News Brief by Kip Hansen — 21 July 2022
I am forever being plagued by finding bits of string and twine and yarn in odd places in my home, yard, boat and car. Now, pollution by odd bits of twine and string have reached CRISIS PROPORTIONS, affecting even other planets in our own solar system!
Megan Marples, CNN journalist, reports: “Mysterious bundle of string on Mars’ surface found by Perseverance rover”. ( quotes below from this article) This image is provided by NASA…and so far, at least, no one has suggested that this incident is proof of String Theory, but it is Proof of String on Mars and, if on Mars, who is to say that anthropogenic string pollution has not found its way to other planets in our own solar system or even far-flung exo-planets. There is no telling how dangerous String Pollution may be to any life that may exist there.
If not exactly proof of string theory in general, some think it might be supporting evidence of Spaghetti Theory, a tangled sub-set of String Theory: “The rover’s front left hazard avoidance camera took a photo of the light-colored object on July 12 that some people likened to spaghetti.”
NASA and JPL are making a solid effort to explain away the finding:
“The string could be from the rover or its descent stage, a component similar to a rocket-powered jet pack used to safely lower the rover to the planet’s surface, according to a spokesperson for the Perseverance mission at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.”
“Perseverance had not previously been in the area where the string was found, so it’s likely the wind blew it there, the spokesperson said.“
It does not surprise this author that neither JPL or NASA has supplied any information that shows that the rocket-powered jet-pack or the Rover itself actually used such a piece of string anywhere in its construction. I mean, really, if you were building a rocket to Mars, would you tie things together with bits of string?
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Author’s Comment:
I had always blamed my four kids for the String Pollution I encountered in home, yard, car and boat. But I am certain that none of them have ever been to Mars – so they have a solid alibi in this case.
Do you have any suspects?
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It’s quite obviously a spawn of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, thus proving that Pastafarianism is universal.
It’s a lost bit of his noodly appendage…
Looks like a pile of Nematodes to me
Bryan ==> Oh no! We’re spreading Alien Species! Invasives? Yet ANOTHER CRISIS!
Nematodes Neo Colonialism
niceguy ==> Yes, that too….all the problems of the universe are down to nasty old white men on Earth.
If this was California, we’d have to outlaw single-use string.
Retired Eng ==> Get up an advocacy group — the Precautionary Principle demands that we strike first to prevent California from becoming a hotbed of String Pollution — what if the strings got wrapped around the spindles of all those Wind Turbines!
We can always hope
What if the strings were to disappear from string bikinis.
Must protect the endangered strings.
And the Nauga
Bryan ==> I have heard rumors, and saw with my own eyes at certain not-to-be-disclosed Caribbean locations, that there has been some disappearance of the strings in some string bikinis. We must protect the endangered String Bikini Strings, for modesty sake!
Along the line of the Nauga, I was appalled to find that some fast food restaurants are serving Buffalo Sauce, despite the buffalo (American Bison) being Endangered!
Buffalo Sauce
Nauga Hide
Vanishing String Bikinis
What’s next…
Oh the Hugh Manatee
We’re definitely going to Helena Hand Basket
Bryan A ==> Dear Helena! Well, what I think is that Helena’s wig maker got carried away with a bit of trimming and failed to properly dispose of the beautiful locks she snipped off …. not quite sure how the trimmings got onto the Rover or Mars.
Orient Beach St Maarten is proof most humans should not loose their strings.
For those worthy however 😉
Mark ==> Good heavens above!
Strings are also attached to tampons. And there is apparently a tampon shortage too
Just while we are here – can someone remind me what %age of the Martian atmosphere is made up of CO2? And what the average temperature is? Asking for a friend.
95%, but atmosphere is 1% of Earth’s iirc.
My back-of-an-envelope calculation was 26x the amount of CO2 in Earth’s atmosphere. That’s why Mars is so hot.
Nikolov and Zeller are right, then?
Earth has 420ppm (.00042) and Mars has 950,000ppm (.95) but only 1% relative atmospheric pressure so (.95/.00042=2261.9) 22.6 times
Hmm. Kind of looks like the pieces of sisal that I find all over my office floor.
Yep. My cat Artemis is looking just TOO innocent…
With our shedding dogs it is no longer Dust Bunnies; its Dust Puppies.
Years ago I had Dust Bunnies explained this way –
“You clean the room out, close the door and no one goes in for a long time and their is a new crop when you look.
So what could get in? Ghosts. so they must be ghost turds.
So maybe that is one hardened by interplanetary exposure?
Nah. That’s Kipple.
What we have here is interplanetary Kipple.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kipple
Zig ==> Excellent link — PKD had great insight into the mysteries of the Universe — and his Overriding Theory of Kipple was one of them. I have his collected works, albeit in a typeface too small for me the read, those, the collected works have become Kipple (no relation).
Kip, PKD is also one of my favourite authors. His ideas were incredibly twisted and unique.
Having read a lot more about his life, however, I’ve come to realise that he suffered terribly from mental instability. Many of his books reflect this, as well as his problems with addiction.
Unfortunately, on rereading, I’ve become to realise that many of his stories stories actually had little or no thread to follow nor proper conclusion. They also contain quite bizarre and inexplicable social interactions at times. I’ve therefore culled my collection considerably.
Zig ==> PKD is very very popular at the moment — and not just because KIPPLE has been proven to be a great danger to all in the developed world.
Hollywood is in love with PKD — which is just palin weird. see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_K._Dick#Film
Yes, it’s ghosts.
OMG do I ever know what you mean! We have three dogs but only one that sheds. I suppose it would be worse if all three shed but I can’t really imagine how.
KcTaz ==> Dog Shedding is an Extensive property of Dogs….therefor additive and multiplicative. With One Dog = 1 Unit of Dog Bunnies. with Three Dogs = 3 Units of Dog Bunnies. Thank you lucky stars for only one of three!
Some days I wonder if I could knit another Corgi from all of the hair (fur) he sheds.
OldGrey ==> Of course you could! That’s where all the Corgis come from. They are knitted by Little Old Grey Ladies in England!
Writing Observer ==> That may be what it is…..the sissal twine used eons ago to tie bundles of the pre-Martian apocalypse, now-defunct Mars City Times newspaper…..those nasty little Martian newspaper boys failed to properly dispose of the twine and now it is still blowing all over the planet!
Sing along if you know the words:
‘String String String String
Everybody loves string
String String String String
Everybody loves string
Pull on your pants, slip on your vest
Everybody knows string is best’
(repeat ad nauseam)
(Goodies,S5e6)
Or the verse from The New Christie Minstrels –
“And for those of us old enough to remember The New Christie Milstrels and their parody version:
: “I keep my pants up with a piece of twine,
: I keep my eyes wide open all the time,
: I keep myself quite willin’ all the time,
: Because you’re mine — please pull the twine.”
https://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/44/messages/478.html
Craig ==> LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-lyA2id5aY
I wonder what it sounds like in Martian?
Clearly NASA should be using photodegradeable string.
David ==> When I was a child, we were taught that wasting string was a serious offense. All bits of string and twine were to be tied to the end of the last piece onthe string ball and rolled onto the ball….we had one string ball bigger than a basketball! My brothers and I would then use the string to create “spider webs” to trap our unsuspecting brothers when they rushed in through a door. (Then Mom would make us roll up all that valuable string once more…..)
Balls of used string are very important.
Scrooge McDuck and Flintheart Glomgold used their balls of string as a tie-breaker.
Perhaps this piece could have changed the outcome.
Old Cocky ==> If only…if only I remembered which of them won!
The first dime Scrooge ever earned plays a part in most stories.
The original story was “The Second Richest Duck”.
For even more relevance, there was also a Scrooge story set on the Moon.
Old Cocky ==> A synopsis of the story is in the Wiki of all places:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Second-Richest_Duck
If Scrooge needs a piece of string to win, I have found several under the bed today.
Thank you, JPL. You’ve found the fluff from my belly button the last time I dieted.
It looks like a root of Poison Ivy. Maybe it grew there when Mars had water. There is one argument against:- they look dead, and nothing can kill Poison Ivy. Or maybe a few million years with no water can do it, in which case there could be one benefit from climate change (the sort that creates droughts, empties dams, ends snowfalls, etc, not the other version that they trot out when there’s a flood).
Mike ==> If anything could really eliminate Poison Ivy for good, it would be a very good thing….Personally, I don’t believe it would be possible until after the next Big Bang.
Poison Ivy is just one species I would like to be included in the Sixth Great Extinction to be caused by humans. Garlic Mustard, wild Parsnip, Honeysuckle, Ticks, Mosquitoes, Earwigs and a large number of viruses should also be included. My wife could add a long list of other weeds and bugs we could do without.
Rick ==> Due to my reading too rapidly, I thought you were adding your wife to the list….
LOL.
I think that it is a branch that has broken off a Martian tumbleweed.
Clyde ==> Somewhere in some SciFi novel, there is a Martian version of the song, Tumbling Tumbleweeds.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resurrection_plant
Clyde ==> Had one of these as a kid — it was the only plant my black-thumbed father couldn’t kill.
It’s an ancient fishing lure Early Martians used to fish the Martian canals. The fish-shaped part is off to the right of the feather made from early Martian fibers.
OR
It’s the remnants of a “DO NOT REMOVE FROM PILLOW” tag that was removed from the
pillow for which a Martian was imprisoned!
Old Man ==> Shhhhh….don’t mention those tags….first thing I do is cut them off and I live in fear and trembling ever moment that the Tag Police will smash down my doors.
Be worried. Very worried. The BATM will soon be at your door making sure you are not making any mattress straw purchases.
Every Greenie knows it’s obviously conclusive proof of Man Made Glow-Bull Warming!
“I am forever being plagued by finding bits of string”
Simple solution – cats love the string game.
fretslider ==> I did once blame the cats….but the last one died several years ago and we still have rampant string pollution around here!
Look carefully for a piece of metal with “Acme Rocket Co” on it and a Coyote wondering what else could possibly go wrong…
Moderately Cross ==> US astronauts used to complain that their rockets were built with parts contracts let out to the “lowest bidder” — so maybe the Mars rocket were tied together with bits of string. We will know when the Rover also spots bits of sticky tape and bubble gum.
Nah… NASA would never resort to sticky tape and bubble gum, they’re too high class. They’d rather use Duct Tape since it slowly degrades in sunlight :<)
Joe ==> On our sailboat, in which we sailed for years and years in the tropical Sun in the Caribbean, Duck Tape would degrade into something that looked very like what is shown in the photo from Mars. all the silvery stuff would crack and blow away leaving only the stringy stuff. Bubble gun, however, just gets harder and harder, even through hurricanes.
Kip – are you quietly telling us you have been to Mars on your sailboat?
I find that a happy possibility to contemplate : we need someone to invent a source of almost limitless power that can be knocked up into an engine in their garage and avoid turning the Earth into an open cast mine worked by children so the green halfwits can drive around in hideous looking useless electric cars.
I must have read too much Jules Verne as a child.
Moderately cross ==> I can neither confirm or deny that rumor…..
You know you’re a cruising sailor when all your clothing and half your skin is covered with 5200.
Mark D ==> One of the eternal truths of the cruising world.
Strange. I can never find a bit string when I need one. And what is more the NHS does NOT provide a Care Package for this affliction.
Neither can I – this must be proof that string is a quantum structure that teleports to Mars as soon as it is no longer observed. We need a ‘string collection rover’ to be sent there immediately before we lose all of our string from Earth!
Richard ==> Yes, like that ocean going plastics vacuum cleaner that found a pound or two of errant plastic. A special version could roam the sands of Mars and scoop up all that string and return it to to be recycled into tee-shirts for the poor of the 3rd World.
Alasdair ==> You see, String Pollution is like micro-plastics pollution. When you look for it, it has disappeared, but they find it everywhere with electron microscopes…..
A hoarder near here had a jar marked “Bits of string too short to be of any further use.”
The bit in the photo is too long for that jar, though. Maybe the Soup Dragon from The Clangers TV series has lost an ingredient.
oldseadog (one to another) ==>
Thanks, Kip.
Having looked again, perhaps the item in question has unravelled from Colonel Clanger’s body.
Kip,
★★★★★
Well played!!!
It’s obviously a string emergency.
It’s clear and conclusive proof along multiple lines of evidence of a string crisis and the only possible remedy is spending billions of dollars by government to fund further study by the Environmental Protection Agency along with perpetual grants to universities and NGOs throughout the land.
John ==> They have already spend 2.7 to 2.9 Billion U.S. dollars on the Mars Rover Perseverance. A little more spending and they might discover another bit of string. Doubling that spending might enable them to actually pick up the strings and a quadrupling might enable a mission to go and collect the string for return to Earth. It is, after all, URGENT.
No no no..
If you dim the lights, use a huuuuuuge magnifier glass, squint your eyes and
lean your head over to the left – now what do you see?
A Squirrel.
epic innit
Sorry no, I’m joshing.
It is actually an MRI brain scan of Joe Brandon – again at epic magnification.
Yes, that’s what he’s got between his ears
And don’t laugh, if..
Then your brane is little different
Explains a lot doncha think
(do that thinking while you still can – every pizza, doughnut, spliff and glass of whiskey take you down another notch)
That string proves the Moon Landing was faked. It came from the waistcoat & hair of the person not
wearing a space suit. The Express claims the craters were those at Groom Lake in Area 51 so
they’re probably still using that set to fake Mars landings, too!
Old Man ==> Seems they accidentally landed on MARS!
Peta (not in New Jersey) ==> It’s a jungle out there!
Nice to see an article on string theory…
Took you a while to string that together.
Its off a tied old gauge
For all Brits of a certain age. Its one of the strings from Captain Black when he became a Mysteron agent.
JohnC ==> https://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/anderson/scarlet/mysterons.shtml
That takes me back a few decades!
The chief defect of Henry King
Was chewing little bits of string
At length he swallowed some
Which tied itself in ugly knots inside…
Hillare Beloc
Disputin ==> Did he die on Mars? That would explain it.
I don’t think so, but I don’t know what happened after his death. Maybe his soul teleported to Mars?
Fibrous mineral, a form of asbestos most likely. Why should NASA’s first thought be that, in the vast surface of Mars, their rover just happened to photograph wind blown string from the landing site far away? Highly improbable. I know, this is a funny discussion “thread,” but the solution would be to sample and analyze it with their on-board lab.
If it proves to be string, then they are hiding the truth. UFOs and ETs are real and just as messy as we earthlings.
Pflash ==> It is highly unlikely that any other race — extraterrestrial or not — could be as messy as Earthlings.
NASA and JPL are racist, or something. Have they ruled out that thing is, in fact, a Martian? No, they haven’t. Never even considered it. I am outraged.
Charlie ==> Anyone who doesn’t “look like us” simply doesn’t exist in the eyes of those bigoted rocket scientists…..
Tellurian-centric bigots all. Lacking adequate perspective as a result of their relative invariability & conformity.
They need to introduce, and spend 2 or 3 million on a diversity & inclusion program at NASA & JPL.
Personnel recruitment policies need to be analyzed & modified to ensure that people like Charlie are not reluctant to become involved in NASA & JPL.
I assume it’s the string from one of those mylar ‘Happy Birthday’ balloons one often comes across while walking around in the middle of nowhere.
Frank ==> Ooooh, I like it. But do you think the birthday years are twice-as-long Martian years, or our shorted Earth years. I’d still be young on Mars.
Dunno about the difference between Martian and Earth years, but given your ability to make people think, or even laugh from time to time, I’d say you’re still young.
Frank ==> Very kind sir.
“I mean, really, if you were building a rocket to the moon, would you tie things together with bits of string?”
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Don’t be silly. You’d use…
“Duck Tape. The handyman’s secret weapon.”
~ Red Green
H.R. ==> If the Rover keeps roving, I’m sure it will find bit of DuckTape like sticky tape….ubiquitous even on Mars.
Oh dear, Kip. It doesn’t seem apparent that you’re familiar with Red Green.
Red Green will have been there and left because… no beer, but yeah, he’ll have left Duck Tape behind. I’m sure Red has Duck taped many a UFO and sent it on its way.
The Official Red Green Web Site
Duck Tape is featured prominently in “The Handyman’s Corner” segments. You can do anything with Duck Tape.
H.R. ==> Obviously, I have been culturally deprived…..shameful but true.
Right off she assumed we did it! Without looking for evidence.
So far no indication of life on Mars has been found. At least if we are the ones who left it there and I am not saying we did it, you can be assured it is there for a good purpose.
Olen ==> Everything your government does, no matter the expense, is for the Good of Mankind! (maybe not the good of Martians, though.)
I am holding off on panicking about it unless and until Biden declares it to be a “clear and present danger”.
Bruce ==> Word from “those close to the President” is that he is considering issuing a Executive Order under the authority of The National Emergencies Act to tackle the String Pollution Crisis….
Oh dear. I hope when he wakes up from his nappy and has had his pudding cup, he’ll address this existential crisis.
The Fate of The World depends on Joe Biden.
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Oh dear… Oh well. It’s been nice knowing everyone here. Let’s all carry on as long as we can, shall we?
H.R. ==> You see, you are just the type of person that “carries on as long as you can” in the face of a CRISIS like the String Pollution Crisis — randomly casting aside your little twists and tangles of string and twine just any-old-where. Shame on you!
Well, if he does decide that it is a “clear and present danger” he had better get his pen out and write an Executive Order because he should know that Congress will never get around to passing legislation addressing it. It is, after all, spelled out in the Constitution that it is the president’s responsibility to whip up EOs when the legislative branch is too busy raising campaigning money to find time to pass laws.
Ouch!! Too accurate, Clyde.
There is a saying that all humor has a core of truth.
Obviously this was the center of a vast ancient Martian ocean.
All that remains of that ocean and its vast “garbage patch” of plastic waste is this little bit of fishing line.
Gunga ==> Hmmmm…quite possible….Martian Garbage Patch….would be be bigger than what? The Hellas crater?
🤣 🤣 But of course!
And the beer cans, Gunga Din? Where are they?
H.R. ==> You have not been keeping up….once the oceans dried up, the Clean Green Activists roamed the dry ocean floors and recycled all the cans to make Tin Hats for all the kooks in California.
Martians! The first Greenies!
(Were they “little green he/she/its”?)
Where are the other 71 genders? Are you trying to offend the others by not acknowledging them? Be careful with your microagressions. You will hurt
someone’ssomethings feelings.Forget the string.
Is that a fossil swiss army knife in the upper right?
Gunga ==> Dang—I wondered where I dropped that!
I think they are just stringing us along to distract from the disaster caused by their fake climate emergency rhetoric.
Andy ==> Yes, maybe it is yet another NASA FAKE — intended to distract us from problems on Earth, like malaria and poverty and hunger in the 3rd World.
Oh no. Didn’t anyone consider before using string, that a rock, or something might get caught in it??
Jeff ==> We can see from the photo that the nearby rocks have had a lucky escape from entanglement…but the Rover covers only a infinitesimal percentage of the Mars surface area, other rocks may not have been so fortunate.
I think that rock to the left is an infinity stone.
(They better tilt the camera up to see if Thanos is near!)
For God’s sake tell NASA not to pull on that string. The whole planet could unravel like a cheap sweater!
Hoyt ==> Or this whole story could unravel…..
Certain mementos are carried to Mars aboard our spacecraft and it is only fitting that string from the Cavendish laboratory made it to the Red Planet — the Cavendish being where the constituents of the atom were discovered by JJ Thomson and Ernest Rutherford where string and sealing wax were significant components of their laboratory apparatus.
Thomas ==> Are string and sealing wax still in wide use at JPL? That would explain a lot.
Hansen, have you been drinking and posting again?
Richard ==> Thinking and posting, Yes!
Dig down a little deeper and the skull will be visible. Deeper yet and the entire mummy, with the wispy red hair, will confirm the Ancient Alien theory. (even deeper and CAGW theory may be confirmed).
DonM ==> I think that NASA would have to consult with leaders of the Martian Aboriginal Tribes/Martian First Nations chiefs before even considering touching the artifact in that case….
And then, like today, how do you return an artifact to a Native People who no longer actually exist?
It could be left over string from a sandwich wrapper on Devon Island.
I reckon it’s fake news. It IS CNN after all.
(Or even someone having a larf! Though hard to imagine at CNN.)
JCalvertN ==> My good man (or, woman as the case may be), the seriousness of the interplanetary String Pollution Crisis is no laughing matter!
If it is allowed to continue, who knows what will get all tangled up in all that string.
No sir! This is not Fake News (you buffoon!) You probably think the Moon Landing was a fake too … and I watched that live on TV!
It would at first glance appear that the age old question of
“How long is a piece of string?” has been answered.
But now I’m a frayed knot
Birdy => Nicely in the spirit of this thing……
Some of us will go to any lengths.
Have you seen my coat?