Friday Funny – A Tribute to the Life of Climate Change

Perhaps a eulogy will help Dana Nuccitelli and others come to terms with the death of the AGW hypothesis.

By Craig Lindberg

Perhaps Dana Nuccitelli and others can’t come to terms with the death of the AGW hypothesis because Climate Change hasn’t been properly eulogized. Maya Angelou once wrote; “I can accept the idea of my own demise, but I am unable to accept the death of anyone else. I find it impossible to let a friend or relative go into that country of no return. Disbelief becomes my close companion, and anger often follows in its wake.”

I fear Dana likewise is likewise suffering from the denial and anger that follows the loss of a loved one. To that end, I offer these words to try to bring some comfort and closure to him and his friends who are tormented by the loss of their dear friend and long-time companion.

I never had the opportunity to meet Climate Change personally;

however he had many friends, and they spoke of him frequently – so frequently that at times, I thought they wanted me to know him better than I know my own family. And while I never came to know and appreciate Climate Change the way they did, he did bring me many laughs over the years.

Climate change had a difficult childhood. His father was a relentlessly self-promoting civil servant from Iowa and his mother was an elderly French prostitute named Lia. She was not the perfect mother; she would drink. She would make outrageous claims like she invented the internet. Sometimes, she would accuse bushes of being corrupt. The sort of general mendacity that only the self-proclaimed genius possess and the skeptical lament. She spent all her time in pursuit of riches; never did she lift a finger to help Climate Change. His friends did their best to help him deal with the pain of his youth; so dedicated was one man, that he even tried to convince the world that Lia never even existed.

As a boy, Climate Change kept mostly to himself and was not the larger-than-life figure we have come to know in recent years. Certainly no one would have guessed that he would go on to found one of the largest religions of our time. You might say his childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon , luge lessons. In the spring, he made meat helmets, pretty standard, really.

He first gained notoriety when thrust unwillingly into the spotlight by those who would later become friends of his mother. They wanted everyone to believe that it was he who was cold and heartless; though now these proselytes deny any part in it. I can still remember seeing him as a young man on the cover of Time magazine; the “Big Freeze” they called him. A chilling life was not his destiny however, and soon his future was as bright as an active sun – so bright that even the Hollywood A-list would seek out his warmth.  In time, he came to be known as Global Warming.

When someone you love passes away, there is a strong temptation to remember them perhaps a little too well. Misdeeds are forgotten; offenses are forgiven; and only the most shining characteristics of our loved ones make it into the version of them that we keep with us when they depart. Most people who knew Global Warming would be surprised to learn that he quietly struggled with depression.  At times, he would preach among his followers, “If you don’t have the kind of life you might like, you can find happiness in the concerns of those around you.”

Though most people didn’t know this about him, they know the troubles it eventually caused him all too well. Many of his disciples took his words to mean that they should not only go out and create concerns in the people around them but also in all people around the world. And as time went by and the various fears that were attributed to Global Warming failed to materialize, the damage to his reputation became beyond repair. Many people stopped taking him seriously. When he went out in public, even the children would point at him and laugh. Ultimately this led his promoters to convince him to reinvent himself yet again, this time as the Climate Change we lay to rest here today.

Unlike his previous personas, Climate Change was difficult to understand. Perhaps this was by design; he didn’t want to relive the problems of his past, or perhaps it was his devoted friends who believed the best way to protect him was to keep the details of his life a secret. Whatever the reason, we never really had the opportunity to know who he was or wasn’t even though we heard about him every day. The paparazzi liked the new Climate Change more than ever – so much that they looked right past his ever increasing problems. I’m sure this made his passing all the more difficult for those who idolized him.

Despite a string of events that would have broken a lesser man, he continued to face the world with an unparalleled hope and optimism that nothing could stop him. Einstein once said “there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” The latter certainly defined Climate Change. He believed nothing could prove him wrong, and he radiated a Machiavellian-like passion that inspired a wave of second-rate postdocs and government researchers to use the magic of politics, in a strange twist, to transform alchemy into a respected science that would let them to taste fame and fortune beyond their wildest expectations.

However, even with all his fame, Climate Change was never a rich man. He did not have money to give to the world’s poor and suffering, nor was he ever able to convince his mother to use her riches to help anyone other than herself. This particularly weighed on him given all the heat waves and snow storms, droughts and floods, and all manner of pestilence that had been falsely attributed to him now and into the future. Nonetheless, he had an uncanny way of inspiring a sort of assisted generosity in his fellow man. Countless billions of our hard earned dollars have been given in his name. For this more than anything else, I’m sure he will be missed by real friends.

His seemingly sudden death has come as a surprise to many, but Climate Change had been in poor health for some time. His close friends were in a deep denial, most of those in the media were too distraught to bring themselves to report it; and, despite his ever worsening condition, Climate Change never grumbled or complained about his sometimes obvious discomfort, a rare virtue in any man. Hopefully his friends can find it in them to be as strong. Let us honor Climate Change’s brave struggle by letting him go silently into the night. Rest in peace.


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Unfortunately, the industry which hangs with CAGW has not died. It still breeds in plenty of unhidden centres, public media, universities, governments. nope, games not over, keep it up MrWatts.

Can we use the proper terminology? Climate changes, it always did and always will. What is dying a slow painful death is CAGW. “Climate Change” is a euphemism designed to keep the antihumanist dream alive. I’d prefer that those of us who insist on reality refrain from helping the cultists out by letting them set the terms of debate.
Catastrophic anthropogenic global warming, or CAGW for short. Not climate change.

We can only manage the journey…. the journey between the birth and death.. before and after is mystery…

It is hard to eulogize what has never existed. Sloppy usage of terminology is only half the alarmists problem. AGW failed several tests to make it even to the Hypothesis stage.

Alas, poor Climate Change, I knew him well. He suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune from those who sought to control him and passed from the effort of trying to be a constant fellow. Will his spirit wall the earth, forever tormented by those who cannot release him and still seek to unjustly use him or will it pass time watching the seasons and ages change?

Chris H

You forgot to mention his other alias of Climate Weirding and his illegitimate son Diversity who lives on.


A Homage to Dr evil?

“summers in Rangoon , luge lessons. In the spring, he made meat helmets, pretty standard, really.”

Brian H

CAGW, the shorn scrotum. Enduring, thought not endearing, image. “It’s breathtaking; I suggest you try it.”

Brian H

thought not / though not

Maybe in late January someone in New Orleans can organize a jazz funeral march for ol’ CAGW.
so dedicated was one man, that he even tried to convince the world that Lia never even existed. – great line. Your narrative makes it sound as though Lia has Multiple Personality Disorder.


GSW – I thought that sounded familiar… lol… good catch 🙂

François GM

Maybe Climate Change was a lady, a femme fatale, mysterious in her ways but intoxicating to the masses, attracting weak men in whorls before poisoning their minds. Her eventual decline and death by a thousand blows came from the chivalrous few who sacrificed much to expose her all-envelopping wickedness.

Alas, I greatly fear that poor Climate Change has overly fanatical followers who have elevated him to near Godhood, like Elvis Presley, he will be with us for decades to come, worshiped with velvet paintings and tacky electric candles. Pity, really.

stan stendera

WOW, just wow! Bravo. A brilliant satire!


A heart-wrenching eulogy. I’m reminded of Voltaire’s quote: ‘He was a great humanitarian; a true friend; and will be safly missed. Provided of course he really is dead.’

Go Home

Ahh, but I think we should dig him up and do an autopsy. I believe he was savagely murdered, by none other than our good friend, Steve McIntyre.

Vince Causey

Not only that, but the inevitable has finally happened in the UK.
The power companies, after being subjected to outrage at the latest round of energy price hikes, have started to utter that which must not be uttered.
First Southern energy mumbled something about some of the increases being the result of Government environmental policies (which “we support” they quickly added). Then came British Gas with some similar mutterings. But the true hero was the CEO for Scottish Energy who explained how every time you see a wind turbine, or a solar panel on somebody’s roof, the cost of your electricity will go up a little bit. This is amazing. The CEO of an energy utility is actually telling the public that wind farms and solar are putting up their bills. Not only that, but this was aired on the BBC radio news.
But it gets better. David Cameron said in the house this week that subsidies for renewables were hurting the most vulnerable and shouldn’t be kept a moment longer than necessary. Then the deputy pm say’s, it’s time to move these subsidies onto general taxation.
Whether they continue for a while yet, the point is, the public are now being told the truth, and expectations for something to be done are now so high, that something must be done.

The Expulsive

Like the late great Saint Jack of Dippers, it is only his triumphs that are remembered. And like Saint Jack of Dippers his name is always evoked in order to carry on the great crusade

Eric H.

Where can I send flowers?

R. de Haan

You can kill a hypothesis but you can’t kill a religion.


Works for me!

Peter Donaldson

As someone famously said, reports of my demise are premature, or something similar. The fear of disastrous Climate Change is alive and kicking and is now institutionalised in all aspects of our lives. The scientific case against it has long way to go to stop the global acceptance of the theory that CO2 in the atmosphere is bad and must be reduced at all costs. I hope I am still around if the forecast of doom is proven wrong. Oh what fun if the global warming brigade have to admit they were wrong!


“Einstein once said “there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” The latter certainly defined Climate Change. He believed nothing could prove him wrong….”
Hilarious. Then I suddenly thought of Obamacare and its fall, which made it even better while not so funny, but still very.justly rational. Let me count he ways.

Mary Childs

Thanks for this brilliant essay. I would like to add the grandparents of Climate Change to the history. The USSR and Mao’s China, whose deaths are still being mourned by the intelligentsia, and myths abound about how great they were. Climate Change joins Lenin, Stalin and Mao as the great destroyer of human freedom and human life.


Clever. I fear, however, that Climate Change may be one of the undead for quite some time — a vampire that will continue to suck the lifeblood from its economic victims or a zombie roaming the earth seeking those whose brains it might devour.

Bruce Cobb

For a burial site, I suggest the deep ocean.

Mickey Reno

Public Notice: Climate Change is alive and well, living quietly in the surface waters of the Western Pacific ocean and the deep waters beneath Antarctic sea ice.
The obituary recently published in this forum is for a different individual, who in fact is a perpetrator of identity theft and is NOT dead, only critically ill. The thief is Catastrophic Anthropogenic Atmospheric CO2-based Climate Change. CAACO2CC has criminally attempted to assume the identity of Climate Change for at least the past 40 years, claiming that Climate Change was dead, and was in fact only a species of small lemur, incapable of being mistaken for a serious player on the world stage in spite of millions of years of evidence to the contrary. CAACO2CC’s good friends, Michael Mann, Michael More, Al Gory, SEIU, the DLEMM (Dominant Liberal Establishment Mass Media), Greenpiece, Peter Gleick, Big Public Academe, and the Socialist Workers Party are also implicated in the identity fraud. These individuals are being investigated by law enforcement authorities in Spain, China, Germany and North Dakota. CAACO2CC is not completely dead, and still lives on at the Penn State CRU Hospital’s intensive care unit, with it’s illigitimate bastard children still suckling at her diseased teats. Doctor’s are worried that once CAACO2CC expires, these sad, brainwashed children could starve to death.

“CAGW” is the cancer (bad science) that is killing a normally healthy “Climate Change”. Lets continue to fight the cancer and not write of poorly understood “Climate Change”.


This post forgets that Climate Change is a zombie. No matter how many times he’s shot, he keeps rising.


GSW says:
October 25, 2013 at 4:46 am
A Homage to Dr evil?
Dr. Evil may be Climate Change’s Mini-Me.


Tim Maguire says:
October 25, 2013 at 4:12 am
Can we use the proper terminology? … Catastrophic anthropogenic global warming, or CAGW for short. Not climate change.
I don’t disagree in general. Notwithstanding, I thought I should be respectful when paying my respects and call him by the names he chose to go by.

Mike Bromley the Kurd

And then he became a delinquent teenager….and leader of the Ingenious Pals Calamity Club. Club members fawned over him, COPping a feel on a yearly basis at many an exotic locale. He found this very disruptive……


Unfortunately I must agree with those who say the eulogy is a little premature. If you want to know why, watch the ads for cars, trains, power, housing, airplanes, and on and on. Corporate marketing has the bit in their teeth, and the horse is running away. It will take another two generations before this mess is solved. Damn, I hate to have to write that!

Karl Koehler

Very funny! “His close friends were in deep denial…” Brings to mind visions from Weekend at Bernie’s.


It will be sorted out in much less than two generations. Food prices and energy costs will hit hard THIS winter. I expect to hear some hard talk about this problem by next spring at the latest.

Claude Harvey

Climate Change’s biological father was Global Warming, Shortly before Climate Change’s demise, he acknowledged an illegitimate son named Climate Disruption.


We’re days away from breaching Ben Santer’s 17 years threshold. (Hi Ben!)
Phil Jones’s 15 year demand has long since past.
‘Not statistically significant’ more your bag? Ok, try 23 years and counting…
And now in the UK PM Cameron is wanting to roll back his own daft green policies.
No catastrophic warming.
No missing heat in Davey Jones’s locker.
No hope for cagw.
Tears for Dana Nutti’.
Disaster writ large for cagw theory.
Not a day too soon.

Craig Lindberg: Thanks, I enjoyed that.

William Astley

Some say Climate Change evolved from AGW, others say Climate Change was miraculously created, …. The warmists have started to have adolescent problems with Climate Change who they claimed as their own which is a silly falsehood. The warmists have been curiously quite about Climate Change’s recent unexplained actions.;_ylt=AwrTWfxogWpS5AEAlg_QtDMD
“Phil Klotzbach, a Colorado State University climatologist, readily admits that the forecasts are based on statistical models that will “occasionally fail,” since the atmosphere is chaotic and subject to fluctuations that cannot be predicted more than a week or two in advance. But Klotzbach and other experts say the models, and seasonal forecasts, still provide useful insight into something as unpredictable as extreme weather even if they do not always pan out.”
I disagree with the comments that media attention concerning Climate Change is over. Climate change has a dangerous cold side; hurricane force winter blizzards, crop failures, droughts, advancing glaciers, and so on.

Mickey Reno says:
October 25, 2013 at 6:12 am
Public Notice: Climate Change is alive and well,…
The obituary recently published in this forum is for a different individual, who in fact is a perpetrator of identity theft and is NOT dead, only critically ill. The thief is Catastrophic Anthropogenic Atmospheric CO2-based Climate Change.

I agree.
When climate change “dies”, it will be because the planet has “died” as well.
Be that as it may, the above eulogy by Anthony hopefully is some consolation to those who loved CAGW by CO2.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.


Many will try to say he is still here, in hiding, living in a condo with Elvis on a tropical island, some will try to take advantage of his name, it always happens. Just look what has already happened to BamasDoesntCare, they have already identified 700 companies faking to represent that. Yes, they will claim he’s alive but in hiding but the general cool times ahead will constantly remind all that he is gone. I just wish they wouldn’t have used his a.k.a. for the eulogy, friends remember, his real name was Global Warming.

Eric H says “where can I send flowers?”
In lieu of flowers we ask that you please send a donation to…..

daviditron says:
October 25, 2013 at 8:05 am
Eric H says “where can I send flowers?”
In lieu of flowers we ask that you please send a donation to…..

Anthony’s Tip Jar.

Unfortunately though the UN agencies and the OECD are using their powers oover education globally, preschool, K-12, and higher ed, to create emotionally grounded beliefs in CAGW that are designed to be irreversible. And to prevent reality from penetrating. It’s all in pursuit of a spurious belief that the world can be a single global system in the 21st and that such a biosphere based system is in fact necessary. lays out the plans for us using Donella Meadows rarely mentioned 1982 book based on the 1978 international systems conference as well as 2006 reports laying out what the Tellus Institute, the OECD, and the Stockholm Environmental Institute are trumpeting as the Great Transition.
I truly wish this was all satire. Those Great Transition reports certainly read like it. So is OECD Secretary General Angel Gurria saying we need to go after the institutions next.


I firmly believe the usual suspects will be claiming its warmer than it’s ever been when the ice sheets are down to Michigan.

gopal panicker

He already has been re-incarnated…the very cute, warm and fuzzy baby is named Sustainable Development…

Craig Lindberg,
Good effort. Thank you.
Your eulogy properly needs to be accompanied with libation bearers chanting the following poem:

The Climate Modeler’s Lament ***
Yesterday, in Earth’s air,
I modeled warming that wasn’t there.
It wasn’t there again today,
I wish, I wish it comes this way…
Then I got more modeling funds for free,
To show more warming none could see
But when new models warmed all,
I couldn’t see warming just a stall!
Come this way, hotter days, more warming I implore.
Come this way, warming days, to silence skeptics more…
Yesterday, in Earth’s air,
I modeled warming that wasn’t there.
It wasn’t there again today,
Oh, how I wish it comes to stay…
*** This poem is my un-artful adaption of the poem “Antigonish” (also called “The Little Man Who Wasn’t There”) by Hughes Mearns.


Doug Proctor

The attraction of ordinary people to Climate Change and its associated eco-green initiatives, is that it asks for support for OTHER people changing their ways. Al Gore, David Suzuki, Robert Kennedy Jr. and their ilk say that a low-carbon, low consumption, less-monetarized life is best, just not for them: this message has been well received. While jetting about or driving about in gas-guzzlers, multi-dwellings, vehicles and the accoutrement of these places and modes of transport, and large bank accounts and huge paychecks are okay for those concerned about the environment “out there”, they are not good for the smaller, less attractive people living in that environment. As a Climate Change devotee, you get to genuflect with passion while you sin with pleasure.
The difficulty for the rest of us, the non-eco-green taxpayer, is that the eco-green have taken a formerly benign vocation, studying and advising, to a corporate, legally-entrenched hilltop. Each of our governments and the government above us all, the UN, has been infiltrated by the hopes and dreams of a more restricted life for the Other People. Certainly there are some feedback negativities for the eco-green, but as he is established in a finished, wealthy social and economic position, the burden is low: he doesn’t need the ladder any more, he’s already climbed out of the sea and only the boat.
When the UN IPCC reorganizes and swallows the IPCC into some other department with other, non-CO2 raison-d-etre, Climate Change will be dead. You cannot kill a popular movement outright, but you can send him to a basement office where he will wither away.
Gore, Suzuki, Erhlich and Pauchauri can flame out with a scandal, or drift away into the haze of retirement and “where are they now” articles. There are no new leaders in the movement, note: McKibben is an acolyte of Gore, and without him, he is the loony disciple wandering the streets, recalling days of glory gone. Who to push the agenda when they are gone? The Sierra Club is too parochial, and Greenpeace is too confrontational – and corporate. Isolated bands of the concerned focused on local issues doesn’t do it. Isolated bands that depend on big money from big corporations with dogs in the fight soon find there to be no money as the vested interests wane and the money evaporates.
The lack of new leadership is a good sign for those fixed on living in a real world.


Tim Maguire says:
October 25, 2013 at 4:12 am
I prefer CACA, for Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Alarmism.