Guest post by Reed Coray
Two members of the Penn State University faculty (Seth D. Baum and Jacob D. Haqq-Misra) and one employee of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (Shawn D. Domagal-Goldman) have taken valuable time to address the issue of how mankind might deal with beneficent, neutral and hostile Extraterrestrial Intelligence (ETI). The aforementioned concerned citizens authored an article appearing in the Journal Acta Astronautica (volume 68, 2011, pages 2114-2129). The title of that article was: “Would contact with extraterrestrials benefit or harm humanity? A scenario analysis.”
I would like to provide assistance to those gentlemen so that they may continue their important work with minimal interruption. To that end, I have written two messages that will (a) help ensure ETIs do not disrupt their important work, and (b) remove the need for those gentlemen to devote their valuable time to the generation of comparable messages.
Subject to the approval of Penn State University, NASA, and the authors of the referenced Acta Astronautica article, I recommend these messages be broadcast to space in all human languages.
PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE FIRST KIND
To: Ecosystem-Valuing Universalist Extraterrestrial Intelligence Possessing The Capacity To Harm Or Destroy The Earth Or Any Portion Thereof (EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPT)
From: The faculty/staff of Penn State University and the employees of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
Date: Gregorian: 2011-08-28; Julian: 2455801.5; Modified Julian: 55801; Hebrew: 5771-Av28; Chinese: 2011-07-29; Islamic: 1432-Ramadan-28; ISO-8601: 2011-34-7; Persian: 1390-Shahrivar-6; Mayan Long Count: 12.19.18.11.19; Indian Civil: 1933-Bhadra-6; Unix: 1314489600; Excel Serial Day Number, 1900 Date System (PC): 40783; Excel Serial Day Number, 1904 Date System (Macintosh): 39321
Subject: Precautionary Principle Plea of the First Kind
Whereas:
(1) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might exist,
(2) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might be observing/monitoring (a) the composition of Earth’s atmosphere and (b) electromagnetic radiation emanating from the Earth,
(3) Observations might be limited to the last 100 orbits of the Earth about its star (Sun)– Note: We call one orbit of the Earth about the Sun a “year”,
(4) Observations over the last 100 years show a small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas carbon dioxide (CO2),
(5) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might conclude that the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2 is due to wicked practices of the dominant Earth species (mankind),
(6) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might conclude that the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2 is known by mankind to be harmful to the Earth’s environment,
(7) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might conclude that based on the harmful effect of the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2 that mankind is consciously and willfully destroying the Earth’s environment,
(8) Although over the last 30 years most of mankind’s “message-related” electromagnetic radiation (and especially electromagnetic messages emanating from Penn State University and NASA) that discusses:
(a) the small increase in the amount of the atmospheric trace gas CO2, and
(b) its harmful effects on the Earth’s
has been
(i) to deplore mankind’s contribution to the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2,
(ii) to warn against such future behavior, and
(iii) to try to limit/prevent future increases in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2,
a small segment of mankind (called deniers) disagrees with and even lies about the net adverse effect on the Earth’s environment of mankind’s small increase in the amount of the atmospheric trace gas CO2, and some of those lies have been transmitted to space in the form of electromagnetic radiation,
(9) Members of the Penn State University faculty and of NASA have written an article [Acta Astronautica, 68 (2011) 2114-2129] demonstrating that at least some of mankind is aware of the possible harm EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might inflict on the Earth,
We the faculty/staff of Penn State University and the employees of NASA do hereby plead to all EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs: Do not destroy the Earth or mankind; but if you insist on destroying a portion of the Earth, please exempt from that destruction: (a) the faculty/staff of Penn State University, (b) the employees of NASA, and (c) like-minded humans wherever they may reside–collectively known as the “good guys”. If a condition that you not destroy us (the good guys) is that you require we (the good guys) submit a list of the wicked (the bad guys), we (the good guys) will gleefully supply that list–in fact, we (the good guys) have a few names already in mind.
Go with GAIA.
PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE SECOND KIND
To: Extraterrestrial Intelligence Looking To Destroy Stupidity/Arrogance/Wasteful-Activities Wherever They Might Exist In The Universe (ETILTDSAWAWTMEITU)
From: The faculty/staff of Penn State University and the employees of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
Date: Gregorian: 2011-08-28; Julian: 2455801.5; Modified Julian: 55801; Hebrew: 5771-Av28; Chinese: 2011-07-29; Islamic: 1432-Ramadan-28; ISO-8601: 2011-34-7;
Persian: 1390-Shahrivar-6; Mayan Long Count: 12.19.18.11.19; Indian Civil: 1933-Bhadra-6; Unix: 1314489600; Excel Serial Day Number, 1900 Date System (PC): 40783; Excel Serial Day Number, 1904 Date System (Macintosh): 39321
Subject: Precautionary Principle Plea of the Second Kind
Whereas ETILTDSAWAWTMEITUs may exist and receive the electromagnetic broadcast of our PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE FIRST KIND, We state that the content of our PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE FIRST KIND was made in jest–ha ha; and we plead that ETILTDSAWAWTMEITUs not destroy the faculty/staff of Penn State University and/or employees of NASA and/or like-minded humans.
[Dupl. removed, 2011-08-30, Gregorian. 8<) Robt]
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It’s as if Einstein never existed. Hilarious!
I now have to remove a film of ejected pea and ham soup from my PC monitor. Do you know how hard that’s going to be?
I love this site.
To all alien species who receive this message
So that the aforementioned academic institute may continue to research ways of communicating with aliens such as yourselves, please silently and gently move the relevant members of that institute to your home planet and there assist them in their valuable work.
Please let us know if there is a charge for this service.
According to the Precautionary Principle, all of humanity should build massive underground cities to protect ourselves from the eventual and inevitable strike of a major meteorite.
Additionally, according to the Precautionary Principle we should also not live underground because of the the possible collapse of the roof killing all humanity.
Therefore the only rational cause of action according to the Precautionary Principle is to all kill ourselves, as we are going to end up being killed anyway.
Aliens might decide to destroy earth because the messages proposed to be sent to them sound like they were written by lawyers. CO2 is harmless to the universe, lawyers are not.
John
LOL.
“we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill”
If we ever met aliens, I would certainly want to be packing thermonuclear weapons … Just in case.
And, the first information I would try to discover is whether they are also packing thermonuclear weapons.
I feel better already. I sure hope this disease of spending GuvMoney on ETILTDSAWAWTMEITU’s (e-tilts for short) doesn’t spread up to the land of extra-dirty fuels. Snoozuki notwithstanding.
What if the ETILTDSAWAWTMEITUs get upset that he hasn’t included the Buddhist calendar (2544-08-28).
Oh noes!
Academic dithering, all around.
The real question is will they look like Keanu Reeves.
😉
How could you forget “Stardate” Anthony? It will definately help Capt. Kirk when he is called on by Star Fleet to travel back in time and save us from the hostile, alien, humpback whales.
Perhaps it’s time for another set of crazy eyes? o_O
The funniest bit is all the dating systems.
BRAVO !!!!
😀
As the greatest invasion film shows us (And got to love Jack as Presidant), you just need country music, that should cover all 3 bases for ya.
a) Friendly – Have a good old dance along a line.
b) Meh! – good theme music for the human race.
c)the CO2 plice come to arrest us all – makes a lovely mess as their heads explode.
Now wheres my grant?
…. This message is for the recipient only. If you are not an EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPT or an ETILTDSAWAWTMEITU, please ignore this message and delete it forthwith.
If you are not an EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPT or an ETILTDSAWAWTMEITU, but, on having received this message, you may consider becoming an EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPT or an ETILTDSAWAWTMEITU now or at any time in the future, plesse do not ignore this message, but read it carefully now or keep it for later reading (as appropriate).
May I suggest the most efficient way to send this would be low frequency modulation of the worldwide mains grid using a modified binary complex based on an n dimensional codex?
Or as my grant proposal reads:
The investigation of the most efficient way to send this would be low frequency modulation of the worldwide mains grid using a modified binary complex based on an n dimensional codex and its impact on global warming.
Don’t worry, we’ve got Dr Who on our side, if he can take on the Daleks, the Cybermen, & anything else, he can certainly deal with whatever ET has to offer!!!!!! 🙂
Mr Watts must be really, very bored today …
Whilst I am in favour of monitoring the universe seeking to discover whether there are signs of alien life, the idea of seeking to make contact with aliens appears fool hardy in the extreme. Everything, we know about life points towards the strong riding rough shod over the weak. Natural selection and the survival of the fitest means that the strong dominate the weak. I therefore consider it to be naive and misconceived to consider that more advanced life forms will be benevolent and I consider that in theory they pose a significant risk.
Should inteligent life exist, given the distances involved, it will likely be impossile to have a two way conversation. Whilst that will be frustrating, it may well turn out to be a saving grace.
ETIOFTHEWTFKIND
We’re leaving now. Thanks for your input…
LGM
.
One would assume that ETs would have progressed through our energy making processes towards the advanced system they use now, being so far in advance of us. So would understand our problems with alarmists and so land on earth to explain why these alarmists are so wrong.
Or be so behind us due to having used up all their energy that they have no ability to leave their own planet or even detect us on ours.
Whatever it seems to be research that can be shelved in favour of something more important.
This is clearly a serious concern. Recent analysis has shown correlation between previously perplexing alien interest in abducting mentally unstable people, anal probes and concern for Earth’s atmospheric trace gases. IPCC computer models now indicate these tendencies could result in the aliens destroying all of man kind. The brillance of NASA and the Penn State University staff at detecting these relationships can not be over stated. The preemptive communication from a select group most known for hugging trees and wearing green tights will quite possibly save humanity from this serious threat. With perhaps several hundreds of billions of dollars of addation funding, the destruction of modern industrial society and a leftest take over of world government could result in safety for those heroes in green tights and limited mass starvation for the rest of us. It is good to know we are in the excellant hands of progressive thinkers.