Guest post by Reed Coray
Two members of the Penn State University faculty (Seth D. Baum and Jacob D. Haqq-Misra) and one employee of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (Shawn D. Domagal-Goldman) have taken valuable time to address the issue of how mankind might deal with beneficent, neutral and hostile Extraterrestrial Intelligence (ETI). The aforementioned concerned citizens authored an article appearing in the Journal Acta Astronautica (volume 68, 2011, pages 2114-2129). The title of that article was: “Would contact with extraterrestrials benefit or harm humanity? A scenario analysis.”
I would like to provide assistance to those gentlemen so that they may continue their important work with minimal interruption. To that end, I have written two messages that will (a) help ensure ETIs do not disrupt their important work, and (b) remove the need for those gentlemen to devote their valuable time to the generation of comparable messages.
Subject to the approval of Penn State University, NASA, and the authors of the referenced Acta Astronautica article, I recommend these messages be broadcast to space in all human languages.
PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE FIRST KIND
To: Ecosystem-Valuing Universalist Extraterrestrial Intelligence Possessing The Capacity To Harm Or Destroy The Earth Or Any Portion Thereof (EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPT)
From: The faculty/staff of Penn State University and the employees of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
Date: Gregorian: 2011-08-28; Julian: 2455801.5; Modified Julian: 55801; Hebrew: 5771-Av28; Chinese: 2011-07-29; Islamic: 1432-Ramadan-28; ISO-8601: 2011-34-7; Persian: 1390-Shahrivar-6; Mayan Long Count: 12.19.18.11.19; Indian Civil: 1933-Bhadra-6; Unix: 1314489600; Excel Serial Day Number, 1900 Date System (PC): 40783; Excel Serial Day Number, 1904 Date System (Macintosh): 39321
Subject: Precautionary Principle Plea of the First Kind
Whereas:
(1) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might exist,
(2) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might be observing/monitoring (a) the composition of Earth’s atmosphere and (b) electromagnetic radiation emanating from the Earth,
(3) Observations might be limited to the last 100 orbits of the Earth about its star (Sun)– Note: We call one orbit of the Earth about the Sun a “year”,
(4) Observations over the last 100 years show a small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas carbon dioxide (CO2),
(5) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might conclude that the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2 is due to wicked practices of the dominant Earth species (mankind),
(6) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might conclude that the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2 is known by mankind to be harmful to the Earth’s environment,
(7) EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might conclude that based on the harmful effect of the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2 that mankind is consciously and willfully destroying the Earth’s environment,
(8) Although over the last 30 years most of mankind’s “message-related” electromagnetic radiation (and especially electromagnetic messages emanating from Penn State University and NASA) that discusses:
(a) the small increase in the amount of the atmospheric trace gas CO2, and
(b) its harmful effects on the Earth’s
has been
(i) to deplore mankind’s contribution to the small increase in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2,
(ii) to warn against such future behavior, and
(iii) to try to limit/prevent future increases in the level of the atmospheric trace gas CO2,
a small segment of mankind (called deniers) disagrees with and even lies about the net adverse effect on the Earth’s environment of mankind’s small increase in the amount of the atmospheric trace gas CO2, and some of those lies have been transmitted to space in the form of electromagnetic radiation,
(9) Members of the Penn State University faculty and of NASA have written an article [Acta Astronautica, 68 (2011) 2114-2129] demonstrating that at least some of mankind is aware of the possible harm EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs might inflict on the Earth,
We the faculty/staff of Penn State University and the employees of NASA do hereby plead to all EVUETIPTCTHODTEOAPTs: Do not destroy the Earth or mankind; but if you insist on destroying a portion of the Earth, please exempt from that destruction: (a) the faculty/staff of Penn State University, (b) the employees of NASA, and (c) like-minded humans wherever they may reside–collectively known as the “good guys”. If a condition that you not destroy us (the good guys) is that you require we (the good guys) submit a list of the wicked (the bad guys), we (the good guys) will gleefully supply that list–in fact, we (the good guys) have a few names already in mind.
Go with GAIA.
PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE SECOND KIND
To: Extraterrestrial Intelligence Looking To Destroy Stupidity/Arrogance/Wasteful-Activities Wherever They Might Exist In The Universe (ETILTDSAWAWTMEITU)
From: The faculty/staff of Penn State University and the employees of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
Date: Gregorian: 2011-08-28; Julian: 2455801.5; Modified Julian: 55801; Hebrew: 5771-Av28; Chinese: 2011-07-29; Islamic: 1432-Ramadan-28; ISO-8601: 2011-34-7;
Persian: 1390-Shahrivar-6; Mayan Long Count: 12.19.18.11.19; Indian Civil: 1933-Bhadra-6; Unix: 1314489600; Excel Serial Day Number, 1900 Date System (PC): 40783; Excel Serial Day Number, 1904 Date System (Macintosh): 39321
Subject: Precautionary Principle Plea of the Second Kind
Whereas ETILTDSAWAWTMEITUs may exist and receive the electromagnetic broadcast of our PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE FIRST KIND, We state that the content of our PRECAUTIONARY PRINCIPLE MESSAGE OF THE FIRST KIND was made in jest–ha ha; and we plead that ETILTDSAWAWTMEITUs not destroy the faculty/staff of Penn State University and/or employees of NASA and/or like-minded humans.
[Dupl. removed, 2011-08-30, Gregorian. 8<) Robt]
A: “Hostile aliens just landed on our planet!”
B: “How can you tell they’re hostile?”
A: “I scanned them with my Hansen Purity Detector. They have exhaust ports that emit carbon dioxide! Looks a lot like a nose, in fact, but it’s obviously a climate weapon. Smells bad, too”
B: “Obviously a climate weapon! Do they make any sounds?”
A: “Well, he might have been saying ‘take me to your leader’, but it sounded a little like ‘my motorcycle broke down, can I use your phone?’
I thought it was serious for a minute.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
–Bill Watterson
It’s as though these guys don’t use any energy or eat anything, use any factory outputs or even fart.
Another thing. If they have the technology to get to Earth let me assure you of one thing, my friends, they will not be using Microsoft Excel to plot their hyperspace trajectory.
It’s an ungrateful race of humanity that would build an ETI survival ark and not invite Al Gore on board. The sight of a grinning James Hansen (NASA ticket) wearing his “Bwana Jim” sunhat and waving goodbye from the party deck will break The Goracle’s heart.
Let’s assume there are ET’s who are not any further along than us but have figured out how to decode our old analog TV signals and are just now beginning to watch Startrek. Further assume they have no concept of entertainment plus they can only communicate visually because they have no ears making our audio signal a complete mystery to them. They just might think it’s real and that maybe we’re on our way to them! Their whole planet goes wild with excitement. But then imagine their disappointment 30 odd years later seeing same guy back on earth doing flight/hotel reservation advertisements? Those poor buggers…
Suggest you add:
“P.S. Please do not worry about all the EM signatures of nuclear detonations. We were just having a party.”
I was looking for a /sarc, but see none.
/sarc
the dominant Earth species (mankind)
What gave you that idea? There are far more bacteria than all other species, especially living underground that won’t care what happens up here. They have dominated the Earth for almost its entire history.
Meteorites? Even big ones? Eh. They don’t care.
And remember, hostile ETs better worry about the real dominant species, not us or our weapons, as Mr. Wells makes abundantly clear.
Consider us merely a vector to transport the true dominant species to other planets. Their plan could take another 100 million years; we might not be the successful version. Although unlikely, their mission may have already been accomplished with respect to Mars.
I thought this kind of thing was the purview of “science fiction” not fictional science.
I agree with another commenter, without a stardate the message may be misinterpreted. Star Trek transmissions reach over 45 light years into space, nothing to scoff at.
They may even wrongly interpret it as a cookbook or a menu. So I suggest you add a memo describing the benefits of a vegetarian diet, meaning that vegetarians and other greenie liberals are tastiest and are good for them because they are organic 😉 You might mention that beer drinking meat-eaters would clog their alien arteries.
Finally, to the Moderators: the text of the top post article is repeated, it looks to be copy/pasted twice, the first has some bolded parts, the second does not (not formatted well).
[Thank you. Robt]
Yes, sir.
If those bozos spent even a minute contemplating interstellar logistics,
they’d notice that sending even a single Shuttle-sized spacecraft to another star
requires more energy that the human race will consume in the entire 21st century.
And that’s setting aside how to survive centuries-long voyages.
Interstellar invasions are impossible, the idiotic ‘Avatar’ notwithstanding.
The short version:
Beam me up Scotty, there’s no intelligent life here on Earth.
or
They call it “Happy Valley’ for a reason.
Mockery doesn’t get much better than this!
‘Deus ex spatio populi,’ to solve all our problems–perhaps, but for a reasonable interactive response, that assumes a mechanism for transmitting material influence at speeds faster than that of light and modern science has not even found the slightest hint that this could ever be possible. The SETI project, it appears, has eliminated those nearby places where a reasonably interactive mutual radio contact might be possible.
“It’s a cookbook!” (The Twilight Zone)
” P.S.
If invasion is initiated, please refrain from invasive experimental procedures. ( Probes.)
James Hansen was cavity searched upon his last arrest, http://wattsupwiththat.com/2011/08/29/nasas-james-hansen-arrested-yet-again/ and certainly does not wish to repeat the event.
“Two members of the Penn State University faculty (Seth D. Baum and Jacob D. Haqq-Misra) and one employee of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (Shawn D. Domagal-Goldman) have taken valuable time to address the issue of how mankind might deal with beneficent, neutral and hostile Extraterrestrial Intelligence (ETI)”.
There still remains the question how to deal with Nonexistent Extraterrestrial Intelligence (NETI)? See the Fermi paradox for details.
And as Baum, Haqq-Misra & Domagal-Goldman demonstrates, the lack of Terrestrial Intelligence can develop into an even more serious problem.
You’re all wrong. Aliens won’t come here to destroy us OR save us. More likely they’ll be just like us, wondering what’s in it for them. As usual science fiction is way ahead of science on this one:
“In Damon Knight’s short story ‘The Big Pat Boom’ (1963), alien visitors to earth become extemely interested in the artistic value of cow pies, resulting in the eponymous phenomenon. Cow pats become enormously valuable, with collectors paying huge amounts for whirls, swirls and ‘double whorls’. When the boom ends, dealers in cowpies are left with a pile of, well…yeah.”
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SolidGoldPoop
This story is for Reed Coray
—————
Time: ~24 hrs after Reed Coray’s “Precautionary Principle Memo – ready for transmission” post on WUWT
Knock, knock.
Reed Coray (answers the door) – May I help you?
Agent H – This is Agent S and I am Agent H from AIMIB (Aliens Inside of Men In Black). May we speak with you about your recent WUWT post?
Reed – Sure. Hey, Agent H, you look a lot like James Hansen except your suit and hats are much nicer, plus your shoes match. And . . . ahhhh . . . Agent S, you look a lot like Gavin Schmidt of that science comedy blog; why do you always smirk like that?
Agents S – Actually, Mr. Coray, we are aliens and those two gentlemen are our clones. We have thousands of others just like them on earth to help us assimilate all the college humanities majors in earth’s population. We are here because your recent WUWT post is disrupting AIMIB’s efforts to aid aliens in stopping humans from exploring and colonizing space; humans are too intelligent for other intelligent life forms in the universe to compete with. To stop humans from colonizing space we need to reverse the current human industrialization back to that which existed prior to 1850. One of our many strategies is to control CO2 and therefore control all life.
Reed – Wow. But tell me, do you know who leaked/hacked the Climategate emails?
Agent H – We did. The UEA CRU was doing such a horrible job trying to make AGW by CO2 appear to be science. We had to expose them before all of climate science was tainted by them and the whole of the AGW by CO2 plan was completely exposed.
Agent S – (holds up a small cylindrical metal device while putting on sunglasses . . . there is a flash) You will not remember this conversation. You will join Anna Haynes at Source Watch and donate all your assets to them. Have a good day.
————–
Hope you enjoyed it Reed and thanks for your wonderful post.
John
Moderators,
My comment with a story for Reed Coray just disappeared without going into “Waiting for Moderation”.
Can you check the WordPress nether regions? The nehter gods may have spirited it away.
John
[None found. Robt]
[None found. Robt]
—————-
Robt,
Thanks for checking, and I see it did get posted even though I did not see it go through normal moderation.
Take care.
John
Haven’t any of those folks heard of the Borg? The universe is a big dangerous place. Best to keep your head down and mouth closed.