New horror-fiction book about polar bears pokes fun at wild climate claims

Dr. Susan Crockford has written a “jaws style” novel about people being eaten by polar bears. Here’s what she emailed to me earlier today. – Anthony

polar-bear-book-eaten

This is a polar bear attack thriller. What Jaws did for the beaches of New England, Eaten does for northern Newfoundland. Terror and carnage abound as hungry polar bears come ashore in droves seeking any food available, including human prey.

Set in the year 2025 at the edge of the Arctic, the story considers future possibilities no one has yet contemplated.

In this tale, the occupants of 100s of small towns and isolated outports spread across northern Newfoundland are quite unprepared for an early spring onslaught of hungry polar bears. People haven’t just been killed, they’ve been eaten. As the attacks multiply, people find they are not safe even in their own homes.

Local residents, Mounties, and biologists struggle with a disturbing new reality: they have a huge polar bear problem on their hands, and if they don’t find a solution quickly, dozens more people will die gruesome deaths, and hundreds more polar bears will be shot.

A Newfoundland seal biologist gets help from an expat Alaskan carnivore specialist as they team up with officers of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to address the threat. Stopping the carnage and the relentless terror will be the biggest challenge they’ve ever faced as they struggle to prevent this from being the most horrifying disaster in Newfoundland’s history.

From science to science fiction?

I’m a scientist but I grew up in a family of storytellers and avid fiction readers. When it was clear the time had come to try my hand at writing a novel, it felt like a logical progression from science writing, not a leap. Starting with polar bears just felt right.

And here’s why: for years, polar bear specialists have being playing “what-if.”

They’ve used computer models to predict polar bear responses to computer-predicted sea ice conditions 25-90 years into the future and insist their prophecies will become reality unless human behaviour changes. They like to call their “what-if” science.

I decided to play too – except I call my “what-if” a novel.

Arguably climate science fiction with a twist, some call this genre “speculative fiction” or “technothriller.” I’ve included a “recommended reading” list at the end of the book for those who want to follow up on the science background but the book is primarily for readers who prefer their science “lite” and those who love a good story.

See the YouTube book trailer (feel free to distribute):    https://youtu.be/3Zw9DCvPTD8

More detail and links here: www.susancrockford.com

The paperback is ready to order and will ship as soon as the books are printed; the ebooks are available for pre-order and will download November 30, 2015. Price for the paperback is US$14.49; for the ebooks US$6.99

Here’s where to buy it:

Paperback book or Kindle ebook on Amazon, click here:  [temporary Kindle link, until Amazon gets it linked to the paperback page]

ePub version (via Smashwords, which ships to Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Kobo), see https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/592875

LIMITED TIME OFFER for the ePub version: November 30, 2015 until December 3, 2015 only

FREE with promotion code GW98Q (not case-sensitive)

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141 thoughts on “New horror-fiction book about polar bears pokes fun at wild climate claims

  1. CONGRATULATIONS, DR. CROCKFORD!


    … on getting your book written (THAT is a major accomplishment, one I sure wish I could do) and published.
    With your expert knowledge, it will be highly educational, as well as entertaining.
    Let’s hope you can get the truth about polar bears and the pseudo-science of AGW (file that under “Fiction”) past the “watchful dragons” guarding the way into the AGW Cult Members’ brainwashed minds.

      • Yes the movie version of Eaten would be a great thriller. But better still, this movie would set up the sequel to end all sequels “Polar Vortex vs. Sharknado” Enough said?
        http://ow.ly/UMaVt

      • If you’d only thrown something about some big corporation linked to Big Oil doing genetic experiments to disprove Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Goof” being responsible for the inconvenient increase in polar bears, Hollywood or the SyFy Channel would have been all over it. 😎

    • I believe, we benefit whether the climatists get eaten by a polar bear that misteaks them for a seal out on the ice, or whether a brown bear eats them while digging on the tundra for liquid permafrost .
      Two ways to win.
      g

    • The British Army opted for low-velocity large calibre pistols for their officers, after several came a “cropper” during the Indian (Asian) rebellion back int he 19th C. They found the 0.36 calibre Colt pistol favoured by many officers was very good at punching holes in attackers, but not much stopping power! However, this 0.35 Whelen makes for interesting reading!

      • I served in the REME in the UK Army in the early 80’s. We had the standard issue 7.62mm LA1A SLR. I was good with it to ~500m or so. It is now replaced with a new gun…that stops nothing!

      • The US Army bought Browning’s Colt .45 cal M1911 autopistol because their Colt .38 revolvers didn’t stop Moros (Philippine Muslim fighters) running amok. It’s still in service over a century later.

      • Patrick,
        Yes, I feel sorry for British troopies saddled with this PoS:
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SA80
        There are good bullpup designs, but regrettably this isn’t one of them.
        The British Army has the best training and the worst kit of any major NATO ally.
        As an American, I also apologize for inflicting the insufficiently lethal .223 cartridge on our allies.

  2. Susan you don’t say why, but is it because of a heavy thick sea icepack that the bears can’t get to the seals? What’s the climate angle?
    The truly sad part is that there no more lethal creature on this planet than a single man with a high powered rifle. That fact will always keep mankind at the top of food chain.

      • If it was regarding marital status then I’d have to correct you to ‘woman’… although my wife doesn’t seem to need a gun of any kind.
        Looking forward to the book

      • A young man, with his new bride beside him, was driving a covered wagon westward with their belongings when one of the two horses started acting up. “That’s once!” the man shouted at the horse. A few minutes later the horse did it again, and the young man took his shotgun and immediately killed the horse. “Why in God’s name did you ever do that?” cried the young bride. “That’s once!” the man replied.

      • Whoa. If I were that bride, I would immediately yell, “Jasper Smith (or whatever his name was) murdered me!”
        Better off dead.

    • Climate angle is what if the ice ten years from now is not less than now, as the sea ice experts have said could be the case even if their predictions of global warming-caused sea ice declines are correct.
      I’m not saying more or it will spoil the story.
      Susan

      • If it serves to clue in even one ‘ back to nature ‘ idiot, that cavorting with a dangerous predator is likely to end up with a dead predator, or a dead idiot, then your opus will have been worth it Dr. Susan.
        The predator was just doing what comes naturally; the idiot was just that; an idiot.
        g
        PS We don’t have any dangerous predators in New Zealand (land land) , so we have fewer idiots.

      • “george e. smith
        November 17, 2015 at 2:04 pm
        PS We don’t have any dangerous predators in New Zealand (land land)…”
        Yeah we do. A man out on the turps gagging for a take away feed.

      • Patrick,
        Perhaps you need to hang out, in some better environs. Last time I visited Auckland in Q St down town region (& U of A) , I wasn’t accosted even once.
        John Keys keeps telling me everything is hunky dory. I think I also have another three Minsters and MPs writing me. Got one from a Maori MP just this morning. I must be on a list.
        g

      • “george e. smith
        November 18, 2015 at 7:27 am”
        Auckland? Sheesh, Wellington. I have seen Winston Peters (MP) fall out of a cab on Courtenay Plc pulling punches with pretty much anyone.

    • there no more lethal creature on this planet than a single man with a high powered rifle.

      The Black Death and Mosquitos would like a word with you.

      • “”””….
        taz1999
        November 18, 2015 at 4:56 am
        Pound for pound nothing is more lethal than the amoeba …..””””
        P4p, nothing is more expensive than silicon wafer fab dust. Last time I figured, it was $64B per #, and that was back at the 0.8 micron point. Now they are at 20-25 nm or so, so it must be trillions now.
        g

    • No the seals can’t get to where the polar bear is.
      g
      I base my conclusion on the fact that not too many seals get eaten by brown bears.

    • “The truly sad part is that there no more lethal creature on this planet than a single man with a high powered rifle. That fact will always keep mankind at the top of food chain.”
      Are you insane. There’s an audio recording of some clown from Oz getting eaten (along with the GF) by a bear. He thought he was friends with them and didn’t carry a gun. Listen to it before making another asinine comment like the above.
      Being on top of the food chain is a good thing and frankly I intend to stay there.

      • I recall seeing a picture of a bear attack victim in Canada I think it was . All seemed quite “usual”, people standing around although you could only see waist down, he was propped up against a tree, his eyes were open, until you notice most of the meat on the thigh was gone.

      • “did you miss the part about being armed with a high powered rifle?”
        Nope, My comment directed to you reflected the “Truly sad” part. There’s nothing sad about being on top of the food chain. The ones who aren’t are called victims.

    • “The truly sad part is that there no more lethal creature on this planet than a single man with a high powered rifle.”
      How about a single woman with a high-powered rifle?

    • The climate angle?
      Saint Al spoke and said polar bears numbers are declining because of CAGW. In reality, they are not.
      The rest is a story. (Based on more fact-based “what if”‘s than any tree ring or “Coal Trains of Death!!”. Hell, they even have the present wrong)

  3. “On 5 August 2011, a starving polar bear in the Norwegian archipelago of Svalbard attacked a party of school children,[1] organised by the British Schools Exploring Society (BSES), who had camped near the Von Post glacier, some 25 miles (40 km) from the settlement of Longyearbyen.[2] The bear was reported as being starving and emaciated.[1]”
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Svalbard_polar_bear_attack
    The polar bear that killed a British teenager and mauled four others last week in Norway was starving and significantly underweight, the Melbourne Herald-Sun reported Monday.

      • Maybe you shouldn’t take school children to where starving emaciated under weight polar bears are.
        g

      • Well, critters do go wonky.
        A deer on Silly Silly Island in BC did not look well for a couple of years, eventually died. Something wrong with it from a very young age.
        And of course bears do attack people sometimes, Such as:when feeling threatened.
        And cougars are a problem when lame or not well, they attack humans:
        – a cross-country skier was stalked and killed
        – a bicyclist was attacked on Vancouver Island
        – a boy was attacked in a campground near Sproat Lake on VI, by a young male cougar that for unknown reason had not been eating well
        But other critters will attack – in North Vancouver BC a seal grabbed a girl on a dock, her father was cleaning a salmon nearby (confused critter or goofed jump attempt?).

      • “But other critters will attack ‘
        I’ve heard old NVA soldiers say that, on jungle operations, they were far more afraid of the tigers than of the Americans. The tigers were silent and invisible and could slip past sentries. If you camped in the jungle overnight, you’d wake up and find the man next to you had vanished. Just a few tiger tracks there.
        Here in Australia we have sharks and crocodiles that eat people. We also have crocodiles that eat sharks, snakes that eat crocodiles, and spiders that eat snakes.
        (This information is brought to you by the Australian Tourist Board.)

      • Keep in mind the bear in this picture is a baby. A big male can weigh up to 1000 pounds and be 4-5 ft at the shoulders. They get hungry in the fall when they’re stuck on shore waiting for the sea ice to freeze so they can get out to hunt. The world’s largest land predator and many of them never see humans so they don’t know to be stay clear.

    • A sign of over population or, perhaps, an old/sick/injured animal. When animals are being threatened by habitat destruction you don’t find them starving and trampsing all over the place. You simply don’t find them. Starvation is typical of apex predators even in good times.

    • LONGYEARBYEN (Reuters) – Time may be running out for polar bears as global warming melts the ice beneath their paws.
      Restrictions or bans on hunting in recent decades have helped protect many populations of the iconic Arctic carnivore, but many experts say the long-term outlook is bleak.
      “There will be big reductions in numbers if the ice melts,” Jon Aars, a polar bear expert at the Norwegian Polar Institute, said by the fjord in Longyearbyen on the Arctic archipelago of Svalbard, about 1,000 km (600 miles) from the North Pole. If the ice melts, polar bears are likely to migrate south where they can find solid ground to live on. Since we already occupy that land, and since polar bears smell really bad and also eat our children, we’ll probably hunt them to extinction.
      Unusually for this time of year, the fjord is ice free. Typically the ice wouldn’t melt for another 3 days.
      Many restaurants and shops in Longyearbyen, a settlement of 1,800 people, have a stuffed polar bear or pelt — often shot before a hunting ban from the early 1970s. Self-defense is now the only excuse for killing a bear. Experts believe that with any luck many more bears will be shot in self defense this season.
      Many scientific studies project that warming, widely blamed on emissions of greenhouse gases from burning fossil fuels, could melt the polar ice cap in summer, with estimates of the break-up ranging from “later this week” to “sometime after your great great grandchildren are dead.”
      Bears’ favorite hunting ground is the edge of the ice where they use white fur as camouflage to catch seals. “If there’s no ice, there’s no way they can catch the seal,” said Sarah James of the Bich’in Council International who lives in Alaska. “Bich’in” means “people of McDonald’s” which is the main source of food for about 7,000 indigenous people in Alaska and Canada.
      “We’re in the middle of a heated debate over what we should do,” said the Council. “A very vocal minority thinks we should start painting the bears brown, but most of us figure that would make them harder to shoot.”
      THREATENED
      U.S. President George W. Bush’s administration is due to decide in January 2008 whether to list polar bears as “threatened” under the Endangered Species Act. The administration won’t make that call for at least a year because there are already too many species on the threatened list so we’re going to have to wait for one of them to die off completely before we can add any more.
      Listing the bears would bar the government from taking any action jeopardizing the animals’ existence and environmentalists say it would spur debate about tougher U.S. measures to curb industrial emissions. When the president was asked why he thought the two issues were related in any way, he replied that Dick told him they were, and that it was “a bad thing” to list the bears as threatened.
      The World Conservation Union last year listed the polar bear as “vulnerable” and said the population might fall by 30 percent over the next 45 years. Bears also suffer from chemical contaminants that lodge in their fat, a factor they have in common with every other form of life on the planet. The WCU is in negotiations with Jenny Craig, with the long term goal of reducing morbid obesity among bears.
      Some indigenous peoples, who rely on hunts, say many bear populations seem robust and advocate just shooting them now.
      “The Russians thought there’s more polar bears that they’re seeing in their communities, so they felt that it’s not an endangered species,” said Megan Alvanna-Stimpfle, chair of the Inuit Circumpolar Youth Council, of an area of Arctic Russia.
      “But if we’re talking about the future [and there’s no solar system] then they are,” she said.
      And some reports say the melt may be quickening.
      “Arctic sea ice is melting at a significantly faster rate than projected by most computer models,” the U.S. National Snow and Ice Data Center said in a report on April 30. The U.N. Climate Panel have decided to buy faster computer models so they can keep up, a move that sent Dell stock almost 20% higher in after hours trading.
      HUNTERS
      Mitchell Taylor, manager of wildlife research at the Inuit-sponsored environmental research department in Nunavut, Canada, said “Hunters in many regions say they are seeing increases, It’s clear that the ice is changing but it’s not at all clear that the trend will continue.” It’s almost as likely that the bears will expand their range south of New York during the coming centuries, it’s a roll of the dice really.
      Researchers said the fate of polar bears may hinge on whether they adapt to survive longer on human flesh during the summers. In the Hudson Bay, bears often go for months without food, scavenging on birds’ eggs or even on berries and roots. A few fat kids could really bolster their chances of survival and several agencies are now forming to explore the possibility of importing unwanted children to the Arctic under the trade name of ‘Purina Polar Bear Chow’.
      “Otherwise they [the children, not the bears] will end up in zoos,” they said.
      Aars, however, said the bears had survived temperature swings in the past: “I hear far too often that within 100 years polar bears could be extinct,” he told a group of climate students in Longyearbyen. If those students hadn’t lived to be over 200 years old, this information would have been forever lost to history.
      “You will still have bays with ice for many months a year where polar bears can live,” he said.
      On Svalbard, bears may have become less scared of people since the hunting ban, and are more likely to see them as a meal. Science’s recommendation: don’t show you are scared, throw them an unwanted child then turn slowly and walk away.
      “You start shouting, or use flare shots to make a noise, you could be in serious trouble. Most polar bears get happy if you behave in the right way. But you have to act from the start.”

      • Seals have to come out of the water to rest and to bear their young.
        If there is no ice, then they will do so on land, which makes them even easier for the polar bears to get to.
        The fact that they choose to use the ice now is just because the ice is closer than the beach and is also further away from the bears.
        Only a total fool would conclude that if there were no more ice, the seals would stop coming out of the water.

  4. I see a Josh cartoon showing a Polar bear overlooking a small Newfoundland villiage.
    The bear has a Coke in one hand and this book in the other.
    Sitting beside the bear is another book entitled “To Serve Man”.

  5. I can the Alarmist headlines just before Paris; “Climate change will force humans into polar bears food chain!” This book is likely to have more science in it than the CAGW “peer reviewed” nonsense reviewed here on a daily basis.

  6. There’s two theories about polar bears eating people.
    The first is that the bears can’t tell the difference between people and seals.
    The second is that they can tell the difference but just don’t bother.

    • And here I thought that it was the humans that can’t tell the difference between seals and polar bears.
      g

    • It depends on whether the particular bear has encountered people before. An older bear has probably had ‘experience’* with people and is more likely to avoid them. A young bear that has had no experience with people is more likely to take an interest.
      I have been trailed by a polar bear (I didn’t know it) and was rescued by a helicopter pilot who drove the bear away. One man I knew was hunted and did leave powder burns. Another fell through the snow into a den and was rescued by his helicopter pilot. He lost half of one of his thighs.
      Having said the above, I am mildly surprised at how few fatal polar bear attacks there are.
      * We have ways of making polar bears feel unwelcome. Unless you leave powder burns, never ever kill a polar bear. Even if the-powers-that-be believe that it was self defense you will spend the rest of your life doing paperwork.

  7. “Local residents, Mounties, and biologists struggle with a disturbing new reality: they have a huge polar bear problem on their hands”
    But won’t they have all died out by then?

  8. Dr. Crockford – Thank you for this submission. I too have been commenting over the years here at WUWT, how ‘Climate Science (TM)’ has been delving into science-fiction for quite a few years now. So, where the old pulp-science fiction books of yesteryear were what spiked the imagination of a generation, now it is those espousing the ‘CO2 = Climageddon’ with sciencey-based fiction (along with Common Core in the school systems) that are assisting in the guiding of the hearts and minds of our current citizens. With the current state of affairs, I would expect a portion of the new-age ‘Thermageddonists” to take your work of science-fiction as a form of prediction and expect the world to take action upon your work!
    Yours in WUWT,
    Michael C. Roberts

  9. I thought all of Newfoundland will be under water by 2025 due to rising sea levels (along with the expressway in front of Dr. Hansen’s NY City office). There won’t be any isolated villages to be invaded by marauding polar bears.

      • Good movie, interesting story, but definitely not Earth (though I can’t explain the Exxon Valdez)
        There isn’t enough water on the surface of the Earth to raise sea levels more than about 450′. There is still a lot of “Dry Land” about that altitude. Certainly not enough to cover the earth to a depth of 26,000′
        Good movie though

      • What I found interesting was that while NYC was only under a couple hundred feet of water, places further inland that in the here and now are thousands of feet above sea level, were completely covered in water.

  10. Overheard between two polar bears:
    “Hey Fred, what’s that you’re eating today?”
    “Oh, it’s just a little ‘Human Tartare’ I whipped up, Jake… tastes like chicken, you know.”
    ++++++++
    Hey I’m looking forward to this one, Dr. Crockford. I’ll have to see about rounding up a copy. Not sure if I’ll go dead tree or e-version, though.

    • Should that not read “…. tastes like pork ….”? I always understood that in Micronesia human meat was known as “long pig”.

  11. but why did the polar bears change that spring??…
    ..did global warming make too much ice?…too little ice….did global warming kill all the seals?

  12. In Svalbard the kindergarden personel is equipped with riffels. Not to control the kids but to protect them against bears. These polar bears are not at all cute poor starving creatures on ice floes.
    Every year Iceland have one or two polarbears that swim ashore.

  13. I read the first chapter now available prior to the book coming out. It is wonderful.
    In the first chapter I was intrigued by this line from the character RCMP Joe Carroll, “. . . the [seal] hunt’s gone belly-up.”
    John

  14. Good work Susan! I look forward to reading it. Such a story is the best way to deliver the science. People are more likely to read emotionally charged stories than dry science.

    • My wife brought home a video from the library. It had a number of “bonus features”. One of them was an interview with the producer.
      He talked of how they searched for a story that would communicate the message they wanted to convey.
      They found one. (I think it was a short story they stretched into a movie to leave the desired impression on people.)
      The movie was the original “They Day the Earth Stood Still”.
      The message was the need for the United Nations.
      It has been remade with a new message.
      Be on guard for the impressions (values) others seek to impress on you.

  15. Preordered for my Kindle! It will make for good summer reading down here in Chile! We had a record long ski season. I’ve been suspecting the polar bears will be coming down from the Andes anytime now.

  16. Perfect, just in time for the gathering of Paris-ites.
    In the name of mass hysteria, why not all our governments are doing it, I shall prey for those poor stranded Northern Canadians, trapped between the Killer Ice Bears and the awakened forests.
    Doomed.The stunted trees of the boreal forest are relentless.
    Only flamethrowers can save them, but Prime Minister Pretty Boy and his sidekick Nutlee have shut down the Oil Sands.
    What did you not get the peer reviewed science?
    Environment Canada’s Science(I shit you not, they use this term) has conclusively guessed that once atmospheric Carbon Dioxide levels reach 500 to 7000 parts per million, the trees will become mobile once more, fresh, well rested by their centuries of slumber, no longer starved by low co2 levels they will march forth to settle their score with man and his steel technologies.
    Tolkien of course.
    No human infrastructure is safe, they are coming for your water mains,foundations, highways.
    There is no escape when trees can leap in front of your automobile.
    Will order the paperback, Susan’s Book,, if I can’t find where I tossed that Kindle thing .
    Should be a best seller up here near the Arctic circle.

    • Wait, wasn’t it killer bees headed north? If we’re lucky, the bears will be distracted by the honey. Now all we need are termites to go north to take care of the forests, though the woodboring beetles might be able to handle the job.

  17. Thank you Doc! What a wonderful idea for a book.
    I am in.
    I would love to see a book from youself and Tisdale 😉
    “The life and times of ENSO the AMO/PDO Polar bear”

    • Ed and others looking for a pdf (rather than a dedicated ebook format).
      send me a message via the “comments-tips” page on my polarbearscience blog.
      I’ll see if we can work out an arrangement.
      Susan

  18. Books are good.
    We should welcome … books.
    Books cannot hurt us. They are inanimate … made of paper which is easily burnable … I do not recommend burning books … or burning humans as the remedy of the ills of global society.
    Books do not exhibit flatulence! A contributor to Global Warming! Have your ever seen or heard a book fart!
    No no. Not at all.
    Therefore the UN FCCC must proclaim, by Bon Ki MOON Emperor General OF ALL HUMANITY and DIVINITY on DAY ONE that BOOKS will not be killed for Sport OR Vengeance or just the FUCKING AROUND of it by the “Delegates” and “Parties” assembled to drink “The Blood” and dine “On The Flesh” and frolic at their respective tax payer expense for having a bloody fucking good time of it, BIRDS IN THE AIR ALL for the group pic. And the Parade of the Children Prostitutes … Giving Respect to Emperor Moon by offering their vaginas for impregnation by Moon … Priceless. 😉
    Ha ha

  19. Not funny. People in the north are actually being killed by polar bears. Why? Because there are way more bears than there ever have been thanks to the ban on killing them.

  20. Hi Susan,
    I’ve never been stalked or met a Polar Bear and likely never will. However, a few years back I was hiking a faint trail up a hill and a bear was coming up the hill from the other side. We met at the top. Of the several options I could think of only taking his picture seemed to have any potential. So that is what I did.
    I use one of the pictures as my graphical representation (or avatar) that appears on some sites, but not WUWT. I’ll but the link here but don’t know if he will appear.
    http://0.gravatar.com/avatar/4d34420d24ee64cef72a6fc4191e1175?s=55&d=wavatar&r=G
    This is a cinnamon bear (Ursus americanus cinnamomum), a color phase of the American black bear. We met in central Washington, USA.

    • “I’ve never been stalked or met a Polar Bear and likely never will.”
      Yeah. Central America is like that.

  21. Hey, that happened to me! I was killed and eaten by a polar bear!
    I got a Nobel Prize for it!
    Then I went into climate science. That is when I really let loose and started writing REAL fiction!

  22. As a fan of horror looks like a good story.
    I do hope there is a scene where a climate scientist giving a speech on how Polar Bears are innocent victims of humans despoiling the earth is interrupted by ravenous flesh eating Polar Bears.

  23. To Susan Crockford,
    Good luck with the book and many thanks for your tireless efforts in the fight for the integrity of science.
    I’m reminded of a joke:
    If you and your friend are being chased by an angry polar bear, you don’t have to outrun the bear. You just have to outrun your friend.
    Chris

  24. Chris Wright… that reminds me of a story…
    I took my granddaughter deer hunting when she was 11 (she’d just passed her Hunter’s Safety Exam).
    Alas, no deer were harmed, and as we exited the ground blind in the dark I said I wanted to go check the game camera, but maybe she should go first since there might be bears.
    She laughed and said “That’s ok Wally-Pop, I think I can run faster than you!”

  25. “…the most horrifying disaster in Newfoundland’s history.”
    I thought that was Squires as PM. /sarc

  26. In my experience the worst bear is a garbage addicted bear. Such as bear is a dead bear walking. But on the way to its death, it may hurt or kill people.

  27. “I never saw a Purple Polar Bear,
    I never hope to see one;
    But I can tell you, anyhow,
    I’d rather see than be eaten by one.”
    Apologies to Gelett Burgess…..

  28. Two Polar Bears were standing on an icy ridge looking down on the last remaining humans as a result of Global Warming. The younger bear said “let’s run down there and eat one.” The older bear said “let’s just walk down there and eat ’em all.”
    I think there is a different version involving a couple of bulls and some heifers.

  29. Susan’s site is great. Any time the weather network runs one of their polar bear or walrus stories I always paste a link in the comments to Susan’s site. Get some real info to people. http://www.polarbearscience.org
    Oh yea here is a funny one. Unrelated but this is some Egyptians discussing Obama’s speech calling climate change the biggest threat.

  30. Two polar bears come upon an igloo.
    First bear : These things are delicious.
    Second bear: What do you mean? It’s just ice.
    First bear: Yes but they have a warm chewy center, Let’s eat.
    As a land seal (human), I know I should give great space to polar bears, so I live in Florida.

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