Radiation Poisoning

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More evidence is connecting the Russian government to the deadly radiation poisoning of former KGB agent Alexander Litvinenko. The Kremlin denies any involvement, but says none of this would have happened if the West would just allow it to sell more radioactive materials to Iran.

Top 10 Signs You’re Being Poisoned by the Kremlin:

10) Your vegetables are already steamed by the time you get home from the grocery store

9) Your doctor asks you to pee in a cup, but he’s holding it with tongs

8) The airport x-ray machine stops working, and the security guys ask if you can lay on top of it so they can clear the long line

7) You use the “clapper” in your bedroom to turn off the light and you don’t notice any difference

6) You visit Chico, CA and a police officer issues you a citation for having nuclear weapons within city limits

5) Some Iranian guy keeps offering you $50,000 for your urine

4) British Airways stewardesses keep insisting on seating you in first class… right next to the microwave oven

3) The bag of pierogies in your freezer is glowing in the dark

2) Every time you sneeze you set off a small nuclear explosion, and the Iranian guy picks your Kleenex out of the trash

1) You ate a British restaurant… and the food tasted good!

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