopathy is science based medicine
    2. Climate change is manmade
    3. The Heartland Institute memo is real

    Then just sit on your money and laugh.

  17. Jim D says:

    Teach K-12 children that the greenhouse effect may not exist. Oh wait, they already are doing that.

  18. Paul Maynard says:

    Anthony

    Just seen on the Carpe Diem site thenplug for the new film on frakking by Phelim et al. They need some funding. Think you should give a plug here. Takes too long on iPad to scroll down through T&N.

    Cheers

    Paul

  19. theduke says:

    Anthony: Although the link still takes you to the website, in it you’ve spelled “mcelroy” wrong.

  20. GregO says:

    They can do all that with 6.4 mil? That Heartland Institute really knows how to stretch a buck!

  21. b_C says:

    11. Apply to Johnny Carson’s estate for the rights to dedicate the “Stinky Frostheimer” lie detector skit to climate alarmism, when and wherever appropriate, and that it be re-dubbed the “Stinky Gleickheimer” skit.

    http://www.yourememberthat.com/media/8079/Johnny_Carson_Lie_Detector_Skit/

  22. Paul Westhaver says:

    Wrong Spelling for Wendy McElroy…but the link is correct. FYI

  23. Mr Bliss says:

    16. Buy 10 million fridges and leave the doors open, to try and “Hide the Increase” in global
    temp.
    Oh, sorry, been done……

  24. ShrNfr says:

    “theduke says:
    February 18, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Anthony: Although the link still takes you to the website, in it you’ve spelled “mcelroy” wrong.”

    It was a bargain. Heartland only used $0.79 to get that done…

  25. dtbronzich says:

    The second-best quip about the phony memo come from Megan McArdle at the Atlantic: “Basically, it reads like it was written from the secret villain lair in a Batman comic. By an intern.”
    Correction: the final sentence should read: “By a henchman” supervillians, as a rule, don’t have interns. They have bungling assistants who provide some much needed comic relief at moments of great stress. Hence, this must be a henchman.

  26. Frank K. says:

    Of course, $6.4 million is just a drop in the bucket compared to the BILLIONS in Climate Ca$h ™ that our climate elites get.

  27. Brad R says:

    Repost with our compliments, Anthony. Thanks for the exposure!
    Brad (webmaster at wendymcelroy.com)

  28. Beesaman says:

    Wot, no Death Star, or laser canon on the moon?
    Evil mad scientists just aren’t what they used to be.
    Nowadays it seems to be evil just teaching children to be open minded and skeptical, just what kids should be……..

  29. Tom Swirly says:

    So let’s get this straight. You actually admitted on this blog just yesterday that you did get money through Heartland – is it the $90,000 that’s in the leaked Heartland budget or not?

    And I don’t see you being straight with us either – are you actually going on the record and saying that the leaked Heartland budget is fake, or not?

    [REPLY: You need to get up to speed. Anthony applied for an $88,000 grant to set up a website to present publicly available data in an easy-to-use format. The budget does not mention "$90,000". The Climate Strategy document, from which yor reference is taken, is fake. -REP]

  30. higley7 says:

    The “clime scientists” can be retrained to be environmental reclamation and sorting specialists—aka sanitation engineers, aka garbage men. They are already good a making garbage, they should be good at sorting it during pick up.

  31. Jimbo says:

    What would Heartland do with $500 million or $225 million?

    Standford climate unit to gets BP oil ($500 million) & Exxon ($225 million) funding over 10 years. It really does pay to be a sceptic. Our scepticism has to be purchased.

    http://www.rwor.org/a/083-special/bp-berkeley-en.htmlttp://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/21/us/exxon-led-group-is-giving-a-climate-grant-to-stanford.html

  32. Smokey says:

    Tom Swirly,

    Are you that ignorant of this discusion? Obviously you haven’t gotten up to speed, and you are just posting baseless opinion. Let me help you “get this straight”:

    Anthony was paid less than half of your “$90,000″ figure so far to do work. Maybe you work for nothing, or maybe you’re a hypocrite and think that others should work for free. And everyone familiar with the fabricated memo knows it is fake, whether they admit it or not. The fake memo is the only issue, since the other information has never been a secret.

    And unlike conniving, self-serving climate charlatans like Mann, Jones, and many others who take muliti-million dollars in government grants, Heartland operates on private donations.

  33. Yancey Ward says:

    11. Drill an oil well in the top of Teddy Roosevelt’s head. (Simpsons reference)

  34. Kev-in-UK says:

    Actually, I bet the $88k is for setting up appropriate sympathisers to stand by weather stations with fans to keep them cooler 24/7!
    See, Anthony ? – the real truth of your weather stations project is now out in the open! LOL
    (do I really need to put /sarc after this? Oh wait, there’s possibly someone from despicablesmogblog may read this and publish it directly!)
    PS – perhaps Desmogblog should simply be hereinafter referred to as DSB? – Dozy Stupid Blog?

  35. I always imagined the faked memo being discovered in a dusty bookcase, by Shaggy and Scooby Doo, perhaps with a stamp saying ‘Top Secret!’.

  36. JamesD says:

    I get credit for the protocols quip. My prize is a nice cold Shiner Bock. Actually, come to think about it, send it to Anthony. Thanks for the hard work bub.

  37. Steve from Rockwood says:

    Infiltrate NASA and have their scientific staff start a web-site (on government paid time) to spread the impending threat of an over-heated planet on an unsuspecting public to the point where an additional $88,000 is needed to put the raw data into the hands of the public so that they can make up their own minds. Not that it would ever happen. Well not for $6.4 million.

  38. Steve from Rockwood says:

    I had no idea SuperFlatulent was trade-marked. Super Flatulent Expectorant Is Atrocious.
    Probably a little off-topic.

  39. RockyRoad says:

    Easiest of all: Just change the name to The Heartless Institute. I’m sure that will convince everybody.

  40. JamesD says:

    Tom Swirley,
    You are a troll, but for the benefit of others, there is no controversy over the money budgeted for Watts. The insinuation is that Heartland has been funding WUWT. Well, you have the budget, check it and you’ll see no money is allocated for WUWT. Anthony approached Heartland to help get a donor for a web service project to provide graphical representation of the NOAA database (i.e. GOVERNMENT data). The project has not even been announced yet. When you complete a project it is typical and customary to acknowlege funding at that time. Furthermore, it is in Heartlands interest to make sure there funding is announced, because you see that looks real good to potential donors, that their money is being put to good use. The only reason this is considered a controvery is because the FAKE document (as in, getting the Koch funding details entirely wrong) was labeled “Confidential” and so the FAKE document makes it look like something sneaky is going down.

  41. Frank K. says:

    Smokey says:
    February 18, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Smokey – Tom Swirly obviously works for the government, where money grows on trees…

    Even $90,000 or $900,000 is laughable compared to the billion$ given to the climate elites…this is a HUGE #narrativefail on the part of the CAGW activists/scientists…

  42. mkurbo says:

    Provide a grant to Tom Swirly, so he can chill out and comment with a joke…

    ————-

    Anyway, did you hear the one about the group of polar bears that received a $6.4m grant to set up a green energy company ? They started with solar, but that went bust. Then they went into wind turbines and those froze up, however, eventually they realized that the best return on investment is creating a false AGW agenda to raise more funds for their false “green” agenda…

  43. JamesD says:

    11. Add “Examples of Bad Science” module for the K-12 curriculum: Switching signs on proxy data that doesn’t match your story (i.e. upside down Tiljander) is bad science. Using poor proxies to prove a hockey stick (i.e. stripped bark trees) is bad science. Overweighting proxies that support your fantasy (i.e. the lonely ONE tree in Yamal) is bad science. Hiding late year proxy data that proves the unsuitability of the proxy is bad science (HIDE THE DECLINE BABY).

  44. Hugh K says:

    For sale – One hurricane making machine – only used once!
    Cost – $6.4 million
    Contact – Karl or Dick

  45. A Lovell says:

    The mention of henchmen made me think of Igor, as played by Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein.

    I can just see him cackling as he types out the fake memo.

    Someone suggested we find a name for the faker. I think Igor is as good as any.

  46. pesadia says:

    Offer the 6.4 million to Tom Cruise.
    His mission, should he choose to accept it.
    Find a proponent of AGW within the “TEAM” who genuinely would like his prognosis to be wrong .
    This proposal will self destruct in 60 seconds.
    PS
    Tell him not to waste any time on Phil Jones, as he has already expressed his fervent hope that he is right, regardless of the implications to man/womankind.

  47. gnomish says:

    can they use some of the money to get gores propaganda film out of the elementary curricula?

  48. 10. Build a secret oil-powered nuclear-powered coal-powered whale oil-powered lair on a South Pacific Island. (Truly evil super-villains have carbon-releasing lairs powered by the cruel slaughter of sympathetic animals, which in the eyes of the radical green left is actually worse than the cruel slaughter of people – the “greenest” policy of all.)

    11. Order Smithers to RELEASE THE HOUNDS! (just because)

    I say this because my impression of the voice used by the forger in the strategy document sounds more like a writer for the Simpsons character, Charles Montgomery Burns.

    I hope the conversation between the FBI and PG happens soon, featuring the question, “Where were you and what were you doing at 2012-02-13T12:41:52-08:00,” and “Can anyone corroborate that?” and “We have a warrant to examine your computers. They will be returned to you unchanged in a timely manner.” I am worried that the US AG may obstruct it. Heartland should try to keep it at the San Francisco district office level.

  49. EternalOptimist says:

    Provide every child with a tin foil helmet, a pair of peril-sensitive sunglasses and a pair of earphones that make a loud ‘la la’ sound when Gores voice is detected

  50. Toto says:

    It’s Oscar season. Make up some fake gold plated little statuettes and award them every year.
    Best Strawman and so on. categories: needs a brain, needs a heart, needs courage.
    Also a Dorothy award for the best “We’re not in Kansas anymore” realization.
    Last but not least, the Best Toto award.

  51. PiperPaul says:

    Now you’re messin with…

    The warmists have a four-table, three of which have been kicked out.
    Go Anthony.

  52. Bandmeeting says:

    Given the fake nature of this, shouldn’t they go massacre polar bears in Antarctica?

  53. David Walton says:

    Megan McArdle also writes, “I should also probably note that I disagree pretty strenuously with Heartland’s position on global warming. I not only believe that anthropogenic global warming is happening, but also support stiff carbon or source fuels taxes in order to combat it. While I’ve expressed some dismay at the behavior revealed in the leaked Climategate memos, they haven’t changed my mind about the reality, or the danger, of global warming.”

    Sorry kids but however clever McArdle appears with her Batman quip she is still an idiot who only appeals to idiots. Let her run around in circles and yelp all she likes. This dog isn’t even in the race.

  54. Yancey Ward says:

    12. Rig Oscar Night.
    13. Make Steve Guttenberg a star.
    14. Keep the metric system down.
    15. Rob cavefish of their sight.

    The Simpsons is the gift that keeps on giving.

  55. crosspatch says:

    Mr. Watts, you are approaching this in EXACTLY the right way. We need to hold these people up for ridicule. Their positions are so completely silly, their “logic” so completely irrational, their rhetoric so completely over the top that we need to exercise at every opportunity the holding of these people up for a good laugh.

    What the world needs is more climatologist and “environmentalist” jokes. I don’t mean someone who truly cares about the environment, I mean the ones who use the “environment” as a political cover to engage in economic suicide. The message from the left as a whole is always one of self-loathing. I am tiring of it. We need to make fun of them.

  56. Man Bearpig says:

    I think a names like ‘Mike Hammel’ a la Bart Simpson phone call to Moe. So any good ones ?

    Ima Nidiot?

  57. …and raise an appeal to save the penguins in Greenland?

  58. Jeff Condon says:

    hahaha.

    So THAT is Romney’s problem! I knew something was wrong with that guy.

    So Letterman has joined WUWT. About time!

  59. 1) Homer Hansen – a thermometer and a one way ticket to the North Pole – then he can throw away his pink crayon.
    2) Phil Jones – a can of whitewash for the next inquiry.
    3) Mikey Mann – 5 years in the State Pen *
    4) Kevin Trenberth – a telescope – he can use it for looking for his missing heat – while he is at it, he might search for some scientific integrity.
    5) Katharine Hayhoe – a history book ( the sort that goes back before 1965).
    6) Chris Huhne – a get out of jail free card – he might soon need it
    7) Princess Charles – a carbon capture device for Camilla’s fags.
    8) Al Gore – a snorkel and pair of goggles – for when his beachside condo is under 12 feet of water.
    And finally…….
    9) BBC – bugger all – you already get enough from me.

    * I am advised by Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne to make it clear that Mikey has done nothing at all wrong and should only go to the Pen as a long term visitor!

  60. Dave Wendt says:

    11) Create a “Secret Confidential” memo, to be circulated to every college and university campus, wherein the members of the Team discuss their plans to ban all production of beer because of the the “evil CO2″ that it emits. Should have the young “skulls full of mush” fleeing the Carbon demonization bandwagon like cockroaches when the light comes on.

  61. u.k.(us) says:

    PiperPaul says:
    February 18, 2012 at 10:56 am
    ============
    Perfect !

  62. Phil says:

    11. Create a new database of climate data that is full of errors and designed to make access to the underlying data impenetrable to all but the most dedicated. Call it the “Best” temperature database ever. Oh, wait….

  63. R. Shearer says:

    Induce CAGW proponents to fly all over the world to “climate” conferences in exotic locales to show their hypocrisy and exorbitant use of fossil fuels.

    Nevermind. They all ready do that already.

    How about encourage the leaders in the CAGW movement to purchase million dollar homes in exlusive areas, perhaps even located in coastal areas, showing their real lack of concern for sea level rise.

    Nevermind.

  64. u.k.(us) says:

    11. Go on a guided tour to Antarctica. Experience cold, ice, endless storms and high seas. Return to warmer climes and rethink ones mission in life.

  65. Steve S says:

    Fund a govt supervisory department that forces the Brave Climate Crusaders, like Al Gore…and Hollywood, to live in the same fashion they demand the govt force everyone else to live.

  66. Barry L. says:

    RE: #4. Genetically engineer a breed of SuperFlatulenttm cattle to emit a Gaia-destroying flood of methane into the atmosphere.

    Just to put the $88k? grant in perspective:
    http://moodyeyeview.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/cow-gas-tank.jpg
    $700,000 U.S. Department of Agriculture grant to create a computer model that measures the amount of greenhouse gases an organic dairy farm produces and thus provide ways to cut those emissions.
    http://moodyeyeview.com/2010/11/05/eye-view-on-the-farm-scientist-move-to-other-end-of-production-line-now-studying-cow-belches/

  67. johnnyrvf says:

    Hey! Isn’t that Roger Glover of Deep Purple on Bass? in the Nazareth clip.

    Sorry to go off topic.

  68. There are some people that have learned nothing from “FakeGate”. They are still insisting the memo is real and are calling it “HeartlandGate”. They will call it that forever. This is a big moment for them. They feel they have found something that neutralizes ClimateGate.

    Here’s two comments sent in reply to me from something I posted 11 months ago on YouTube. They must feel they have new ammunition now to address old issues and set everything right—in their eyes.

    These are the actual quotes from the past two days:

    Internal documents from within the Heartland Institute have been leaked which prove that the HI lies to schoolchildren, threatens climate scientists, and lies to Congress.

    What is not real and is entirely made up fiction is “Climategate”.

    and this, in response to ClimateGate:

    Bullshit. Stop making up lies. There was absolutely NOTHING to the non-climategate non-scandal. They proved NOTHING.

    Heartlandgate is the REAL crime, along with Mocktongate and his lies, arson record, and tax evasion records.

    What do you base your made-up shit on?

    I know: entirely anything Alex Jones says.

  69. cromagnum says:

    42. Get a paper by Hansen, Jones, Mann et. al. published at the JIR.

    Yes, this JIR: http://www.jir.com/

  70. johanna says:

    I hate to be a party pooper, but the fart jokes and frat-boy jokes and ha-ha gotchas are the opposite of what used to make WUWT stand out from the pack. Every boy-in-the basement blog does this stuff. Please leave it to them.

    WUWT used to be above this kind of immature gloating. Has something changed?

  71. johanna

    I don’t see this as a gotcha. There are people that are right now, as we are commenting here, pushing this “HeartlandGate” thing. They want to world to believe it is real. The truth has to be told to show they are lying.

  72. Steve S says:

    Yes, Johanna…WUWT was named in a faked document, and it’s name is currently being dragged through the mud by numerous blogs, and media outlets which did not bother to verify their sources. A little gloating, I think, is warranted. More importantly, threads of this nature do serve to keep this issue alive until hopefully, the truth comes out, and retractions/corrections are published by the various smear merchants that are gleefully trashing the reputations of innocent people.

    If I’m off base, I’ll gladly stop posting. This is Mr. Watts’ soap-box, not mine, and if he, and/or his moderators decide to stop all of this silliness, I’ll stop, without argument, or complaint. Until then, though…

    Ha ha! /Nelson Muntz

  73. Jeff Alberts says:

    Bazookas are so passe (and hard to find any more). I’d go with Miniguns, or, if you really want the explosion with nothing left, Hellfire missiles. Fire and forget, dontcha know.

  74. Jimbo says:

    Tom Swirly says:
    February 18, 2012 at 9:03 am

    So let’s get this straight. You actually admitted on this blog just yesterday that you did get money through Heartland – is it the $90,000 that’s in the leaked Heartland budget or not?

    Tom, did you know that the climate scientists on the BEST project received funding from the evil Koch bros? If you read posts on WUWT you would not have hit the post button sending your comment here for ridicule. By the way what is the Sierra Club’s annual budget? You do know that the Sierra Club received $25 million from the gas industry? You do know that Stanford climate group is funded to the tune of $750 million ($75 million per annum) by BP oil and Exxon? You do know that the Climate Research Unit (CRU) has been funded, among others, by BP Shell, Nirex nuclear? And you alarmists complain about $6.5 million. You people really are greedy.

  75. u.k.(us) says:

    Jeff Alberts says:
    February 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm
    Bazookas are so passe (and hard to find any more). I’d go with Miniguns, or, if you really want the explosion with nothing left, Hellfire missiles. Fire and forget, dontcha know.
    ===========
    Yep, sticky bombs appear to be the weapon of choice now.
    All the more reason to drive a plastic car.

  76. Kev-in-UK says:

    johanna says:
    February 18, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    this isn’t about gloating as far as I can see. It’s about observing the ridiculousness of the situation that has been entirely created by the warmist camp – the silliness of the MSM, the crazy attitude of folk that will publish or promote anything in a blind faith – and then finding it’s a load of tosh!
    It’s ironic, don’t you think?

  77. cui bono says:

    johanna says (February 18, 2012 at 12:44 pm)

    Can’t we have a bit of fun occasionally? Eg:

    Maybe Trenberth and his Team mates could personally check out whether the ‘missing heat’ is in the ‘deep ocean’.

    So: Q. What do you call a Team of AGW climate scientists at the bottom of the ocean?
    A. A start.

    Sorry!

  78. Brad R says:

    johanna – as I am the author of the original piece which Anthony has graciously chosen to repost here, allow me to respond.

    You seem to lack an appreciation of the value of satire in political debate. This tradition goes back decades, if not centuries; it has been practiced by those ranging from amateur lampoonists to H.L. Mencken. Recall that Boss Tweed didn’t fret about the editorial writers; it was the cartoonists that worried him. When something ridiculous is being promoted with great seriousness, seriousness is not always the appropriate response.

    In this case, I saw a memo which clearly embodied a warmist caricature of the views of global warming skeptics (anti-climate! anti-science!), with elements of the big-oil-funded-deniers conspiracy theory. I chose to exaggerate, for comedic effect, two aspects: the apparent warmist view of what deniers “really want” (destroy Gaia!), and the apparent belief that six million dollars is an astonishingly huge sum of money to achieve their ends (hence the Austin Powers reference). It’s a “send-up” of some ridiculously silly notions, meant to highlight the fact that those notions *are* silly.

    Call me immature if you like, but it’s not “gloating.” I have nothing to gloat about; I’m not in the climate-research or the think-tank business. But I do have a message, and I’m happy to see that many people here “got it.”

  79. johanna, I am disappoint.

    Forever and ever you comment here smartly, and now you whine?

    I will send you delicious gift basket, make you happy again.

    Remind me what kind food do concern troll eat?

    xoxoxox

  80. crosspatch says:

    11. Install climate control inside Stevenson screens so “adjustments” may be applied by remote control at the point of measurement.

  81. johanna says:

    Amino Acids in Meteorites says:
    February 18, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    johanna

    I don’t see this as a gotcha. There are people that are right now, as we are commenting here, pushing this “HeartlandGate” thing. They want to world to believe it is real. The truth has to be told to show they are lying.
    —————————————————————–
    I agree, without equivocation, that people who promulgate lies should be taken down. But that is not what this thread is about. My concern is that a thread which invites snark and schoolboy ‘humour’ as its primary purpose on such an important issue puts WUWT down in the basement with the pimply blogger whose idea of a great night is watching movies about frat boys behaving badly with a big box of tissues at hand (so to speak).

    Alternatively, WUWT is just a branch of Letterman ‘humour’.

    There is lots of genuinely funny stuff on this site, in both posts and comments, and that’s great. But this one is a lapse which undermines the credibility of WUWT, IMO.

  82. I get credit for the protocols quip. My prize is a nice cold Shiner Bock. Actually, come to think about it, send it to Anthony. Thanks for the hard work bub.

    James, no me!! On the original thread on the 16th. That is MY beer!

    Ok, I will share….

  83. TomT says:

    These are really good ideas.

    What you mean this is satire, you should have said so.

  84. 1DandyTroll says:

    Reverse order, with proper points:

    1. Spot the communist hippie slugs

    2. pour salt on them brain slugs

    3. Wait for it…

    4. Wait for it…

    5. Wait for it…

    6 … no not yet.

    7… stop that snickering laughing howling, just wait for it.

    8 What da hell. Was that it? No big ego bang? No nuthing? Just a pfft!

    9. Oki, the pub?

    10. Beer beer beer, tiddly beer beer beer…

  85. Zeke says:

    Mitt Romney is a carbon tax candidate, and has been deeply involved in carbon emissions reductions regulations and renewables agreements. A subsidiary of Bain Capital owns Styron, one of the makers of smart meters expected to be installed on homes world wide. He supports international ghg reductions agreements. Ref: political positions of Mitt Romney. Ref: Styron. Ref: No Apology p 262.

    He has been running for 5 years, so many of us are not taken in by this global warming/Romneycare candidate, and can provide accurate and truthful information about his many different stands, statements, and actual policies regarding ghg regulations and energy policies.

  86. Cadae says:

    Even though number 9 is worthy of an evil organisation, it needs a rework as it could add to warming fears. Needs something that will hide any decline in bear numbers. Two options:

    9. Develop and deploy coal-powered mechanical polar-bears.
    or
    9. Put penguins in polar bear suits and transport them to the Arctic.

  87. Dave Wendt says:

    johanna says:
    February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    The people pushing this doom mongering farce and their media sycophants have proven themselves immune from rational challenge for decades. They will only be successfully ferreted out of their numerous bureaucratic fiefdoms, from which they issue their growing cascade of nanny state regulations to control every aspect of the lives of everyone who is not one of them, when the instantaneous reaction to each new piece of catastrophic hyperbole they produce is not OMG!!!, but ROFLMAO!!! As long as we confine our efforts to arguing technical niceties on themes where they have, by language and construction, established all the ground rules of the dialogue, they will continue to prevail in driving us down the path to societal seppuku. Given the dismal quality of almost all the BS(Bad Science) produced around this topic over the last several decades, the proper response is and always has been, not to offer attempts at rational counterargument, but instead to apply derision and a raucous horse laugh.

  88. Brad R says:

    Well, I posted a reply to johanna, but it seems to have vanished into moderator limbo. And if I repost it, I’m told “duplicate post.” C’est la vie.

    [REPLY: My fault. I'm the duty moderator and snuck out for a quick dinner. Your comment to Johanna is now released and on display. -REP]

  89. Kev-in-UK says:

    johanna says:
    February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Oh C’mon! Whats wong with a bit of schoolboy humour every ONCE in a WHILE?? For Pete’s sake, lighten up a bit!

  90. AlexFatcow says:

    I wish they could create flying cars to avoid traffic jam! Funny post

  91. Jessie says:

    crosspatch says: February 18, 2012 at 2:07 pm
    11. Install climate control inside Stevenson screens so “adjustments” may be applied by remote control at the point of measurement.

    Very wiitty.

    You may be interested in the work of this scientist, John Brignell. http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/lying.htm
    home page: http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/number%20watch.htm

    Reference to his books by Rereke Whakaro & Byron on Jo Nova’s site
    http://joannenova.com.au/2012/02/toxoplasmosis-could-that-latent-infection-affect-peoples-behavior/#comment-965589

  92. ecoGuy says:

    - Create the Schrödinger’s cat chair for contributions to Climate Change Research – now you see it now you don’t…

  93. buntche70@aol.com says:

    The 6 million dollar budget would be busted big time with some of the suggestions above. I suggest a more subtle use. Buy out Tom’s Restaurant
    http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/10/21/nasa-giss-a-division-of-vandelay-industries/
    and replace it with a coal fired pizza parlor. The centerpiece should be a Hansen/Schmidt wall of shame with a flood level gauge with the following website links and printout prominently displayed:
    http://www.john-daly.com/ aka Still Waiting for Greenhouse and of course Anthony’s epic post:
    http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/10/22/a-little-known-but-failed-20-year-old-climate-change-prediction-by-dr-james-hansen/

    A comparison of Hansen’s income sources to HI ‘s budget should also be prominently displayed.

  94. PiperPaul says:

    Amino Acids in Meteorites:

    These are the people who couldn’t hack the hard sciences. So they gather together (like a pack of dogs or ambos) against those who know. Revenge Against The Nerds. Herd behaviour is a well-known phenomenon, the warmists are abusing research.

  95. Gary Hladik says:

    johanna says (February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm): “There is lots of genuinely funny stuff on this site, in both posts and comments, and that’s great. But this one is a lapse which undermines the credibility of WUWT, IMO.”

    OMG, you’re right! The CAGW propagandists have been using Anthony’s sense of humor to undermine his credibility! If we act all sober and serious-like, they’ll have absolutely nothing to use against him! I mean, then they’d have to, you know, make stuff up, and we know they’d never do that, right? :-)

    But serially, comparing Anthony and, say, James Hansen, I’d estimate their credibility is inversely proportional to their respective senses of humor. :-)

  96. Brad R says:

    Let me try again.

    johanna: as I am the author of the original piece which Anthony has graciously chosen to repost here, allow me to respond.

    You seem to lack an appreciation of the value of satire in political debate. This tradition goes back decades, if not centuries; it has been practiced by those ranging from amateur lampoonists to H.L. Mencken. Recall that Boss Tweed didn’t fret about the editorial writers; it was the cartoonists that worried him. When something ridiculous is being promoted with great seriousness, seriousness is not always the appropriate response.

    In this case, I saw a memo which clearly embodied a warmist caricature of the views of global warming skeptics (anti-climate! anti-science!), with elements of the big-oil-funded-deniers conspiracy theory. I chose to exaggerate, for comedic effect, two aspects: the apparent warmist view of what deniers “really want” (destroy Gaia!), and the apparent belief that six million dollars is an astonishingly huge sum of money to achieve their ends (hence the Austin Powers reference). It’s a “send-up” of some ridiculously silly notions, meant to highlight the fact that those notions *are* silly.

    Call me immature if you like, but it’s not “gloating.” I have nothing to gloat about; I’m not in the climate-research or the think-tank business. But I do have a message, and I’m happy to see that many people here “got it.”

  97. Bart says:

    johanna says:
    February 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    “But this one is a lapse which undermines the credibility of WUWT, IMO.”

    Well, your opinion is dead wrong. Humor is one of the most powerful weapons that can be employed to stop a nutty idea in its tracks. People hate looking ridiculous, and they will flee from the side that looks that way.

    The Warmist sympathizers who engineered this fiasco for themselves hoped to fabricate evidence to carve a shortcut to that very same goal. They deserve to be pilloried and ridiculed until their ears bleed.

  98. Gary Hladik says:

    Gary Hladik says (February 18, 2012 at 5:32 pm): “But serially, comparing Anthony and, say, James Hansen, I’d estimate their credibility is inversely proportional to their respective senses of humor. :-)”

    Er, heh heh, what I meant was, my intelligence is inversely proportional to my sense of humor, and Hansens’s credibility is proportional to his sense of humor! Yeah, that’s it. Heh heh.

    And remember, anybody who makes fun of my mistake has no credibility! :-)

  99. H.R. says:

    19. Fund the Ministry of Plausible Numbers.

    The Ministry would consist of Charles, Anne, George, and the Director, Wilma. When someone wants a plausible number for say, the change in temperature for a doubling of CO2, they call the Ministry and the Charles, Anne, and George kick it around a bit and come up with something like 1.5 to 3.2 Celcius degrees. If someone wants to know the rate of sea level rise, they kick that around and come up with 18 to 22 meters by 2050. Totally made up but plausible IF…

    Think of the money it would save, too. We pay countless thousands of government employees to collect, shred, slice, dice, tabulate, formulate, collate, and color untold thousands of reports that nobody reads or believes anyhow. They could all be replaced by three people that just make up plausible numbers.

  100. Gary Hladik says:

    Moderators, whole comments since mine at 5:32 pm appear in italics. I hope it’s not because I left out that “close italics” tag in my 5:32 pm comment. :-(

    [REPLY: Found & Fixed. Thanks. Don't do it again. ;>} -REP]

  101. H.R. says:

    Oops, Mods. Forgot to close the italics and wouldn’t want to screw up a thread. Fix it? Thanks!

    [REPLY: Already dealt with, but thanks for the alert. -REP]

  102. David Jones says:

    Frank K. says:
    February 18, 2012 at 8:58 am
    “Of course, $6.4 million is just a drop in the bucket compared to the BILLIONS in Climate Ca$h ™ that our climate elites get.”

    They are incapable of understanding! They DEEP DOWN believe that the skeptics (sic) have unimaginable funds whilst they, the poor, misunderstood scientists, are working away in a garret on a miserly dime. After all Hansen has denied his $1.6 million (sic) “because it was paid to his grandchildren.” DO WE BELIEVE that BS !

  103. David Jones says:

    [SNIP: David, sorry, but the comment you are citing barely made it through moderation. Your gratuitous addition is just a step too far. -REP]

  104. johanna says:

    johnnyrvf says:
    February 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Hey! Isn’t that Roger Glover of Deep Purple on Bass? in the Nazareth clip.

    Sorry to go off topic.
    —————————————–
    Now we are talking. You have just ‘forced’ me to dig out Deep Purple in Rock. I have resisted the CO2, the albedo, the air pressure, the shifting of the Earth on its axis, the Sunspots and mooncyles – but thanks to your post my quivering hand is ‘forced’ … aaaaah … eternal void. Time to dig out the Hawkwind albums.

    Oh, and to the poster who so carefully and at such length explained the role of satire to this dumb bunny – here’s a tip. If you have to explain it, it’s not working.

  105. eyesonu says:

    @ johanna

    The past few days have been very serious blogging. Some of us could indeed be seen as acting like ‘frat boys in the basement” in this thread. It’s party time as the threat could be analogized as ‘the attacking suicide bomber wasn’t very smart and ran back into his own ranks and exploded causing many impoding heads within his ranks’. But we are very polite. You never hear what we say when you are not present. ;>)

  106. Merovign says:

    Certain people adopt very readily a tactic of repeating statements without regard to the truth of the matter. We have no effective means of controlling this, so it will always continue as a “tactic.”

    This is just one example of millions.

    And it will go on as long as the “climate debate,” or longer.

    A year from now, people will still be posting the faked information, as a distraction. And it will work, because you have to respond to it or they “win,” in their minds anyway. And it derails the conversation. So they will keep doing it.

    Because it works, and there’s no real downside to lying. Credibility isn’t really relevant anymore.

    Which is why we’re still arguing about this, decades on.

  107. eyesonu says:

    @ johanna

    Check the WUWT catagory of ths thread, Satire, Humor? OK boys, grab me another beer from the fridge and catch me if I stumble down the stairs!

  108. u.k.(us) says:

    Merovign says:
    February 18, 2012 at 8:06 pm
    ===================
    “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
    Napoleon Bonaparte

  109. James Bull says:

    Just shows a dollar/pound well spent on the truth, is worth many millions spent trying to prove a lie is true.

    James Bull

  110. Billy97 says:

    I google searched HI in the news. Few hits and I would say the public is not interested. Most people never heard of Heartland or skeptics period.

    Some lunatic greeny/warmy blogs are absolutely rabid. The whole thing has flopped.
    So much for the omnipotent reach of BIG OIL. Nobody cares.

  111. Brian H says:

    joanna is a serial concern troll. Ignore.

    Smokey says:
    February 18, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Tom Swirly,

    Are you that ignorant of this discusion? Obviously you haven’t gotten up to speed, and you are just posting baseless opinion. Let me help you “get this straight”:

    Anthony was paid less than half of your “$90,000″ figure so far to do work.

    As JamesD points out, Anthony has to date been paid bupkis. There is a proposed budget, half of which has been covered by an anonymous donor, but the full amount has not yet been raised, and the project is not yet approved, much less under way.

  112. Brian H says:

    post vanished, no “moderation” message, duplicate posting bounces.

  113. Brad R says:

    johanna – so far, you’re the only person here to whom I’ve had to explain it.

  114. Robin says:

    Very fuuny. I especially liked the PPS:

    “P.P.S. If you’re visiting here from DeSmogBlog, do please note that all of the above was made up by me. It’s not a real Heartland strategy memo. Just to be clear.”

    Robin

  115. Aussie says:

    thanks for the giggles, and that is a thank you to all of the frat boys……

    Some people need to get a life!!…and yes I am a woman, and I enjoyed the jokes.

  116. Bob Kutz says:

    What are we going to do today, Brain?

    The same thing we do every day Pinky; try to take over the world!

  117. timg56 says:

    I think we should cut johanna some slack. Fart jokes, like the 3 Stooges, as something just about every male understands as basic to what is funny and which just about every female shakes their head about and wonders when we will grow up.

    I think the women may be right on this, but will continue to laugh at both fart jokes and the 3 Stooges.

    Personal aside – my brothers and I used to think our dad came up with the “Pull my finger.” joke. Fell off the coach laughing the first time I heard Bill Cosby do it.

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